Is physical attraction necessary in a relationship?

**scared2mosh** · 05-27-2009, 12:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tmlfan123

I was very bored at work today and my mind started to wander. This is what it came up with:

Do you need to find someone physically attractive to date/marry them?

If so, where would looks rank on a list of qualities you want in a partner? As in:
1. Christian
2. Intelligent
3. Good-looking
4. Mature
...

Thoughts?

I'll be honest I've been interested in the same girl for a long time and recently I finally came to the conclusion I was no longer interested. why? I wasnt really attracted to her physically... it may seem shallow now, but it's better to not go into a relationship because of it rather than leaving them for someone else who is more attractive later.

rockr2010 · 06-11-2009, 11:54 PM

That's true. But I've also come to like people that aren't as attractive at first, but as I start to hang out with them and get to know them as well as like them, their physical appearance seems more appealing to me and you start to look for things that makes that person cute

But yah physical attraction is important otherwise it really just feels like a "best friend" type relationship or you start to see that person more as a brother or sister. Well at least that's what has happened to me... haha awkward

***BillSPrestonEsq*** · 06-12-2009, 12:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rockr2010

That's true. But I've also come to like people that aren't as attractive at first, but as I start to hang out with them and get to know them as well as like them, their physical appearance seems more appealing to me and you start to look for things that makes that person cute

But yah physical attraction is important otherwise it really just feels like a "best friend" type relationship or you start to see that person more as a brother or sister. Well at least that's what has happened to me... haha awkward

My wife is my best friend. We have a relationship that is truly friendship first.

**beanbag** · 06-12-2009, 01:54 AM

I think the idea of "best friend" changes a lot from teenage years to adulthood, Bill. my best friend is 25 and if you were to ask her, she would say that her boyfriend is truly her best friend. (then again, she'd also say she has a couple of female best friends. we get less focused on "just one bestie" the older we get.) if you were to ask the teenage girls down the street, they would say they have a boyfriend and then a best friend. the majority of teens would respond that way, in my experience. that's not to say that every single teen will, but the overwhelming majority make a distinction between relationship categories and the overwhelming majority have just one person per category. the lines blur as we get older.

***BillSPrestonEsq*** · 06-12-2009, 09:52 AM

Maybe. But in the OC where I live, the lines remain. And most people leave them in place. The dichotomy of friend/romance definitely remains, and a lot of people I know, older than us, talk about friend zones and being a friend in opposition to romance as if the 2 were mutually exclusive.

**beanbag** · 06-12-2009, 03:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Billgamesh

Maybe. But in the OC where I live, the lines remain. And most people leave them in place. The dichotomy of friend/romance definitely remains, and a lot of people I know, older than us, talk about friend zones and being a friend in opposition to romance as if the 2 were mutually exclusive.

that's really interesting. does that separation exist among your Christian acquaintances? I get the feeling that you are talking about Christians, but I just want to make sure. (sorry if I am taking this OT, but I find this very curious.)

**redbaron** · 06-12-2009, 03:31 PM

I find it strange that people decide they want to be romantic without friendship. What do they talk about when they're together, seriously

fenderguy962 · 06-12-2009, 03:59 PM

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and so everyone has different ideas of what is attractive and what isn't. The Mayans thought crossed eyes and slanted foreheads were beautiful, so when their children were young, they would put a clamp over the baby's forehead to shape the soft bone so that it slanted. They would hang beads over the baby's head so that it fell in between his eyes, and after continually looking at it, he would become cross-eyed. The chinese thought that small feet were attractive, so they would tie the front of the foot around the back of the foot to make them smaller. Some African tribes peirce their ears and put a plug in. Every year, they increase the size of the plug, until eventually they have holes in their ears the size of golf balls.

I could go on, but I'm done.

***BillSPrestonEsq*** · 06-15-2009, 07:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by beanbag

that's really interesting. does that separation exist among your Christian acquaintances? I get the feeling that you are talking about Christians, but I just want to make sure. (sorry if I am taking this OT, but I find this very curious.)

Well, It really doesn't seem to matter Christian or no. The dichotomy seems to just be intrinsic in how a lot of southern Californians think. I would say, especially amongst the Christians I know. But to a lesser degree outside the church as well.

niangelo · 06-15-2009, 10:24 PM

"Physically attractive" and "attractive" are mutually exclusive.

I know plenty of fine-looking women who make me suppress my gag reflex.

Conversely, personality, intelligence, humor and character can drown me in desire. Or rather did, in the case of my wife.

She just happens to be good looking.

***Pauler*** · 06-15-2009, 10:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rockr2010

That's true. But I've also come to like people that aren't as attractive at first, but as I start to hang out with them and get to know them as well as like them, their physical appearance seems more appealing to me and you start to look for things that makes that person cute

But yah physical attraction is important otherwise it really just feels like a "best friend" type relationship or you start to see that person more as a brother or sister. Well at least that's what has happened to me... haha awkward

this is exactly what happened w/ me and my wife. i think it was really good for us too. our friendship blossomed w/o all the hormones involved, and we truly did become best friends...then my eyes were opened, and i realized how beautiful she was. i guess that is how even elderly couples see each other as being really beautiful in each other's eyes in their golden years. the insides of a person influencing how you actually see the other person is a great thing.

all that to say...the physical attraction might not come like we think it will. sometimes it is the first thing. sometimes it is later on.

**scared2mosh** · 06-15-2009, 10:49 PM

With my current "heart throb" (like I have said) I have know her since she was three and I was five, and I've always thought she was attractive... but I never considered her in that kind of a way until the last year or so. Anyway thats how it happened. we became good friends (and we still are) and then I realized I had other feelings for her. We will just have to see how that works out.