[tmlfan123]

Originally Posted by 6strings21frets

Life sounds so similar to Photograph - Nickelback that it's not funny. I'm sorry...

Agreed - however Skillet and Theory of a Deadman have made a living imitating Nickelback so it may not be a bad thing.

"One of a Kind" is by far the best one you've posted so far. This is why we say "keep writing" to everyone - because you will always get better by writing more stuff.

[6strings21frets]

Kentl, I don't mean to crush you, but I think there's a problem with it. To myself and the other mods, it's obvious the inspiration is Photograph - Nickelback, and there's a large amount of lyrics I've found that are almost exactly the same. See the highlighted lyrics.

Originally Posted by Kentl

Life

Verse 1
Looking back
It all makes me laugh
How did I get so much slack?
and what is sad is it is not even half

verse 2
This is where I grew up
I went around saying sup
I never saw them jump
I tried to hide the bumps

Verse 3
And this is where I went to school
I thought I was just to cool
Permanent recorded says superseded twice
But should’ve been a hundred times

Verse four
I fear at this rate
It will be way too late
But thanks to fate
I was saved form my hate


Chorus
Every thing I ever known
Gone way to soon
Its hard to face it
But that’s life
That’s life x2

Verse 5
Remember the old days
When we had our ways
With the sun rays
And the sandy bays
Verse 6
We use to play along
To our favorite song
We said we be friends all along
And we all felt like we belong
Verse 7
Linda was the first girl I kissed
Before that I had always wished
That it was better then this
I haven’t seen her since the 6thed

Chorus

Bridge
i miss my friends
I miss the faces
Miss the places
I miss the plans

If I could relive those days
I would go so many another ways

[Napoleon17]

Yeah, I agree. Even some of the lyrics that are different rhyme with the original lyrics and have the same amount of syllables in them.

[6strings21frets]

Hmm, spoke to Art in the Mods Forum and he says it's legal. I'll take his side here, but Kentl, you need to be careful with the lyrics you use.

[Kentl]

Originally Posted by 6strings21frets

Life sounds so similar to Photograph - Nickelback that it's not funny. I'm sorry...

Originally Posted by 6strings21frets

Hmm, spoke to Art in the Mods Forum and he says it's legal. I'll take his side here, but Kentl, you need to be careful with the lyrics you use.

mabey becuse i play nickleback (i been playing drak horse a lot) so much i will just change it around
i had no idea

[tenwatt]

Originally Posted by Kentl

Linda was the first girl I kissed

A LOT of those lines are pretty generic and could have easily been "mistakenly" copied but that line (quoted above) is pretty specific. When you put all the pieces of together it's obvious that Nickelback wrote the foundation for what you are calling your song.

[tmlfan123]

Don't worry about it Kentl. It's really not that big of a deal, and I'm not sure why all these other posts were necessary after you were warned of how similar the two songs were.

[Kentl]

I changed it now i dont like the idea of one of my songs being so close to another one

[Kentl]

okay i might change this later becuse i spent most of today changing life so
i guess it threw me off my game


“May I have this dance?”



Verse 1
I wish I would not be afraid of my friend
I want to be something more with her
This is my dream girl
I wish I had a speech to say to her
Or a song that would make her heart work
And make her fall for the guy
Every time he walks by
He fall even some more for that girl
And he just wants to say to her
Five words he wished worked
As he grabbed her hand
And take a breath and says
Something he preys works






Chorus
Here comes the big question

May
I
Have
This
Dance?
My friend
May
I
Have this dance???!?!?

I wish you where say lets dance
And give me a chance
Princess May I Have This Dance?
May I Have this dance

(this is more of a pre verse)
There goes my chance





Verse 2
I don’t know about any others
That think she’s cute except my brother
But I know every girl falls for my brother
And god knows my love for her
will keep me fighting just for that girl
So I say please don’t try to take her
He says it won’t work
That I won’t have her
You know things got so much worse
As he tries to get her I know I need to ask her
To be my girl but I am so scared that it wont work







Chorus
Here comes the big question

May
I
Have
This
Dance?
My friend
May
I
Have this dance

I wish you where say lets dance
And give me a chance
Princess May I Have This Dance?
May
I
Have this dance
My friend May i?

I wish you gave me a chance
May I have this dance?

(this is more of a pre verse)
There goes her Patience




Verse 3
I hate what he’s doing
And my thoughts start moving
The music is going slower
so I move closer towards her
I wish I could just fight off my bro
Who fell for her
Hey bro I got something to say to her
I take her aside and look in her eyes
I almost died by her looks
I say hey girl I got something to say to you
You now I am you friend but I want to be something more




Ending
Here comes the big question
May
I
Have
This
Dance?
My friend
May
I have!!!!!
This dance?
I wish you would say lets dance
Please princess just one chance
May
I
Have
This dance?
My Princess?

I wish you gave me a chance
May I have this dance?



(

[6strings21frets]

I quickly read over this song and saw quite a few lines I could relate to so I thought I'd give this critique a go.

Originally Posted by Kentl

Verse 1
I wish I would not be afraid of my friend
I want to be something more with her
This is my dream girl
I wish I had a speech to say to her
Or a song that would make her heart work
And make her fall for the guy
Every time he walks by
He fall even some more for that girl
And he just wants to say to her
Five words he wished worked
As he grabbed her hand
And take a breath and says
Something he preys works

Okay, just one line I'm not liking very much:
"I wish I had a speech to say to her". To be honest, it doesn't really seem to work with me. Instead of "a speech", how about "something"? It has a bit more normality and it has the same amount of syllables so it still fits.

Originally Posted by Kentl

Chorus
Here comes the big question

May
I
Have
This
Dance?
My friend
May
I
Have this dance???!?!?

I wish you where say lets dance
And give me a chance
Princess May I Have This Dance?
May I Have this dance

(this is more of a pre verse)
There goes my chance

The way you've set it out and combined with the rhythm/tune I'm catching, it feels like a pop/punk rock kind of song. Seems to work with me. Not sure if it's what you intended, but I like it anyway. Nice job.

Originally Posted by Kentl

Verse 2
I don’t know about any others
That think she’s cute except my brother
But I know every girl falls for my brother
And god knows my love for her
will keep me fighting just for that girl
So I say please don’t try to take her
He says it won’t work
That I won’t have her
You know things got so much worse
As he tries to get her I know I need to ask her
To be my girl but I am so scared that it wont work

Okay, what I'm guessing with the line "So I say please don't take her" is that you've gone up to the guy and you're pretty much asking for a fight for the girl. Think about it. Why would you go up to someone and tell them not to take them just you can have them? Might need to change this.

Originally Posted by Kentl

Verse 3
I hate what he’s doing
And my thoughts start moving
The music is going slower
so I move closer towards her
I wish I could just fight off my bro
Who fell for her
Hey bro I got something to say to her
I take her aside and look in her eyes
I almost died by her looks
I say hey girl I got something to say to you
You now I am you friend but I want to be something more

"I almost died by her looks"...hmm...you're saying she's really pretty or whatever, but her looks almost killed you?

I like the idea of the song, but I think some of the odd lyrics are letting it down. Give this one a bit more work and I think it could be even better.

[Kentl]

Well I had thought of suicide
They say what dose not kill you makes you stronger
Well it did I decide to start my Christian songs aging here is the first


Going back


Verse 1
Living in this deep doubt
Of what I always thought
Was right for my life
Or what I might try to hide
Realizing that I can’t lie
About This light inside
That was made to light my way
Home one grand day

Chorus
Oh going back to what he says
Where it is all about the one
Oh going back to the days
When I said I believe in the son
Oh going back to the ways
When I tried to help everyone




Verse 2
Well I just pick it all up
And just let it all drop
I think of all those lies of mine
All just another broken sign
I scream out all the problems of mine
One at a time like a million of crimes
I cry every time I try to hold it for another time



Chorus
Oh going back to what he says
Where it is all about the one
Oh going back to the days
When I said I believe in the son
Oh going back to the ways
When I tried to help everyone





Bridge
Oh going back to the lord
Going to share every scar
from evrey time i fall
And spread his word
Going to teach kids the lord’s laws
And show them my every scar
from evrey time i fall

Oh going back to the lord
Going to give the bread
And speak the words that jesses said
Teach how to bow there little heads
And lay them in their beds


Chorus

Oh going back to what he says
Where it is all about the one
Oh going back to the days
When I said I believe in the son
Oh going back to the ways
When I tried to help everyone





Verse 3
Wanting to help those girls
Who are lost in the world
Wanting to be there
When I hear them say the lord prey
I am tired of flirting with her
I just want to help the girl
but it is like she used a sword
It all is about his word


Chorus
Oh going back to what he says
Where it is all about the one
Oh going back to the days
When I said I believe in the son
Oh going back to the ways
When I tried to help everyone

[6strings21frets]

Originally Posted by Kentl

Well I had thought of suicide
They say what dose not kill you makes you stronger
Well it did I decide to start my Christian songs aging here is the first

You WHAT!? To anyone who reads this, are you thinking what I just thought?
That's true on most occasions, yes, so we'll see how this song goes.

Originally Posted by Kentl

Going back

Verse 1
Living in this deep doubt
Of what I always thought
Was right for my life
Or what I might try to hide
Realizing that I can’t lie
About This light inside
That was made to light my way
Home one grand day

I'm digging the lyrics so far. They sound great.

Originally Posted by Kentl

Chorus
Oh going back to what he says
Where it is all about the one
Oh going back to the days
When I said I believe in the son
Oh going back to the ways
When I tried to help everyone

It sounds good up until the last line. You've focused on glorifying God through the whole chorus nd then out of nowhere you've gone on a different tangent and it sounds forced. I like the idea though. Try focusing on people in a seperate chorus, like an outro chorus.

Originally Posted by Kentl

Verse 2
Well I just pick it all up
And just let it all drop
I think of all those lies of mine
All just another broken sign
I scream out all the problems of mine
One at a time like a million of crimes
I cry every time I try to hold it for another time

The last line seems to have pulled away from the whole rhyming thing. In the first verse and the first six lines of this verse, you have rhymes together, then the last one doesn't. It doesn't really matter, but you've set the bar with the verses and you seem to have broken it.

Nevertheless, the lyrics are still good.

Originally Posted by Kentl

Bridge
Oh going back to the lord
Going to share every scar
From evrey time I fall
And spread his word
Going to teach kids the lord’s laws
And show them my every scar
From every time I fall

The rhythm doesn't fit with me. Help me out here.

Originally Posted by Kentl

Oh going back to the lord
Going to give the bread
And speak the words that jesses said
Teach how to bow there little heads
And lay them in their beds

Did you mean "Jesus"?
"Lay them in their beds" seems forced too. See what else you could come up with.

Originally Posted by Kentl

Verse 3
Wanting to help those girls
Who are lost in the world
Wanting to be there
When I hear them say the Lord pray
I am tired of flirting with her
I just want to help the girl
But it is like she used a sword
It all is about his word

"Those girls"? Not boys? Just girls?
I don't really see much meaning for this verse. I don't think it has much to do with the whole repenting/reconciliation theme of the song...

Hope this helps.

[Kentl]

i have no idea what to call this, oh well not like i am the first no to think of a name
this song is not a love song but in a way it is, if you read it all, then lets see if you can get what i'm trying to say .

Verse 1
There we stood empty handed
Like we where lost in the lies
It was like we where stranded
Like most in satins evil eyes…… evil eyes


And knowing what we did
Acting like no one will mind
Our love seemed some times
Like it was only mine
And at we only felt the same for another
At deferent times then each other





Chorus
All the times we’ve tried to find love
It all seemed alright in till you had enough
you had enough of this lie!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All the times we’ve tried to find love
It all seemed alright in till you had enough
you had enough this last time

Verse 2
Stay right here with me
As I try hard to be
A better man
Break away Form everything
That this darkness can bring
As I ran…I.ran



All the times I’ve lied
About what I’ve have to hide
All the times I’ve tried
To make sure your eyes are still blind
I must have been mad
Its so sad

Chorus
All the times we’ve tried to find love
It all seemed alright in till you had enough
you had enough of this lie!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All the times we’ve tried to find love
It all seemed alright in till you had enough
you had enough this last time


Bridge
All the times I’ve gone
And walked alone
And all the love I never shown
Fade in time
As my lies grow
My eyes know pain
And I grow insane






Ending (screaming here)
There we where for the last time
Trying to hid our lies
Trying to forget the past
And form the darkness a lights shines
It was Christ telling us to be better kin

[Kentl]

this song was for a freind



Somebody
Verse 1
Tina this life
Has times when you feel like
No one Is there and life is full of strive
And the pain is like a knife
But know in this life you are not alone





Chorus
Cause you have somebody who cares
And some one who will always be there
Even when you don’t know where
Know I am here
I’ll be there
When you feel so alone
And I return the kindness I’ve been shown


Verse 2
That time you said the one word
Those change my world
for ever more
and I need to know somebody was there
you where there
and helped me with what I could not bear
so imp here saying that I do care

Chorus
Cause you have somebody who cares
And some one who will always be there
Even when you don’t know where
Know I am here
I’ll be there
When you feel so alone
And I return the kindness I’ve been shown



Bridge
Don’t give up
Im here to help
Im here for you

Chorus


Cause you have somebody who cares
And some one who will always be there
Even when you don’t know where
Know I am here
I’ll be there
When you feel so alone
And I return the kindness I’ve been shown



if any one wants to know her and me cried together becuse of this

[Kentl]

I.L.Y

Verse 1
A text form his girl friend
Saying this is the end
Because of something he just can’t mend
But he believes that she will finely will see

Bridge
I is for he
L is for what he don’t believe
Y is for who he will see and anyone in between

Chorus
I LY is all a lie
Because it changes every time
It changes when he see’s her
Then when he see’s another girl
I don’t know if we even know what it means
It is just a line that every one knows what it brings

Verse 2
Walking down the street
A guy who sweeps her off her feet
And it becomes just another cheat
It becomes rinse and repeat

Bridge 2
I is for she
L is for what she don’t see
Y is for someone she can’t believe


Chorus

I LY is all a lie
Because it changes every time
It changes when she sees him
Then a sudden whim it’s another him
I don’t know if we even know what it means
It is just a line that every one knows what it brings



Verse 3
now I even done it a few times
I wont try to hide all of my lies
I saw one girl and thought of her
There before another comes in to my mind


I is for me
L is for what I can’t be
Y is for someone I don’t mean



Chorus
I LY is all a lie
Because it changes every time
It changes when I believe it is she
Then another begins to be for me
I don’t know if we even know what it means
It is just a line that every one knows what it brings


Ending

I is for he she and me.
L is for what I can’t be and what she don’t see or
What he don’t believe
Y is for someone she can’t believe or for who he will see and anyone in between and
For someone I don’t mean