How should I ask?

HawkxNelson · 06-10-2008, 06:56 PM

Ok, so there's this guy who I really like, and I told him so. He told me that he likes me back. Of course, this had happened before, a few months ago, but the way he meant it was as just friends, and he had a girlfriend, which a the time I didn't know about. My friend had told me that he liked me as more now, so thats why I told him, and something about this time seemed different. Anyway, we hung out on the weekend, but nothing happened between us that wouldn't happen between two friends. I didn't really mind that though. But now, I've been feeling kind of distanced from him, like maybe he doesn't like me anymore. It might be just paranoia, I don't know. I also have no clue as to how to define our relationship, if we're just friends or more than that. I really want to ask him, but every time I say I'm gonna do it, my mind goes blank, and I can't think of a way to ask. So my question is: How can I ask him about how he feels and what he thinks of our relationship without making our friendship awkward if in fact he replies that he thinks we're just friends?

**Rainer.** · 06-10-2008, 07:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HawkxNelson

How can I ask him about how he feels

"How do you feel?"

Quote:

and what he thinks of our relationship

"What do you think of our relationship?"

Quote:

without making our friendship awkward if in fact he replies that he thinks we're just friends?

"I don't want our friendship to be awkward if in fact you think we're just friends."

steggz · 06-10-2008, 08:58 PM

If only it was that simple all the time.... But I'll agree with Rainer for this one

**Rainer.** · 06-10-2008, 09:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by steggz

If only it was that simple all the time.... But I'll agree with Rainer for this one

The questions are just that simple, though.

It's usually getting up the nerve to ask them which is difficult.

Though, it's usually much easier than it seems, once you get the words out.

HawkxNelson · 06-11-2008, 02:13 PM

Haha thanks for stating the obvious xD But seriously, thanks. I think it probably is just getting up the nerve... That's always the hardest part for most things it seems...

steggz · 06-11-2008, 08:24 PM

If you want to know the answers to these questions, you will find it somehow. Ask God for the courage to do so. Make it in a situation where it will be slightly normal to be chatting. And don't think about the 'What ifs'.

tht00 · 06-11-2008, 08:45 PM

In my experience, bringing it up is the worst part. It usually gets much easier from there.

cngp90 · 06-14-2008, 08:16 PM

If you just cannot get up the courage, sometimes texting or im-ing makes bringing it up a whole lot easier.
Otherwise, I would say just do it.

**DaGeek** · 06-14-2008, 08:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cngp90

If you just cannot get up the courage, sometimes texting or im-ing makes bringing it up a whole lot easier.
Otherwise, I would say just do it.

No. Please. No.

I'm not trying to sound attacking, but honestly, please don't text or IM to find this stuff out. Do it the real way. From personal experience, you will not get to know a person correctly until you actually do just that: Get to know them. IMing and Texting will never be face-to-face contact. Serious discussions, and this situation is included, are far, far better to go at face to face, rather than hiding behind letters. If you just cannot get the courage to talk to someone face-to-face that you hope to one day maintain a relationship with, then it seems a fool's errand to even try to work a back-door solution, when the only reasonable one is courage and commitment.

Feel free to take this with a grain of salt, it's just a strong personal conviction. Apologies if it sounds harsh.

cngp90 · 06-14-2008, 09:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DaGeek

No. Please. No.

I'm not trying to sound attacking, but honestly, please don't text or IM to find this stuff out. Do it the real way. From personal experience, you will not get to know a person correctly until you actually do just that: Get to know them. IMing and Texting will never be face-to-face contact. Serious discussions, and this situation is included, are far, far better to go at face to face, rather than hiding behind letters. If you just cannot get the courage to talk to someone face-to-face that you hope to one day maintain a relationship with, then it seems a fool's errand to even try to work a back-door solution, when the only reasonable one is courage and commitment.

Feel free to take this with a grain of salt, it's just a strong personal conviction. Apologies if it sounds harsh.

Very good point. And no, it's not harsh at all.

tht00 · 06-14-2008, 10:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cngp90

If you just cannot get up the courage, sometimes texting or im-ing makes bringing it up a whole lot easier.
Otherwise, I would say just do it.

I tend to agree with DaGeek, if only for the fact that misunderstandings happen easily over IM/texting.

Texting would be worst... I find it rather cumbersome to carry on much more than random chat over it... especially when I've been having trouble with delayed, out of order, and lost texts.

Now, I have been approached in this manner via IM... it isn't the end of the world -- I think it kinda depends on how proficient the two people are at communicating this way. IMO, Face-to-face is definitely preferable.

trea · 06-19-2008, 08:17 PM

def. agree with asking in person rather than IM/TXT'ing... It's not personal and it comes off as a little immature and cowardly IMO (sorry)

But seriously, I'd bet almost anything he's thinking the same thing you are...

j2_da_k · 06-20-2008, 07:01 PM

Sometimes when my girlfriend wants to tell me something and she can't find the words, she writes a letter. I read the letter when I'm right next to her, and we go over each point as it comes up. She say she does it because she can't think clearly once I'm around sometimes, and she's a very good communicator in written form. This might help.

Good luck.

hooleygirl2 · 10-14-2008, 10:58 AM

disclaimer: I've never really given much relationship advice before, so please take this with a grain of salt!

In my humble opinion, I kind of feel that the guy should do the initiating and the pursuing--including the initial defining of the relationship. If I were you, I would just assume we were just friends until he made a move otherwise. That will be VERY hard, especially if you really like him, but for the girl it's better to sit back and pray about it and wait than to try to make something happen.

-[R]-ChurchPunk · 10-14-2008, 11:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hooleygirl2

disclaimer: I've never really given much relationship advice before, so please take this with a grain of salt!

In my humble opinion, I kind of feel that the guy should do the initiating and the pursuing--including the initial defining of the relationship. If I were you, I would just assume we were just friends until he made a move otherwise. That will be VERY hard, especially if you really like him, but for the girl it's better to sit back and pray about it and wait than to try to make something happen.

And I'm going to have the disagree. It doesn't really matter who makes the "initial defining of the relationship". If you want to know, go ahead and ask him. He might be feeling the same way that you do, unsure of how to approach the subject.

+1 to Rainer and DaGeek.