Does this work?

**DaGeek** · 01-07-2009, 03:47 PM

How possible is it for two Christians to date/marry if they're at fairly different places spiritually or just show their love of God in two completely different ways?

Nate · 01-07-2009, 03:51 PM

They realize that they're probably in "fairly different places" in most areas of their lives and celebrate their differences.

**DaGeek** · 01-07-2009, 03:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nate

They realize that they're probably in "fairly different places" in most areas of their lives and celebrate their differences.

What are the ground requirements, in your eyes, of what two Christians should have in common in order to make it work?

***Pauler*** · 01-07-2009, 04:00 PM

i think they are 2 separate questions

if by "different places" you mean one cares about their spiritual life and the other doesnt...then i think there is a heart issue to be dealt with.

showing God's love in different ways is not a big deal (in my opinion). i think everyone does that and no two people are alike.

**DaGeek** · 01-07-2009, 04:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paul_Kim

i think they are 2 separate questions

if by "different places" you mean one cares about their spiritual life and the other doesnt...then i think there is a heart issue to be dealt with.

showing God's love in different ways is not a big deal (in my opinion). i think everyone does that and no two people are alike.

With the bolded question/answer:

What should I do to determine if it's the second question or the bolded question? I'm in a state of quandary.

Nate · 01-07-2009, 04:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DaGeek

What are the ground requirements, in your eyes, of what two Christians should have in common in order to make it work?

A set of goals for their lives together and mutual love for each other. I'm not sure I understand the question.

Dr. Worm · 01-07-2009, 05:53 PM

So you are saying that you like a girl but outward appearances show that she is not as "strong a Christian" as you. Is that what you're getting at?

**DaGeek** · 01-07-2009, 10:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nate

A set of goals for their lives together and mutual love for each other. I'm not sure I understand the question.

Well, what I'm asking is, even if two Christians are at different places in their spiritual lives, what would you imagine would have to be some qualities it would be necessary that they shared in order to make it work?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dr. Worm

So you are saying that you like a girl but outward appearances show that she is not as "strong a Christian" as you. Is that what you're getting at?

Not quite. I think she is a Christian, but I don't know if she's a "I go to church and that's it" person or a "I actually walk with the Lord and follow Him" person. Therefore, I suppose you could say that, but I'd say it's a little deeper than that.

***Pauler*** · 01-07-2009, 10:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DaGeek

Not quite. I think she is a Christian, but I don't know if she's a "I go to church and that's it" person or a "I actually walk with the Lord and follow Him" person.

this is what i meant by the first question.

the second question assumes that "i actually walk w/ the Lord..." and then have different expressions of what that looks like.

sorry if that didnt come across clear.

Pre-Ex-Girlfriend · 01-07-2009, 10:28 PM

What shared spiritual qualities do two people need in order to make a marriage work? I think that totally depends on the people in the relationship. If you want to be seriously involved with this girl, then you should probably ask her at some point (preferably early in the relationship or before it even starts) where she stands spiritually. Also, ask yourself where you are spiritually and then decide what spiritual qualities you would like in a wife. Compatability is not universal.

**DaGeek** · 01-07-2009, 10:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paul_Kim

this is what i meant by the first question.

the second question assumes that "i actually walk w/ the Lord..." and then have different expressions of what that looks like.

sorry if that didnt come across clear.

Thank you for the clarification

.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Emo_Rachael

What shared spiritual qualities do two people need in order to make a marriage work? I think that totally depends on the people in the relationship. If you want to be seriously involved with this girl, then you should probably ask her at some point (preferably early in the relationship or before it even starts) where she stands spiritually. Also, ask yourself where you are spiritually and then decide what spiritual qualities you would like in a wife. Compatability is not universal.

That's definitely going to be one of the first things I bring up if anything comes to fruition. First, I'm waiting until after Basic Training to do anything at all. If the opportunity does arise after that, however, the God issue comes first. I think I should use the time until then to do as you say: Ask where I am and work on what I want in a partner.

Nate · 01-08-2009, 07:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DaGeek

Well, what I'm asking is, even if two Christians are at different places in their spiritual lives, what would you imagine would have to be some qualities it would be necessary that they shared in order to make it work?

To be quite frank, even the Bible itself places almost no value, by virtue of near silence on the issue, on the "strength" or "depth" or "sincerity" or "maturity" or anything else of a person's Christian life insofar as it relates to the qualities that make a good partner. Read Proverbs 31, which only asks that a woman "fears the Lord," after a litany of much more secular things.

This train of thinking, to me, is one of the worst outgrowths of the True Love Waits and related movements in modern Christianity. Who would have predicted we would make a fetish out of piety, but we have. We need a much more holistic view of what the "spiritual life" really is. It includes much more than church activities, ministry work, and "daily devotionals".

I still don't understand the question. Barring spiritual bitterness toward each other for different goals regarding life in the church community, I don't think it matters terribly much at all. I think the "qualities it would be necessary that they shared in order to make it work" are the same qualities that any other couple would need in order to succeed together.

**MtlMom** · 01-08-2009, 08:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DaGeek

Not quite. I think she is a Christian, but I don't know if she's a "I go to church and that's it" person or a "I actually walk with the Lord and follow Him" person. Therefore, I suppose you could say that, but I'd say it's a little deeper than that.

I think you just need to get to know the girl better, as a friend. Once our hearts are involved, our decision making can get a little wobbly. There are a lot of "Oprah Christians" out there, and it would be painful to get involved in a relationship only to find that you don't really share the same foundation.

tlj009 · 01-08-2009, 10:29 AM

Quote:

I think you just need to get to know the girl better, as a friend. Once our hearts are involved, our decision making can get a little wobbly. There are a lot of "Oprah Christians" out there, and it would be painful to get involved in a relationship only to find that you don't really share the same foundation.

I agree with this but I want also suggest that you find out what her plans are for her future and make sure that they are compatible with yours. If you want to be a missionary or even a preacher, then it could cause some problems. But those problems would not necessarily have anything to do with how seriously she takes her Christian life.

tigerfan88 · 01-08-2009, 10:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MtlMom

I think you just need to get to know the girl better, as a friend. Once our hearts are involved, our decision making can get a little wobbly. There are a lot of "Oprah Christians" out there, and it would be painful to get involved in a relationship only to find that you don't really share the same foundation.

I agree with that completely. Friendship first, especially when it comes to spiritual issues, is so very key. Anytime I've been even remotely interested in someone, I've made sure to get to know them better as friends. In pretty much all cases, it's led me to realize that we're not all that compatible--not just spiritually, but in other ways as well--and would be better off sticking to friendship strictly. In one case, it did lead to dating, as we had a lot in common--except we were a little different spiritually. I was more in tune with my spiritual side, he was more the type that didn't value religion quite as strongly as I did, though he did believe. We also were not of the same denomination.

Neither of these things bothered me, as I realized we had shared visions for the future of what we wanted, and that it was possible, though not all that likely, that he would grow spiritually and eventually we would be almost on the same plane. Even if he didn't, I knew that as long as there was love, commitment, and a shared vision, it would still work out. Ultimately, we did break up, but not for spiritual reasons. I'm glad that we started of with a base of friendship, first, though, as then we knew when it came to dating, what our motives were.