[rock_show_host]

Topic brought up in the now-closed Courtship/Dating thread, I'd like to hear some more thoughts on this. Quoted from that thread:

Originally Posted by rock_show_host

No offense, but it really irks me that you're equating maturity with financial independence.

I'm 21 years old, in a committed relationship approaching 2 1/2 years, and I'm still financially dependent on my parents. Does that automatically make me a "little boy"? Do my girlfriend and I have no business being in a relationship until I start paying my own rent? Do you really know me (or anyone) well enough to generalize about me like this just because I "still live with mommy and daddy"?

I've already made my view obvious, but what are other people's takes on this? Should a person date even if they're not financially independent enough to provide for a spouse from the day they enter into a relationship?

[Demon_Hunter]

I personally cant see a big issue with it.

My 2 friends who are getting married in August were dating long before either one could support themselves financially. Infact, one of them was getting rides to this side of town from his dad when he first started seeing his fiance.

Sure, they've waited to get married after their done with school, and they both have jobs currently. But they were working towards this long before it was ever feasible.

[Iceman-bass14]

Im not sure how other families do things,but my mom and dad have helped pay for each of my other siblings college(and probably will do the same with me) and both were in or are in serious relationships at the same time.And as far as I really know my brother wasnt totally financially independant til about his senior year in college by that time he was already engaged(now married).

No,I do not think you have to be totally independant to be in a relationship.

[fenderguy962]

I think that you should have the money to support yourself before you get married, but if you're just dating I don't see how it would matter. Say there is this guy named Phil who lives with his parents because he is 16 and doesn't have a choice. He meets his future wife and goes out with her for the next two years, then when he is eighteen, on his own and financially stable, he gets married. No problem with that. He didn't have to support her when he was 16.

[rock_show_host]

Originally Posted by fenderguy962

I think that you should have the money to support yourself before you get married, but if you're just dating I don't see how it would matter. Say there is this guy named Phil who lives with his parents because he is 16 and doesn't have a choice. He meets his future wife and goes out with her for the next two years, then when he is eighteen, on his own and financially stable, he gets married. No problem with that. He didn't have to support her when he was 16.

This is exactly where I'm coming from. I absolutely think two people should be ready to provide for one another by the time they get married, and I also think it's prudent to keep that timeline in mind when they start a relationship. But maturity isn't synonymous with independence, and two people can certainly be ready to commit to each other emotionally and spiritually before they're able to commit legally and financially.

[Nate]

Hell, a lot of people aren't financially independent after they get married.

[thesteve]

Originally Posted by Nate

Hell, a lot of people aren't financially independent after they get married.

Indeed...and how many people rely on family to chip in for their mutli-thousand dollar wedding?

[slap_j]

I guess people living in poverty ought not be married.

[bread man]

Even if financial independence is a requirement for marriage, it still doesn't make sense to say someone should be independent before they're even dating.

[BillSPrestonEsq]

I think couples should have the maturity to figure out how they are going to live on their own and that seriously dating couples should start attempting to start living life on their own and paying for it. I think it would make sense.

[Thrash]

Originally Posted by rock_show_host

Topic brought up in the now-closed Courtship/Dating thread, I'd like to hear some more thoughts on this. Quoted from that thread:

I've already made my view obvious, but what are other people's takes on this? Should a person date even if they're not financially independent enough to provide for a spouse from the day they enter into a relationship?

I am confused. In the context of the thread the guy you quoted seemed to be mainly talking about having sex out of marraige.

In other words, he says it is foolish to think you can have the benefits of marraige (sex, etc..) without having the full consequences of marraige (financial independence, taking care of a family).

The quote you quoted him seems sort of ambiguous, but the post he had before that seems to agree with what I think he meant to say.

[thesteve]

Originally Posted by Thrash

I am confused. In the context of the thread the guy you quoted seemed to be mainly talking about having sex out of marraige.

In other words, he says it is foolish to think you can have the benefits of marraige (sex, etc..) without having the full consequences of marraige (financial independence, taking care of a family).

The quote you quoted him seems sort of ambiguous, but the post he had before that seems to agree with what I think he meant to say.

You are correct that this was his first response. However the response quoted by rock_show_host seems to indicate that the noted poster would go as far as to say that if you can't manage your personal finances to an extent where you are self-sufficient, then you have no business dating.

Of course, even if that was not the actual intention of his statement (and I doubt it was seeing as I do not believe WorshipJesus was self-sufficient when he began dating his now wife, though I could be mistaken), I think it brings up an interesting topic.

[Rainer.]

Also, in my opinion, just because you're mature enough to date still does not mean you should date. The right thing at the wrong time can be the wrong thing, and often enough, desire can obscure wisdom enough to dive into a relationship too early in one's life.

Though I also don't think this has anything to do with independence, per se, either. Just that dating as far as 5, 6, 7 years before marriage might even be a feasible option may become an unnecessary burden; not for all, but for many.

[rock_show_host]

Originally Posted by Rainer.

Also, in my opinion, just because you're mature enough to date still does not mean you should date. The right thing at the wrong time can be the wrong thing, and often enough, desire can obscure wisdom enough to dive into a relationship too early in one's life.

Though I also don't think this has anything to do with independence, per se, either. Just that dating as far as 5, 6, 7 years before marriage might even be a feasible option may become an unnecessary burden; not for all, but for many.

This is an excellent point, and this is what I meant by keeping a timeline in mind before entering a relationship.

Originally Posted by thesteve

You are correct that this was his first response. However the response quoted by rock_show_host seems to indicate that the noted poster would go as far as to say that if you can't manage your personal finances to an extent where you are self-sufficient, then you have no business dating.

Of course, even if that was not the actual intention of his statement (and I doubt it was seeing as I do not believe WorshipJesus was self-sufficient when he began dating his now wife, though I could be mistaken), I think it brings up an interesting topic.

I invite WorshipJesus to respond and clarify if this wasn't his intention, but it certainly sounded that way to me, and perhaps my response was unnecessarily heated. But I agree, it does bring up an interesting issue.

[Epaphras]

Do you need to be financially independent before dating? No. Married? Yes and no - I don't think you should be completely dependent, but then I don't think you need to be 100% financially independent either.

My parents continued to pay my last semester of tuition after we got married. It was money they had saved and planned on using anyway, and didn't need for themselves. They also helped us with rent at first.

One year in, we are now "independent" as far as our own living expense go. While I'm grad school for the next year (on 100% scholarship) my parents are graciously giving us money every month that goes to pay off my wife's student loan debt (beyond what we pay in minimum payments on our own). Again, it's leftover money from my college fund that they don't need for themselves. This will allows us to become debt-free within a year, year and a half, something we can get off our backs forever before starting a family and will allow us to save up for a downpayment on a home sooner.

So for us, although we get "help" from family, we don't consider ourselves dependent. We don't have an entitlement, "welfare" mentality. And I think that is the key to this issue. It's one thing to be living at home to save money on rent, it's another to be completely and utterly dependent.