[tmlfan123]

Well I have music for Faces, Tug of War, and These Tearstained Pages, now if I could kick this cold that's making my voice sound even more awful than it normally does, I'd put up a recording.

There's nothing earth-shattering musically in the three(Bittersweet Sensation is probably my strongest song musically), but then that's not what I was going for. I'm not sure how all of you write your songs, but I start with words, then add a basic chord structure. Since I haven't been able to find out how to layer tracks in my recording program(although I'm sure a way exists), that's all I can do right now. My dream would be to take the songs to a band setting where I could add secondary guitars, bass, and drums. But with school and everything, the bunch of guys I know aren't free until the summer

/end rant trying to explain why my songs suck

[tmlfan123]

Late Night Daydream (RC)

(Verse 1)
I was thinking of you today
But that's all I can do today
So I lie in my bed and pray
That someday you'll meet me halfway

(Pre-Chorus)
But even though we have never met
Tell me this song becomes a duet

(Chorus)
You're so beautiful, loving, sweet, kind
I have a picture of you in my mind
Please look up it's me that you will find
Our two paths they will become intertwined

(Verse 2)
My heart can't wait for that someday
I look forward to that someday
The day that seems so far away
The day I wish was yesterday

(Pre-Chorus)
But even though we have never met
Tell me this song becomes a duet

(Chorus)
You're so beautiful, loving, sweet, kind
I have a picture of you in my mind
Please look up it's me that you will find
Our two paths they will become intertwined

(Bridge)
One blessed day you'll say I do
I'll spend a lifetime loving you

(Chorus)
You're so beautiful, loving, sweet, kind
I have a picture of you in my mind
Please look up it's me that you will find
Our two paths they will become intertwined

(Ending)
I was thinking of you today
Were you thinking of me today?

I'm not 100% sold on the ending. Also the computer I record my music on is at my sister's house for an indefinite period - meaning I still can't put up the music

[Ax]

these all sound like something i would have written back in highschool... In my opinion they're rather immature lyrics...

Most of them are very very very similar and i've probably heard dozens of songs expressing similar ideas...

Faces is probably my favorite out of them...

But those are just general synopses... I don't really like going part by part, I like to look at the whole, but you should take a look at them, and see what YOU like and start hacking off the excess and fleshing out the less hackneyed stuff...

I'm not trying to cut you down but the first word that hits my head is cliche.... but keep writing, the more you write and look at yourself critically, the better you'll be...

[mYdEePeStDrEaM]

Decent. Tug Of War is the best.

[tmlfan123]

Originally Posted by AX

these all sound like something i would have written back in highschool...

I'm in high school.

[tmlfan123]

Hide & Seek (RC)

(Verse 1)
It doesn't matter who I am
It just matters what you see
Appearances are everything
I hide away the real me

(Pre-Chorus 1)
Tired of playing the same game

(Chorus 1)
I'm too smart to surrender
Too tough to fall apart
Mark it return to sender
Build walls around my heart

(Verse 2)
These days I've begun to wonder
If my mask just mirrors yours
Who have we become underneath
All fighting our inner wars

(Pre-Chorus 2)
Are we all playing the same game

(Chorus 2)
We're too smart to surrender
Too tough to fall apart
Mark it return to sender
Build walls around our hearts

(Bridge)
Are we all playing the same game
Hide and seek
Inner freak
Let it leak
Try to speak

(Chorus 3)
Far too smart to surrender
Way too tough to fall apart
Mark me return to sender
This song could be my start

I kind of like this one, but the "build walls around my heart" line is straight out of every song ever written. Nothing else fit well for me, though. If you've got a six-syllable sentence that ends in "-art" kicking around in your head, let me know.

[tmlfan123]

The Thing That Hurts The Most (RC)

(Verse 1)
He watches her across the room
She looks up then she looks away
He doesn't know but he assumes
She wishes it wasn't this way

(Verse 2)
Remembers when all that mattered
Was the next time he'd see her
The untold hours they conferred
His promise that he would be true

(Verse 3)
Many ways he's been unwise
Ways too numerous to count
Too caught up in dark brown eyes
To see he's leading her on

(Verse 4)
What can be thought, what can be said
Of youth and love and yesterday
Think what could have happened instead
He lets the cards fall where they may

(Verse 5)
Together for far too long
To be apart now
It's no longer a love song
He gets through somehow

(Verse 6)
Young hearts they may heal fast
But mine is left for last
Because of our silence
Please end this utter silence

(Verse 7)
The thing that hurts the most
Is not losing love
The thing that hurts me most
Is losing friendship

(Verse 8)
Can't you see
I still love you
Can't we be
Friends on redo

(Ending)
I see you across the room
You look up then

[tmlfan123]

Obviously the last one is a little raw. It was a quick one, it just spilled out. I have no music for it, not even a melody in my head. I would cut it and shape it to a song format, but I kind of feel that that would cheapen it a lot. I'll try to figure something out for it.

[tmlfan123]

Doubts (RC)

(Verse 1)
I can see it in your strength
See the pain you're drowning out
You're convinced you just don't care
You'll get along fine without

(Pre-Chorus)
Forgive me if I have my doubts

(Chorus)
Brother I just want to
Hold you in his arms tonight
This father will love you
When dad doesn't know how

(Verse 2)
You see that man once a year
Try to work through the fallout
He's convinced you just don't care
Is that what this is about

(Pre-Chorus)
Forgive me if I have my doubts

(Chorus)
Brother I just want to
Hold you in his arms tonight
This father will love you
When dad doesn't know how

(Bridge)
Brother when you need it
Don't ignore the hand that's reaching
Brother please just admit
You still need a father's teaching

(Chorus)
Brother I just want to
Hold you in his arms tonight
This father will love you
When dad doesn't know how

Personally I think this is the best one I've written since Tug of War but I didn't post it here so I could comment. What do you think? There's probably been a million songs written like this, but it's a theme close to my heart. FYI, the 'brother' here is not my literal brother.

[tmlfan123]

Irresistible (RC)

(Verse 1)
Can't say what made me think twice
You were just a friend I could talk to
All my thoughts and your advice
Brought together under emotion

(Pre-Chorus 1)
Emotions changed
Thoughts rearranged
Now I see a new person
Maybe our song has begun

(Chorus)
You're irresistible with that look in your eye
Unbelievable the way you're making me sigh
Tell me what you mean to imply
I'm here waiting for your reply

(Verse 2)
Suddenly the world is altered
Suddenly the daydreams start
Suddenly all my lines have blurred
Suddenly start to fall apart

(Pre-Chorus 2)
Now looks are exchanged
Times are arranged
Now I see a new lover
Can't wait to talk to her

(Chorus)
You're irresistible with that look in your eye
Unbelievable the way you're making me sigh
Tell what you mean to imply
I'm here waiting for your reply

(Bridge)
You're so hard to read
Can't see what you're thinking
Are we both agreed?
Won't you give me something?

(Chorus)
You're irresistible with that look in your eye
Unbelievable the way you're making me sigh
Tell what you mean to imply
I'm here waiting for your reply

[tmlfan123]

A question for all you song-writers out there:
How do you break the 4/4 time signature mold? All of my songs(as you can see) run in 4/4, with four lines per section, often eight syllables to a line. I feel it limits my music and makes the songs far too predictable. But it seems to just be how I think. All the melodies and chord progressions I invent turn out to be in 4/4.

If you've got some suggestions, let me know.

[6strings21frets]

Dude! Your songs are awesome! I can't listen to the songs because I'm on dialup, but I don't think I need to right now! I'm definitely seeing these lyrics flowing nicely.

Have you performed your songs before?

[tmlfan123]

Originally Posted by 6Strings21Frets

I'm on dialup

So am I I had to use a laptop and my church's wireless to put those ones up

Originally Posted by 6Strings21Frets

Have you performed your songs before?

Not yet. I have a bunch of guys who are interested in playing together, but we're looking at starting in late March or early April when my life is less hectic(never take calculus by correspondence). I'm interested to see how they'll translate from me and my guitar to a full band.

[tmlfan123]

Save Yourself (RC)

(Verse 1)
Trying to make clear to her
What's jumbled up in his mind
Holding on to what he knows is true
But still trying to be kind

(Verse 2)
He's trying to use reason
To fight the onslaught of emotion
Sometimes he's overrun
But in the end he hopes he's won

(Chorus)
Can't you see how it ends?
Just hurt and another wound to mend
Don't start on this journey of pain
And save all of your kisses in the rain

(Verse 3)
Tells her his greatest fear
Cause he knows where this road leads
If they're lucky it'll last a year
But in the end, both hearts will bleed

(Chorus)
Can't you see how it ends?
Just hurt and another wound to mend
Don't start on this journey of pain
And save all of your kisses in the rain

(Ending/Bridge/random extra section)
Come back in five more
With a new boy at your side
See what you're wishing for
When you're to become his bride

[tmlfan123]

(Verse 1)
How does time slip away
Like lovers in their teens
How can close become so far
Nine worlds in between

(Chorus 1)
Left standing here alone
Holding a pink-purple ribbon
You tied it round my wrist
I tied you round my heart

(Verse 2)
How does clear become so dark
Like windows in the night
How can right become so wrong
Flames waiting to ignite

(Chorus 2)
Left standing here alone
Holding a pink-purple ribbon
You tied it round my wrist
I tied you round my heart
Wonder now what I missed
I didn't dare to start

(Bridge)
Fingering that pink-purple ribbon
Let it drop to the ground
Let it stand for what might have been
All that which I drowned

(Chorus 2)
Left standing here alone
Holding a pink-purple ribbon
You tied it round my wrist
I tied you round my heart
Wonder now what I missed
I didn't dare to start

(Ending)
You can tell me it's the right decision
But I could care less
Cause now I'm left holding no one
Just this stupid little ribbon