[tenwatt]

Alright...here are a few of my songs for review...rip me to shreds if you please.

The links below should take you to the post that contains the actual song:

Confessions of a Tell Tale Heart

Feeding the Wolves

Ghosts

Maker

Tightrope (Far Away)

[tenwatt]

This song is about how we often confuse our feelings about situations we’re in with God being absent from our situations.

Confessions of a Tell Tale Heart

V1
Come closer, Your whisper’s so soft I can hardly hear.
That’s not to say that my listening has been all that keen.
I’ve been so destracted and self-absorbed I couldn’t hear You call to me.
But You are patient and far to kind as I come running into Your arms.
I’m running into Your arms.

CHORUS
All of my brokenness, I know You can restore.
Accepting my humbleness, I know of my reward.

V2
Hold more tightly, Your grasp's become so soft I can hardly feel.
That’s not to say that my sense of touch has been all that sharp.
I’ve grown numb from these firey darts that have torn and piriced me.
But You consol me and tend to my wounds I’ve found shelter within Your arms.
There is shelter with in Your arms.

[amczap]

It sounds good I like it. You might want to add another verse, you know. But overall it sounds really good. It really is true, good job.

[tenwatt]

I had another verse for it but it seemed like to much. I'm working on a bridge for it now.

[acrossthesirion]

Originally Posted by guyskankrye

Alright...this is my first post here...rip me to shreds if you please.

It’s called “Confessions of a Tell Tale Heart” and it’s about how we often confuse our feelings about situations we’re in with God being absent from our situations.

V1
come closer…Your whisper’s so soft I can hardly hear
that’s not to say that my listening has been all that keen
I’ve been so destracted and self-absorbed I couldn’t here You call to me
but You are patient and far to kind as I come running into Your arms
I’m running into Your arms

CHORUS
all of my brokenness...I know You can restore
accepting my humbleness...I know of my reward

V2
hold more tightly…Your grasp's become so soft I can hardly feel
that’s not to say that my sense of touch has been all that sharp
I’ve grown numb from these firey darts that have torn and piriced me
but You consol me and tend to my wounds I’ve found shelter within Your arm
there is shelter with in Your arms

3rd line of verse 2 is the only place I could find a potential rhythmic problem, but I'll have to listen to the recording when I have time to know for sure. It could very well be a non-issue.

[tenwatt]

99 views and 2 comments...come on...somebody rip me apart. Or if you like it tell me what you like about it.

[Edwin Ballard]

This is only my opinion,I think it's a bit wordy and hard to memorize. There I said it.

[tenwatt]

Originally Posted by Edwin Ballard

This is only my opinion,I think it's a bit wordy and hard to memorize. There I said it.

Hey that's a better critic than nothing! Thanx!

[TravisR]

If I heard somebody play this song, I'd think it sounded really beautiful but by the end of it I probably wouldn't know too much of what it was actually about. Maybe not, though. It does sound really nice, though.


One thing I kind of don't like about this song... and I shouldn't even be talking because I do the same thing in most of my songs, but... it's like this.

I like how it starts out.

"come closer…Your whisper’s so soft I can hardly hear
that’s not to say that my listening has been all that keen
I’ve been so destracted and self-absorbed I couldn’t here You call to me"

but then your character seems so sure of himself.

You are patient.
Far too kind.
I know You can restore.
I know of my reward.


I mean... would it be an adventure if we could hear from somebody who isn't sure that God can bring restoration? Somebody who maybe knows about this reward but who doesn't really know that he knows that this is true, he doesn't know what to trust, maybe.

I mean.

uh....

ahahaha...

um.


When we're listening to somebody talk about how they haven't heard God lately but maybe they haven't been listening, this person is someone who in some way or another is faultering in their relationship with the Lord. I don't see that being reflected very well in the rest of the song, especially the chorus. The chorus doesn't have punch! I don't know if I can speak for anybody else, but I want to hear about somebody who is really struggling and who has doubts in his faith and yet who walks by faith anyways. That's something I (and I think most people) can relate to.



I'd apologize but you asked for it! haha :lo:

[tenwatt]

Originally Posted by TravisR

I mean... would it be an adventure if we could hear from somebody who isn't sure that God can bring restoration? Somebody who maybe knows about this reward but who doesn't really know that he knows that this is true, he doesn't know what to trust, maybe.

Thanx for a GREAT review! This is actually one of the few songs I've written where I conclude that God is still there. That may sound horrible but my best writing comes when I'm hurting. Thanx for this review.

[crazychu]

what chord shapes are those?

[tenwatt]

The chords are just:

D/F# G Bm7 A for the verses (with the exception of the D that I throw in on the last line).

Bm7 D A G for the chorus.

I'm just using some singer / song-writer chords

D/F# - 2X02X0
G - 3X04X0
Bm7 - 7X07X0
A - 5X06X0
D - 9X09X0

You owe me a review now!

[crazychu]

not much to say, its good.

musically it sounds great,

lyrically, i feel that it's about something very deep
the lyrics dont really give it away, but they really bring out emotion in it

when recording, turn your vocals up, you have a good voice meng

[tenwatt]

This is a song I’ve been working on for a LONG time. I’m still not pleased with all of it but it will do for now. I would really like to hear your comments due to the fact that I’m not real happy with it. I’ll try and put a recording up soon.

The chorus (and title) was inspired by an old American Indian proverb about two wolves. I’ve posted a version of that at the bottom in RED.



Feeding the Wolves

V1
She says that she wants to go farther but further seems, to her to be, too far away.
It seems that things couldn’t get much harder. Harder seems, for her to be, too much to take.
She is so tired! So worn, so tired!

Chorus
“Tell me it’s over. Tell me that good will prevail and the battle I’m fighting has been won.
Tell me it’s over. Tell me that evil has lost…because I starved it to death.
Tell me…’Well done! Well done!’”

V2
Everyone tells her she’s a fighter, but the hope of stillness solely gets her through the day.
Sometimes things seem to look much brighter. Brighter burns her eyes so she turns the other way.
She is so tired! So worn, so tired!

Bridge
Crying out in vain, knowing no one hears her.
Wishing her prayers were sent to someone nearer.
Despising what she sees, now her reflection’s clearer.
She won’t change but she can break her mirror.

An old Cherokee chief is teaching his grandson about life:

“A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy. “It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves.”

“One is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, self-doubt, and ego.”

“The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.”

“This same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too.”

The grandson then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

The old chief simply replied, “The one you feed the most.”

[tmlfan123]

One post deserves another!

First off, great title. Too often we title our songs based on the main chorus line(see my songs). Calling it "Feeding the Wolves" compels people to ask about it. A song that has a reason or meaning behind it not readily available to the hearer always interests me.

She is so tired! So worn, so tired!

Personally I wouldn't use "tired" again unless the melody repeats at that point.

Tell me…’Well done! Well done!’”

This seems weak in comparison to the previous two lines, which I liked a lot. Also, it's not clear who is saying "Well done!" It appears to be a God reference but there it's not clear.

Everyone tells her she’s a fighter, but the hope of stilness solely gets her through the day

I'm still trying to figure out what this means... maybe that's a good thing.

Bridge
Despising what she sees, now her reflection’s clearer.
She won’t change but she can break her mirror.

EXCELLENT. The most well-written part of the song, saved for the bridge... that's just good songwriting.