I just dont know....

**scared2mosh** · 06-30-2008, 09:42 PM

How can you tell if you still feel attracted to a girl when you dont get to see her very often?

When I am talking to her I dont feel that way but when I havent seen her for a while I do... I mean like I feel like the only reason I still like her is that I've liked her for so long..... IDK if I'm just being shallow cause shes not the "bubbly blonde type" but I really dont know. so how do I know?

tht00 · 06-30-2008, 09:54 PM

Crushes can persist for a long time, even without seeing the person.

Are you asking if you still like her? I think only your emotions can answer that.

My guess is that there's more to the story....

**scared2mosh** · 06-30-2008, 10:03 PM

well see I've liked her for a long time and I'm pretty sure she likes me but I dont know if I really think she's cute anymore... I dont know if I'm just being shallow or if I just dont like her anymore. I've never really told her that I like her (since I'm not allowed to date anyways) so it just seems kind of almost rude to just forget about her without saying a word about it.

the thing is shes not one of those girls who you can just like really sit and chat quite the same way with.... shes more conservative (which is good imo, but at the same time my own lustfulness probably has something to do with me wondering if I still like her) I really do like her and shes fun to hang out with (and I know that I'm going to get to more this summer so I hope to spend enough time with her to really figure out how I feel), but like I said its just... different ya know?

am I rambling or what do you think?

ibanez_dude · 06-30-2008, 10:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by scared2mosh

How can you tell if you still feel attracted to a girl when you dont get to see her very often?

Feelings are emotions. if you don't feel them, then you might not have them. the other rule of thumb I try to keep in mind is this:
If you don't know whether you like/love someone, you probably don't, unless you are just going through some really rough emotional times or something. If you can't decide or figure out whether you like someone, you probably don't like them, and any occasional thoughts are just "what ifs" or memories from the past running through your head. Does that make any sense? It doesn't have to be true, but it's usually pretty fair to say it.

**scared2mosh** · 06-30-2008, 10:48 PM

thats kinda what I was thinking... I guess only time will tell....

Ordinary Sarah · 07-03-2008, 05:30 PM

Sounds like you are attracted to her personality more than you are attracted to her looks, and that is confusing you, right? When you don't see her for a long time, you remember how fun it is to be with her, and you like that... but when you see her again, you don't feel physical attraction, and are confused about that... am I correct?

I think if that is the case, you should give some thought to the fact that physical attraction does not necessarily go as deep as soulful attraction, and is only maybe 20% of a real, consistent attraction to somebody. It's hard when you're a teenager to fully grasp that reality, but perhaps this is something that will help you realize that.

**scared2mosh** · 07-03-2008, 10:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ordinary Sarah

Sounds like you are attracted to her personality more than you are attracted to her looks, and that is confusing you, right? When you don't see her for a long time, you remember how fun it is to be with her, and you like that... but when you see her again, you don't feel physical attraction, and are confused about that... am I correct?.

EXACTLY!!!
at the same time tho I am not as open and "smooth" (for lack of better words) with her compared to other girls.... on the other hand shes super freindly but not like flirty ya know?

Quote:

I think if that is the case, you should give some thought to the fact that physical attraction does not necessarily go as deep as soulful attraction, and is only maybe 20% of a real, consistent attraction to somebody. It's hard when you're a teenager to fully grasp that reality, but perhaps this is something that will help you realize that

I know but its already something I struggle with

Ordinary Sarah · 07-04-2008, 02:01 PM

Yep. I'm willing to bet just about everybody struggles with that. And even moreso the younger you are, when it comes to putting connections above physical attraction. You may have a connection with someone, but you want them to be hott, and you want them to think you're hott, and you don't want to look silly or unequal to your peers by dating them.... and it comes from the emphasis put on outward appearance by our society. Cute people don't date non-cute people, and vice versa.

Unfortunately, you'd be missing out on a great relationship, even just a great friendship probably, if you buy into that. So that's my advice to you.

As far as the "smooth" thing goes.... well, when someone catches your eye, you're bound to be a little less guarded on your own appearance and mannerisms. On the other hand, though, if you're not comfortable with someone, it's a no-go.

Random:Dice · 07-05-2008, 04:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by scared2mosh

EXACTLY!!!
at the same time tho I am not as open and "smooth" (for lack of better words) with her compared to other girls.... on the other hand shes super freindly but not like flirty ya know?

I know what you mean! It was weird revelation to have because I knew that the best couples I saw were 'on the same wavelengths' but I didn't really understand untill I met someone else who was like that with me.

**scared2mosh** · 07-05-2008, 11:19 PM

thanks guys I apreciate the advice