[Adam]

Originally Posted by Zooropa

Sorry for the whiny posts lately. It's been a while since I've had one, so I'd forgotten that there are certain stages that one goes through when involved in a breakup. Allow me to elaborate as I put on my relationship therapist hat:

Stage one: I like to call this the numb stage. It could also be defined as the in denial stage. You are in shock that things did not work out. You hold out vain hope that a reconciliation is possible despite it being the wrong thing to do. During this, you only think of the things you liked about that other person because you're stuck in a wishful dream state. This is the most vulnerable of the stages, and it is also the most severe.

Stage two: You next move on to the anger stage. This comes after the initial hurt fades away and you start to remember all of the things you disliked about that person and forget about the good things about them. This is where you start to over-inflate your sense of self-worth, and start to think things like, "how dare he/she turn down MY offer of love, especially after how well I treated him/her." It's all ego, man. This is my least favorite stage, because it's the silliest, and it tends to last the longest also.

Stage three: You eventually move on and learn to play the waiting game. It sucks, but what's the alternative? There is no alternative. You learn to deal with it. The end.

The lesson here? Relationships are ****ing silly. But I do feel better now that I remembered what I'm going through is completely natural and normal.

All the information you've discussed in the stages is absolutely true!

And I speak for myself when I say don't let emotions control you. Regardless of what you may believe spiritually, theologically, philosophically or otherwise, always accept what is happening with a healthy dose of stoicism and objective rationale. By doing this I find myself in a peaceful and controlled state of mind. But far be it from me to claim myself as the supreme arbiter of this mentality- I know I have a long way to go.

[slap_j]

Originally Posted by Zooropa

This is my least favorite stage, because it's the silliest, and it tends to last the longest also.

I call it the "righteous indignation stage." Although it's mostly just perceived righteousness. And yeah, it can go on and on and on. I think it's some kind of mechanism to make us feel less like a reject POS.

[Zooropa]

Originally Posted by slap_j

I call it the "righteous indignation stage." Although it's mostly just perceived righteousness. And yeah, it can go on and on and on. I think it's some kind of mechanism to make us feel less like a reject POS.

Like Adam said, it's also very important not to do anything stupid during this stage. Without discipline it's easy to lose control and do something you'll end up regretting later.

What sucks the worst to me is when friends of your s/o form opinions of you that are completely misinformed and unfair because they are biased toward your s/o. Usually I couldn't care less what anyone thinks about me, but for some weird reason this really eats away at me. It would be one thing if the criticism was valid, but when it's not only invalid, but WAY off the mark, it drives me nuts. It is very strange.

[Zooropa]

Today, a question has been running through my mind. When do coincidences stop being coincidences? When does the extremely unlikely stop being a weird fluke or bad luck and start being God trying to get your attention? There's a difference, right? I mean, there's gotta be. I can't help but think that. It's the only explanation that makes sense to me currently. When you've been though an extremely unlikely circumstance like I have, and then years later a totally non-related circumstance meets that past circumstance and you're left wondering, "how on Earth did that happen?" wouldn't only God be behind it? Surely.

Sorry for the vagueness of that post, but I can't really elaborate in a public setting.

[BillSPrestonEsq]

Originally Posted by Zooropa

Today, a question has been running through my mind. When do coincidences stop being coincidences? When does the extremely unlikely stop being a weird fluke or bad luck and start being God trying to get your attention? There's a difference, right? I mean, there's gotta be. I can't help but think that. It's the only explanation that makes sense to me currently. When you've been though an extremely unlikely circumstance like I have, and then years later a totally non-related circumstance meets that past circumstance and you're left wondering, "how on Earth did that happen?" wouldn't only God be behind it? Surely.

Sorry for the vagueness of that post, but I can't really elaborate in a public setting.

For me, when it becomes illogical to believe otherwise. I have had that happen so many times. Especially lately. I just witnessed the most convoluted, hilarious set of circumstances. I don't think I could even explain it.

But the thing is, at some point you see that there is either a giant cosmic joke or a God with a purpose. I'd have to say you have to take a look at your circumstances and look at it thoroughly.

[Zooropa]

Originally Posted by BillSPrestonEsq

For me, when it becomes illogical to believe otherwise. I have had that happen so many times. Especially lately. I just witnessed the most convoluted, hilarious set of circumstances. I don't think I could even explain it.

But the thing is, at some point you see that there is either a giant cosmic joke or a God with a purpose. I'd have to say you have to take a look at your circumstances and look at it thoroughly.

I've looked at it thoroughly, and it's something that just should not have happened without a God making it happen. When you move on from a part of your life and then that part of your life indirectly returns and intertwines with a current part of your life which creates a situation that should have had no business happening, well.......

I think God's using that to tell me, "we need to talk." And for the first time in years, I think I'm gonna do it...

[BillSPrestonEsq]

Originally Posted by Zooropa

I've looked at it thoroughly, and it's something that just should not have happened without a God making it happen. When you move on from a part of your life and then that part of your life indirectly returns and intertwines with a current part of your life which creates a situation that should have had no business happening, well.......

I think God's using that to tell me, "we need to talk." And for the first time in years, I think I'm gonna do it...

Then I most assuredly would.

[Zooropa]

I had another strange occurrence today that is directly related the the "coincidence" I referenced earlier. There's a lot of weird crap going down in my life right now. Looking back at my past, I'm beginning to think there's a larger picture at play here, but I'm a long way off from ever being able to see it or figure out what it is. It's kind of mind blowing to look back on my past and see connections with my present that I never realized was there. One thing's for sure, it's definitely time to change things up. The way I've been doing things has not been successful. I'm tired of failure. It's time to put pride aside and go down new avenues, so to speak. The occurrence today only further confirms my suspicion that God may be trying to get my attention. The timing is too incredible to be anything else. I don't know what's going to happen with this. I'm just going to do whatever I feel is right.

[Zooropa]

From "Magnolia":

"And the book says, 'We might be through with the past, but the past ain't through with us."

"Magnolia" has been one of my very favorite movies since the first time I watched it. I always thought that was a cool line, but I never understood what it meant. Until now. You may think that you've completely put a part of your life behind you with no possibility of it having any relevance in the present and future. But sometimes that's not up to you. Sometimes, your past grabs you by the balls and says, "there's more to this story than you thought. You know nothing." The most unlikely **** can occur, and it can seem very cruel. In the film, some of the characters explain this away as, "these things happen." I guess it's that simple, but it's also much more complicated.

There is so much about our lives that we don't control even when we think we do. I've really come to accept that now. I know that the next move I make is a big decision, one that will affect many directions my life takes from here on out. If I return to Christianity, obviously that will be a big re-commitment that will take me down different paths than I would if I remain a Deist. I guess this is what they call being at the crossroads.

[tigerfan88]

Originally Posted by Zooropa

Sorry for the whiny posts lately. It's been a while since I've had one, so I'd forgotten that there are certain stages that one goes through when involved in a breakup. Allow me to elaborate as I put on my relationship therapist hat:

Stage one: I like to call this the numb stage. It could also be defined as the in denial stage. You are in shock that things did not work out. You hold out vain hope that a reconciliation is possible despite it being the wrong thing to do. During this, you only think of the things you liked about that other person because you're stuck in a wishful dream state. This is the most vulnerable of the stages, and it is also the most severe.

Stage two: You next move on to the anger stage. This comes after the initial hurt fades away and you start to remember all of the things you disliked about that person and forget about the good things about them. This is where you start to over-inflate your sense of self-worth, and start to think things like, "how dare he/she turn down MY offer of love, especially after how well I treated him/her." It's all ego, man. This is my least favorite stage, because it's the silliest, and it tends to last the longest also.

Stage three: You eventually move on and learn to play the waiting game. It sucks, but what's the alternative? There is no alternative. You learn to deal with it. The end.

The lesson here? Relationships are ****ing silly. But I do feel better now that I remembered what I'm going through is completely natural and normal.

I completely agree with this, being someone who just went through all of the stages. Break-ups are just so humbling to go through, and it's tough to see light at the end of the tunnel, but there always is.

[Zooropa]

Originally Posted by tigerfan88

I completely agree with this, being someone who just went through all of the stages. Break-ups are just so humbling to go through, and it's tough to see light at the end of the tunnel, but there always is.

They are humbling, aren't they? Talk about a pride buster. Going through a break up is like having the reset button pushed on you after playing a video game for 50 hours and having not saved your game. "You mean, I have to start over!?! But I was so close to the end, so close to where I wanted to be. I put in so much work for nothing! That's not fair!"

If you really get your hopes up on it working out long-term and it doesn't, well suddenly pride doesn't matter anymore and you come crawling back to people, places, and ideas you previously discarded because you don't know where else to turn and are just looking for some sort of compass to help you get back on track on the map of life. The more of them you experience the tougher it gets to dust yourself off and try again. But you gotta. There's no other choice.

[Zooropa]

After 7 years of apostasy, how does one return to being a Christian? Do you just try to pick up where you left off? Or do you try to completely start over like you're brand new? Do you just randomly start reading The Bible and try to reignite that personal relationship as best you can? I've pretty much made up my mind on what needs to be done. I thought it would take longer to decide, but the feelings to take action are just too strong to ignore. I know it's the right thing to do, what I'm supposed to do. I guess you can now officially say I've made that re-commitment.

Thanks to all of you guys that are so supportive. I'd like to formally apologize for anything I might have said over the past few years that offended your faith. It's been a long, confusing, and painful journey, but I feel like I'm back home.

[Zooropa]

Actually, you know what, I feel like thanking people individually. So I will.

Lee: When a lot of people wouldn't listen to what I was saying, you gave it a fair chance. You're as open-minded as they come. You're a good guy.

Meatfinger (Chris): You've always been cool to me. I regret that I did not get to meet you in person when Carly and I were dating. I know it was supposed to happen, but for some reason or another that I can't remember, it didn't. I wish it had.

Adam: In a lot of ways you feel like one of my best friends even though we've never actually met. Hopefully that can be remedied soon.

BillSPrestonEsq: Thanks for what you shared with me in private.

And thanks to everyone who has taken time to read what I write and respond. I'm glad I came back.

[meatfinger]

I don't really think you can pick up where you left off. You left off by breaking off your relationship with God (presumably - I of course don't know your situation). I don't think you can just come back and pretend that the last seven years never happened. That would seem similar to what you were concerned with earlier: coming back for the wrong reasons. You've got to acknowledge to God that you've strayed from him and sinned against him a lot, and sincerely ask forgiveness. Then you've got to get yourself back on track as best you can. Clean out sinful habits, starting reading the Bible (consider starting in Romans - amazing book), and start talking to God again, even if it feels silly. Eventually, it'll feel right again.

And I think it's important to get connected to some people who understand what you've been through. While church can be a frustrating place at times, especially when you don't feel like you belong there, God makes it clear in his word that we need support to live Godly lives. It's important to have relationships that will help to bolster your faith, people you can talk to and debate with and hash things out with. Essentially, you need people who can provide the kind of support we're trying to provide, because I don't think we can ever be entirely successful in that regard over the internet.

I'm glad you're coming back. It's a huge decision to make, and I'm really glad you might the right one.

[Zooropa]

Originally Posted by meatfinger

I don't really think you can pick up where you left off. You left off by breaking off your relationship with God (presumably - I of course don't know your situation). I don't think you can just come back and pretend that the last seven years never happened. That would seem similar to what you were concerned with earlier: coming back for the wrong reasons. You've got to acknowledge to God that you've strayed from him and sinned against him a lot, and sincerely ask forgiveness. Then you've got to get yourself back on track as best you can. Clean out sinful habits, starting reading the Bible (consider starting in Romans - amazing book), and start talking to God again, even if it feels silly. Eventually, it'll feel right again.

And I think it's important to get connected to some people who understand what you've been through. While church can be a frustrating place at times, especially when you don't feel like you belong there, God makes it clear in his word that we need support to live Godly lives. It's important to have relationships that will help to bolster your faith, people you can talk to and debate with and hash things out with. Essentially, you need people who can provide the kind of support we're trying to provide, because I don't think we can ever be entirely successful in that regard over the internet.

I'm glad you're coming back. It's a huge decision to make, and I'm really glad you might the right one.

All of that makes sense. I've already done some of the things you advised, but I still have more to do. I never thought this would happen. It's amazing how God can make and break things in your life and then use that to bring you back. If you've ever watched any pro wrestling, you'll see where sometimes one wrestler puts another in a submission hold and eventually the one in the hold submits by "tapping out." I feel like that's what happened to me. God put me in a submission hold and eventually I had no choice but to tap out. I was too devastated to resist. Could it be true that all of those who eventually come to God and then stray away do indeed come back one way or another? In my case it turned out to be true.