[Tomahawk54]

The word denomination,
I laugh at the thought,
Blanketed in hypocrisy,
Clothed in self righteousness,
We've made ourselves into heroes,
Programmed to program,
But we've forgot God...

Step back now and look at the monster we've created
We've added our ideas and called them doctrine,
We made ourselves a business and called it church,
Complete with political views, jobs and titles,
But where is God in this man made machine?
God does not dwell in things built with hands.

Where did we go wrong?


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------


now before ya'll freak out and start calling me a heretic, this song is written about
an experience I had with a bad church split. The pastor started teaching heresy and half the congregation didn't even care that what he was teaching was wrong.
It's mostly a wake up call to those that won't stand up in the church when something's doctrinally wrong and those that've forgot about the churches' purpose.

[tmlfan123]

This seems incomplete... like it would only be a minute and a half. Maybe flesh it out a little more.

Like the title though.

[Tomahawk54]

Well, it's written in the general style of 'the Devil Wears Prada', so I think I'll repeat a few parts and it'll have a breakdown or two. So I think it should be long enough, give or take.

[6strings21frets]

Originally Posted by Tomahawk54

I think I'll repeat a few parts and it'll have a breakdown or two. So I think it should be long enough, give or take.

Okay, a few questions:

1. How long are you planning on letting the song run for?
2. I would probably add a chorus or a repeated stanza to the song, just so listeners don't get confused.
3. I think one breakdown will be enough.

These are just my thoughts, but I liked what you have so far.

[Tomahawk54]

Originally Posted by 6Strings21Frets

Okay, a few questions:

1. How long are you planning on letting the song run for?
2. I would probably add a chorus or a repeated stanza to the song, just so listeners don't get confused.
3. I think one breakdown will be enough.

These are just my thoughts, but I liked what you have so far.

I think I want it to be around 3 minutes long, give or take.

Well, it's not written for a chorus, as crazy as that sounds.
If you ever listen to anything by the Devil Wears Prada, you'll see what I mean.
I meant for it to have a similar feel to the song "the Scorpion Deathlock", which doesn't have an actual chorus.

I wanna have one actual breakdown near the end of the song, but I also wanna
have one or two kind of "sub-breakdowns" throughout the song, between lines.
Kind of like in some of August Burns Red's material.

[6strings21frets]

Originally Posted by Tomahawk54

I think I want it to be around 3 minutes long, give or take.

Well, it's not written for a chorus, as crazy as that sounds.
If you ever listen to anything by the Devil Wears Prada, you'll see what I mean.
I meant for it to have a similar feel to the song "the Scorpion Deathlock", which doesn't have an actual chorus.

I wanna have one actual breakdown near the end of the song, but I also wanna
have one or two kind of "sub-breakdowns" throughout the song, between lines.
Kind of like in some of August Burns Red's material.

Well, in that case, you may want to add some more lyrics and perhaps a solo? Anything to fill in time and make it sound better would definitely work.

I haven't seen The Devil Wears Prada so I guess that's one thing I have to do

Do you mean like an interlude?

[Tomahawk54]

Originally Posted by 6Strings21Frets

Well, in that case, you may want to add some more lyrics and perhaps a solo? Anything to fill in time and make it sound better would definitely work.

I haven't seen The Devil Wears Prada so I guess that's one thing I have to do

Do you mean like an interlude?

yeah, I guess that's what one would call it.

[6strings21frets]

okay, so have you written anything else along the way? I'd be happy to hear it.

[Tomahawk54]

like other songs?

[6strings21frets]

yeah, like other songs.

and I advise you not to be as cheap in future posts here.

[Tomahawk54]

are you really letting me down easy,
or just killing me slowly?
your words are like death's pain,
there is no time for breaks,
we're at the crossroads of our lives,
it's time to choose,
together forever, or alone,
it all boils down to this,
.....................................................
together forever or alone,
it's for you to decide,
the feeling was mutual,
but apparently that has changed,
with one word you crush my soul,
...goodbeye...
.....................................................
you chose goodbye,
you chose goodbye.
I gave it all to you,
everything,
the end is near,
there will be more battles to fight,
on...
my...
own...

[6strings21frets]

Originally Posted by Tomahawk54

"Alone..."

are you really letting me down easy,
or just killing me slowly?

From the first two lines I figured it was you singing.

Originally Posted by Tomahawk54

the end is near,
there will be more battles to fight,
on my own

but then we get this. it doesn't really make sense. the end is near for you, but how can you fight battles on your own if you're almost dead?

[Tomahawk54]

Originally Posted by 6Strings21Frets

From the first two lines I figured it was you singing.

but then we get this. it doesn't really make sense. the end is near for you, but how can you fight battles on your own if you're almost dead?

it's actually about a relationship I was in that, unfortunately, ended.
When it says "together forever or alone" it's talking about her deciding to end it.

"the end is near,
there will be more battles to fight,
on...
my...
own..." I can already see that the relationship is dying and I'm giving up (at this point in the song).

[6strings21frets]

Originally Posted by Tomahawk54

it's actually about a relationship I was in that, unfortunately, ended.
When it says "together forever or alone" it's talking about her deciding to end it.

"the end is near,
there will be more battles to fight,
on...
my...
own..." I can already see that the relationship is dying and I'm giving up (at this point in the song).

Ah, so you're saying the relationship is ending, instead of your life?

[Tomahawk54]

Originally Posted by 6Strings21Frets

Ah, so you're saying the relationship is ending, instead of your life?

exactly!
it's sorta my take on a breakup song - from the receiving end.