[DaGeek]

Here's the basic gist of my situation:

There's a girl I've liked for about six years. I'd like to start "making a move," but not in the asking her out sense. I want to just start hanging out a little bit with one-on-one time and stuff so I can really start getting to know her. We're already pretty good friends, and I want to build on that. The question is, what are some good ways/activities to start slowly so it doesn't look like I'm asking her out, but I can still get some time to get to know her and see if a relationship is even plausible?

[tht00]

Heh. So you want to ask her out... without asking her out -- the holy grail of dating!

Ok. First, don't make it harder than it is; don't over-think it.
Second, find something the two of you can do -- surely you share some common interests that you can do together.
Third, just ask. Be casual. If you make a big deal about it, it probably will look like a 'date'.

Really. Don't think about it, just do it. It comes out less awkward that way.

[BillSPrestonEsq]

Originally Posted by DaGeek

Here's the basic gist of my situation:

There's a girl I've liked for about six years. I'd like to start "making a move," but not in the asking her out sense. I want to just start hanging out a little bit with one-on-one time and stuff so I can really start getting to know her. We're already pretty good friends, and I want to build on that. The question is, what are some good ways/activities to start slowly so it doesn't look like I'm asking her out, but I can still get some time to get to know her and see if a relationship is even plausible?

If you are "pretty good friends" ask her to do friends things. Go to concerts, hang out, grab ice cream, go shopping for food, basically just hanging out is the best way to achieve this.

[DaGeek]

Originally Posted by BillSPrestonEsq

If you are "pretty good friends" ask her to do friends things. Go to concerts, hang out, grab ice cream, go shopping for food, basically just hanging out is the best way to achieve this.

Would it be appropriate to do that without other friends around? Not alone, I mean, but, for example, meeting up and going to a movie or something?

[BillSPrestonEsq]

Originally Posted by DaGeek

Would it be appropriate to do that without other friends around? Not alone, I mean, but, for example, meeting up and going to a movie or something?

... I did with friends period. I am not much of a group sort of guy, and my guideline on this level is this. If I would not feel weird doing it with a guy friend, I shouldn't feel weird doing it with a girl friend. Now that I am married, different story, but seriously I never do things in a group if I can help it.

[tht00]

Originally Posted by DaGeek

Would it be appropriate to do that without other friends around? Not alone, I mean, but, for example, meeting up and going to a movie or something?

Sure. Why not?

If you have preconceived ideas that going out one-on-one will be weird, and treat it as though it will be weird, well... it'll probably be weird. Don't do that.

If you just want to hang out as friends, treat it as such, and it'll be fine.

[taykey]

how old are you?

[DaGeek]

Originally Posted by BillSPrestonEsq

... I did with friends period. I am not much of a group sort of guy, and my guideline on this level is this. If I would not feel weird doing it with a guy friend, I shouldn't feel weird doing it with a girl friend. Now that I am married, different story, but seriously I never do things in a group if I can help it.

Originally Posted by tht00

Sure. Why not?

If you have preconceived ideas that going out one-on-one will be weird, and treat it as though it will be weird, well... it'll probably be weird. Don't do that.

If you just want to hang out as friends, treat it as such, and it'll be fine.

Thanks for the reinforcement of that . I went to the movie theater to see what's out these days, and I'm going to talk to my dad about it first for a few more specific things, but then I hope to maybe ask her if she'd like to go to see a movie... I just am a little at loss for what sort of phrasing. I don't want to be like, "Hey, wanna go see a movie with me alone?" But I also don't want to leave it open for anyone else to come, if that makes sense. Any ideas?

Originally Posted by taykey

how old are you?

To be honest, I don't think my age is relevant to my question, but it's in my profile if you'd like to know. No offense or anything meant .

[beanbag]

Originally Posted by DaGeek

I just am a little at loss for what sort of phrasing. I don't want to be like, "Hey, wanna go see a movie with me alone?" But I also don't want to leave it open for anyone else to come, if that makes sense. Any ideas?

haha. that would be awkward. I can just imagine a scene like that, complete with the emphasis on "alone" and a creepy facial expression.

don't say that!

you could instead say something like, "hey, I was wondering if you wanted to go see a movie (maybe name a specific movie) on ________. if you're interested, I could get us the tickets and we could meet up there," or something along those lines. that way, you're not actually saying "just you and me" but if you're picking up the tickets, then that's kind of indicative that it's not an open invitation.

on the other hand, you may get stuck with the total cost if she doesn't offer to pay you for her ticket, so that is something else to consider. most of the girls I know would insist on paying for their ticket and even try and stick money in your car or pocket or something when you weren't paying attention, but there are some girls who are content to let the guy pick up the tab for everything, even when it's not a "real date".

like everyone else said, be cool and be casual. if you act jumpy or nervous, you'll betray yourself. things may or may not become awkward at that point.

[DaGeek]

Well, I talked to my dad, and he recommended that I not ask about the movies, and, instead, do something else. The only other thing I can really think of is maybe meeting for coffee (ew... I'd have to go with hot chocolate, ha) or food of some sort... But I am more at a loss with how to ask about that than I was with the movies. Some other, different places would be cool, too. I dunno. I just worry that I'm going to make our friendship awkward if I do this. I think she has some return interest, but I'm still worried about the risk.

[beanbag]

hmmm. make up an excuse to buy a shirt, and then say "hey, I could really use your help picking out a shirt. I try to figure these things out, but sometimes I just need female advice!"

and then after you go buy your shirt, you can be like, "hey, do you want to grab some food?"

voila!

[Skeeter]

Hiking. Tennis. Swimming. Video games. Board games. Gelato.

There are plenty of things you could do that are neither movies nor coffee nor dinner.

[BillSPrestonEsq]

How do you know her as a friend? What are some known common interests?

[DaGeek]

Originally Posted by BillSPrestonEsq

How do you know her as a friend? What are some known common interests?

We met at my church, and we both love music and play instruments in the same worship teams and were in a band, we have a lot of the same sense of humor, we like to do a lot of the same stuff, and our opinions of a lot of issues are in agreement (though there is some disagreement, heh, which can make for fun discussion).

[BillSPrestonEsq]

Originally Posted by DaGeek

We met at my church, and we both love music and play instruments in the same worship teams and were in a band, we have a lot of the same sense of humor, we like to do a lot of the same stuff, and our opinions of a lot of issues are in agreement (though there is some disagreement, heh, which can make for fun discussion).

invite her over to jam maybe? Concert?