[passinthru]

LOL - next time we're over there and we've got time, we'll let people know in advance so that we can make plans to hook up for coffee or something.

Guthrie and I have been talking about joining a small group for a couple of months now. I just wasn't ready to go there again quite yet. I was missing my house church and just wasn't done with the grieving of that quite yet. I think though that we're both now at a place where we can hook up with one. I''m actually starting to look forward to it. We're thinking next week to give it a go. I'm too exhausted and dizzy this week.

I had an amazing time on the other side of WA this past weekend. Good food, good booze, good company - lots of laughing and some tears too. We packed a lot of fun and spending time together into a couple of days. Once everyone recovers, we'll start planning the next get together. *grin*

[passinthru]

I guess that it's now yesterday. *smile* I survived. I even did better than surviving. I did not call my Father. I did mail him a card. G and I went out to dinner with his dad, the new wife, her daughter, and G's sis. It was a little awkward...mainly for G though. The only difficult part for me in it was what day it was.

Got to see the first two episodes of Merlin tonight...new show on NBC. I liked it. Wasn't sure what I was going to think, mainly because I have spent a lot of time reading Arthurian legends over the years. Hopefully it will get decent enough ratings to come back for another season. Far too many shows that I've fallen in love with have been canceled after one or two seasons.

The weather has been doing crazy things over here...which in turn causes a lot of days in bed for me. I found myself feeling very impatient and somewhat useless this week. It's been awhile since I've felt that way over this illness. I skipped out on church today. I will probably download the video of the service and watch it though. I need to see for myself how F-day is handled so that I know in the future if it will be too difficult for me to be able to attend on that day. One of these years, the day will come and go without me feeling guilt and grief. I'm looking forward to that day.

[passinthru]

Found out tonight that G's Grandpa is going in for heart surgery on Wednesday. We're both worried. They are going to start with putting in a couple of shunts, however if that doesn't seem to be enough, then they will also do a valve replacement. This is the first Grandfather that I remember as one died long before I was born, the other passed when I was a toddler. Selfishly, I want him here for a good number of years yet. I want more time and yet I'm so grateful for the time I have had with him thus far. This will be at least his third heart surgery, it may even be number 4 or 5...to be honest I've lost count. It's been a while since the last one though.

Other than that, I'm doing alright. I'm recovering faster than I normally would from F-Day. Finishing up writing thank you cards from the wedding celebration we had in May.

I'm hoping that towards the end of this week my joints will allow me to start to play music again. It's been a good couple of weeks since I was last able to, but the constant weather changes are coming to a close. should start to be just hot and dry for the rest of the summer. I'm looking forward to that. Crank up the A/C and stay indoors weather yeah, but I won't have to be watching what I push myself to do physically nearly as much.

[SccHarpGirl]

Hi Katie!

next time you're over here on the other side of WA give me a ring or a message or something! Glad to hear you had fun though!

I'm sorry about Guthrie's grandfather...mine had heart surgery a little while ago and I didn't think it would affect me that much, but I was seriously scared. Fortunately he pulled out OK. I will pray for him, hope all goes well!

One of my friends from school has been bugging me about watching Merlin - she loves it! So i may have to check it out sometime.

Say hi to Guthrie for me!
noelle

[passinthru]

I will do that next time we're on your side of the state.

Grandpa made it through surgery just fine...now he has to take it easy for a week, no working allowed. I think that is the hardest part for him with all of this is having to slow down and not do as much as he used to.

[passinthru]

Yesterday and today have been difficult emotionally. One of these years, I won't feel so conflicted and upset about my parents birthdays. It seems like so many different things end up clustered together for me. Even though I knew it was coming and would be difficult, I still feel broadsided by it. There's quite the mix of guilt, love, shame, and pain. I've come a long way from when I started this journey of healing, but these past couple of days have felt oh so similar to the beginning days when it was mass confusion and overwhelming emotions. Tonight I wish that I could just be over the past. I don't want to be strong, or hopeful, or optomistic. I don't want to look back and see how far I've come, only to turn around to see how far I have yet to go. I just want to be healed.

Tomorrow will be a better day. For tonight, I find myself crying out asking once more, why me God?

[redbaron]

Long time no update, how are things going Katie?

[passinthru]

Wow it has been awhile. *grin* I didn't think that I'd let this lapse this long. Whoops.

Let's see - it was a crazy summer. July had some interesting family drama with G's extended family. Lots of health stuff with is grandparents - more than one heart scare. August, my parents came to visit for a weekend. They brought my two youngest sibs and I really liked being able to spend some time with the kids and to see Mom. It was pretty drama free, which was a blessing and a miracle. Of course the kids aren't kids anymore - one's off to university and the other has just started high school.

After that G and I both ended up wicked sick for close to two and a half weeks. Might have been H1N1, but we didn't go see a doctor about it..and then G got strep - that required a doctor's visit. It threw me for a loop because even with insurance, we still had medical bills. That's going to take a whole lot of getting used to. The more time I spend here in the US, the more I realized just how spoiled I was with universal health care.

We're still looking for a small group that works for both of us. I'm having a hard time starting over with that. I loved my house church back in Canada. Sure, I was the only person under the age of 40 in the group - and I didn't care. There was so much wisdom that was there and honesty too. Looking back, it was the perfect setting for me to put to rest my fears about marriage and to see modeled healthy marriages with human people. I'm still in touch with peeps from there -well , the ones who are tech-savvy anyways. Starting over from that is bittersweet. We'll see what happens from here with small groups. There is one that we're both interested in, just haven't had a chance to go yet as it meets mid-week in the evening. But it's a young married group so there's a chance of making some connections and new friendships with people at a similar life stage.

Our pastor is on sabbatical. It's a bit open-ended as to when he'll be back and I do miss him. However, I'm thrilled that he's getting time away to rest and spend time with his young family. I'm grateful to be at a church that recognizing the importance and benefit of selah.

Um, been doing a lot of reading about domestic violence, verbal abuse and healing from those kinds of family dynamics. It is kinda heavy reading, and very emotional reading too for that matter. It seems valuable, important though that I understand myself and keep the cycle from repeating itself in our family.

In the middle of ups and downs I am content. And I rather like that I am.