Is an engaged woman (or man) fair game?

Napoleon17 · 05-13-2009, 11:20 PM

She can't change her mind?

And she hasn't taken those vows yet, she just agreed to take them at some point in the future.

Here-am-I · 05-13-2009, 11:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Napoleon17

And she hasn't taken those vows yet, she just agreed to take them at some point in the future.

That's what I thought too.

k-lub242 · 05-13-2009, 11:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Napoleon17

She can't change her mind?

And she hasn't taken those vows yet, she just agreed to take them at some point in the future.

Sure she can change it. But that's something totally up to her. Not something a guy should be trying to influence in ANY way.

***BillSPrestonEsq*** · 05-13-2009, 11:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by k-lub242

Sure she can change it. But that's something totally up to her. Not something a guy should be trying to influence in ANY way.

exactly, off the market while they are engaged, period.

So, heck no, they are not fair game.

Napoleon17 · 05-13-2009, 11:42 PM

Jerry Falwell was in love a girl who was engaged to another man. This man was his roommate, and he would write letters to this girl (because she was in a different city). He would give them to Jerry, and ask him to drop them off at the post office for him. Jerry burned the letters, and sent his own. That was how he stole the girl who eventually became his wife. They had a very long and very happy marriage.

Was Jerry wrong to do this? Should he feel badly because he deceived his roommate? No. He did what he had to do to win her heart, the other guy didn't. Most of the time relationships aren't simple and neat, they're complicated and messy, and sometimes people get hurt. The real truth is that it doesn't really matter if there's a ring on her finger if you're not constantly trying to make the relationship work. Once you're married, that's a different story. You're stuck with each other then (barring the horrible option of divorce). But engagement does not equal marriage.

Just my opinion.

LesPaulPlayer · 05-13-2009, 11:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Billgamesh

exactly, off the market while they are engaged, period.

So, heck no, they are not fair game.

+1

I said it earlier I'll say it again

I think it's pretty low to even try do that. heck even think about it

EDIT: ^ WRONG WRONG WRONG. talk about a horrible friend. I believe that sure, you can try and win her over while they're still dating (although I even think thats pretty wrong and then only hints I guess, but the person MUST quit the other relationship first) but engaged = wrong.

I also think that if you are trying to "win" a girl over you are pretty immature

SccHarpGirl · 05-13-2009, 11:43 PM

Forget engagement, I don't think it's right to pursue anything other than friendship with someone who's in a relationship. If they're interested in something more, then they need to end things with their significant other before anything could happen. Encouraging someone to cheat on their partner is not a good thing to do.

LesPaulPlayer · 05-13-2009, 11:50 PM

+ 1 ^

Napoleon17 · 05-13-2009, 11:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LesPaulPlayer

+1

I said it earlier I'll say it again

I think it's pretty low to even try do that. heck even think about it

EDIT: ^ WRONG WRONG WRONG. talk about a horrible friend. I believe that sure, you can try and win her over while they're still dating (although I even think thats pretty wrong and then only hints I guess, but the person MUST quit the other relationship first) but engaged = wrong.

I also think that if you are trying to "win" a girl over you are pretty immature

The point isn't being a good friend to your roommate. You can't have a lifelong marriage with your roommate.

You've never heard of the phrase "winning a girl's heart"? It basically means showing her that you love her... what is immature about that?

Quote:

Originally Posted by SccHarpGirl

Forget engagement, I don't think it's right to pursue anything other than friendship with someone who's in a relationship. If they're interested in something more, then they need to end things with their significant other before anything could happen. Encouraging someone to cheat on their partner is not a good thing to do.

We're not discussing whether it's okay to make out with someone while they are engaged. Obviously the person should break it off before beginning a relationship with the other person.

Telling a person how you feel about them =/= making out with them. You can tell the person how you feel, then they can decide, "hey, I really like you", then they can break it off, then they can make out with you. There is no cheating involved here whatsoever.

SccHarpGirl · 05-13-2009, 11:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Napoleon17

Jerry Falwell was in love a girl who was engaged to another man. This man was his roommate, and he would write letters to this girl (because she was in a different city). He would give them to Jerry, and ask him to drop them off at the post office for him. Jerry burned the letters, and sent his own. That was how he stole the girl who eventually became his wife. They had a very long and very happy marriage.

Was Jerry wrong to do this? Should he feel badly because he deceived his roommate? No. He did what he had to do to win her heart, the other guy didn't. Most of the time relationships aren't simple and neat, they're complicated and messy, and sometimes people get hurt. The real truth is that it doesn't really matter if there's a ring on her finger if you're not constantly trying to make the relationship work. Once you're married, that's a different story. You're stuck with each other then (barring the horrible option of divorce). But engagement does not equal marriage.

Just my opinion.

However it ended up, that was a despicable and immoral way to behave, abusing his roommate's trust like that.

guitarguy90 · 05-13-2009, 11:58 PM

Jim apparently thought so in the first 2 seasons of the Office. . . ^_^

Napoleon17 · 05-13-2009, 11:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SccHarpGirl

However it ended up, that was a despicable and immoral way to behave, abusing his roommate's trust like that.

What if he hadn't deceived his roommate? Do you think it would have been okay for him to just write her a letter telling her how he felt?

SccHarpGirl · 05-14-2009, 12:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Napoleon17

Telling a person how you feel about them =/= making out with them. You can tell the person how you feel, then they can decide, "hey, I really like you", then they can break it off, then they can make out with you. There is no cheating involved here whatsoever.

I think we're more on the same page than it looks; I interpreted the OP's question to mean "Is it OK to pursue someone romantically while they are engaged to someone else.

Ialso think that there's telling and telling. You can tell someone you're attracted to them, once, but then there's actively pursuing them.While I definitely think there can be situations where it's OK to acknowedge your feelings for someone, pursuing someone romantically while they are in a relationship with someone else is very disrespectful to them and their fiance.

k-lub242 · 05-14-2009, 12:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SccHarpGirl

However it ended up, that was a despicable and immoral way to behave, abusing his roommate's trust like that.

I agree. And deceitful. Which is quite wrong. That right there pretty much answers whether or not it's okay. Starting a relationship based on deceit like that is not what I would consider smart. At all. In any circumstance.

SccHarpGirl · 05-14-2009, 12:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Napoleon17

What if he hadn't deceived his roommate? Do you think it would have been okay for him to just write her a letter telling her how he felt?

I obviously don't know the circumstances surrounding their relationship, but I could see situations where sending her 1 letter relating his feelings would be OK. However, while she remained engaged to the other guy, I would say repeated letters would be definitely not OK, until she broke off her engagement.