[Nate]

Originally Posted by Nate

Which improves your life more? Her or it?

It's pretty obvious that you can't have both.

Better yet, which improves her life more?

a) Keep things exactly how they are now.

b) Stay with her and stop doing whatever it is.

c) Break up with her and keep doing whatever it is.

[Nate]

Originally Posted by sunshine happy hippie rainbow unicorn ponies

You're probably thinking too much into the what when I want you to be considering the why.

To turn the tables, so are you. You keep asking us "WHAT should I do?"

I think you know what (or at least one of two "what"s) you should do.

You need to consider the why yourself. The why is her feelings.

Get yourself out of the what. Does it matter? No. You said it yourself.

Think about the why: Because you care for her. Something has to give.

[RubberChipmunk]

Originally Posted by Nate

To turn the tables, so are you. You keep asking us "WHAT should I do?"

I think you know what (or at least one of two "what"s) you should do.

You need to consider the why yourself. The why is her feelings.

Get yourself out of the what. Does it matter? No. You said it yourself.

Think about the why: Because you care for her. Something has to give.

You are an obscurely wise person, Nate. It really blows my mind sometimes. Then I remember how your brother Jason plays starcraft and chess and scrabble and it all makes sense again.

As it stands I can't have both. Only one. I already know what I have to do. I can't help but hope she'll change her mind about it. I won't like stopping, but at least she didn't tell me to give up music.

That's the logic that confuses me though. How strange is man...

[redbaron]

The what does matter, as previously pointed out. There are things that are harmless that people don't like and can be worked through, and things people like that are harmful and should be abandoned.

You could always take it to PM with some of the older crowd *shrug*

[RubberChipmunk]

Originally Posted by redbaron

The what does matter, as previously pointed out. There are things that are harmless that people don't like and can be worked through, and things people like that are harmful and should be abandoned.

You could always take it to PM with some of the older crowd *shrug*

It isn't harmful but some people dont like it. That's how I view it.

[OiBoyz]

The bottom line is, if neither of you can find a compromise you can both live with, you won't have much of a relationship. (Assuming that we're not talking about something that's immoral. In which case, she deserves better than you're willing to give her. )

[suz5cam]

Ok, forgetting the "what" and focusing on the "why"...
If you are TRULY not only willing to but WANTING to marry her, you have to be willing to put her desires as high if not higher than your own. Everyone is different - that is how God made us. Finding your mate doesn't come down to meeting a perfect person but finding someon that you can love for their imperfections.
You two will not always see eye to eye on topics or activities but you have to rank out your options and your priorities. Think of it as if she were doing something she obviously didn't see as "wrong" but that you didn't like very much, to keep a healthy relationship it's only fair for you to express how you feel about it and then consider how you would personally feel if she made as big a deal out of continuing the activity as you have.
The difference lies in priorities, respect, and hapiness. I am assuming since you want to marry her, she makes you happy and feel loved all while making you see a future with her.
Prioritize: Does she mean more to you than your activity?
-if so then it should be easy to realize that her needs and desires come before your "interest" in this specific extra curricular activity
Respect: Regardless of your opinion when you love someone and are willing to give 100% of yourself to them and work towards a future and vow in marriage you need to accept that respecting her point of view is crucial.
- if you don't respect her views on this how can she feel secure in your love and know that you can be a good leader of the home and work as a team rather than always worry about yourself first
Long Term Happiness: Is this activity something that is just fun or do you think THIS is what's crucially important to build a happy future for yourself.
- Love and marriage are things that someone views as the missing part to their life... finding their partner to build a future with and grow old enjoying life together. If the activity seems more important than the feeling you have to keep her around then you have your answer not to mention a break through in that you're not really ready to marry her or possibly anyone for that matter.

[ICTHUS]

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that it's an MMO like World of Warcraft or something. I've seen you mention it before and I figure that a woman could be concerned that you're going to devote more of your time to it than to her.

If that's the case, give it up, dude.

[Rainer.]

Originally Posted by ICTHUS

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that it's an MMO like World of Warcraft or something. I've seen you mention it before and I figure that a woman could be concerned that you're going to devote more of your time to it than to her.

If that's the case, give it up, dude.

That's presumptuous, but I'll go to say that if he doesn't want to publicly announce what it is, we don't need to be guessing at it either way.

[mulletman]

Originally Posted by Rainer.

That's presumptuous, but I'll go to say that if he doesn't want to publicly announce what it is, we don't need to be guessing at it either way.

I think it's cheesecake!

[niangelo]

The "what" actually does matter.

Because it's the "what" that's going to determine whether you need to grow up and put away a childish activity for the sake of a relationship, or that your girlfriend is being uncomfortably controlling.

For example: A friend of mine, a mature and accomplished businessman in his late twenties, was ordered to abstain from Slurpees by his then girlfriend. Slurpees were never a problem to his health, finances, or anything else. He just loves them. He's a healthy, balanced guy, yet she demanded control over this area of his life. We (His friends, me included) strongly advised him to examine (end) the relationship.

On the other hand, video games drive my wife nuts, so I went on a voluntary four-month videogame sabbatical. I know she doesn't like them, and I also know they're a terrible waste of my time, yet I enjoy them. I respect and honor her wishes, so I gave up something that she doesn't like for a period. We discussed it, agreed on it, and it keeps our relationship healthy and respectful.

I also going to be downsizing my DVD collection and culling some of the more, shall we say "intense" material. Do I want to? No. But I have kids now and need to seriously screen things in my house.

The what is important.

[BillSPrestonEsq]

I have to agree, the what is huge.

[Ax]

Edit, I was wrong. Didn't realize how old this thread was either.