[LIVEband]

7 July 09

My name is Matt. I live an average life, but an average life can be very difficult. I am 17, and am desperately struggling to find myself. It seems recently that all i have is my faith and my music. It seems at times like I am barely staying afloat, and that sooner or later or later i will drown if something doesnt change.

When I was an infant I had a terrible ear infection, that led to extensive damage to two of the middle ear bones in my left. For all my life I have been almost completely deaf in that side. After several failed attempts, a surgery by a team of specialists at a Navy hospital in D.C. to restoration of about half of my hearing in that side. I can hear noises at about 30db, whereas the average person hears at 5db. Before the surgery, i heard at 60db in that ear.
All of my life I have wanted to be a soldier. It has been a family tradition. My father and brother are in the Navy and my sister is a civilian contractor for the DOD. Unfortunately I am being hampered in my pursuit of this career because my surgery disqualifies me. I need a waiver to get in, and it is hard to get.

In 6th grade my mother was diagnosed with cushings disease, which is a tumor either on the pituitary or adrenal gland. She had them on both. In 8th grade she had surgery on it. In a few years, both were back to the same size as before surgery.

This has always made life difficult for me. And with my father being often deployed I was often left to sort out my problems and emotions on my own. I believe in god, but I struggle to apply my faith in my everyday life, no matter how involved I get in church. Others say that I am a model christian, but I just cant see how they could say that if they knew me inside. But I guess that is what grace is.

Almost a year ago now I began playing guitar, and almost immediately began playing for our youth group, which is only like twenty kids. My music has been a release, and I have even written about seven songs, some of which I eventually want to post mp3s and lyrics etcetra of on this website to see what people think.

My hope is that as i fill out this journal as i progress in my relationship with christ, someone will read this and it will help them. Im not a wise man, but we can all learn from what each other has done and gone through.

[luvinjesus]

Originally Posted by LIVEband

7 July 09

My name is Matt. I live an average life, but an average life can be very difficult. I am 17, and am desperately struggling to find myself. It seems recently that all i have is my faith and my music. It seems at times like I am barely staying afloat, and that sooner or later or later i will drown if something doesnt change.

When I was an infant I had a terrible ear infection, that led to extensive damage to two of the middle ear bones in my left. For all my life I have been almost completely deaf in that side. After several failed attempts, a surgery by a team of specialists at a Navy hospital in D.C. to restoration of about half of my hearing in that side. I can hear noises at about 30db, whereas the average person hears at 5db. Before the surgery, i heard at 60db in that ear.
All of my life I have wanted to be a soldier. It has been a family tradition. My father and brother are in the Navy and my sister is a civilian contractor for the DOD. Unfortunately I am being hampered in my pursuit of this career because my surgery disqualifies me. I need a waiver to get in, and it is hard to get.

In 6th grade my mother was diagnosed with cushings disease, which is a tumor either on the pituitary or adrenal gland. She had them on both. In 8th grade she had surgery on it. In a few years, both were back to the same size as before surgery.

This has always made life difficult for me. And with my father being often deployed I was often left to sort out my problems and emotions on my own. I believe in god, but I struggle to apply my faith in my everyday life, no matter how involved I get in church. Others say that I am a model christian, but I just cant see how they could say that if they knew me inside. But I guess that is what grace is.

Almost a year ago now I began playing guitar, and almost immediately began playing for our youth group, which is only like twenty kids. My music has been a release, and I have even written about seven songs, some of which I eventually want to post mp3s and lyrics etcetra of on this website to see what people think.

My hope is that as i fill out this journal as i progress in my relationship with christ, someone will read this and it will help them. Im not a wise man, but we can all learn from what each other has done and gone through.

That's what these blogs are for. They are much more community like than other blogging forums. You'll find that the more you blog the more people will identify with your struggles and perhaps impart some wisdom to you as well.

My father has cushings syndrome. He had his surgery in 2004, but is on EXTENSIVE medications. He's taking around 30 pills per day to keep his pituitary glands free of tumors. I remember sitting through the 16 hour surgery (they did his laparoscopically and it turns out that he flatlined twice in the OR, which we found out the following day). My father completely changed after his near death experience and has put more emphasis on family and living in the moment than on working so much and putting so much emphasis on acquiring money and things. I understand the struggle with cushings syndrome.

[LIVEband]

I worked a 12 hour shift today at my job as a mechanic at jiffy lube. I hate it, not the job itself, but the people i work with. 90% of them have multiple prior convictions, and several are still in jail, but are on work release programs. So as you can imagine it is a very rough crowd to work with. THey are very vulgar and lazy. It is very hard to maintain clean language and attitudes around them. Fortunately the guy i work with the most is a pretty nice guy.

The only two good things today at work were that 1. we had a good day sales wise. and 2. the guy i work for is thinking about selling me his 1999 Chevy Lumina for 2600 dollars. Thats not bad for a car that has been kept in extremely good shape. Especially considering that i need a car badly. So we both are considering it.

At least i have the next two days off. Tommorow morning i have a meeting with a Navy reserve recruiter and in the afternoon i am making my part time schedule for the local community college. So i will be very busy.


As to the guy who replied about the cushings, I understand what you mean about the meds. My mom takes tons of medications just to be functional. And now the tumor is causing her eyes to become poor. Her one eye is actually pretty close to going blind. Its crazy sometimes.

[luvinjesus]

Originally Posted by LIVEband

I worked a 12 hour shift today at my job as a mechanic at jiffy lube. I hate it, not the job itself, but the people i work with. 90% of them have multiple prior convictions, and several are still in jail, but are on work release programs. So as you can imagine it is a very rough crowd to work with. THey are very vulgar and lazy. It is very hard to maintain clean language and attitudes around them. Fortunately the guy i work with the most is a pretty nice guy.

The only two good things today at work were that 1. we had a good day sales wise. and 2. the guy i work for is thinking about selling me his 1999 Chevy Lumina for 2600 dollars. Thats not bad for a car that has been kept in extremely good shape. Especially considering that i need a car badly. So we both are considering it.

At least i have the next two days off. Tommorow morning i have a meeting with a Navy reserve recruiter and in the afternoon i am making my part time schedule for the local community college. So i will be very busy.

As to the guy who replied about the cushings, I understand what you mean about the meds. My mom takes tons of medications just to be functional. And now the tumor is causing her eyes to become poor. Her one eye is actually pretty close to going blind. Its crazy sometimes.

I am a female.

[Pink_Wings]

Praying 4 u