[taykey]

thank you

*keeps waiting for constructive critisism*

[Gods*Armygirl]

Originally Posted by 6Strings21Frets

can you give me some tips on song writing? I suck at this type of thing.

Practice and practice. Write when you're really feeling something and write what you feel. If you're happy, writing about something sad probably won't come out right.

Originally Posted by taykey

thank you

*keeps waiting for constructive critisism*

I like your songs Ariana. I'm not much of a "constructive critisism" person, so I can't help you much with that. Just keep writing. They sound good as they are to me.

[JerRocks2day]

I was able to skim through quickly, but I'll check more out when I have more time.

[taykey]

RC cannibal
i know it has really bad grammar, but

I beat myself up over little mistakes i've done
i eat myself inside!
my feelings i fail to hide!
and now all that is old and gone
i still feel like i've done wrong

a huge wrong that can't be replaced
with something to make me feel more safe
and for any night i cried
i knew you were there by my side

I beat myself up over little mistakes i've done
i eat myself inside!
my feelings i fail to hide!
and now all that is old and gone
i still feel like i've done wrong

help me now to feel alive
and now i know i want to thrive
in you, for all that i do
i want people to learn to know you!

I beat myself up over little mistakes i've done
i eat myself inside!
my feelings i fail to hide!
and now all that is old and gone
i still feel like i've done wrong

and I bleed all night
from my eyes shut tight
and i'm frozen with the fright
of being stupid in their sight!

I eat myself alive, i eat myself alive i eat myself alive, i eat myself alive
for no reason than to please them so i'll feel better here myself
it's no good to me
i feel like it should be
but all i do
is eat myself alive.

hmm.. i really like this one. i think i'll keep tweaking it. and i should work on tweaking the others.

[taykey]

RC

i walk alone nobody's home
i reach for silence out the door
i turn around but to the sound
of my scream as i hit the ground

and i feel the blade against the throat of my soul
and i feel the need to get up and go away
from this pain

nobody ever here could ever care
nobody knows from ever just where
your life comes to the night
to your love there is no hight
and eveything that i ever cared of
crahses around and burns me bare to the bone
to know that i'm known

by you

i feel the weight of burning hate
from this sin i can't escape
it pins me to the ground
and now i'm lost but am found

and i feel the blade against the throat of my soul
and i feel the need to get up and go away
from this pain

nobody ever here could ever care
nobody knows from ever just where
your life comes to the night
to your love there is no hight
and eveything that i ever cared of
crahses around and burns me bare to the bone
to know that i'm known

and it all come down to this
to this one tiny judas kiss
the betrayal of my heart
the synonym for the art
that i am never alone
no

nobody ever here could ever care
nobody knows from ever just where
your life comes to the night
to your love there is no hight
and eveything that i ever cared of
crahses around and burns me bare to the bone
to know that i'm known


hmm...


*waits for constructive critisism*

[taykey]

this fear this fear it eats me
the clear is where i set my eyes
the stone cold tone of my heart
i should have known from the start
that i would never make it
but now i can not fake it
i'm scared down to the bone
my trust was ripped and was thrown

i feel the grip on my neck
and then the blade on my chest
And i think you know the rest

i open my mouth to scream

and

out comes silence
the sound of cold fear
please stop this violence
it is all i hear!!!!!!!!

the way the way it beats me
the way my fear defeats me
i should just trust and i know
that i'll be okay
but i have fallen again
i slipped and i can't get back up
but wait there is my rope
but wait there is my rock

i run towards you but this grip makes me trip

i open my mouth to scream

and

out comes silence
the sound of cold fear
please stop this violence
it is all i hear!!!!!!!!

and all though through my mouth
comes no sound
i know you can hear me
because you know my heart.
and what i'm going through
this is the art of you
so please save me
wait, you already did
you already did!

[out comes silence
the sound of cold fear
please stop this violence
it is all i hear!!!!!!!!]
i'm thinking of changing this last chorus, because in the bridge it's all like "i'm safe" and stuff, so i want to make the last chorus sort of, like, "i'm safe now, and i trust now"

what do you think?

[taykey]

sometimes i slip
sometimes i fall
through the weight of this world
and then i make the call
i cry out to you
Lord bring me back
i want to know you
i wanna adore you
i wanna feel you by my side

so this time
after my fall
i cry out to you
through the weight of it all
and i pray
that someday
i'l get to know you so close, Lord
just to spend my days
with you

tonight i lost my grip
i fell and took a trip
to the place that i run from daily
that's the point of this
if we let go we miss
if we stop running
our hearts will be caught and it's not funny

so this time
after my fall
i cry out to you
through the weight of it all
and i pray
that someday
i'l get to know you so close, Lord
just to spend my days
with you

with you
with you
i wanna spend my days with you
with you
with you
i wanna spend my days with you

so this time
after my fall
i cry out to you
through the weight of it all
and i pray
that someday
i'l get to know you so close, Lord
just to spend my days
with you


*waits for constructive critisism*

*waits*

*waits*

*waits*

[JerRocks2day]

Started reading some of them. They're pretty good.

[taykey]

i need to know why i was put here
why don't i feel you
where did you go to
i want my dreams to come around
right now, right no-ow ri-ight now

aahh!

where did you go
why is my patience running low
why can't my dreams be real
why is it you I can not feel
beside me

i need to know where i should step
where the open door
may lay still closed
i want my dreams to come true

right now, right no-ow ri-ight now

aahh!

where did you go
why is my patience running low
why can't my dreams be real
why is it you I can not feel
beside me

the longing burns!!!!!
anxiously i wait
for you
to come back and show me where to go

*screaming rampage*
i long!!
it burns!
I long to know you again!
my dreams!
will they come true*screaming ends*
i long to know
and know you!

right now, right no-ow ri-ight now

aahh!

where did you go
why is my patience running low
why can't my dreams be real
why is it you I can not feel
beside me



*waits for constructive critisism*

[taykey]

this is my slow suicide
a long and painful death
this torture i feel inside
seems to seep out onto my breath

I can't seem to shake this off
this pain this pain this pain inside
my wounds won't heal
Please help me help me God
I need you now i'm desperate and down on my knees

save me from this crooked world!
please save my heart from these lonely spurrs!
i need you now only you know how
to save me up from the depths
of my broken heart!
my broken heart!


this song has not much structure... all three phrases could make a good chorus. so far i think one of them will be the chorus, another the pre chorus or a verse, and the other a bridge. can i please have some help with this?

[taykey]

I listened to your lies as my soul bled
deep dark blood, your pride was fed
from my eyes dark tears were shed
but now it's God from where i'm led

Don't think you can own me
don't think you can own me
you've nothing in store for me
but the lies you've already said
you don't controle me, you don't control me.
you'l never hold me, again.

[taykey]

i need you
searching for you waiting for you
need to know you need to know
and i'll run
i love you
and you love me, died for me
the cross is where i cling
and i'll run for you

knowing that i need you
i can't live without you
i love you, i feel you
you hold me, i need you
and i will not be hid from this world
and i will stand out for you screaming
Jesus is my God
He is my God

i need you
searching for you waiting for you
and i'll run
i love you
and you love me, died for me
and i'll run for you

verse 2

chorus

bridge

yeah...
i'll finish after i'm done my homework

[taykey]

my fears swallow me
in the end will i be set free
and i'm being chased down now
i cry out and wonder somehow
will i be free, will i be free



it's amazing how my broken wings carry my broken heart so high
it's awesome how God you fill me up and when i cry alone at night my broken heart mends and wings will take me high

i fell down and you picked me up again
i was shaken up and you are now my best friend
and even though i still don't know what
your plans are it's ok because i know i'm loved anyway

it's amazing how my broken wings carry my broken heart so high
it's awesome how God you fill me up and when i cry alone at night my broken heart mends and wings will take me high

and my broken wings broken by these things these poeple these icons of today's life
and my broken heart by rejection i imagined well maybe not but it's ok

it's amazing how my broken wings carry my broken heart so high
it's awesome how God you fill me up and when i cry alone at night my broken heart mends and wings will take me high

i fly i fly i fly i fly




i don't like htis. it's like, took me 2 minutes. i wanted to do something with broken hearts and broken wings(kinda like the song in my sig) but not copying. i like the concept of broken wings.

[taykey]

the hate the hurt
it burns right up
seeps through my nose
numb to my toes
i try to hide
from this burning pain inside
but at least for now
the burning makes me warm somehow

stranded and alone i feel
for you my heat yearns to be
knowing you and although i can
see the truth i want these two things

but all i feel right now
is burning and somwhow
i get through this though it seems like i'll never get out

the hate the hurt
it burns right up
seeps through my nose
numb to my toes
i try to hide
from this burning pain inside
but at least for now
the burning makes me warm somehow

jealousy pride it's consuming
i really hate it but i can't escape from it
i'm in the grasp of what they think
suffocating my heart shrinks

but all i feel right now
is burning and somwhow
i get through this though it seems like i'll never get out

the hate the hurt
it burns right up
seeps through my nose
numb to my toes
i try to hide
from this burning pain inside
but at least for now
the burning makes me warm somehow

God i know that you know what i'm going through
and i'll try my best to give all my life to you
you keep me alive and i know that you won't let me be heart more than i can deal with

the hate the hurt
it burns right up
seeps through my nose
numb to my toes
i try to hide
from this burning pain inside
but at least for now
the burning makes me warm somehow

and i will be free somehow