Divorce??/

guitarguy · 09-14-2008, 03:44 PM

I just recently got married to my wife about a month and a half ago... that being said we are already getting divorced... I basically came down to she didn't love me as much as I loved her and she thought getting married would make us closer and it didn't and she couldn't be happy so she was miserable and made me miserable and we just decided to go ahead and get divorced instead of putting each other through a bad marriage which was where it was heading..

All that being said.. I am devestated and heart broken... I thought she was the one... But I didn't consult God on this and sorta did what I want all the while he was telling me this wasn't what he planned.. I know I got out of his will I just hope that he isn't done with me... I've always longed for a wife and family to raise for him. Please pray for me... that God will still use me in ministry as well... I want to get closer to him. Pray that he will give me peace with this.. My mind goes on endlessly at night... I don't sleep or eat. She was the first girl I ever loved like this.. And for her not to love me like I love her kills me. The heartache and mental battle is the worst. I can't even bare the thought of her moving on to another man and doing the same things with him and saying the same things to him as she did with me... I almost can't take it.. Please pray for me that God will give me peace..

**Sean** · 09-14-2008, 04:23 PM

Did you try seeing a counselor or pastor?

***BillSPrestonEsq*** · 09-14-2008, 04:35 PM

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Originally Posted by guitarguy

I just recently got married to my wife about a month and a half ago... that being said we are already getting divorced... I basically came down to she didn't love me as much as I loved her and she thought getting married would make us closer and it didn't and she couldn't be happy so she was miserable and made me miserable and we just decided to go ahead and get divorced instead of putting each other through a bad marriage which was where it was heading..

I have been married 3 years now, and this much I know.
1) It sounds like you are about to make the biggest mistake of your life.
2) The first few months together are tough. Its a rough time a lot of times, but giving up, and committing one of the gravest sins in scripture is not a solution.
3) Instead of going for divorce, if its at all possible, take that item off the table, seek godly counsel instead and seek to make it work. You can make it work.

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All that being said.. I am devestated and heart broken... I thought she was the one... But I didn't consult God on this and sorta did what I want all the while he was telling me this wasn't what he planned..

However, your actions do have consequence, and as scripture says, what God has joined together, let not man put assunder. Dragging God into this as part of an excuse for why you should get divorced is abominable. Read Malachi. God hates divorce, he regards it as betrayal of your wife, he calls it fornication elsewhere, and Jesus himself was rough on it.

Marriage is a much bigger deal than what makes you happy. In fact, if you take 30 days and seek only to make your wife happy, and do whatever it takes and ignore what you want, it might be enough to turn the tide.

Marriage is about living like Christ did for his church, which was brutal, he got beat, had nails shoved through his wrist and feet and died. Till you have gone at least that far, you haven't really fulfilled your role in showing love. Seek to show, and ignore what you receive for a bit.

While you may have made a decision based on what you now think is unwise, getting divorced would be making the problem worse. Trying to get right with God by committing abominations against him does not really work.

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I know I got out of his will I just hope that he isn't done with me...

Then do not run farther, which divorce would be doing. Seek to love and be reconciled with your wife.

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I've always longed for a wife and family to raise for him.

Then do what it takes to keep it dude.

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Please pray for me... that God will still use me in ministry as well... I want to get closer to him.

In a lot of ways you are closing this door with a divorce and bolting it.

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Pray that he will give me peace with this..

never would I do so. I pray he gives you misery and torment in doing this, and peace about reconciliation and that you seek to love one another instead of selfishly seeking ones own.

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My mind goes on endlessly at night... I don't sleep or eat. She was the first girl I ever loved like this.. And for her not to love me like I love her kills me.

Then... seek to reconcile. If you wrote this this way and she is divorcing you over you exhausting every available option, I apologize for my tone, but it sounds like you two decided to give up without trying. And then pawn it off on God. God in his revealed will shows divorce isn't his plan. Look at Hosea. Thats God's love for whores like us, and that's the kind of love we should show others, especially wives.

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The heartache and mental battle is the worst. I can't even bare the thought of her moving on to another man and doing the same things with him and saying the same things to him as she did with me... I almost can't take it.. Please pray for me that God will give me peace..

Thats because you are doing here what you are meant not to. I pray that intensifies for both of you and that you seek to love each other, instead of being selfish, committing adultery, and feeling fine with it, cause that is how scripture describes this.

And a month and a half is no time to even give anything a shot. First few months of my marriage sucked for a host of reasons that I do not feel comfortable with 13 year olds reading. If you feel you want to PM me, I can give you a few ideas, but dude, I would never pray for you to have a smooth divorce. But I will pray for reconciliation. Give it a shot. You haven't really yet. I know that, because you have not given it the time to have.

tlj009 · 09-15-2008, 07:56 AM

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I just recently got married to my wife about a month and a half ago... that being said we are already getting divorced... I basically came down to she didn't love me as much as I loved her and she thought getting married would make us closer and it didn't and she couldn't be happy so she was miserable and made me miserable and we just decided to go ahead and get divorced instead of putting each other through a bad marriage which was where it was heading..

Your first problem is thinking of divorce as an option. Once you decide that it is an option, then you have decided that what it would take to reach that point. And that point is .... that she doesn't love you as much as you love her? She probably thinks the same thing about you. You don't love her enough. The thing that you two need to discuss is why was she miserable? Why and how does she make you miserable? And why is being miserable for a week, month, or year an acceptable reason for a divorce? Divorce is allowed in the Bible for one reason, the hardness of people's hearts. If you do get a divorce, it won't be because she failed to love you enough. It will be because you failed to love each other.

**MtlMom** · 09-15-2008, 08:06 AM

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Originally Posted by guitarguy

Please pray for me that God will give me peace..

I will not pray for God to give you peace. I will pray that God will give you no peace at all until you commit to doing the hard work it's going to take to make your marriage work. The two of you need to see a counselor, and soon.

Ax · 09-15-2008, 08:51 AM

The only acceptable reason for divorce is if one party cheats on the other. If she were cheating on you i'd say divorce her but it is a sin to divorce her otherwise and it will be a sin for either of you to ever date again after this and anybody who knowingly dates and marries you after this divorce would be an adulterer. Are you willing to live alone for the rest of your life or make somebody become and adulterer for you?

Furthermore... she doesn't love you as much as you love her? Do you know how absurd this reason is for divorce? I mean come on... as late as 150 years ago it was almost standard, even in the U.S., for arranged marriages to happen and many times the bride and groom never met each other before the ceremony. I know that television has taught you that led to many disappointed brides and grooms but that did happen, it happened for most of history, and people would stay married to these people until they died. So that really makes me wanna start quoting Tina Turner... "What's love got to do with it?"

I know this sounds harsh but seriously, man up and find a counselor.

Ordinary Sarah · 09-15-2008, 10:02 AM

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But I didn't consult God on this and sorta did what I want all the while he was telling me this wasn't what he planned

No matter how far you got off from God's initial plan, it is never too late to get back on it. I am NOT saying this means divorcing your wife. Let me explain.

You made a vow to God and to another person, a lifelong commitment. Your vow here is sacred, something that God commands should not be broken for any other reason than infidelity or death. No exceptions. Perhaps you're right, perhaps you went into this without his blessing. But now you have his blessing on your union because of the vow you made, and leaving this union will be leaving his will for you at this point.

Look at it this way: God has a plan for all people.... through his salvation and then through his commandments. Then he has individual plans for all people. When you've lost track of or found yourself out of his individual plan, you default to his commandments, if you are found in his salvation. So the fact that "I didn't seek God on this before I committed" is moot at this point. By agreeing to separate from your union with this person, you will be violating his commandment.

At this point, it doesn't matter what you think needs to happen or how rational this sounds to you.... God is ready and willing to bless your marriage, and to overlook any mistakes you made prior. Your marriage and your vows are infinitely more important to him than the fact that you may have failed to seek him in the beginning. It is possible that you left his will for your life to pursue this, but that doesn't mean he cannot fulfill his will in your life through this and in this. And he wants to.

I also agree with Ax. Love is so much more than a feeling, and I think that perhaps you and your wife do not understand this fully yet. Love is something that can grow and flourish through experience, hard work, dedication, desire. Seek counseling. Let God grow a love and a commitment that fulfills your heart's desire in THIS relationship. He can and wants to do that for you.

All of that being said..... I can see that this is something coming from her more than it is from you. I encourage you to fight for this, to fight to keep her. Let her know you aren't satisfied with that, and pursue her the way God pursues a relationship with us, in spite of our foolish rejection. I want you to know that no matter what, she still has the ability to reject you ultimately, and you have to give her that freedom..... but don't you dare settle for letting this go.

steviewonder · 09-15-2008, 11:53 PM

Hi,

You have had great advice here. My prayers are with you.

Steve

guitarguy · 09-19-2008, 06:47 PM

Well, she found another guy.... I forgot to tell yall that.. I knew she would... She's the kind of person that cant go without somebody to be with her. I found out 3 days after we separated she got his # and she's been hangin with him since.

**Thrash** · 09-24-2008, 01:34 AM

Have you talked to her yet?

Don't let osme crap like that do anyting to you!

Listen to the encouragement and advice on here, pray baout it and pursue her, as is the right thing to do!

Is she a Christian? Does she know that it is a grave sin/

Seriously, stop with the excuses and do what you must. Don't give up so easily!

We are all standing behind you and praying for you, okay?

In Christ

Thrash (cuddles)

Ordinary Sarah · 09-29-2008, 01:20 PM

That's what I was going to ask..... is she a born-again christian? Also, are you sure she's 'with' this other guy?

taykey · 10-03-2008, 08:47 PM

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Originally Posted by Cuddles

Have you talked to her yet?

Don't let osme crap like that do anyting to you!

Listen to the encouragement and advice on here, pray baout it and pursue her, as is the right thing to do!

he's right. i can't remember who it was, but this guy in the old testiment had an adulterous wife, and God told him to chase after her and win her back. do whatever it takes to do this.

guitarguy · 01-20-2009, 08:06 PM

ok It's been a while since I was here but here is the update.. We did work things out.. It was not me that wanted the divorce it was her.. I was doing all I could.. You can't make a marriage work if the other party doesn't want it.. Even though she was with another man while we were separated I still forgave her and we worked things out.

Ax · 01-21-2009, 01:34 AM

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Originally Posted by guitarguy

ok It's been a while since I was here but here is the update.. We did work things out.. It was not me that wanted the divorce it was her.. I was doing all I could.. You can't make a marriage work if the other party doesn't want it.. Even though she was with another man while we were separated I still forgave her and we worked things out.

That's great to hear... I really hope for the best for your both...