need a little help

Hawk5 · 10-10-2008, 11:19 AM

ok so here is my problem. there is this girl we've both liked each other for about six or seven months now (we"ve known each other for about three years), and i love her so much and she has told me that she loves me. we haven't really dated but we kinda acted like we were (holding hands, sitting next to each other ect...) so needless to say we are close. lately we've been having some trouble, her parents absolutly do not want her dating, they took her phone won't let her talk to me, they've even said they might move to a different chuch so we wouldn't see each other (thats really the only time i get to see her). my parents are cool with me dating her and have said that we should all get together and talk about it.

so here's the big thing. yesterday i was talking to her ( by some maricle) and i told her that my parents wanted to get together with hers and all of us talk. she said that they probally would not even do that. so we kept talking and i think we decided to wait and just be friends, but we still have the same feelings about each other.

I guess what i'm asking is have any of you guys been there, is there anything i can do? i mean i really love her. and i'm really not sure what to do right now

thanks for any help

P.S. she's 17 and I'm 16

rock_show_host · 10-10-2008, 12:29 PM

If neither of you are yet adults and both live under your parents' roofs, you need to respect her parents' boundaries. It sucks, and frankly (in my opinion) it seems a little nasty of them to switch churches for the sole purpose of keeping you from seeing her -- but she is their daughter, and for either of you to be deliberately going against their rules would make things much worse for both of you.

Along those same lines, if her parents are worried about her dating, seeing a guy disobey them and date her behind their backs will obviously NOT change their minds. Rather, showing them that you're willing to honor their rules can only help your chances in the long run.

As for now, is there any way you two can continue to stay in touch/build your friendship? Or have they literally barred all communication between you?

Hawk5 · 10-10-2008, 12:47 PM

ya i have no intention of dating behind their back. i just couldn't do that.
and we can talk every rare now and then, but thats about it.

cngp90 · 10-10-2008, 12:53 PM

Is she not allowed to date period?

Hawk5 · 10-10-2008, 01:00 PM

well..... i think she is but her parents said that as of now they want her to stay foucused on school and that she does not need a relationship right now

cngp90 · 10-10-2008, 01:05 PM

Hmm. That's tough. I will keep you in my prayers. I would say the best thing you can do right now is respect her parents' wishes... try to build a relationship with them so that they trust you- whether to date their daughter now or when she is done with school. I know my parents are extremely protective of my sisters and before they would be willing to think about someone dating them, they would want to really see the guy's character and that he is the kind of person they want for my sisters...

Hawk5 · 10-10-2008, 01:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cngp90

Hmm. That's tough. I will keep you in my prayers. I would say the best thing you can do right now is respect her parents' wishes... try to build a relationship with them so that they trust you- whether to date their daughter now or when she is done with school. I know my parents are extremely protective of my sisters and before they would be willing to think about someone dating them, they would want to really see the guy's character and that he is the kind of person they want for my sisters...

Ya i see what you mean. and i have talked to her parents casually. and they say that they like me (I don't know if thats true they said they might move to a different church for petes sake)

**Rainer.** · 10-10-2008, 02:02 PM

Yes, I've been there.

I'd say that you're going to have to wait it out. This issue is really between her and her parents, and it would probably be best for you to just maintain the best relationship with her parents as you can, and stay her friend. She has to work it out with her parents, and you need to respect that they may not change their mind for the time being.

PM me if you want.

jthomas1600 · 10-10-2008, 02:41 PM

Her parents said they'd move to a different church? Try not to take it personally. If you have behaved yourself as well as your posts here indicate, I would suspect there may be more going on in their home. I'm fairly conservative when it comes to my kids dating, and I would not consider leaving the church if I were the parent of this girl. Is she an only or the oldest child? That would mean this is the first time for her parents dealing with this issue. When a child is 5 they are completely dependent on you, but when they're 17...not so much. This is a hard transition for parents to make. Continue to behave in a way that builds her parents trust in you. Things could change in your favor rapidly, you never know.

Hawk5 · 10-10-2008, 03:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jthomas1600

Her parents said they'd move to a different church? Try not to take it personally. If you have behaved yourself as well as your posts here indicate, I would suspect there may be more going on in their home. I'm fairly conservative when it comes to my kids dating, and I would not consider leaving the church if I were the parent of this girl. Is she an only or the oldest child? That would mean this is the first time for her parents dealing with this issue. When a child is 5 they are completely dependent on you, but when they're 17...not so much. This is a hard transition for parents to make. Continue to behave in a way that builds her parents trust in you. Things could change in your favor rapidly, you never know.

She's not an only child. but her siblings have all moved out. also her parents are very very strict in everything, everyone who knows her agrees on that, her parents are also a really hard people to get along with, i am a sarcastic person (runs in the family lol) they are not at all so i have to watch myself.

jthomas1600 · 10-10-2008, 03:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hawk5

She's not an only child. but her siblings have all moved out. also her parents are very very strict in everything, everyone who knows her agrees on that, her parents are also a really hard people to get along with, i am a sarcastic person (runs in the family lol) they are not at all so i have to watch myself.

I guess each kid--as in oldest, youngest etc.--has unique challenges. With this one, when they let go they're done. That might be very hard. Also many adults (35ish ya'know) have a hard time distinguishing between "nice kid, just a little sarcastic" and "smart ass punk who doesn't know his place". This is not your fault of course, but it could be part of the problem.

I had lunch with my 12 year daughter at school the other day and Bob (not his real name) joined us. When he saw me, he looked at my name tag and then said "hi, Mr. Thomas". Later during the meal he said "you're her dad?, then you're the nice man I'm always hearing about." He told me he was my daughters best friend, and after lunch he shook my hand and said "it was nice to meet you Mr. Thomas". Maybe that would work.

Demon_Hunter · 10-10-2008, 06:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jthomas1600

I guess each kid--as in oldest, youngest etc.--has unique challenges. With this one, when they let go they're done. That might be very hard. Also many adults (35ish ya'know) have a hard time distinguishing between "nice kid, just a little sarcastic" and "smart ass punk who doesn't know his place". This is not your fault of course, but it could be part of the problem.

I had lunch with my 12 year daughter at school the other day and Bob (not his real name) joined us. When he saw me, he looked at my name tag and then said "hi, Mr. Thomas". Later during the meal he said "you're her dad?, then you're the nice man I'm always hearing about." He told me he was my daughters best friend, and after lunch he shook my hand and said "it was nice to meet you Mr. Thomas". Maybe that would work.

This is off topic but...

That kid is up to something....

[/joking]

jthomas1600 · 10-10-2008, 08:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Demon_Hunter

This is off topic but...

That kid is up to something....

[/joking]

If you're talking about "Bob", don't think I'm not keeping my eye on him. He's slick like I was in the 4th grade.

Sorry, feel free to resume original topic.

Hawk5 · 10-17-2008, 09:36 PM

sorry i haven't posted in a couple days been a little busy. ummm well not much has changed i haven't seen her in like two weeks, so ya thats not fun. but i think i am still getting together with her parents (maybe) and most likely we're just going to wait it out. so thanks for all the advice guys, basiclly you've just confirmed what i thought the right thing to do is, as hard as it is.

WorshipJesus · 10-23-2008, 03:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hawk5

sorry i haven't posted in a couple days been a little busy. ummm well not much has changed i haven't seen her in like two weeks, so ya thats not fun. but i think i am still getting together with her parents (maybe) and most likely we're just going to wait it out. so thanks for all the advice guys, basiclly you've just confirmed what i thought the right thing to do is, as hard as it is.

Hey bro, I know pretty much exactly what you're going through. Waiting can be a tough thing to do, and as guys, we have a problem with rushing into things. You're only 16 and you have many years of growing up to do. I'm 19 and I know so much more now about love than when I was your age.. and I've still got a long way to go.

Here's how I see it.. You still have about 2 years (depending on your birthday) until you can get married, but I'm not suggesting that you get married then, lol. You're probably thinking "Married?! What are you talking about!?" But seriously look at what exclusively being with somebody is for. Is it not to see if you are compatible for marriage? Even at your age you should be preparing to take care of yourself and one day a family.

If you want to be in a relationship, you better be able to take advice and criticism like a man. If her dad says he doesn't want you dating right now, respect it.. just be friends. If he says it's ok, respect the girl and her family.. prepare yourself financially and spiritually for marriage. Too many people today want to be in a relationship without the responsibility of a relationship.. a.k.a, friends with benefits. I don't care what people say.. if you aren't in a relatioship intended for marriage, it's friends with benefits (but maybe not to the extent of sex as this term is usually connected with).

Just be patient, my friend. It's hard, but it's worth it =)

There's something that I want to challenge you to do and I hinted at it earlier in this post.. Work on building yourself financially. You need all the head start you can get in today's economy. Even if this girl isn't the one for you, you will already have more of a head start with your future wife =)

Praying for you!