[Becky]

When answering these questions, think of them as they related to a guys sense of Humor.

In general, what do guys talk about with each other. what are their social norms? are there things they say to each other that social norms dictate they don't say in front of girls? Are these things cultural, or universal? How do you know if a guy is being immature... or just being a guy? How can you tell whether something is cultural, or universal?

Question more for the girls... does your boyfriend act differently around you then his guy friends? Is this socially correct?

For married couples: Are there still things that he only talks about with other guys?

[thesteve]

As much as I try, I cannot have a decent conversation regarding sports with my wife.

I have specific sets of friends for different things. I don't think it really has as much to do with gender as interests. While I used the example of how talking sports with my wife is futile, trying to talk sports with either of my band mates is an even great waste of effort. I do know at least one girl that would fit in comfortably with my friends that I talk sports with.

[DaGeek]

Originally Posted by Becky

When answering these questions, think of them as they related to a guys sense of Humor.

In general, what do guys talk about with each other. what are their social norms? are there things they say to each other that social norms dictate they don't say in front of girls? Are these things cultural, or universal? How do you know if a guy is being immature... or just being a guy? How can you tell whether something is cultural, or universal?

What do we talk about? Well, it all depends, I suppose. With some friends, I hardly ever have a serious conversation. With my good friends, however, I think it's probably around a 1:2 ratio of serious to fun conversation, if I had to approximate. I find it highly disturbing when I can't have a serious conversation with someone without them just turning it into a joke or changing topics.

More specific topics, for me, include hobbies and stuff, but I also talk to my guy friends about some girl situations when they come up (though not always, and rarely do I give 100% of the details) and that kind of thing. For serious topics, I'll often talk about work, mutual friends (problems they're having and how we can help have been recent topics), my relationship with God, etc. For fun topics, working out, video games, hanging out, planning hanging out, etc. are all fairly common.

Social norms: Yes, there are definitely things I say to other guys that social norms would dictate I don't say in front of women. I'd say some are cultural (relevant to U.S. culture), but I have no idea how much is universal, as I'm not well-studied on that.

A good way to find out if we're being immature or not is to find out if we can switch to being serious when needed (at least, for me it is). If I'm goofing around and the person I'm messing with tells me honestly that I'm really bothering them, it would be a sign of personal immaturity if I continued to mess around and not let it go. However, and this is only taking myself into account, part of being a guy is seeming "immature," but mostly only with other guys I know well (i.e. close friends). I love to mess around and laugh, and so do my friends, so, from the outside, it may look immature and childish, but we know the other well enough to know it's not who we really are.

How to tell if it's cultural or universal I have no idea. I do know, however, that goofing off, making jokes, jokingly hitting each other, etc. seem to be a fairly universal trait. Most guys I know do this. To figure out if it's cultural or universal would be tough without having experienced a lot of other cultures.



Not sure if this answers what you need, so feel free to ask more specific stuff if you'd like .

[Becky]

Originally Posted by The Sleepy Armadillo

A good way to find out if we're being immature or not is to find out if we can switch to being serious when needed (at least, for me it is). If I'm goofing around and the person I'm messing with tells me honestly that I'm really bothering them, it would be a sign of personal immaturity if I continued to mess around and not let it go.

Thank you for your response! it is most helpful. One question of clarification though.. among guys, do you view someone as immature if they are bothered by your messing around?

[DaGeek]

Originally Posted by Becky

Thank you for your response! it is most helpful. One question of clarification though.. among guys, do you view someone as immature if they are bothered by your messing around?

Personally, no. I normally would take that as either A) They aren't up to it then, which I can relate to every now and then, or B) They're lacking on a sense of humor that I can easily relate to. I don't think of them as immature just because they're bothered by my humor .

[Dr. Worm]

I think that people mean different things when they use the word "maturity", and this is an important difference to recognize. When people say that I am immature, it usually has something to do with the fact that I find poop absolutely hilarious. This, of course, has nothing to do with the way I manage relationships or money or responsibility or work. Which is to say, one's sense of humor doesn't really speak to their level of maturity in any meaningful sense of the word.

[Soap]

I resort to the internet. Not even my male friends want to talk to me about computers or video games or PRS guitars. Like steve said, it's more about sharing interests than a common gender.

[H.M. Murdock]

This is a normal conversation snippet from when I am with my guy friends:

Person A: Radda! Radda radda radda!
Person B: Radda radda? Radda!
Person C: You guys are retarded.
Person A: That's not nice.
Person B: I need an adult! I've been slandered!

Honestly, though, I would be lost without my boys. I would have no one to talk to about things like poetry, politics and movies.

[Iceman-bass14]

Originally Posted by Becky

Question more for the girls... does your boyfriend act differently around you then his guy friends? Is this socially correct?

I act a bit different when im with 'the guys' than when im with my girlfriend.Idk if its 'socially correct' but neither of us see a problem with it.For instance:when im with the guys we exchange jokes that arent bad,but most girls wouldnt care to hear or would find stupid.And i can sympathize with steve,she doest care about sports and 90% of my guy friends do so i obviously am gonna talk to them about sports more than i do with her.

[taykey]

Originally Posted by Dr. Worm

I think that people mean different things when they use the word "maturity", and this is an important difference to recognize. When people say that I am immature, it usually has something to do with the fact that I find poop absolutely hilarious. This, of course, has nothing to do with the way I manage relationships or money or responsibility or work. Which is to say, one's sense of humor doesn't really speak to their level of maturity in any meaningful sense of the word.

what if it's innapropriate?

[Demon_Hunter]

Guys are yucky.

[Dr. Worm]

Originally Posted by taykey

what if it's innapropriate?

"Appropriateness" is defined by context. What is appropriate for one situation may not be appropriate for another situation. An inability to act appropriately for a given situation does show a lack of social maturity. And this works both ways. In formal ocassions, there are clearly certain behaviors, mannerisms, and topics of conversation that are inappropriate. However, if I were to speak to my close friends in a casual setting with the same sort of language that I use in, say, an academic dissertation, I think it would be equally inappropriate, and frankly, downright rude. So in that sense, yes, I suppose acting appropriately for a given situation is a sign of maturity.

[BillSPrestonEsq]

Originally Posted by Becky

When answering these questions, think of them as they related to a guys sense of Humor.

The concept of a "Guy's" sense of humor is rather mistaken. Is there a "girl's" sense of humor? My wife's I guarantee could freak out most people.

In general, what do guys talk about with each other. what are their social norms?

Depends on the guys. Around one of my friend's I do hopeless nerd humor and around others I hold extremely different conversations.

are there things they say to each other that social norms dictate they don't say in front of girls?

Not really for me. I am not going to discuss a crotch hit in front of your average girl acquaintance. I am also not going to mention that among your average guy acquaintances either. However, I might let on a little more if its all guys if I took a blow there or someone else did.

Are these things cultural, or universal?

Cultural. For example, I am way more, no holds barred around girls than some. I am also more reserved around guys than some, which means I am almost identical among most.

How do you know if a guy is being immature... or just being a guy?

Is he being immature? Immaturity is immaturity.

How can you tell whether something is cultural, or universal?

Does it vary from culture to culture? If in doubt, ask people's opinions from a few diverse cultures.

For married couples: Are there still things that he only talks about with other guys?

Only if it bores my wife. For example, I do not discuss and argue theology with my wife in depth. It bores her. I do not go as nerdy as I do with one friend, because, hey, he stress tested processors for intel. He is as nerdy as they come and our ridiculous jokes are hopelessly nerdy.

[Luder]

I agree with most of what's been said. My best friends and I can appear to be very immature at times and make fart jokes etc, but when the situation calls for it we can have an intelligent theological/philosophical discussion with the same group of people. I guess some people find that weird. For example, one of my best friends moved about 3 hours away at the begining of this semester. I went down there for a weekend with his brother, and we met a couple of his friends that lived down there. We went out to eat and we were laughing and screwing around the whole time. Then later at his house we got into some serious conversations about God and religion, and one of the girls we just met was caught completely off gaurd because she thought we were a bunch of jokesters and all of a sudden we changed tone completely.

I find that with most of my friends we can have either fun or serious conversations, but as aforementioned alot of it depends on common interest. For example I love cars and motorcycles, but one of my best friends that I hang out with all the time doesn't care a whole lot or know alot about them, so we talk about guitars or whatever. With another friend we can go on all day about bikes and trucks and engines and turbos or what have you. When the three of us hang out, it gets a little more mixed up.

are there things they say to each other that social norms dictate they don't say in front of girls?

I guess its kind of expected that certain things are "guy talk", but for me personally I'll say just about anything in front of my female friends that I would in front of my guy friends. I wont try to get a conversation going about fishing or something else they might not care about, but as far as "approriateness" goes I don't really draw the line of "Can't say that cuz there's girls here". Of course there are some exceptions, but this is just in general.

[Novan_Leon]

Originally Posted by Becky

When answering these questions, think of them as they related to a guys sense of Humor.

In general, what do guys talk about with each other. what are their social norms? are there things they say to each other that social norms dictate they don't say in front of girls? Are these things cultural, or universal? How do you know if a guy is being immature... or just being a guy? How can you tell whether something is cultural, or universal?

Question more for the girls... does your boyfriend act differently around you then his guy friends? Is this socially correct?

For married couples: Are there still things that he only talks about with other guys?

I think the answers change depending on the guy. Being a guy, in general I find that there are certain things guys won't talk about in front of girls. This "guy talk" usually includes talk about women, relationships with women, advice on relationships with women, crude and sexual commentary about women, and sexual advice pertaining to both men and women. I assume this is somewhat common among guys everywhere, but it may vary. Being a devout Christian I don't indulge in any of the crude or casual sexual talk myself, but we do talk about relationships and stuff that we normally wouldn't discuss in front of a girl.

This is my experience anyways.

How can you tell if a guy is being immature? That depends on what you call immature.