My song........

CHRISTISLORD200 · 06-01-2009, 06:03 PM

I wrote this song about my friend who got saved this past April at a work camp that I went to. This is the first song that I have written so any feedback would be appreciated.
He Will Never Leave

Verse 1
There she was, sitting in the pew
Thinkin’ about all that she just heard
The speaker said that He would never leave
But how could that be true?
She thought “I already have a father
But he is never there for me
He left me and I know that
He doesn’t really care”

Pre-Chorus
Then as the tears started to fall
God heard her cry
He came and wrapped His arms around her
As He said

Chorus
I will never leave you
I will never let you down
You will always be loved
You will never be alone
Know that no matter what
I will always be there for you
I will always love you
I will always love you

Verse 2
But there was one who wasn’t happy at all
His goal was to make her fall
Just the next day
He began his attack
He tripped her and she hit her head and
The next night she was in pain
It was so bad she couldn’t bear it
She thought “Where is He, why isn’t He here?
I never should have believed
That He would never leave”
She ended up in the hospital and
It might have been real bad

Pre-Chorus
Then as the tears started to fall
God heard her cry
He came and wrapped His arms around her
And He said

Chorus
I will never leave you
I will never let you down
You will always be loved
You will never be alone
Know that no matter what
I will always be there for you
I will always love you
I will always love you

Bridge
He brought her back to him at that hospital
Despite the devil’s atttempts
To take her away from the One who loves her
But inspite of all that she went through
God helped her through it all
He had never really left her
He had been there all along because

Ending Chorus
He will never leave you
He will never let you down
He will never cease to love you
You will never be alone
Know that no matter what
He will always be there for you
He will always love you
He will always love you
He will always love you
He will never leave

6strings21frets · 06-11-2009, 03:54 AM

For a first song, the lyrics looked good.
The ending chorus was a bit repetitive, but I think you've thought this one out well.

CHRISTISLORD200 · 06-11-2009, 08:09 AM

Thanks!

What do you mean by "the ending chorus was a bit repetitive"?

**Skeeter** · 06-11-2009, 11:00 AM

I'm assuming he means it repeats itself too much.

CHRISTISLORD200 · 06-11-2009, 06:10 PM

Well yeah but like in what way? Like is it all the "He wills" or is it the three "He will always love you's"?

6strings21frets · 06-12-2009, 01:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CHRISTISLORD200

Well yeah but like in what way? Like is it all the "He wills" or is it the three "He will always love you's"?

Yeah, pretty much, but I guess if you wrote that perfectly, you wouldn't learn much.

CHRISTISLORD200 · 06-12-2009, 04:45 AM

Haha yeah. I will try to change the ending chorus up a bit then. So is it just the ending chorus and nothing else that could use a little work?

6strings21frets · 06-12-2009, 05:19 AM

Another thing you need to learn, and I'm still learning this by the way, is that a song shouldn't necessarily be finalised overnight. There are quite a few people on this forum who I've heard have a large number of incomplete songs from maybe a year or two ago.

Don't just stop with your work until you're satisfied. Keep checking over your lyrics and make sure nothing has been written forcefully (for the sake of filling in gaps).

**tmlfan123** · 06-12-2009, 01:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 6strings21frets

Don't just stop with your work until you're satisfied. Keep checking over your lyrics and make sure nothing has been written forcefully (for the sake of filling in gaps).

Also don't labour too intensely over one song. Your first song will not be your best, it's that simple. When I look back at my first songs, they look and sound terrible to me. I like what I've written recently, but I liked my first songs when I wrote them too. Hopefully after writing dozens more, I'll come up with something that someone will actually enjoy listening to.

So my advice would be to work on this song until it satisfies you, then put it away and start writing something else. Don't force it, wait until you have something to write about. If you keep writing you will see an immense improvement in your work.

**Skeeter** · 06-12-2009, 02:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tmlfan123

Your first song will not be your best, it's that simple. When I look back at my first songs, they look and sound terrible to me.

Bingo. The first songs I wrote were atrocious and embarrassing. I like to think I've improved...

CHRISTISLORD200 · 06-12-2009, 05:12 PM

Ok, thanks guys. I will work on this one a little more....... as to writing more songs, idk about that. I wrote this song for somebody else, idk when I will have something else to write a song about.......

**tmlfan123** · 06-13-2009, 09:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CHRISTISLORD200

Ok, thanks guys. I will work on this one a little more....... as to writing more songs, idk about that. I wrote this song for somebody else, idk when I will have something else to write a song about.......

Just stay on the lookout for things to write about. When something in your life hits you, write about it. It may come out jumbled and useless, but it may turn into something good. You just never know.

6strings21frets · 06-14-2009, 03:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tmlfan123

Just stay on the lookout for things to write about. When something in your life hits you, write about it. It may come out jumbled and useless, but it may turn into something good. You just never know.

And, Jon, if you don't know how to use this, just have a flick through the stickied thread in the forum (the older one with about 200 posts). There should be some tips on how to use it.