My Songs.

4of5Rocker · 09-09-2008, 01:03 PM

I'm really bad at this, so feel free to give pointers, and anything that could help me mature some.

The first song I'm okay with:
Beyond the Stars.

(Guitar Intro)

I wanna love you
I wanna hold you
I wanna feel you by my side

If I could make you smile just once, I'd write a million songs.
If I only to make you happy, I'd write about you all day long.

When your world comes crashing down, I'll caress your fears away
And when the world come to shoot you down, just know we're here to stay.

I'd love you beyond the stars, if that is where you are
Even if you were next to me, I'd love you just as far
I love you more than expressions could ever allow me to say
But I will keep on using them if they will make you stay

When your world comes crashing down, I'll caress your fears away
And when the world comes to shoot you down, just know we're here to stay.

I love you, and that'll never change.

Feel free to critique, like I said. What do you think? And be honest.

Ordinary Sarah · 09-09-2008, 02:57 PM

I"m gonna go ahead and move this to Songwriting since it fits that section better.

taykey · 09-10-2008, 07:44 PM

hmm... it's missing something... but i don't know what...

other than that, it's good.

let me think about what's missing...

Quote:

If I only to make you happy, I'd write about you all day long.

this kinda makes no sense.

Quote:

Even if you were next to me, I'd love you just as far

neither does this...
it's seems to be missing an even beat,

4of5Rocker · 12-21-2008, 10:49 PM

Wanna get old?

Would you like to grow old with me?
Would you like to make some laugh lines, growing old with me?
And as you can see
I want you to grow old with me…

I can see it now, It’s a quarter past three,
And now it’s our honeymoon, it’s just you and just me
You know I love you baby
So won’t you grow old with me?

Something may go wrong, you may get angry with me
But you’ll always be someone I can’t live with out.
Then we’ll make up, make out,
Order some take out,
and enjoy each other’s company over Chinese…

Would you like to grow old with me?
And after life time filled with our happy family,
Tour across the country in our brand RV.
Now you can see,
It was a good thing you grew old with me.

Here ya go.

**tmlfan123** · 12-22-2008, 09:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 4of5Rocker

Wanna get old?

Would you like to grow old with me?
Would you like to make some laugh lines, growing old with me?
And as you can see
I want you to grow old with me…

First off, do you already have music to this? It makes a world of difference in commenting.
Repeating "grow old with me" seems a little redundant by the fourth time you say it. However, it may fit the music perfectly.

Quote:

Originally Posted by 4of5Rocker

I can see it now, It’s a quarter past three

The quarter past three line's sole purpose appears to be to rhyme with the next line... was there a deeper meaning behind that line?

Quote:

Originally Posted by 4of5Rocker

Then we’ll make up, make out,
Order some take out

I'm not sure what it is but I really enjoyed this line.
Overall, an enjoyable effort, I'd like to hear the music for it.

jesus_chic · 12-22-2008, 11:15 AM

cool.
do you have music to it?
cuz if you do i wanna hear it!!!

4of5Rocker · 12-22-2008, 11:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tmlfan123

First off, do you already have music to this? It makes a world of difference in commenting.
Repeating "grow old with me" seems a little redundant by the fourth time you say it. However, it may fit the music perfectly.

I'm working on the music, I have my method, and all the rhythm, so I'll post it soon.

And my music always tend to be leaning more towards folk than anything else, and I've noticed that they repeat something a lot, it's usually something important to them. I wrote this song for my future wife, so it's nigh essential.

Quote:

Originally Posted by tmlfan123

The quarter past three line's sole purpose appears to be to rhyme with the next line... was there a deeper meaning behind that line?

I like to create pictures in people minds, and I always wanted my ceremony in the afternoon, so... and yes, it rhymed.

Quote:

Originally Posted by tmlfan123

I'm not sure what it is but I really enjoyed this line.
Overall, an enjoyable effort, I'd like to hear the music for it.

That was the easiest part to write, I'm really happy about how it all came out, please be patient, I'm almost done with the music part.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jesus_chic

cool.
do you have music to it?
cuz if you do i wanna hear it!!!

Thanks.

Like I said, I'm working on it.

Okay! I'll post ASAP.

mellow_yellow · 02-02-2009, 01:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 4of5Rocker

Wanna get old?

Would you like to grow old with me?
Would you like to make some laugh lines, growing old with me?
And as you can see
I want you to grow old with me…

I can see it now, It’s a quarter past three,
And now it’s our honeymoon, it’s just you and just me
You know I love you baby
So won’t you grow old with me?

Something may go wrong, you may get angry with me
But you’ll always be someone I can’t live with out.
Then we’ll make up, make out,
Order some take out,
and enjoy each other’s company over Chinese…

Would you like to grow old with me?
And after life time filled with our happy family,
Tour across the country in our brand RV.
Now you can see,
It was a good thing you grew old with me.

Here ya go.

Awww...I like this song. It's cute.

**Skeeter** · 02-02-2009, 10:19 AM

Have you seen "The Wedding Singer" with Adam Sandler? Because he sings a song called "I Wanna Grow Old With You" that bears some similarities to this song. I'm not accusing you of stealing it at all, but it's something you should be aware of if you plan on performing this song for other people. Anyone who's seen the movie may think you got the idea from it.

6strings21frets · 02-09-2009, 03:20 AM

Just remember, Aaron, that these songs are only your first 2 or 3. They don't have to be "great" straight away. What I would do is never stop writing. A great friend of mine critiqued my songs recently and said that you should keep writing, and whatever is inside you will just flow out through the pen and onto paper. Filling yourself with impurities will cause you to write some stuff which might surprise us, but filling yourslef with good things means you'll have plenty of songs coming in the future.

jesus_chic · 02-09-2009, 10:25 AM

WOW that's deep. lol
but he's totally right aaron.
whatever you think just write it and maybe if you come back sometime you will find that half of one song and half of another fit together perfectly.
I'll watch for you when your huge.

**Skeeter** · 02-09-2009, 06:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 6Strings21Frets

Just remember, Aaron, that these songs are only your first 2 or 3. They don't have to be "great" straight away. What I would do is never stop writing. A great friend of mine critiqued my songs recently and said that you should keep writing, and whatever is inside you will just flow out through the pen and onto paper. Filling yourself with impurities will cause you to write some stuff which might surprise us, but filling yourslef with good things means you'll have plenty of songs coming in the future.

This is good advice to start off with, but to provide an alternate point of view, I would like to point out that songwriting is a craft that takes time to learn and develop. Don't expect to be great right away and don't be discouraged by your early efforts, but learn from them. Listen to a lot of music and as many great songwriters as possible and learn why they're considered great. Listen to Bob Dylan and the Beatles and see how they craft their songs. Songwriting is definitely about your heart and what's inside of you, but it's also about hard work and craftsmanship.

6strings21frets · 02-10-2009, 01:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Skeeter

This is good advice to start off with, but to provide an alternate point of view, I would like to point out that songwriting is a craft that takes time to learn and develop. Don't expect to be great right away and don't be discouraged by your early efforts, but learn from them. Listen to a lot of music and as many great songwriters as possible and learn why they're considered great. Listen to Bob Dylan and the Beatles and see how they craft their songs. Songwriting is definitely about your heart and what's inside of you, but it's also about hard work and craftsmanship.

Another thing I forgot to tell you which backs up from what Skeeter says:
As he said "don't be discouraged by your early efforts, but learn from them", I say you should just stay confident, and I found a quote from a Disney movie, which says:
"From success, you do not learn as much as what you would if you were to, should you not meet your own standards.*

Keep writing, Aaron!

*paraphrased

6strings21frets · 02-10-2009, 02:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Skeeter

This is good advice to start off with, but to provide an alternate point of view, I would like to point out that songwriting is a craft that takes time to learn and develop. Don't expect to be great right away and don't be discouraged by your early efforts, but learn from them. Listen to a lot of music and as many great songwriters as possible and learn why they're considered great. Listen to Bob Dylan and the Beatles and see how they craft their songs. Songwriting is definitely about your heart and what's inside of you, but it's also about hard work and craftsmanship.

Another thing I forgot to tell you which backs up from what Skeeter says:
As he said "don't be discouraged by your early efforts, but learn from them", I say you should just stay confident, and I found a quote from a Disney movie, which says:
"From success, you do not learn as much as what you would if you were to, should you not meet your own standards.*

Keep writing, Aaron!

*paraphrased