I have been a member here for a while, but I don't want to post using my name as I would NEVER want this girl to run across this one day!

OK, so first of all, I'll start off by saying I'm a 23 year old male about to finish grad school, just so you know where I am in life. I have been dating this girl for about 2 months now, and actually this is the 2nd time we dated (we also dated last fall but she broke it off as she was not sure of how she felt, but she told me she wanted to re-explore any possibilities of a relationship again as she decided she really enjoys spending time with me). We aren't in an exclusive relationship right now, but are headed there. I have known her for 3 years now, and I have really enjoyed spending time with her and am attracted to her. She is definitely physically pretty, has a personality that I feel meshes well with mine, relates to me very well, comes from a similar background, has an absolute heart of gold, and she is VERY in love with the Lord and follows Him. Basically, I really just think she is awesome!!

However, there is one issue I have struggled with. First of all, I want to reiterate that the girl I am dating is very pretty. However, I can't help but keep on noticing other girls too that I unfortunately find more physically attractive. One girl I actually I tried to date when we were less serious (who I did find more physically attractive, but didn't know her as well personally), but I got the impression she isn't interested and I for the most part have decided to abandon the idea because of that. However, that doesn't change the fact that I do still run into and notice girls I am more physically attracted to. Two of them are actually her sisters, and that is really frustrating to me (although I still don't know her sisters, just have been shown pictures of them).

Guys, I want to reiterate again that I really think this girl is awesome and is compatible with me on so many levels and I AM physically attracted to her. This issue can be a distracter though. I guess I just got the idea the more you date a girl and spend time with her the less you notice other girls around. Am I really just being shallow as I'm segregating one issue of her and need to find a way to deal with it, or should I being paying attention to the fact I notice girls I find more physically attractive as this could possibly be a red flag to me?

By the way, I have been lifting our relationship up to God, and so far we have done nothing but get closer in our relationship.

Thanks!

[Art]

To be blunt, yes.

Sure, you might run across women that you find "more" physically attractive, but as long as you are attracted to this one, what is the problem? There will always be gorgeous women out there, but you didn't connect with them. And if you end up in a serious relationship, you are making a choice to make this woman your priority... and therefore, though you might see other women as more attractive, you are making the choice to not dwell on this, and instead dwell on this one. Am I making sense? I feel like I am rambling.

[mulletman]

Originally Posted by Art

To be blunt, yes.

Sure, you might run across women that you find "more" physically attractive, but as long as you are attracted to this one, what is the problem? There will always be gorgeous women out there, but you didn't connect with them. And if you end up in a serious relationship, you are making a choice to make this woman your priority... and therefore, though you might see other women as more attractive, you are making the choice to not dwell on this, and instead dwell on this one. Am I making sense? I feel like I am rambling.

Art, you make sense. And I agree with you.

To the OP, there will always be women that you will find attractive. There will probably be women that you think look better than the one that you're with. It's in how you handle it. Realize why it is that you want to explore the possibility of spending the rest of your life with this woman. And if it's because you think she's hot, well, you will be out of luck 20 years down the road, no matter who it is..... or what they look like now.

[LIVEband]

I have to agree with these guys so far.

I am a guy, and I know what you are talking about. Its natural, especially if you have an observant mindset. But you have to remind yourself why you like the girl you are with, becasue she is compatible with you on multiple levels. Whereas another girl may be prettier, thats not everything.

That always seems to be enough to remind me what i really wanted.

[secretmember]

OK, so I've tried to post several times under the guest name and it wouldn't so I just decided to register this name, and I guess it'll be my alias for my VERY rare super-personal questions :P.

Thanks for the comments guys, and thanks for being blunt too, I'm glad to hear people tell me exactly as they think! I really don't know how I came to this, especially as this wasn't an issue the first time we dated back last fall. But y'all are 100% correct, it's absolutely not about looks that I've considered a relationship with her (and like I said, she is cute, I just don't know where this came from that I all of a sudden started wondering if maybe I should be dating a supermodel), it's all of the other things that I feel are hard to find in others.

Haha, good point about 20 years from now....also I thought to myself "what if a girl I'm dating was severely disfigured down the road?" If I was with her mainly because I thought she was hot......well that wouldn't be good.

[BillSPrestonEsq]

Originally Posted by secretmember

OK, so I've tried to post several times under the guest name and it wouldn't so I just decided to register this name, and I guess it'll be my alias for my VERY rare super-personal questions :P.

Thanks for the comments guys, and thanks for being blunt too, I'm glad to hear people tell me exactly as they think! I really don't know how I came to this, especially as this wasn't an issue the first time we dated back last fall. But y'all are 100% correct, it's absolutely not about looks that I've considered a relationship with her (and like I said, she is cute, I just don't know where this came from that I all of a sudden started wondering if maybe I should be dating a supermodel), it's all of the other things that I feel are hard to find in others.

Haha, good point about 20 years from now....also I thought to myself "what if a girl I'm dating was severely disfigured down the road?" If I was with her mainly because I thought she was hot......well that wouldn't be good.

If you date a girl because of hotness, the relation ship is doomed. Period. Looks fade, and other than having sex, where would the relationship go. I guarantee you this, marriage is not about sex. Sex is an important part of marriage, but relatively small. There is a heck of a lot more time I spend doing things with my wife, that are totally unrelated to sex than having sex. And most of them have nothing to do with hotness. Most of them have nothing to do with looks.

I love my wife. But really, whether I noticed someone or not would have anything to do with our relationship. I would just suggest doing your best not to lust after people.

[beanbag]

maybe this is springing from insecurity. sometimes we self-sabotage and use outside influences as crutches or excuses because we're afraid of what might happen in the future, or that someone is beginning to mean too much. just some food for thought.

they say to marry someone you have great conversations with, because when you're old and grey the ability to communicate deeply and make each other laugh will be so much more important than your facial structure or eye color or whatever.

[secretmember]

Originally Posted by beanbag

maybe this is springing from insecurity. sometimes we self-sabotage and use outside influences as crutches or excuses because we're afraid of what might happen in the future, or that someone is beginning to mean too much. just some food for thought.

they say to marry someone you have great conversations with, because when you're old and grey the ability to communicate deeply and make each other laugh will be so much more important than your facial structure or eye color or whatever.

That's it! You know, that is the #1 reason that I've been seeing her, because of the great conversations we have. Literally, in the 3 years I have known her, I can't remember a significant lull in our conversation that's ever happened. She is someone I often talk to on the phone with for 2 hours straight, and I hate talking on the phone (I prefer seeing someone's face!).

As far as insecurity, I never thought about it, but that might be part of it. I have had significant insecurity issues in recent years. Although I felt I have overcome them, maybe this whole thing was stemming from that too. Also, although I have dated different girls, I still am not sure I would say that I have had what I would call an actual "girlfriend" (the closest to one was probably way back in high school), so I guess I could be nervous about someone being too close? I am not sure this all applies as I really have never thought about any of this, but I can guarantee you I will now be looking at that closer!

[pooleman0]

Secretmember,

I don't know you at all. I know nothing about you other than what you have told us. So take this with a grain of salt. There was a time in my life when I started noticing other women. Now my girlfriend at the time(we are married now) was pretty smokin', but I still would notice, take second glances etc. I was beginning to backslide. I had conversations with people the same way you are now. I asked the same questions. But my efforts to direct the questions towards the superficial kept me from having to deal with the real problem......I was drifting away from God.

I would suggest that you re-examine your walk with Jesus and try to determine if you are placing anything before Him (are you building or have you built any idols). Don't ignore or mis-diagnose the beginning signs of falling away.

God Bless

[6strings21frets]

Originally Posted by pooleman0

I would suggest that you re-examine your walk with Jesus and try to determine if you are placing anything before Him (are you building or have you built any idols). Don't ignore or mis-diagnose the beginning signs of falling away.

I completely agree.