Couple of questions about "crushs"

musaclover · 06-16-2009, 02:07 AM

well I agree that's wrong but I disagree that most are!

LesPaulPlayer · 06-16-2009, 02:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OiBoyz

Well, never having been a guy, I can't really compare. What I can tell you is that it's not just a male problem. I think it's probably pretty close.

As far as age and maturity... I'm fortysomething, and I struggle with this at times every bit as much as I did at 16.

The difference that maturity makes is that you don't think you're going to die if the other person doesn't notice you. At 16, you're absolutely sure you can't live without that person. And twenty years later you don't even remember their name.

I don't know if it's a problem that goes away when you marry, but if you're single for a significant amount of time, it is an ongoing issue. At least it is for me.

Stop saying that. I never said girls don't have a problem with things of this matter.

As for the rest I agree although I'm only 17.

OiBoyz · 06-16-2009, 02:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LesPaulPlayer

Stop saying that.

???

Sorry, I thought when you asked the question you were actually looking for other people's thoughts.

My mistake.

LesPaulPlayer · 06-16-2009, 02:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by musaclover

well I agree that's wrong but I disagree that most are!

How can most not be is my question? Lets set the scenario...

A guy is sitting in class. he's very bored. he eyes a pretty girl sitting across from him. Over the next couple of weeks he will become infatuated with her, almost to the point of obssession. Still never telling her that he likes her though because he never talks to her or doesn't have the time.

I think this is lust and wrong. the kid in this scenario is basing all of what he thinks about this girl on how she looks, I think this happens more often than not for many people. It may not happen that way or even close but the process is still the same

Giga Hertz · 06-16-2009, 02:14 AM

Personally I disagree with it being lust (and not just because I'm in the "I have a crush" situation myself).

For instance, I have had a few crushes over my life, and the last thing I have thought was getting into their pants. I mean, I am a guy and of course my mind has wandered numerous times to certain activities with rather "hot" girls.

But when I'm into a girl that I am considering going out with, I just can't think of her that way because I respect her too much.

LesPaulPlayer · 06-16-2009, 02:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OiBoyz

???

Sorry, I thought when you asked the question you were actually looking for other people's thoughts.

My mistake.

I am but you keep repeating the same line that girls get the same problems and I've said 2 times now that I understand that.

No hard feelings I didn't mean to offend you by any means. things don't come out right over the internet sometimes...

**Rainer.** · 06-16-2009, 02:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LesPaulPlayer

I said in the OP that physical attraction is a very big part for alot of people. I'm saying that most "crush's" are based on that alone, and that is wrong

I wouldn't call it necessarily wrong. I think acting on a crush built on physical attraction alone might be rather short-sighted, but developing crushes is part of human nature, and I wouldn't discount just the crush as "wrong".

LesPaulPlayer · 06-16-2009, 02:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Giga Hertz

Personally I disagree with it being lust (and not just because I'm in the "I have a crush" situation myself).

For instance, I have had a few crushes over my life, and the last thing I have thought was getting into their pants. I mean, I am a guy and of course my mind has wandered numerous times to certain activities with rather "hot" girls.

But when I'm into a girl that I am considering going out with, I just can't think of her that way because I respect her too much.

Interesting point of view.

I can honestly say I've never wanted to go out with a girl I had a "crush" on for sex. 1. because I know it's wrong. 2. I respect her way more than that. and 3. I know her and I like her for more than just what she looks like.

I think that most not all crush's are based of phsyical attraction. So in your situation you sound like you have things under control.

musaclover · 06-16-2009, 02:19 AM

But when I'm into a girl that I am considering going out with, I just can't think of her that way because I respect her too much.[/QUOTE]

Good Job! I like that! Oh and the scenario. That has happened before. So... I guess. I don't have any thoughts on it at the moment. Odd as it may be there have been times when a guy goes to a girl and confesses all of their thoughts and junk to them... which happened to a friend of mine but she said the kid was weird as it is so... maybe that just different.

**Rainer.** · 06-16-2009, 02:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LesPaulPlayer

How can most not be is my question? Lets set the scenario...

A guy is sitting in class. he's very bored. he eyes a pretty girl sitting across from him. Over the next couple of weeks he will become infatuated with her, almost to the point of obssession. Still never telling her that he likes her though because he never talks to her or doesn't have the time.

I think this is lust and wrong. the kid in this scenario is basing all of what he thinks about this girl on how she looks, I think this happens more often than not for many people. It may not happen that way or even close but the process is still the same

That's not lust. The desire still isn't necessarily sexual.

LesPaulPlayer · 06-16-2009, 02:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rainer.

I wouldn't call it necessarily wrong. I think acting on a crush built on physical attraction alone might be rather short-sighted, but developing crushes is part of human nature, and I wouldn't discount just the crush as "wrong".

I'll give you that. I physical attraction itself is not wrong. Thinking someone is pretty is not wrong. Going beyond that in your mind (or elsewhere) is wrong though.

LesPaulPlayer · 06-16-2009, 02:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rainer.

That's not lust. The desire still isn't necessarily sexual.

yes it is (I guess only to an extent, I see where you are coming from). BUT, your mind WILL wander if you don't control it.

Giga Hertz · 06-16-2009, 02:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LesPaulPlayer

yes it is (I guess only to an extent, I see where you are coming from). BUT, your mind WILL wander if you don't control it.

Isn't that just like anything, though? If you are annoyed at someone, it can lead to hate. If you start lying to someone, that could lead to theft.

OiBoyz · 06-16-2009, 02:23 AM

Let's break it down:

Quote:

Originally Posted by LesPaulPlayer

A guy is sitting in class. he's very bored. he eyes a pretty girl sitting across from him.

Initial attraction. So far, no problem. Attraction to the opposite sex is one of God's gifts, or so it seems to me.

Quote:

Over the next couple of weeks he will become infatuated with her, almost to the point of obssession.

Obsession level. Beginning to be a problem. I'm not sure I'd call it sin yet, but it's getting close to the line. Self control is one of the fruits of the spirit, so while it may not be outright sin yet, it's unfruitful at the very least.

Quote:

Still never telling her that he likes her though because he never talks to her or doesn't have the time.

I think the line is crossed here. Why? Because he's not really interested in her. She's just a thing that occupies his thoughts. Call it objectifying if it helps.

Quote:

I think this is lust and wrong. the kid in this scenario is basing all of what he thinks about this girl on how she looks

I agree. And in your scenario, he hasn't even gotten to the issue of "adultery in his heart" yet.