[Nate]

Somehow, I think everyone (including the original poster) is missing the point, but I can't pin down exactly how. I don't think the marriage decision is about maturity, experience, money, or opportunity, which both sides of this little discussion seem to be assuming and saying either "but I'm already mature" or "but you haven't experienced life yet" or something else along those lines. The New Testament model, at least as given by Paul, and even to some extent the Old Testament model, especially in Ruth and similar writings, is marriage as a kind of self-controlled, duty-driven, responsibility-conscious, proper-course-of-action commitment.

The best analogy seems to me to be parenthood. The consensus I've heard from anyone who's ever been asked or confronted with the question is that nobody has ever been mature enough, experienced enough, or financially stable enough to be a parent, but almost everyone in our society eventually becomes one anyway and, for the most part, does a solid job at it. Good parents aren't made out of maturity, experience, money, or opportunity, but out of a commitment to the well-being of their children. Similarly, I don't think good marriages arise out of maturity, experience, money, or opportunity, but out of a commitment to the well-being of the betrothed.

I don't think the real question is whether you're mature, you're experienced, or you're financially stable, but whether you're committed enough to your girlfriend to [truly] direct your every activity in relating to her towards her well-being above your own. That is what the best spouses, like the best parents, do. That is what Christ modeled for us in His relationship to His Bride ("No greater love has any man than this, that He would lay down [aside?] His life for His friends."). Until your duty in life seems to have shifted from furthering your own cause to serving as help-meet to your girlfriend / betrothed, I don't think marriage is the most responsible choice to make.

There came a point in my relationship with my wife before we got married where her interests and wishes became consistently more important to me than my own and where her opinion mattered as much to me as my own. That's when I knew it was time to marry her. Obviously, no one upholds this model perfectly or even well, but it seems to be what is modeled in the Bible and by Christ, and it seems to me to be the perfect perspective for considering when to get married, rather than looking at yourself and your own maturity, experience, money, or opportunities, when those things are going to become significantly less important once you do get married.

[Rainer.]

Originally Posted by Nate

I don't think the real question is whether you're mature, you're experienced, or you're financially stable, but whether you're committed enough to your girlfriend to [truly] direct your every activity in relating to her towards her well-being above your own.

Though I will say that there are logical reasons to wait to get married beyond just being committed. Like Mrs. M alluded to, sometimes there are really good reasons to wait, just because marriage forces a huge transition, and timing is incredibly important to facilitate this change in order to avoid many complications that can arise from marrying before some important financial and living decisions have been made.

[Jeffrey]

Originally Posted by Nate

There came a point in my relationship with my wife before we got married where her interests and wishes became consistently more important to me than my own and where her opinion mattered as much to me as my own. That's when I knew it was time to marry her. Obviously, no one upholds this model perfectly or even well, but it seems to be what is modeled in the Bible and by Christ, and it seems to me to be the perfect perspective for considering when to get married, rather than looking at yourself and your own maturity, experience, money, or opportunities, when those things are going to become significantly less important once you do get married.

What's modeled in the Bible is that Christ values the opinions of believers more than His own (the opinions of God are also known as truth)? With all due respect, saying that Christ values the interests, wishes, and opinions of His Bride equally with His own is downright wrong. In an attempt to keep yours in a Biblical framework, He's working to conform His Bride's interests, wishes, and opinions with His.

[Sean]

Originally Posted by Nate

Somehow, I think everyone (including the original poster) is missing the point, but I can't pin down exactly how. I don't think the marriage decision is about maturity, experience, money, or opportunity, which both sides of this little discussion seem to be assuming and saying either "but I'm already mature" or "but you haven't experienced life yet" or something else along those lines. The New Testament model, at least as given by Paul, and even to some extent the Old Testament model, especially in Ruth and similar writings, is marriage as a kind of self-controlled, duty-driven, responsibility-conscious, proper-course-of-action commitment.

The best analogy seems to me to be parenthood. The consensus I've heard from anyone who's ever been asked or confronted with the question is that nobody has ever been mature enough, experienced enough, or financially stable enough to be a parent, but almost everyone in our society eventually becomes one anyway and, for the most part, does a solid job at it. Good parents aren't made out of maturity, experience, money, or opportunity, but out of a commitment to the well-being of their children. Similarly, I don't think good marriages arise out of maturity, experience, money, or opportunity, but out of a commitment to the well-being of the betrothed.

I don't think the real question is whether you're mature, you're experienced, or you're financially stable, but whether you're committed enough to your girlfriend to [truly] direct your every activity in relating to her towards her well-being above your own. That is what the best spouses, like the best parents, do. That is what Christ modeled for us in His relationship to His Bride ("No greater love has any man than this, that He would lay down [aside?] His life for His friends."). Until your duty in life seems to have shifted from furthering your own cause to serving as help-meet to your girlfriend / betrothed, I don't think marriage is the most responsible choice to make.

There came a point in my relationship with my wife before we got married where her interests and wishes became consistently more important to me than my own and where her opinion mattered as much to me as my own. That's when I knew it was time to marry her. Obviously, no one upholds this model perfectly or even well, but it seems to be what is modeled in the Bible and by Christ, and it seems to me to be the perfect perspective for considering when to get married, rather than looking at yourself and your own maturity, experience, money, or opportunities, when those things are going to become significantly less important once you do get married.

He asked "What are the benefits of not marrying young?" He didn't ask "when are you ready to get married." It's rather odd to say we're all missing the point when you're answering a different question.

[Nate]

Originally Posted by Jeffrey

What's modeled in the Bible is that Christ values the opinions of believers more than His own (the opinions of God are also known as truth)? With all due respect, saying that Christ values the interests, wishes, and opinions of His Bride equally with His own is downright wrong. In an attempt to keep yours in a Biblical framework, He's working to conform His Bride's interests, wishes, and opinions with His.

I chose most of the words in that post very poorly ("committed" that someone else pulled out was also very poorly chosen, because it tended to cut the sentence short when the real point was the latter half of the sentence, "direct your every activity toward her well-being"). In the context of Christ and the Church, I think "well-being" (analogous with the parenting relationship) would have been a better choice, which is pretty much what I meant by "wishes and interests" anyway. I think "needs" might have been better than all three words.

There are, of course, other aspects of marriage other than the modeling of the relationship between Christ and the Church, which is why (serendipitously) I said "what is modeled in the Bible . . . and the perfect perspective blah blah blah". Putting your wife's interests above your own and considering her opinion as highly as yours may not be an exact model of Christ and the Church, but it seems to fall in line with passages such as "Let each one of you esteem others more highly than yourself" in Philippians, and it certainly has its practical merits.

Originally Posted by Sean

He asked "What are the benefits of not marrying young?" He didn't ask "when are you ready to get married." It's rather odd to say we're all missing the point when you're answering a different question.

I think the original poster himself is missing the point, by asking a question that doesn't matter. I think he also has some unspoken motives and invisible interlocuters (seems like he's really been replying to the people he mentioned as telling him it's a bad idea, rather than replying to any of you). You'll also note he didn't actually ask any question other than "Does anyone know the success rate for couples that marry under 20?" or later "What's important is that you love each other, right?" Phrases like "I guess" and "I just don't see / understand" indicate he's not even sure what he's looking for.

I didn't finish my post (I was posting it right as I was about to leave for church, lost track of time a little, and had to rush to finish it so I could be at church to prepare to play for the service). I meant to explain how it answered the question. I think that is difficult for a young[er] person to relate to others in the way a husband is called to relate to his wife. Throughout childhood and adolescence, a person is used to having others, if poorly in some circumstances, serve them and look out for their well-being. The passage from child to adult represents, among many other things, the passage from care"take"r to caregiver.

I think many marriages fail because people do not realize that marriage is as serious a caregiving responsibility as parenting is, although along entirely different dimensions. Whereas the parent's role is teacher and guide, the spouse's role is helper and friend, but neither seems to be easier from my limited perspective and experience with the latter. It is difficult for a person who, presumably (and I may be wrong in the presumption), has not left the care"taking" of their youth to take on the caregiving required in marriage. Marriage should not be the first foray of a person into this kind of adult love that gives rather than takes.

I'm admittedly ignorant and almost entirely inexperienced in this regard, though.

[j2_da_k]

I appreciate all the advice and replies. I agree with Nate, in some respects. My original question is kind of irrelevant. As far as being a caretaker or a caregiver, I think I've become more than used to taking care of myself. I think with sufficient time, I can aptly give care to another. I know that no one is gonna agree with this. I knew that when I posted it, I just wanted to see what might be running through the heads of her parents, pastors, teachers, etc...

I still fully plan to ask her to marry me as soon as I can. I care about her, and I want to care for her. I believe that in a few years, I'll be able to. As far as how I will handle what life throws at me, God alone knows. But I know that I would rather experience all the hardships beside someone I care about rather than alone. I've spent enough time in my short wearisome life alone.

I appreciate all the advice and help. Thank you.

[Epaphras]

We just got married last month and are both 21. Sarah has completed two years of college but is starting a vocational training program (massage therapy) later this month. I am graduating a semester early, in December. Yes, we're young, and honestly, if I weren't graduating early, we would have waited a year. Yes, it will be tough for the rest of this year. I work days and go to class at night, and she goes to class during the days and works at night. Starting at the end of the month, we'll only see each other at night asleep and on weekend. But, it's for only 6 months.

So yes, getting married young presents the challenge of balancing educational and career goals and aspirations with the reality of nurturing a brand-new marriage. Some would say it limits your opportunities. But for us, there was nothing in life either of us wanted to accomplish in the next 5 years that wouldn't be better as a married couple. Being students together, serving in the Peace Corps, backpacking through Europe; all of these are even better together.

Probably one of the biggest drawbacks to getting married in your late 20s (the average age of marriage in the US is 28) is that by then you have potentially developed a lot of selfish, or at least self-centered, habits. Getting married young allows you to grow during your 20s alongside your spouse, where you could emerge at age 30 more "one" than even people who get married at 28 are when they're 38, since the 20s are such a formative decade of life, almost as much as the teens.

[jthomas1600]

Originally Posted by Epaphras

We just got married last month and are both 21. Sarah has completed two years of college but is starting a vocational training program (massage therapy) later this month. I am graduating a semester early, in December. Yes, we're young, and honestly, if I weren't graduating early, we would have waited a year. Yes, it will be tough for the rest of this year. I work days and go to class at night, and she goes to class during the days and works at night. Starting at the end of the month, we'll only see each other at night asleep and on weekend. But, it's for only 6 months.

So yes, getting married young presents the challenge of balancing educational and career goals and aspirations with the reality of nurturing a brand-new marriage. Some would say it limits your opportunities. But for us, there was nothing in life either of us wanted to accomplish in the next 5 years that wouldn't be better as a married couple. Being students together, serving in the Peace Corps, backpacking through Europe; all of these are even better together.

Probably one of the biggest drawbacks to getting married in your late 20s (the average age of marriage in the US is 28) is that by then you have potentially developed a lot of selfish, or at least self-centered, habits. Getting married young allows you to grow during your 20s alongside your spouse, where you could emerge at age 30 more "one" than even people who get married at 28 are when they're 38, since the 20s are such a formative decade of life, almost as much as the teens.

I agree with most of what you say. IMO waiting just to live more life or have a good time before mariage shows a degree of selfishness. I don't get the impression though, that people who were advocating waiting a few years were saying "don't get maried untill you're at least 28"--I think most people would agree that 23, 24 give or take a year or two each way (like both being 21) would be fine.

[Epaphras]

Originally Posted by jthomas1600

I agree with most of what you say. IMO waiting just to live more life or have a good time before mariage shows a degree of selfishness. I don't get the impression though, that people who were advocating waiting a few years were saying "don't get maried untill you're at least 28"--I think most people would agree that 23, 24 give or take a year or two each way (like both being 21) would be fine.

And really, it's more about maturity and life-readiness than mere age. I know a few 19 and 20 year-olds that are more mature and more ready to "do" life (feed yourself, pay your bills, hold down a job, etc.) than some 23 and 24 year-olds.

In our case, I had been living alone for 9 months before we were married, and she at home for a year (but independent). We were "maturaly" ready to being life together as one.

In defense of "young marriage": no one has it all figured out, ever. Marriage is not the end, it's the beginning. It's two people joining their lives together, for life. Just like it takes time to get good at guitar, driving, or riding a bike, it takes time to get "good" at marriage, no matter what your age!

[beanbag]

with all due respect to the OP, 16 year olds have a lot of grand ideas and pictures. I was 16 once, a while ago. I am in no way trying to discredit your feelings of love or commitment because I am sure they are very real, but I agree with everyone who has said waiting is better. I was a much different person at 18 than I was at 16, and I am an incredibly different person at 21 than I was at 16 or even 18. like everyone else has said, these are formative years. I am going to be very blunt and honest and say something that I didn't see anyone else mention.

one of the main reasons I have seen young christians getting married so early is that they just can't wait. no one wants to admit it in those cases, but everyone knows that's the biggest driving force. I don't know you or your girlfriend personally so I am not claiming that is your reasoning, but I am saying that is the reason a lot of other young couples I have seen have gotten married. and it is a huge mistake.

you were asking for stats; I have different stats from different eras. both of my great uncles married their wives in the mid-60s--each of my uncles was 30 and each of their wives was 15. (believe me, this was typical at that time in that particular country.) each couple is still married after a very long time. however, I know a couple who got married young (I think they were 20 and 18) and they ended up bitterly divorced after 20 years and four children. a former friend of mine got engaged at 14 and married at 18, and then got divorced 7 months later. one of my cousins got married at 18 and divorced before she hit 20.

teenagers across the world, but especially in america, are no longer raised to be able to realistically marry young. I do know a couple who got married very young (I think they were both 16) in the 80s, and they are still together, but they remain one of the exceptions that I have seen and they have lived very difficult lives. back when marrying young was common, higher education was not a necessity. nowadays, you have to have your masters degree to have a chance in the job market. masters and phDs are now what bachelors degrees were even five to ten years ago. do you honestly think that if you get married at 18 a landlord is going to rent an apartment to you? some dear friends of mine just got married at 25 and almost 22, respectively, and they are both employed and had trouble finding a landlord who would rent out a place to them. do you really think that you will have an easy time even finding a place to live?

suppose one of you decides to go back to school. it's a lot easier to get through school unmarried than it is married. for example, one of the girls I graduated with got married at 20, at the end of her sophomore year of college. she found out last spring that she was pregnant and her baby was due smack in the middle of her senior year of college. she pulled it off, but she would get so stressed over how she was going to manage everything that she would just break down in tears in the middle of class. or there were the days when she would be struggling with morning sickness and would have to run out of class to go throw up in the bathroom. what if your wife decided to go back to school and ended up pregnant? having a baby while in school is doable, but it takes a huge toll. I graduated from a small christian university where everyone is like family, so this girl got a lot of support both at home from her husband and from everyone on campus. she was able to bring the baby to class this past semester and to take a small maternity leave and do coursework independently. would your wife have that available to her?

or, take my own parents. my parents got married the day before my mom graduated from college. she got accepted for grad school in the fall but my dad still had a semester of college to go because he had to drop out because of circumstances he couldn't avoid. what ended up happening was that my parents lived together for the summer, and then my mom moved to new york while my dad stayed in iowa. they lived apart for five months while they were married. I asked my mom how she was able to handle that, and she said it was very difficult. my dad was 22, my mom was 21. what if they'd waited just a little while longer? they wouldn't have had to spend that time apart after they were married.

I hope I don't seem unnecessarily harsh or that I am bashing you or whatever. it's just that we live in this culture of instant gratification where we don't have to wait for anything anymore, and some things are really worth waiting for. these fine couples that you mentioned were all married in a different era. we live in a completely different age, and while you may feel a certain way, you may not have been raised in a manner compatible with how you feel and you may not realistically be able to realize your dreams of being married till you're a bit older. being married (and I say this from observation, not experience) is not a picnic and it's not all fun and games. my idea of what marriage was supposed to be was a lot different at 16 than it is now, and even now I am not married so I can only process what I see in other peoples' lives. I strongly encourage you to pay attention to the advice you are being given in here, and especially pay attention to what the married people are telling you.

I am going to echo what others have said and remind you that love is patient. love is unselfish. love waits. if you are going to have between 50 and 80 years with your wife once you are married, what is another two or four years of waiting, just to make sure you can properly provide for a family and you have done everything within your power to prepare yourself to be a loving and godly husband and father?

[RK_lover]

Originally Posted by beanbag

with all due respect to the OP, 16 year olds have a lot of grand ideas and pictures. I was 16 once, a while ago. I am in no way trying to discredit your feelings of love or commitment because I am sure they are very real, but I agree with everyone who has said waiting is better. I was a much different person at 18 than I was at 16, and I am an incredibly different person at 21 than I was at 16 or even 18. like everyone else has said, these are formative years. I am going to be very blunt and honest and say something that I didn't see anyone else mention.

Why would this necessarily mean you wouldn't be in love with the same person? Wouldn't you say that over the course of your lifetime, at all stages, there are dramatic changes? By this logic, it would seem that the best time to get married is right before death.

one of the main reasons I have seen young christians getting married so early is that they just can't wait. no one wants to admit it in those cases, but everyone knows that's the biggest driving force. I don't know you or your girlfriend personally so I am not claiming that is your reasoning, but I am saying that is the reason a lot of other young couples I have seen have gotten married. and it is a huge mistake.

As you admit in your post, you're generalizing...

you were asking for stats; I have different stats from different eras. both of my great uncles married their wives in the mid-60s--each of my uncles was 30 and each of their wives was 15. (believe me, this was typical at that time in that particular country.) each couple is still married after a very long time. however, I know a couple who got married young (I think they were 20 and 18) and they ended up bitterly divorced after 20 years and four children. a former friend of mine got engaged at 14 and married at 18, and then got divorced 7 months later. one of my cousins got married at 18 and divorced before she hit 20.

I'm pretty sure any of us could get plenty of statistics to support either side...for example, my parents got married when they were 20 and 19, and are still happily married, but I know plenty of couples that got married young and are divorced. So to me, the statistics don't really prove anything.

teenagers across the world, but especially in america, are no longer raised to be able to realistically marry young. I do know a couple who got married very young (I think they were both 16) in the 80s, and they are still together, but they remain one of the exceptions that I have seen and they have lived very difficult lives. back when marrying young was common, higher education was not a necessity. nowadays, you have to have your masters degree to have a chance in the job market. masters and phDs are now what bachelors degrees were even five to ten years ago. do you honestly think that if you get married at 18 a landlord is going to rent an apartment to you? some dear friends of mine just got married at 25 and almost 22, respectively, and they are both employed and had trouble finding a landlord who would rent out a place to them. do you really think that you will have an easy time even finding a place to live?

That's another big generalization, and while it might be true for some or even most, it's not good to apply it to everyone.
And unless the OP changed all of his plans to fit around getting married soon, it didn't sound like he was going for a master's...do you think it would be easier to find work if he was unmarried with the same technical skills and education?

suppose one of you decides to go back to school. it's a lot easier to get through school unmarried than it is married. for example, one of the girls I graduated with got married at 20, at the end of her sophomore year of college. she found out last spring that she was pregnant and her baby was due smack in the middle of her senior year of college. she pulled it off, but she would get so stressed over how she was going to manage everything that she would just break down in tears in the middle of class. or there were the days when she would be struggling with morning sickness and would have to run out of class to go throw up in the bathroom. what if your wife decided to go back to school and ended up pregnant? having a baby while in school is doable, but it takes a huge toll. I graduated from a small christian university where everyone is like family, so this girl got a lot of support both at home from her husband and from everyone on campus. she was able to bring the baby to class this past semester and to take a small maternity leave and do coursework independently. would your wife have that available to her?

That could definitely be an issue...however, from everyone I've talked to, I've gotten the impression that it's hard to go back to school regardless of the circumstances; of course, being pregnant would be much harder than most situations.

or, take my own parents. my parents got married the day before my mom graduated from college. she got accepted for grad school in the fall but my dad still had a semester of college to go because he had to drop out because of circumstances he couldn't avoid. what ended up happening was that my parents lived together for the summer, and then my mom moved to new york while my dad stayed in iowa. they lived apart for five months while they were married. I asked my mom how she was able to handle that, and she said it was very difficult. my dad was 22, my mom was 21. what if they'd waited just a little while longer? they wouldn't have had to spend that time apart after they were married.

Maybe I'm way off here, but if you love the person enough to want to marry them, it would seem like it would be just as hard to be apart whether or not you were already married.

I hope I don't seem unnecessarily harsh or that I am bashing you or whatever. it's just that we live in this culture of instant gratification where we don't have to wait for anything anymore, and some things are really worth waiting for. these fine couples that you mentioned were all married in a different era. we live in a completely different age, and while you may feel a certain way, you may not have been raised in a manner compatible with how you feel and you may not realistically be able to realize your dreams of being married till you're a bit older. being married (and I say this from observation, not experience) is not a picnic and it's not all fun and games. my idea of what marriage was supposed to be was a lot different at 16 than it is now, and even now I am not married so I can only process what I see in other peoples' lives. I strongly encourage you to pay attention to the advice you are being given in here, and especially pay attention to what the married people are telling you.

+1
And also, I think the biggest and most important thing the OP can do is pray about it.

I am going to echo what others have said and remind you that love is patient. love is unselfish. love waits. if you are going to have between 50 and 80 years with your wife once you are married, what is another two or four years of waiting, just to make sure you can properly provide for a family and you have done everything within your power to prepare yourself to be a loving and godly husband and father?

Also a good point.

Like I said, I think the most important thing you can do is pray about it constantly and go to the Bible....there is some outstanding advice here, but in the end, each person and set of circumstances are unique, and the only one who DOES have the definitive answers is God.

[beanbag]

Originally Posted by RK_lover

Why would this necessarily mean you wouldn't be in love with the same person? Wouldn't you say that over the course of your lifetime, at all stages, there are dramatic changes? By this logic, it would seem that the best time to get married is right before death.

this is kind of a touchy subject, but I don't think everyone stays "in love". as far as I know, mid-life crises occur because people fall out of love with their spouse and are insecure about growing older so they do crazy or drastic things to try to regain their youth.

there is a difference between being in love and loving. I hope that if I ever get married, I and my husband end up as one of those couples who remain in love till the day we die. then again, there are couples who are no longer in love but who love each other deeply, and that can be just as beautiful. I am not sure exactly how it's defined, but I think that "in love" connotates more of the passionate, carried-awayness of love. loving your husband/wife deeply brings more of the sense of commitment and laying down your life for that person. obviously the two can exist together, but sometimes they exist separately as well.

That's another big generalization, and while it might be true for some or even most, it's not good to apply it to everyone.
And unless the OP changed all of his plans to fit around getting married soon, it didn't sound like he was going for a master's...do you think it would be easier to find work if he was unmarried with the same technical skills and education?

I don't think it would be easier to find work but I think it would be a lot less stressful. it's hard to get rejected when you're looking for work as a single person (trust me, I know ) but I can only imagine how much more difficult it would be looking for work, knowing you have a family to support.

[RK_lover]

Originally Posted by beanbag

this is kind of a touchy subject, but I don't think everyone stays "in love". as far as I know, mid-life crises occur because people fall out of love with their spouse and are insecure about growing older so they do crazy or drastic things to try to regain their youth.

there is a difference between being in love and loving. I hope that if I ever get married, I and my husband end up as one of those couples who remain in love till the day we die. then again, there are couples who are no longer in love but who love each other deeply, and that can be just as beautiful. I am not sure exactly how it's defined, but I think that "in love" connotates more of the passionate, carried-awayness of love. loving your husband/wife deeply brings more of the sense of commitment and laying down your life for that person. obviously the two can exist together, but sometimes they exist separately as well.

Those are very good points, and all I'm asking is if both being "in love" and "loving" someone can start at an earlier age, while you are still developing as a person, and continue through personal changes to both people.

I don't think it would be easier to find work but I think it would be a lot less stressful. it's hard to get rejected when you're looking for work as a single person (trust me, I know ) but I can only imagine how much more difficult it would be looking for work, knowing you have a family to support.

Another great point...and it would be hard to justify not waiting a year or two or more if you knew you couldn't support each other/a family.

[Epaphras]

Originally Posted by beanbag

I don't think it would be easier to find work but I think it would be a lot less stressful. it's hard to get rejected when you're looking for work as a single person (trust me, I know ) but I can only imagine how much more difficult it would be looking for work, knowing you have a family to support.

It's illegal for an employer to not hire you due to family situation (including pregnancy).

If by 'more difficult' you mean more stressful, more "weighty", and more urgent, then yes. But if you mean in terms of employers not wanting to pay benefits for a family, that is illegal. Not saying it doesn't happen (they find other legal reasons not to hire you), but they can't flat-out reject you just because you are pregnant or even married. We talked about this in my intro to education class freshman year (I started college wanting to be a teacher). Apparently a lot of schools find clever ways to reject hire newly-married women since the chances of them getting pregnant soon are very high and they'll leave after two or three years on maternity leave.

[Sean]

Originally Posted by RK_lover

Why would this necessarily mean you wouldn't be in love with the same person? Wouldn't you say that over the course of your lifetime, at all stages, there are dramatic changes? By this logic, it would seem that the best time to get married is right before death.

It's true you change your entire life, but the concentration of change is much greater between 16 and 22 than it is between say 46 and 52. On a purely biological level, the human brain doesn't finish developing until the age of 13, and the ability to think abstractly and reason properly are some of the last developments. Higher level thinking (analysis, synthesis,evaluate, and create) is still new to 16 year olds. So there is good reason to be skeptical of a 16 year olds ability to choose a wife and make wise life long chooses.

I'm pretty sure any of us could get plenty of statistics to support either side...for example, my parents got married when they were 20 and 19, and are still happily married, but I know plenty of couples that got married young and are divorced. So to me, the statistics don't really prove anything.

Those aren't statistics, they're anecdotes. Wish we did have some reliable statistics on the divorce rate for people who have gotten married under the age of 20 during the past 20 years.

That's another big generalization, and while it might be true for some or even most, it's not good to apply it to everyone.

Since we're on a message board, the best we can do is give general advise. If someone wants personalized advise, they need to talk to the people who know them best.

That could definitely be an issue...however, from everyone I've talked to, I've gotten the impression that it's hard to go back to school regardless of the circumstances; of course, being pregnant would be much harder than most situations.

It's definitely harder when you're married. I took a year off from school 4 years ago. When I decided to move cross country to go to school the decision only affected my life. Four years later my wife would like to get her masters or at least some further education. However, her opportunities are restricted based off of where I get a job. And we're skeptical as to whether it's worth spending the money for further education if we might have kids in a few years, and she quites working full-time. I too would like to get my masters. Once again that gets real tricky if I'm supporting a family, and my wife is taking care of the kids.

I know lots of people who've continued their education while married with children, but it''s a very difficult thing to do.

Maybe I'm way off here, but if you love the person enough to want to marry them, it would seem like it would be just as hard to be apart whether or not you were already married.

It's completely different when you're married. When I was dating my wife, the first nine months we were 1,200 miles apart. Now that we're married, being apart for a weekend is big deal. When you get married you become dependent on the other person.