[Ax]

I'm not going to give some long winded introduction filled with how I originally felt about interviewing some illustrious and secretive person. I'm not going to tell you in so many words about how my life was changed by this interview. And I'm not going to ramble about things you don't care about like the fact that I had A1 sauce on my burger and it totally clashed with the cheddar cheese and ruined the flavor, however the mushrooms were quite nice, maybe a different cheese would have made a difference, but I digress.

However, I wouldn't be doing our subject justice if I didn't introduce the story in some way.

I set out about my task with the mindset that this would inevitably change my life. Interviewing such an illustrious and secretive character was sure to be life changing. I had to ask myself, what would I ask somebody like this? What kind of person is he? And why do people insist on putting cheddar cheese on hamburgers when everybody knows american and swiss are both far superior?

Well, anyways, I interviewed mattslope, here's the text:

What is your name? Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya.

What is your quest? You killed my father. Prepare to die. Actually, I believe that was Philip Seymour Hoffman playing the role of 'man who killed your father' I can't believe you didn't see the difference between us.

Hey man, I know this is off topic but something has been bothering me...

What is the name of the actor who played Chunk in the Goonies? Jeff Cohen. IMDB is amazing. Thanks, lets get on to some more pertinent questions.

If you could date any infamous poster on CGR who would it be? I e-dated an infamous CGR poster. True story. And I'm sure it was interesting, but you're dodging the question

dead air...

Moving along... What is your favorite food? Free.

If I make you some food and took it away from you right as you were about to bite into it... well... your response? I'd bite your hand.Well then I hope for both our sakes you had your rabies shots...

If Raul Castro named you his successor when he died would you assassinate him to take over early? Who would your VP be? And what would your first act be as president of Cuba? I wouldn't assassinate him, but rather control him through suggestion and manipulation. My VP would be either Hugh Grant or Henry Kissinger, as most rational adults would pay either person to stop talking, and I'd make a fortune. As president of Cuba, I'd convince left-wing U.S. college students that my country is organic, environmentally friendly, and a lover of all beings. Then, after all the college nut jobs have moved to my Island nation, I'd get them to buy Gap t-shirts proclaiming their leftist rebellion and I'd make a fortune. Umm.... lets move on to something less... Napoleonic...

If you were going to get a tattoo of a tricked out Honda Civic, what body kit would you get the artist to draw on it? A mad tyte one, yo!



If you and I were going to the movie, and I bought you a candy from the concession stand, what candy would that be and why? A cuddle, cutie. *blushes* umm... maybe later...

Who put the bop in the bop shoo bop shoo bop? And Similarly, who put the ram in the ram a lam a ding dong?I did. Recognize, son!I would like to shake your hand.


Have you ever been arrested? Care to share? Yes. Thrice. The details are in my journal. Souvenirs are also available.I'll take a mugshot... would go nicely on my wall of famous mugs.

Kevin Smith, Kevin Spacey, or Kevin Bacon? Spacey for 2 movies at most. Bacon for when I need to justify my dancing to John Lithgow. Smith if I revert to smoking weed and can no longer discern quality from quantity.

When you were a mod, what was your favorite thread you ever closed? Didn't I close *actions* a few times? I hated that thread.*glares* I liked that thread when i was a n00b

East coast or west coast rap? Jay Z hasn't changed flow in a decade. Not even Dre can claim that. But, sadly, I am a sellout pop rap fan, and underground artists lose me in their weak beats. Wu Tang gives me the depth of lyrical content to appease this self-acknowledged deficit. Who is Jay Z?

What was your favorite thing about being a CPF mod? I loved being able to edit people's posts.Hmm... yes... that could be... invigorating....

Who is your favorite living actor? Philip Seymour Hoffman. I haven't seen him play the same character twice. He's the polar opposite of Tom Cruise. Wow, I guess it must sting now that you found out he killed your father playing the role "man who killed your father"

Do you like to read? What is your favorite genre? Who is your favorite author? I read 5-10 detective/murder novels a month. Robert Parker's Spencer is my all time favorite character.

Would you rather go without socks or underwear for a week? Socks. Bare foot smells much less disgusting than free ball after an afternoon of Ultimate. I'm not going to ask how you know that.

Zeppelin or AC/DC? Zep's Kashmir is mighty, but Back in Black is mightier. AC/DC for their simple elegance, but all respect to Page's amazing guitar and Plant's superhuman vocal chords. HOW DARE YOU!?! Lets get to the bottom of this...

Have you ever worn a mullet? Ever infers past. I currently rock one. Sort of. But, yes. AH! We've found the problem, we'll be sending in a crew of highly specialized doctors, surgeons, music instructors, and barbers to fix this.... We'll start with speedwagonectomy and end with a Camaro removal

Is it true that you live with your mother and are almost 40 years old? MattSlope is bald, 35 and lives with mother. I, however, fit none of those descriptors. Odd... hasn't MattSlope been 35 for nearly 10 years? I would ask about your appearance and living arrangements but I'm too perplexed by how a person could be 35 for 10 years...

Is there any truth to the rumor that you might be the Lindbergh baby? If so, would I wait until now to reveal it? Dang, the search continues

So you like mystery novels. Maybe you have deduced some mysteries... Do you know the whereabouts of Amelia Earhart's remains? Who doesn't? Pretty sure that if you know, you're the only one... Good job.

Have you ever been to the moon? Why or Why not? I've mooned. I've been mooned. Is there a reason to moon? Disturbing mental image...

How's about some milk? Why do people uniformly have memories of shooting milk out of their noses? Do we laugh more, as a species, when drinking calcium rich fluids?I am not sure, that's really neither here nor there...

And finally.... If you could punch any famous person, who and why? Ryan Seacrest because he could put up a good fight and he deserves it. True dat!


Anyways.... That's the slope.

[DaGeek]

Superb!


By the way, the picture doesn't show .

[Ax]

Originally Posted by DaGeek

Superb!


By the way, the picture doesn't show .

Shows on mine... it's a gif so it may be your browser.

[AlphaSigma]

I've read this twice now and still am not quite sure what's going on.

[mtlmouth]

Originally Posted by AlphaSigma

I've read this twice now and still am not quite sure what's going on.

He interviewed Mattslope.

Awesome job again, Ax.

[Cam42]

Originally Posted by Ax

Shows on mine... it's a gif so it may be your browser.

Doesn't work on FF3.5 in Fedora Linux
Great thread, by the way.

[redbaron]

Originally Posted by Ax

Shows on mine... it's a gif so it may be your browser.

it works in your browser because it's cached. It doesn't work in anyone elses because they're prohibiting hotlinking. Stop pirating their bandwidth and rehost it yourself or attach it to CGR here :P

[scared2mosh]

It ain't showing on google chrome either...

Great thread by the way!

[cheyguy426]

i feel enlightened... and like i have been slapped in the face

[SupaNova]

.....what's a Mattslope?

[Ax]

Originally Posted by redbaron

it works in your browser because it's cached. It doesn't work in anyone elses because they're prohibiting hotlinking. Stop pirating their bandwidth and rehost it yourself or attach it to CGR here :P

better now?

[el cabong]

Wow.

[fflscw]

nice... oh, and ax, i thought you said no n00bs could read these interveiws, yet here i am.

[Ax]

Originally Posted by fflscw

nice... oh, and ax, i thought you said no n00bs could read these interveiws, yet here i am.

I said no n00b could be interviewed.




I love that gif.

[scared2mosh]

Too bad it's to big to be an avatar...