[Davomann]

this forum intrigued me so i thought "why not?"
this is one of my less serious songs - it can be heard on my myspace music page in 2 versions
The idea came from the picture on the back of Skillet's comatose CD. None of the members were smiling and i wondered why.
Anyway here goes

Why Don't Bands Smile In Photographs

V1
Ever since I got my new CD
There has been one question plaguing me:
Why don't bands smile in photographs?

You see it all the time in the magazines
They dont look happy - they look pretty mean
Why don't bands smile in photographs?

PreCh1:
Shouldn't they be happy to have their own albums?
And playing for thousands of fans that adore them?
It's one thing that worries me
They never smile or look happy

Ch1:
Why don't bands smile in their photographs?
It seems stupid and it makes me want to laugh
I'm gonna smile in my photographs
Even if I have to put it on

V2:
You see the metal bands on their album covers
Their just looking tough or screaming at each other
Why dont they smile in photographs?

And the emo bands are just standig there
Staring blankly away like they dont care
That they even have these photographs

PreCh2:
Wouldn't they be glad to have their CDs on shelves?
Rather than singing about how they can hurt themsleves
Is there something wrong with me?
Is it wrong to always feel happy?

Ch2:
Why don't bands smile in their photographs?
It seems stupid and it makes me want to laugh
I'm gonna smile in my photographs
Even if its only a small one

Br/Outro:
It really is a question that's got me stuck
But I'm giving up now cos I don't give much thought
To all the emo bands that think that they suck
But I gotta say - I'd have to agree with them on that one



There it is. Critique all you like but the lyrics are only half the story. The music is what matters. What I really wanted to bring up in this song was the negative image that a lot of bands are sending out to people these days. They seem to be saying that its cool to be depressed - you know what I mean? Anyway enough of my meaningless blabber. I'll post some more stuff later

[StellarFreak]

Interesting. What kinda music do you play. It sounds like it would make a good punk song but it could be something else to if you wanted to. Anyway, great lyrics.

[livingalive626]

haha, that's great=) although i must say skillet is one of my fav bands...

[Davomann]

Originally Posted by StellarFreak

Interesting. What kinda music do you play. It sounds like it would make a good punk song but it could be something else to if you wanted to. Anyway, great lyrics.

I play mostly acoustic stuuf but lately ive been experimenting with different sounds and instruments and effects and ive started writing more complex songs with varying tempos, changing key and time signatures and writing completely different styles of music as wel as genre-hopping a bit. I've even started composing a concert band piece which is mainly in 11/8 time

I originally wrote this one with a sorta pop-punk sound in mind. Almost (older) relient k-esque, but because i wrote it solo it was hard to do that so i made it acoustic. Then later on i was fiddling around with effects on guitar and found that i could make my acoustic guitar sound electric with distortion, so i added drums and bass and the punkish feel was gained, but the Bridge/outro remained acoustic, almost like an entirely different song. I think it works well as both acoustic and punk

Originally Posted by livingalive626

haha, that's great=) although i must say skillet is one of my fav bands...

hey theyre one of my favourite bands too. I have all the albums except the live one

[Davomann]

this was the last song i put on my Myspace page
its about the deputy principal of my school
i dont like her very much
(if you listen to the song, just a warning - i went a little overboard with the intro)

V1
When the wicked witch of the west,
Oh she came into our lives
She thought that she knew what's best
But she took away our rights

Her right-winged monkey servants
Go hunting for the fools
Their lives are bound by conforming
To scholarship and rules

But that's not the way it works

Ch
Unorganised, unethical
I wonder why I stay in school
All of the time we slip and slide
Asboth, our worlds collide

V2
Your predecessor winged it
Oh he knew he had to go
Little did he know that he would
Pave the way for you

I know you've never done this before
But you should've practiced up
But that is no excuse
Cos you completely stuffed it up

And now it just doesn't work

Ch

Br
And if you do something she doesn't like
She'll bare her teeth and off she'll bite
Your fingers one by one and stick them in her brew
The cauldron's anything but cold
You'll be boiled alive 'til you do what you're told
But thats not even half of what she could well do

With eye of newt and blood of bat
Ear of pig and a tail of rat
Some unicorn horn and some deadly nightshade
Now take a look at what she's made

North, South, East and the rest,
Nobody likes the witch of the west

Ch x2

[nbfan]

It doesn't seem to be very unified, IMO. Interesting metaphor, but I think if you're going to use a metaphor, make sure it stays the overall theme. I've noticed that in places you've kept the witch thing going, but then we have this line here:

I wonder why I stay in school

And our image of a witch is lost. So I guess I'm saying that it would be nice for it to have a clear direction.

[Davomann]

i never liked Asboth (the deputy principal who this song is about). she gave a bad impression the first time she came to the school. But what really sparked it off was when she completely screwed up our subject selections for senior school. There were more mistakes and clashes that year than any other year for quite a long time. Everything was left to the last minute in the process of the selections (Unorganised) and she seemed to favour certain students, and she had a bit of a habit of telling us one thing then changing her mind and not tellling us (Unethical).
At this time it was so unbearable that i was seriously considering leaving school (I Wonder why I stay in school)
I wanted to try to get an image of an evil witch but also keep a bit of a theme of a school going, because thats what its about.

Another couple of things:
in the actual song, the line "Asboth, our worlds collide" is actually pronounced "As both our worlds collide" but i kept it written that way cos of her name.
also, the previous deputy's name was Mr Wingett, which sounds sorta liked "winged it" which is what he did (cheesy, i know)

[Davomann]

i started writing this soon after i got my first guitar and i only really knew basic chords
The idea came from a forum on CGR about depression and cutting and things and i realised how serious an issue it was, especially since there were a couple of people i knew that were doing it and i really cared about them. They didnt want to talk about it so i decided that the only thing i could really do at the time was to write this song and hopefully people might get at least a small amount of comfort from the lyrics of the song

V1:
If you're angry or feeling down
Don't say bad things or cause self-harm
You'll always feel better when there's someone there
To lean on
All your friends stabbed you in the back
Your boyfriend's gone and wont be back
But you know that I am always here
To lean on

Ch:
And I'll talk to you, cry with you
Do whatever it takes to get you through
Counsel you, comfort you
Be with you whenever you're alone, when you're alone

V2:
Your parents say its all your fault
That your grandma's dead and your father's broke
But they're just going through a rough time and they need someone
To lean on
I've seen the cuts that are on your wrists
They are not the solution to this
What you need is someone there
To lean on

Ch

Br:
And when the monster rears it ugly head
Just when you thought you were rid of it
I'll help you fight it off time and time again
And when we think we've won and it goes away
But it may come back another day
And I'll help you fight it off time and time again

But if we can't beat it for good on our own
Then we'll need some external help

Ch

Ch and Br vocals at same time (over chorus chords)

Outro:
But I don't think we can beat it for good on our own
We'll need some external help

[1 Into God]

It's pretty good for a first one. I'm not very good at critiquing yet (I, too, just wrote my first two songs like a week ago), but the song has a nice message, and it seems like most of the stuff flows.

One word-choice that I would change is "external" in the outro/end of the bridge. It just doesn't seem to fit there. IMO I'd change the whole last line to "We'll need someone to lean on," just to repeat the main idea. But, if you think it sounds too much like Lean on Me then just try and pick a different word to replace "external."

Other than some awkwardness in the first verse the rest of the song flows nicely, I especially love the chorus. Good job

If it's not too much to ask, could you review my songs, too? I'd really like some good criticism. My songs here.

[RainCatcher]

I think it could pass for a funny upbeat song instead of anything overly serious.. like you've gotten through that and realized how ridiculous it all is, and more then anything you are making fun of her..

When I was reading it and singing it (I always do that to help me get a feel even if it's not the orignal way it goes)..and I really found myself laughing. It's really catchy IMO.

Do you have this recorded so I could listen to it??? ... I would like to hear your interpretation of the song.

[Davomann]

there is a recording on my myspace page: www.myspace.com/davidwallacemusic

[Davomann]

I get what you're saying about the "external" thing. The idea that i had in my head at the time was that in many cases we as humans cant do enough to fully resolve the problem and that only God can help at some points and he is the way to turn when we feel this way. My favourite lyrics are ones which at first glance are a good song, maybe with a nice meaning or something but have a deeper, more subtle christian meaning embedded in them. That's what i was trying to achieve here, the external help referring to what God can do, because we can't

[Davomann]

havent posted for a while.
this is the song i've written most recently. Its a rock song (heavy-ish) in 5/4 time cos i wanted to try something different. (I even tried screaming)
i submitted it for my first major composition assignment in music for school and havent gotten it back tho but i really hope i get a good mark cos i spent hours writing it all out. it ended up being 28 pages long
anyway hope you like. You can hear it on my myspace page

CAUGHT IN YESTERDAY

Another day, another wake-up call
So many days I don't wanna get up at all
I catch a train to the factory
Drives me insane five days a week
And the weekends aren't much better
I'd rather stay in bed than get up

The future is slowly approaching
But so slowly it feels like we're caught in yesterday
Our routines are getting us nowhere
If we're to survive we need to make a change

Oh, where did all the exciting times go,
With all the people that i used to know?
Already know how to brake and steer
But it's boring to drive when the road is clear
And there's no way to motivate
When ever day feels just the same to me

The future is slowly approaching
But so slowly it feels like we're caught in yesterday
Our routines are getting us nowhere
If we're to survive we need to make a change

Week in and week out
Flood, blizzard or drought
Spring, summer or fall
No contrast at all
Just one big routine
We've become a machine
Just a hollow tin man without a heart

Not part of a community
But part of an economy
Just economic pawns
At the disposal of the king

The future is slowly approaching
But so slowly it feels like we're caught in yesterday
Our routines are getting us nowhere
If we're to survive we need to make a change
(need to make a change)


I hope you can take the time to listen to it because i think my music writing is better than my lyric writing

[cngp90]

No, I really like that man. I didn't listen to it yet, but from the looks of it, it looks like some real potential for a great song. For some reason, it kind of makes me think Switchfoot, IDK maybe it's just me. But I love switchfoot's songwriting. The whole song fits together nicely.

[RelientKrocks92]

I'm not much of a lyrics analyst, but I wanted to say I listened to that intro and it sounded awesome
I love the 5/4 time thing
That kinda reminded me of Rush a little bit, both the weird time signature and just how it sounded