[Ordinary Sarah]

I've been in four quasi-serious long-distance relationships, two of which didn't get to the meeting/dating part, another of which did, but was full of holes from the beginning and didn't work out, and the fourth one is one I'm in now, which has grown and continues to grow, and I view it as being very successful thus far, despite being extremely painful sometimes, and frustrating. Distance is frustrating.


I've found that, for all relationships, but especially with long-distance ones, "looking" for something specifically is a sure-fire way to guarantee failure and heartache. If it's more about being with someone, anyone, or just not being lonely or whatever, you're not in it for the right reasons. And even moreso with relationships that start out online, because if you're out there looking for something, you can find it easily on the internet. And relationships aren't that easy, in reality.



Another thing someone told me is that distance begs an extreme amount of trust. Obviously. I have found this to be true. I have also found other advice from various people to be true, like growing closer in a long-distance relationship is going to be much more drawn out than a not-long-distance relationship.



I don't know. I view it as almost just like any other relationship. You start out thinking one thing about a person, and you may be wrong later. The difference is just much more pronounced if you start out online. I've found that in the relationships that didn't work for me, I would always feel way more comfortable talking to them online or on the phone, the way things started, than I would in person.... I would default mode to that. I've even been known to text someone who's sitting right next to me, because adjusting to the in-person thing was a lot more difficult.


But you know, growing closer to anybody isn't going to be easy. If it's the right person, it will be easier, though. With my boyfriend now, I've found that the more I spent time with him, the harder it was to go back to talking on the phone or talking long-distance. It wasn't default mode, because growing closer to him was something I wanted, instead of something I was afraid of. Default mode, BETTER mode is in person, for us. Which is something I hadn't known before.


There's just a lot of nuances, and problems and things that can come up and get in the way, just like in any relationship. It's just more pronounced and can be way more deadly to a relationship in a long-distance or internet fling.

[BillSPrestonEsq]

Originally Posted by bravesfan007

Can you really hide less? I would imagine it would allow you to hide as much as you wanted to. You would only have to give out the information (and characteristics) about yourself as you wanted. The other person isn't there to see your reaction to situations or the expression on your face in those same situations.

Your real self comes through. I can hide amongst a group of people in real life vast areas of my life that would be impossible to hide in a long distance relationship. The fact that you are largely limited to text really makes communication via these means much more honest mediums in a lot of way. In real life for example, I have mastered the art of keeping a smiling face and letting nothing faze me. I can keep my cool so much better in real life and pretend to be something I am not. My record on this site will show that I have very often figured out fakes on this site relatively easily over text.

In actuality, in a dating relationship, you can't hide the lack of depth in a relationship when it is either all physical attraction, or two people do not know each other well, you can sub in silence, busyness, or excessive physicality for getting to know the person.

I REALLY got to know my wife over AOL Instant Messenger and MSN Messenger, and when we were married, there were practically no surprises as far as knowing her. I think the biggest was that she does not like the texture of olives. Yeah, we met and sort of dated in high school. Before our online talking started, there was actually a lot of bitter tension.

Its honestly not always a good idea, but hiding is not the reason. That is much worse in couples of close proximity from what I have seen. It is very easy to substitute proximal closeness to emotional closeness.

It is hard. It is emotionally draining. It forces emotional intimacy and actual relationship to build, and sometimes too fast, too soon. Its easier to say too much, too fast. There are a ton of downsides, but this is not really one of them. Just fwiw, I did the long distance thing for 4+ years. My wife and I have now been married for a little more than 3 and a half.