[Adam]

You've made a huge decision and I congratulate you for that. Reforming one's life verges on the impossible (maybe because it appears that way for me?). One day I too hope to rediscover Christianity.

Originally Posted by Zooropa

Adam: In a lot of ways you feel like one of my best friends even though we've never actually met. Hopefully that can be remedied soon.

I really appreciate that man, and that feeling is mutual. I hope that after my personal circumstances are conquered (as I disclosed to you in private) we can meet in person.

[Leboman]

Originally Posted by Zooropa

After 7 years of apostasy, how does one return to being a Christian? Do you just try to pick up where you left off? Or do you try to completely start over like you're brand new? Do you just randomly start reading The Bible and try to reignite that personal relationship as best you can? I've pretty much made up my mind on what needs to be done. I thought it would take longer to decide, but the feelings to take action are just too strong to ignore. I know it's the right thing to do, what I'm supposed to do. I guess you can now officially say I've made that re-commitment.

Thanks to all of you guys that are so supportive. I'd like to formally apologize for anything I might have said over the past few years that offended your faith. It's been a long, confusing, and painful journey, but I feel like I'm back home.

I think the answer is different for everyone. For starters...I would suggest taking your time. God is all-knowing and He is patient. I am obviously answering from the "Christian" viewpoint but I am speaking from my heart. God sees us and knows us just as we are. He works in us even when we don't know what to do.

I have struggled with the faith thing my entire life. I will be 39 this year and I have openly claimed to be a Christian since I was 11 years old. I spent the majority of that time doing and saying things that went against the faith I claimed to have. I have graduated from Bible college, I have been ordained as a minister in my own denomination and I have served in full-time ministry...and I still don't get it sometimes. I have a really hard time connecting with the Christ I see in Scripture. I have a hard time divorcing that Christ...the true Christ...from the cultural creation that I see paraded around in so many churches here in America.

I have spent most of my life wondering if I truly know who Jesus is. Did I place my faith in the Jesus of the Bible or in a fictional creation that I was taught in Sunday School. I have seen what I believe were well-intentioned people totally trample the Gospel of Christ...in His name. I have probably done it myself. I struggle with the knowledge that grace still covers me when I doubt and fear. I am at a point in my life now where I am standing at a crossroad and I have to decide what I'm going to do. I really believed that God was leading me into full-time ministry and I spent the last four years doing what I thought I should be doing to get there. And I didn't spend enough time working on that personal part of my faith that I have been neglecting my entire life.

I know our situations are different but I believe the answer for both of us is similar. I have to trust that God will never leave me...even when I'm kicking and screaming against Him. He has been there through all of the **** I've experienced...even when I chose not to see Him. I believe He has done the same thing for you and that you are hearing His voice. Be still and let Him speak.

Man...I will pray for you.

[Leboman]

Originally Posted by Zooropa

Actually, you know what, I feel like thanking people individually. So I will.

Lee: When a lot of people wouldn't listen to what I was saying, you gave it a fair chance. You're as open-minded as they come. You're a good guy.

You know...the older I get the more I long for the truth. I've come to realize that it won't be found here on Earth...not in the channels most people are searching.

I confess that I am cynical and jaded...especially when it comes to the kingdom of the world. I truly believe that there are diabolical forces at work behind the governments of this planet...but I take solace in knowing that my God is still sovereign and in control...even when it seems like things are spinning out of control.

I still enjoy a good conspiracy but I have to back away a little bit. You know that they can consume you if you let them...I sure do.

I did enjoy our conversations on the subject and I enjoyed the links you shared. It's nice to know that there are others out there with some of the same questions. It makes me feel a little more normal.

[Zooropa]

Originally Posted by Adam

You've made a huge decision and I congratulate you for that. Reforming one's life verges on the impossible (maybe because it appears that way for me?). One day I too hope to rediscover Christianity.

If it's possible for me it's possible for anyone. I didn't think there was any chance whatsoever I could be a Christian again. I looked at how Christianity (and religion in general) had been used to manipulate mankind throughout history and told myself I never wanted any part of it ever again. But you can see circumstances play out in your personal life that when you contrast them to other things that seem to be lacking in your personal character can only mean one thing. It's a very personal thing to have happen to you, and you're the only one who can fully understand it when it happens.

I couldn't logically explain to anyone how I came to this conclusion I did, much less defend myself in a debate. I don't care if anyone calls me weak or says I'm relying on a crutch because I'm lost and vulnerable. Those words would mean nothing to me. All I know is this is what I need and that's all that matters to me. I've felt so much better since I came to this decision. You want to be in control of your life and know that such and such will turn out this way and that your life will turn out exactly as you want with who you want. But every time I've tried to control those things for myself I've ended up miserable. If you can swallow your pride and just LET GO by putting those aspects of your life in God's hands, it's much more comforting. The hardest part is just letting go.

Originally Posted by Mr. Role Modlin

I think the answer is different for everyone. For starters...I would suggest taking your time. God is all-knowing and He is patient. I am obviously answering from the "Christian" viewpoint but I am speaking from my heart. God sees us and knows us just as we are. He works in us even when we don't know what to do.

I have struggled with the faith thing my entire life. I will be 39 this year and I have openly claimed to be a Christian since I was 11 years old. I spent the majority of that time doing and saying things that went against the faith I claimed to have. I have graduated from Bible college, I have been ordained as a minister in my own denomination and I have served in full-time ministry...and I still don't get it sometimes. I have a really hard time connecting with the Christ I see in Scripture. I have a hard time divorcing that Christ...the true Christ...from the cultural creation that I see paraded around in so many churches here in America.

I have spent most of my life wondering if I truly know who Jesus is. Did I place my faith in the Jesus of the Bible or in a fictional creation that I was taught in Sunday School. I have seen what I believe were well-intentioned people totally trample the Gospel of Christ...in His name. I have probably done it myself. I struggle with the knowledge that grace still covers me when I doubt and fear. I am at a point in my life now where I am standing at a crossroad and I have to decide what I'm going to do. I really believed that God was leading me into full-time ministry and I spent the last four years doing what I thought I should be doing to get there. And I didn't spend enough time working on that personal part of my faith that I have been neglecting my entire life.

I know our situations are different but I believe the answer for both of us is similar. I have to trust that God will never leave me...even when I'm kicking and screaming against Him. He has been there through all of the **** I've experienced...even when I chose not to see Him. I believe He has done the same thing for you and that you are hearing His voice. Be still and let Him speak.

Man...I will pray for you.

Thanks. I need it. I don't know if I'll ever get it. I still have questions that bother me. But like I've stated, there have been some personal occurrences that I believe a personal God had a hand in. And since those happened, I feel like God has been convicting me to do what needs to be done. Pretty much the only thing that could have happened to make me even consider returning to Christianity (short of an Old Testament style personal visit) happened. It was extremely far fetched for it to even happen, and it did. For me, it was personally devastating, but I guess it had a purpose. I don't even know whether to be angry at those involved anymore. Perhaps the best thing to do is just let it go.

There are some personality traits of mine that need to be cleaned up. I think this was the only thing that was gonna fix that. I couldn't rely on myself to do it.

You know...the older I get the more I long for the truth. I've come to realize that it won't be found here on Earth...not in the channels most people are searching.

I confess that I am cynical and jaded...especially when it comes to the kingdom of the world. I truly believe that there are diabolical forces at work behind the governments of this planet...but I take solace in knowing that my God is still sovereign and in control...even when it seems like things are spinning out of control.

I still enjoy a good conspiracy but I have to back away a little bit. You know that they can consume you if you let them...I sure do.

I did enjoy our conversations on the subject and I enjoyed the links you shared. It's nice to know that there are others out there with some of the same questions. It makes me feel a little more normal.

Man, this world is so screwed up. I just don't know what to even say about things anymore. The lies and deception are just incredible. It took me a long time to get over learning that we were lied to about 9/11. I mean, that just hurt. And it feels like things are getting darker and darker every year. I don't know what my role is, what any of our roles are. All I know to do is go forward putting forth as much love as I can in this world consumed by fear. It's tough.

[Leboman]

Originally Posted by Zooropa

Man, this world is so screwed up. I just don't know what to even say about things anymore. The lies and deception are just incredible. It took me a long time to get over learning that we were lied to about 9/11. I mean, that just hurt. And it feels like things are getting darker and darker every year. I don't know what my role is, what any of our roles are. All I know to do is go forward putting forth as much love as I can in this world consumed by fear. It's tough.

Jesus told us to be light in a dark and dying world. We have to love God and love others. It sounds like you've already got that part figured out.

[meatfinger]

Meatfinger (Chris): You've always been cool to me. I regret that I did not get to meet you in person when Carly and I were dating. I know it was supposed to happen, but for some reason or another that I can't remember, it didn't. I wish it had.

I missed this - you must have posted it while I was typing my other post. But regardless, I echo your sentiments. It's too bad we never got to meet - that would have been cool. At this point, though, I'm glad to help out in any way that I can, and truly glad that God's drawn you back to himself. I like the wrestling analogy. It reminds me of a line from a song by The Waiting: "And now that I'm exhausted, I think I'm ready to admit / that I have spent all my resistance on Someone I can't resist."

[Zooropa]

I feel like God has already placed a challenge, or a test upon me. And, man, is it ever hard to do. Something has really been bothering me this past week, and I've been tempted many times to give in and take the situation into my own hands knowing it would be a mistake to do so. It would be the wrong thing to do, but it would bring me relief. I've found out my test is to just turn it over to God and allow God to heal me (which won't be a quick fix) rather than attempt to go for the quick fix and risk damaging a relationship I want to keep. And it's tough, but I know I'm being tested right now. I feel like I have to prove I'm serious about this. And by doing that I can't be weak.

[Zooropa]

All right, enough of the serious posts from me for now. Enough's enough.

There's a good chance I might have to attend Bonnaroo by myself or not go at all. If faced with that situation, I've decided that I'm going to go by myself and use my editing knowledge and skill to make a (very) amateur documentary on the festival. I'm not that crazy about the lineup this year, so I figure while there's downtime during the day I can do some work. As far as I know, no one has ever made anything that truly captures the essence of the festival, what it's really all about. As like 90% of people who attend Bonnaroo are really cool and nice, I should have no trouble getting people to tell me why they're passionate about the festival and what they think its meaning and importance is. The trouble is, I don't know how in the hell I could get a camera anywhere past the campgrounds. So much of the action takes place in Centeroo. It would be a very lacking film on my part if it only centered around the campground. I'll have to find some way around it. But I'm excited at the prospect of doing something original that no one has done before.

[Adam]

What about a high quality camera phone? Or just a regular camera phone that you can touch up with say Final Cut or something similar?

[Zooropa]

Originally Posted by Adam

What about a high quality camera phone? Or just a regular camera phone that you can touch up with say Final Cut or something similar?

It's hard to get that much footage with any camera phone. I'm looking to make it somewhat lengthy, 30-60 minutes. Can't do that with a camera phone.

In other news, I've really got to cut back on the cigarettes. For one thing, prices just increased significantly nationwide. For another thing, I'm now up to about 2 packs a week rather than 1 pack a week (which is usually standard for me). When people get down in the dumps and depressed, some take comfort in alcohol and some take comfort in illegal substances. I take comfort in cigarettes. No idea why, I just do. I don't even really enjoy them that much, I just do it. I would like to become a strictly social situation smoker. I've been smoking way too much just because I've been feeling crappy.

[BillSPrestonEsq]

Originally Posted by Zooropa

It's hard to get that much footage with any camera phone. I'm looking to make it somewhat lengthy, 30-60 minutes. Can't do that with a camera phone.

In other news, I've really got to cut back on the cigarettes. For one thing, prices just increased significantly nationwide. For another thing, I'm now up to about 2 packs a week rather than 1 pack a week (which is usually standard for me). When people get down in the dumps and depressed, some take comfort in alcohol and some take comfort in illegal substances. I take comfort in cigarettes. No idea why, I just do. I don't even really enjoy them that much, I just do it. I would like to become a strictly social situation smoker. I've been smoking way too much just because I've been feeling crappy.

I take comfort in a cranked amp. Im not sure thats any better than cigs.

[Adam]

Originally Posted by Zooropa

It's hard to get that much footage with any camera phone. I'm looking to make it somewhat lengthy, 30-60 minutes. Can't do that with a camera phone.

In other news, I've really got to cut back on the cigarettes. For one thing, prices just increased significantly nationwide. For another thing, I'm now up to about 2 packs a week rather than 1 pack a week (which is usually standard for me). When people get down in the dumps and depressed, some take comfort in alcohol and some take comfort in illegal substances. I take comfort in cigarettes. No idea why, I just do. I don't even really enjoy them that much, I just do it. I would like to become a strictly social situation smoker. I've been smoking way too much just because I've been feeling crappy.

Yeah you're right, I didn't think about that. Its gonna be hard to get a good quality cam in Bonnaroo, but I'm sure the security isn't airtight when it comes to that. There's got to be a way. I'm sure there's a good quality HD cam that folds into a packet reasonably enough.

I am completely with you regarding cigarettes. I smoke like crazy.

[Zooropa]

Originally Posted by Adam

Yeah you're right, I didn't think about that. Its gonna be hard to get a good quality cam in Bonnaroo, but I'm sure the security isn't airtight when it comes to that. There's got to be a way. I'm sure there's a good quality HD cam that folds into a packet reasonably enough.

I am completely with you regarding cigarettes. I smoke like crazy.

No, they are airtight. At least when it comes to getting in Centeroo. You have to go through a security checkpoint and get patted down. The first time I went I didn't know any better and had something pretty embarrassing confiscated in front of everyone (I'll tell you about it in private if you want to know). It sucked.

How much do you smoke?

[Zooropa]

Originally Posted by BillSPrestonEsq

I take comfort in a cranked amp. Im not sure thats any better than cigs.

Energy drinks have never done anything for me. I can drink one and not feel a bit of difference. It's gotta be better, though. Only one can help cause cancer.

[Adam]

Originally Posted by Zooropa

No, they are airtight. At least when it comes to getting in Centeroo. You have to go through a security checkpoint and get patted down. The first time I went I didn't know any better and had something pretty embarrassing confiscated in front of everyone (I'll tell you about it in private if you want to know). It sucked.

How much do you smoke?

Damn! I guess I shouldn't be surprised, given the security is tight in this day and age.

I smoke 2 packs a week, but will have to cut down obviously, due to the increased tax. Damn, I smoke a lot....!