Snapshots of Life

passinthru · 05-11-2009, 08:26 AM

I've decided to start my own journal on here again. I went to post in Guthrie's old journal and then remembered that he'd closed it off. I'm not going to be posting often - at least I'm not planning to at this point in time.

For those who don't know - aka those who don't have me on Facebook, Guthrie and I were married May 5th, 2009. I still need to go through the immigration process, however it will be filing for an adjustment of status, which tends to be a little easier than other routes that were available to us. It also means that I can stay here with him and we don't have to be apart anymore.

Life isn't all smooth sailing, but it's also not as choppy as it has been in the past. I'm enjoying being with the one that I love and doing my best to take care of his needs.

Nate · 05-11-2009, 08:30 AM

Hey, cool. Congratulations.

**Leboman** · 05-11-2009, 08:45 AM

Best wishes.

***BillSPrestonEsq*** · 05-11-2009, 09:04 AM

congratulations. The way Guthrie closed his blog was really kind of upsetting to me. I understand lashing out, I understand feeling attacked and destroyed by the "church." But I also felt it was a bit unfair to attack everybody here. I always wished there was something I could do.

passinthru · 05-11-2009, 11:05 AM

Thanks guys.

Bill, I can pass along your feelings about it to him. I understand what you are saying. I also know that for him it's been an open wound for a long time and at this point in time he just needed to get stuff out and then do his best to let it go and be in the past.

Quote:

I always wished there was something I could do.

I wish that there was something that could be done that would have made it less of a sore spot for him. However, I'm also aware that the damage happened a lot of years ago now and it sorta got compiled with a whole lot of other things as well. Feeling abandoned is never a positive experience and having it happen over and over again in all different areas of your life tends to compound a lot of the hurt.

If you'd like to talk about it drop me a line and we can do so in a better setting.

passinthru · 05-12-2009, 05:36 PM

The beauty of not being able to work still is that I get to have a lot of time to think and process things. I grew up in the Christian church. Overall, that was not a positive experience. The following comes from some of the processing that I've been doing about my childhood experiences.

Lately I’ve been listening to a lot of the music I grew up hearing. It’s actually very theraputic. I laugh at some of it and sometimes it makes me cry too. It also makes me realise all over again just how far I’ve come. It also reminds me to not throw the baby out with the bathwater when it comes to my past experiences with Christianity. Sure a lot of the music sounds like current elevator music with seriously synthesized keyboard sounds and an excessive use of string sections. Yet it doesn’t discount the beauty of the lyrics and the melody line.

Some of these songs I couldn’t listen to for a lot of years, because all that I would remember and feel was the terror and panic associated with “family worship sessions”. Now I listen to it and find it soothing, familiar, and somehow calming. I really love when I”m able to reclaim things from the past. It’s hard for sure, but it also is healing.

I’ve been ranting a lot about sermons. I’m probably going to continue to rant away about them. I don’t understand the need for them, and frankly I never have. I’ve tried to appreciate them and see the value in them. I can see some of them as being valuable, but overall, I don’t see how they help to foster relationship with God. Maybe they do for some people, I don’t know. I know that for me they have had very little value.

Then again, there was a lot of stuff surrounding sermons that was quite unhealthy in the past. maybe that will be something I can reclaim for myself here and now. At the same time, I don’t think that I will ever change my opinion on their value for myself. I may learn to see the value that they have for others, but I don’t know that they will ever have the value for me that say worship does.

**redbaron** · 05-14-2009, 06:41 PM

I think that sermons only have a real value if we approach them with the right perspective, and if the teacher is doing the same.

I know that if I am somewhere and the pastor is really focused on finding the truth of the word and I'm focused on hearing it, I get a ton out of it, and a lot of times I'll feel convicted about things in my own life, which can be beneficial, if not necessarily the best feeling

The other thing is, I can't stand people who do thematic teaching and jump around the bible pulling verses to satisfy the point that they're trying to make. I'm much more in favor of the go through a book from start to finish, and cite the reference material that the book itself cites, and use the context to understand it better. If you're lucky enough to find a pastor that does that, you can learn a ton.

Also, glad to see you around again, and congratulations on the nuptials!

Adam+ · 05-15-2009, 10:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by passinthru

I can see some of them as being valuable, but overall, I don’t see how they help to foster relationship with God. Maybe they do for some people, I don’t know. I know that for me they have had very little value.

I think some people struggle with sermons because that's not how they connect with God. I think we all experience God differently - some experience Him through a sermon, some through the music, some through communion, some through being together in fellowship.

Welcome back by the way. I'm not around very much, but I remember you from the past.

finchfeeder · 05-17-2009, 03:58 AM

Woot! Your special day finally arrived! I am glad that you came back and told us. Guthrie's last post really bothered me.

Do you want to describe your wedding ceremony for us? What did you wear? Did you have flowers? How dashing Guthrie looked, did a minister tie the knot, was there a large or small crowd of witnesses?
.

passinthru · 05-22-2009, 10:35 AM

Redbaron, I too learn more from a let's go through the book approach, however I have personally found that approach to be better suited to a Bible Study or lecture setting, rather than a sermon.

Yes there are times when something in a sermon is convicting or enlightening, however I personally have found those times to be few and far between in my lifetime of listening to sermons.

Quote:

I think some people struggle with sermons because that's not how they connect with God. I think we all experience God differently - some experience Him through a sermon, some through the music, some through communion, some through being together in fellowship

Hey Adam+, I also remember you. I've lurked and posted in the odd place off and on over the years, but haven't really been posting. Good to see you around as well.

I agree that we all experience or connect with God differently. For me, learning all about a person or being does nothing to help me to experience relationship with that person or being.

Be back later to reply to more...

Wedding details in a nutshell - we got married in jeans and T-shirts in our pastor's office. Grabbed two witnesses from the office after double checking on Google that yes, WA State does now require two witnesses. *grin* NO pomp or ceremony whatsoever. it was perfect.

passinthru · 05-24-2009, 06:26 PM

As per my agreement with G I didn't shave my head before the wedding or the reception. Shaved it this morning. It feels so good and light. No more overheating cause my hair is too heavy. Of course Guthrie isn't too thrilled with it, he likes it better when there's enough hair for him to play with, but at least for now he's working on being alright with it shaved for the summer months.

Sure it doesn't look as pretty this way, but man alive it feels so much better. It beats having to get my hair thinned every 6 weeks too! I'll bet that I lost a couple of pounds worth of hair today.

Tonight is the last night of a sermon series on Heaven. I've skipped listening to most of the series because frankly it brings up issues from my past that I just don't have the inner fortitude to deal with right now. I grew up in a very end times focused atmosphere. I find that I end up just getting snarly when I listen to or read yet another version/interpretation of end times. My theory of it all is very simple, we aren't gonna know when the end of the world is. No matter what you believe, it's not going to be pretty. Technically it's been "end times" since the ascension and Jesus' last words to his followers said nothing about spending bucket loads of time on trying to figure out just what the actual end will look like.

Yes it's simplistic. I've spent a lot of time the past few years trying to strip away the years of adulthood from my faith and instead to focus on trusting and loving as a child does - without hesitation. It's changed my faith, and for me at least strengthened it. maybe one day I will care about theology again. Maybe one day I will delve back into trying to figure out the mysteries. For now, I am content to let my mind and heart rest in the love of a perfect Father for his sinful and willful daughter. For me, that is enough.

***BillSPrestonEsq*** · 05-24-2009, 06:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by passinthru

As per my agreement with G I didn't shave my head before the wedding or the reception. Shaved it this morning. It feels so good and light. No more overheating cause my hair is too heavy. Of course Guthrie isn't too thrilled with it, he likes it better when there's enough hair for him to play with, but at least for now he's working on being alright with it shaved for the summer months.

Sure it doesn't look as pretty this way, but man alive it feels so much better. It beats having to get my hair thinned every 6 weeks too! I'll bet that I lost a couple of pounds worth of hair today.

Tonight is the last night of a sermon series on Heaven. I've skipped listening to most of the series because frankly it brings up issues from my past that I just don't have the inner fortitude to deal with right now. I grew up in a very end times focused atmosphere. I find that I end up just getting snarly when I listen to or read yet another version/interpretation of end times. My theory of it all is very simple, we aren't gonna know when the end of the world is. No matter what you believe, it's not going to be pretty. Technically it's been "end times" since the ascension and Jesus' last words to his followers said nothing about spending bucket loads of time on trying to figure out just what the actual end will look like.

Yes it's simplistic. I've spent a lot of time the past few years trying to strip away the years of adulthood from my faith and instead to focus on trusting and loving as a child does - without hesitation. It's changed my faith, and for me at least strengthened it. maybe one day I will care about theology again. Maybe one day I will delve back into trying to figure out the mysteries. For now, I am content to let my mind and heart rest in the love of a perfect Father for his sinful and willful daughter. For me, that is enough.

My view on the end times is similar. We will know it when we see it. I don't think there will be a question about it, and if you have got a question about it, it probably wasn't that. Thus, I don't like people shoehorning things in.

finchfeeder · 05-27-2009, 06:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by passinthru

Wedding details in a nutshell - we got married in jeans and T-shirts in our pastor's office. Grabbed two witnesses from the office after double checking on Google that yes, WA State does now require two witnesses. *grin* NO pomp or ceremony whatsoever. it was perfect.

I like that, actually.

Quote:

Originally Posted by passinthru

As per my agreement with G I didn't shave my head before the wedding or the reception. Shaved it this morning. It feels so good and light. No more overheating cause my hair is too heavy. Of course Guthrie isn't too thrilled with it, he likes it better when there's enough hair for him to play with, but at least for now he's working on being alright with it shaved for the summer months.

Sure it doesn't look as pretty this way, but man alive it feels so much better. It beats having to get my hair thinned every 6 weeks too! I'll bet that I lost a couple of pounds worth of hair today.

Tonight is the last night of a sermon series on Heaven. I've skipped listening to most of the series because frankly it brings up issues from my past that I just don't have the inner fortitude to deal with right now. I grew up in a very end times focused atmosphere. I find that I end up just getting snarly when I listen to or read yet another version/interpretation of end times. My theory of it all is very simple, we aren't gonna know when the end of the world is. No matter what you believe, it's not going to be pretty. Technically it's been "end times" since the ascension and Jesus' last words to his followers said nothing about spending bucket loads of time on trying to figure out just what the actual end will look like.

Yes it's simplistic. I've spent a lot of time the past few years trying to strip away the years of adulthood from my faith and instead to focus on trusting and loving as a child does - without hesitation. It's changed my faith, and for me at least strengthened it. maybe one day I will care about theology again. Maybe one day I will delve back into trying to figure out the mysteries. For now, I am content to let my mind and heart rest in the love of a perfect Father for his sinful and willful daughter. For me, that is enough.

I enjoy the feeling of the lighter hair after the cut. I console myself that if the cut ever gets too bad, I can always don a scarf and lots of other people go with the totally shaved look.

One minister once said that it is arrogant of anyone to think that they know when the end times will be because Jesus, Himself, said that even He did not know. Who among us can possibly know more than Jesus? Since that sermon, I don't give end times preaching a whole lot of my concern. I keep my eye on things, and wonder sometimes, but in the end, no matter how my time on earth ends, I am in the hands of the Lord and I have to trust Him about it. Everything is riding on Him. I think that He is trustworthy. I think that is one of the things the word faith means. I use what I call: Miss ff theology. When it's all boiled down, it seems to me that is what everyone does. They use their own theology. They believe what they personally believe.

I hope that I have not said too much. I hope that I have not caused too much of a stir in your journal.
.

passinthru · 06-01-2009, 03:17 PM

You haven't caused a stir.

I went to the Women of Faith conference this past Saturday. I'd never been, but my step-mother-in-law invited me to go with her and I wanted to get to know her a little better. I'm glad I went. yes it was physically taxing. It was worthwhile to me though to have gone. If for no other reason than the power of a stadium full of women worshiping together. I spend a lot of time by myself these days. It's not a bad thing, but it can be a lonely thing. It took my breath away to be in that stadium. I have only begun to see the tip of the iceberg of what it meant to me. I've been reminded of the Godly women who have made such an impact on my life...and reminded of how much I still need those kinds of relationships.

Back in November, I was only planning to come to visit. I was supposed to fly back in February. I though I would have had more time with some of my mentors. Yes, we stay in touch with phone calls and emails and FB. It's not the same though. I'm not sure that I was ready to completely leave the nest so to speak. But here I am. I will say this, when you don't work, and can't drive it gets hard to meet people. Guthrie and i are looking into joining a small group at the church so that we both can start to connect with others.

I'm looking forward to the weekend. We're headed to the other side of the state to hang out with some friends of ours. One is flying in from Chicago, one from Canada, one already lives there and then we've driving over. We've never all been in the same place at the same time. Crazy fun is on the menu.

**redbaron** · 06-09-2009, 03:15 PM

Katie, when you're in western washington you need to give us some warning so we can all meet up!

Also, it's been too long, if you're ever on google talk anymore drop me a note

Small groups are a great idea. Nothing like the church community to build friendships and make a place feel like home.