[Rainer.]

Just be her friend.

Should you date her right now? As far as that question is concerned, there are way too many other circumstances and variables to be considered, that we here couldn't even begin to answer that particular question.

My personal vote is that you shouldn't date her yet, at least not at your age. This isn't because I'm old-fashioned particularly, but more because I think for now it would be more trouble than it is worth. First off, you're probably not thinking straight. Secondly, you're still a kid by far. And lastly, it's definitely a good idea to build a friendship first.

IMO.

[Art]

Jon's answer FTW.

[LesPaulPlayer]

Originally Posted by Rainer.

Just be her friend.

Should you date her right now? As far as that question is concerned, there are way too many other


circumstances and variables to be considered, that we here couldn't even begin to answer that particular question.

My personal vote is that you shouldn't date her yet, at least not at your age. This isn't because I'm old-fashioned particularly, but more because I think for now it would be more trouble than it is worth. First off, you're probably not thinking straight. Secondly, you're still a kid by far. And lastly, it's definitely a good idea to build a friendship first.

IMO.

Thanks!!!

EDIT: what kind of variables/circumstances? do you have an example?

[Rainer.]

Originally Posted by LesPaulPlayer

EDIT: what kind of variables/circumstances? do you have an example?

What things should you consider before dating someone? A lot.

What does God have to say about this? (answer = prayer + reading the word)
Are you mature enough?
Is she mature enough?
What do your parents think?
What do her parents think?
Where are you with God?
What are your long term goals?
What are you going to do in the short term?
What problems might come up in a month? Two months? Six?
How are you going to deal with temptation?
What are your physical boundaries?
How much time do you have to devote to a relationship?
Is this relationship going to be a help or a hindrance to you? How?
Are you prepared to support her, and make yourself available?
Are you getting into a relationship just to be in one?
Are there circumstances (school, work, moving, etc.) that may come up?
Are you prepared in the case that the relationship fails?

And that's just a short list.

Overall, do you know what you're getting into? Of course, the answer is always going to be no. You won't really know what you're getting into with relationships until you finally find yourself in one, but in fairness to her, you should at least try to prepare yourself.

[LesPaulPlayer]

Rainer.....Thanks.

[LesPaulPlayer]

Double post!

[BillSPrestonEsq]

Originally Posted by LesPaulPlayer

Double post!

well, I've been praying the last couple days about this, I really feel this is not in the timing of the Lord yet, Right now it's just not right, I still like her very much, "friends" is what we are right now though and that is what we will stay for the forseeable future. there is to much going on with her and I right now I believe and I think we are both still young (obviously) we both have time and if God puts us together in the long run hey awesome! if not God has the right one set apart for me!


I'm really trying to be mature and do the right thing here, think this is what I am supposed to do for now, I feel it in my spirit. give it time, give it time. Man, the Lord is my rock! I feel a burden has been lifted off of me, the feelings are still there but it's not such a burden anymore.

THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH FOR ALL THE HELP, your guys (and gals) are some of the best bunch of people I have ever came across.




if you guys still want to pitch in I'm open to anything but for now this is my disicion. if you have any really good ideas about advancing our friendship and what not I guess you can pitch in.

Well, I am going to pitch in my two cents.

I think you are making the right decision, but it could get kind of tricky for you. Here are some thoughts.

1) You want to be a friend. If you honestly see this girl as someone you could see yourself having a long term relationship with (defining term here, I use relationship here to refer to any form of relationship, from platonic to romance) you want to do so in a friendly manner which means to be careful not to keep too far a distance. Be careful to remain the same as before, though pursuing a platonic friendship with someone whose company you enjoy is not bad.
2) At the same time you have decided not to date, so to make sure you stick to the plan, I might suggest coming up with friendly topics and thoughts in advance, because crushes tend to surface/resurface at the very most awkward of moments. A plan to deal with said awkward moment in advance might help keep things quiet since it sounds like you probably do not want her to find out about a crush if you are not taking any action on it.
3) Remember not to make the decision permanent in your head. I have watched people make this mistake time and time again. Its hard to leave the unknown as the unknown for some people. Too many times, the easy way to get over a crush is to come up with all the reasons valid or invalid, that a relationship would never work. Usually this is just a bit of self preservation to rationalize not acting on the crush. However, life circumstances change. Try to leave in your mind an open window to the future and not poison the thoughts to deal with the crush. In, say 3 years, you might revisit this.

I also want to point this out, the right relationship, at the wrong time, can fail rather spectacularly. I think you are wise to wait till you are ready.

[LesPaulPlayer]

Originally Posted by Billgamesh

Well, I am going to pitch in my two cents.

I think you are making the right decision, but it could get kind of tricky for you. Here are some thoughts.

1) You want to be a friend. If you honestly see this girl as someone you could see yourself having a long term relationship with (defining term here, I use relationship here to refer to any form of relationship, from platonic to romance) you want to do so in a friendly manner which means to be careful not to keep too far a distance. Be careful to remain the same as before, though pursuing a platonic friendship with someone whose company you enjoy is not bad.
2) At the same time you have decided not to date, so to make sure you stick to the plan, I might suggest coming up with friendly topics and thoughts in advance, because crushes tend to surface/resurface at the very most awkward of moments. A plan to deal with said awkward moment in advance might help keep things quiet since it sounds like you probably do not want her to find out about a crush if you are not taking any action on it.
3) Remember not to make the decision permanent in your head. I have watched people make this mistake time and time again. Its hard to leave the unknown as the unknown for some people. Too many times, the easy way to get over a crush is to come up with all the reasons valid or invalid, that a relationship would never work. Usually this is just a bit of self preservation to rationalize not acting on the crush. However, life circumstances change. Try to leave in your mind an open window to the future and not poison the thoughts to deal with the crush. In, say 3 years, you might revisit this.

I also want to point this out, the right relationship, at the wrong time, can fail rather spectacularly. I think you are wise to wait till you are ready.

1. probably a good idea.

2. for now no I don't want her or anyone finding out, I"m not going to possibly make a good relationship as friends really akward and bad because of a crush.

3. Yes I know exactly what you are saying and completley agree

4. I am very honored and grateful that you think I am making the right decision sir, thank you.

[k-lub242]

Another thing I've realized through my experiences and observations is that being good friends first for a long time helps so much. Pretty much the longer you're friends, the better things will be. If after half a year or a year you still think you like the girl and she might be right for you... then start considering it. I flat out refuse to consider a relationship with someone I haven't been friends with for half a year or more.

After a while you'll know her a lot more and understand your emotions a lot better. It will also be so much easier to think clearly. In my opinion it's a lot better to be extra sure than not sure enough. Having lots of doubts and second guessing yourself and God about a relationship isn't really the best situation to be in. It has this awful habit of making things messy.

So... you're making a good choice. I wouldn't totally rule out the girl in your mind for in the future... but just push it to the back of your head, don't let it distract you or influence you much. That's sort of the way it works between my best friend and I. She's pretty much the most amazing girl ever, but I'm not going to rush into anything. If in the future a relationship is what God wants, then God will make a way for it to work. Simple as that. Waiting and trust go hand in hand I've learned.

[LesPaulPlayer]

Originally Posted by k-lub242

Another thing I've realized through my experiences and observations is that being good friends first for a long time helps so much. Pretty much the longer you're friends, the better things will be. If after half a year or a year you still think you like the girl and she might be right for you... then start considering it. I flat out refuse to consider a relationship with someone I haven't been friends with for half a year or more.

After a while you'll know her a lot more and understand your emotions a lot better. It will also be so much easier to think clearly. In my opinion it's a lot better to be extra sure than not sure enough. Having lots of doubts and second guessing yourself and God about a relationship isn't really the best situation to be in. It has this awful habit of making things messy.

So... you're making a good choice. I wouldn't totally rule out the girl in your mind for in the future... but just push it to the back of your head, don't let it distract you or influence you much. That's sort of the way it works between my best friend and I. She's pretty much the most amazing girl ever, but I'm not going to rush into anything. If in the future a relationship is what God wants, then God will make a way for it to work. Simple as that. Waiting and trust go hand in hand I've learned.

I've known her for 2 or 3 years now.


thats why I'm waiting it out, I"ll give it a year or two.


Thanks

[k-lub242]

So, have you liked her a lot for a long time, or just recently? I've learned that I always have the hardest time thinking straight and making right decisions when I'm sort of new to liking someone, if you know what I mean.

[LesPaulPlayer]

\

[LesPaulPlayer]

agh