right age to start dating

HannahBelle · 07-01-2008, 11:47 PM

Okay all the parents out there heres a real teen talking, I'm going to let you in on a little secret at my middle school there are ALOT of teens who are dating and most of there parents don't even know (well I'm not one of those teens) And sometimes there is ALOt of drama that goes with it, So yeah

**beanbag** · 07-02-2008, 01:45 AM

umm...there are a lot of "real teens" here, and I'm pretty sure a lot of parents are more aware than their teens think. drama can be minimized a lot if parents and children keep open lines of communication, which is easier said than done.

anyways, to the OP: I'm 21 and have never dated, and I'm not the worse for it. I talked to a guy for three weeks to see where it would go, but as I was 20 at the time, I didn't feel like I needed my parents' permission for that. I would've asked for their blessing if things got serious, but I can handle the preliminaries on my own. however, if your girl is a teen, that is a different story. I would encourage you to sit down and talk to her, and see what she thinks about dating. I think one great way to set up boundaries between parents and teens is to talk about them openly and see what your teens have to say about the subject. I cannot tell you how many times my mother has jumped up in reaction to something on TV, in the news, or on the radio and said, "now you know you're not allowed to do that, right?!" or, "you know you're not allowed to dress/behave/talk like that, right?!" and if she had just taken the time to talk to me, she would have discovered that I was already quite aware of that and already had boundaries and guidelines of my own. instead, she alienated me by being accusatory and putting her foot down when it was totally unnecessary.

see what your daughter thinks about dating. make sure you're on the same page. include your wife (if she's in the picture) and make it a parents/teen time to discuss and see what's going on in her head. if you show her that you can approach her about stuff like this in an open, caring and non-steamrolling manner, then you will build trust that she can rely on later, if she runs into trouble or she has her first love and he breaks her heart. you will have demonstrated to her already that daddy is always there for her no matter what the issue is, and if it's something as simple as being stood up for the movies or something heavy like one of her friends is getting involved with boys way too soon, she will know you are there for her.

note: I was under the impression you were asking about a teenage daughter, and now I'm not so sure. (I have to read the very first post after I submit this.) however, this goes for boys and girls, so take it either way, depending on where your kids are at and whether they are boys or girls or both.

***BillSPrestonEsq*** · 07-02-2008, 04:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by beanbag

umm...there are a lot of "real teens" here, and I'm pretty sure a lot of parents are more aware than their teens think. drama can be minimized a lot if parents and children keep open lines of communication, which is easier said than done.

I was a real teen. I hid the fact that I was dating with my parents and such at 18...

It is not so long ago in some senses, even though that was 9 years ago. My parents were more clueless than I thought actually in reality, but I have always regarded my parents as rather sharp. (Even if I still do not speak to my mother much)

jammer4jesus · 07-15-2008, 05:15 PM

First of all I want to say that I don't have a girlfriend. I don't know if anyone cares what a 15 year old sophmore's views on dating are, not to mention that I'm a homeschooler, but I do know growing up and schooling in a christian home is a good place to be. distractions and temptations are minimal. I do ski and run for the local high school and I participate in other "non-christian" events. what I see in other teens dating looks awkward. it seems like temptations would be there everytime you would even see your gf/bf. I personally don't want to put myself in that position. I have "girlfriends", but we're just friends, not emotionally or romanticly attactched to each other at all. It's a good way to get to know someone of the opposite gender without the phisical temptations. that's my opinion...

Iceman-bass14 · 07-16-2008, 07:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jammer4jesus

First of all I want to say that I don't have a girlfriend. I don't know if anyone cares what a 15 year old sophmore's views on dating are, not to mention that I'm a homeschooler, but I do know growing up and schooling in a christian home is a good place to be. distractions and temptations are minimal. I do ski and run for the local high school and I participate in other "non-christian" events. what I see in other teens dating looks awkward. it seems like temptations would be there everytime you would even see your gf/bf. I personally don't want to put myself in that position. I have "girlfriends", but we're just friends, not emotionally or romanticly attactched to each other at all. It's a good way to get to know someone of the opposite gender without the phisical temptations. that's my opinion...

If you think you'd be tempted then dont date,but trust me that is not the case for everyone and a lot of people can date without having that temptation.

rock_show_host · 07-16-2008, 08:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jammer4jesus

First of all I want to say that I don't have a girlfriend. I don't know if anyone cares what a 15 year old sophmore's views on dating are, not to mention that I'm a homeschooler, but I do know growing up and schooling in a christian home is a good place to be. distractions and temptations are minimal. I do ski and run for the local high school and I participate in other "non-christian" events. what I see in other teens dating looks awkward. it seems like temptations would be there everytime you would even see your gf/bf. I personally don't want to put myself in that position. I have "girlfriends", but we're just friends, not emotionally or romanticly attactched to each other at all. It's a good way to get to know someone of the opposite gender without the phisical temptations. that's my opinion...

Obviously friends will be less subject to physical temptations than romantic partners. The thing is, at some point between friendship and the wedding day, two people will have to enter into some form of commitment which will almost invariably bring temptation into the picture. Unless neither is physically attracted to the other in any way (in which case they probably shouldn't be getting married), then they will be tempted. But they still have quite a bit of control over how much temptation they allow, in terms of physical boundaries, etc.

Remember, temptation is not a sin. If two people are dating/courting/engaging in teenage pre-mating rituals/whatever with the intention of someday getting married, I'd honestly be worried if they were never (or even rarely) tempted sexually. Do people honestly expect to go from never feeling a hint of sexual temptation while dating to being fully ready to make love on the wedding night? That just doesn't fit. We're wired to be physically attracted to each other, and temptation comes with the territory. But it's only sinful when we succumb to it.

If you want to be rid of all physical temptation ever, lock yourself in your room, unplug your phone and your computer, and cut yourself off from all contact with the opposite sex. Unfortunately, that would seem to rule out marriage. Otherwise, accept that it's going to be there and learn to manage it with discernment and love.

**Rainer.** · 07-16-2008, 11:13 AM

But getting back more to the original question, sexual temptation is probably more unhealthy than anything to a younger teenager, which is probably what I would classify most 15 year olds. Sexual temptation is actually, I think, a very good case for kids to avoid dating too young.

Quote:

a lot of people can date without having that temptation.

I also disagree to a point with that. As a relationship gets longer-term over time, and more of a commitment is given between parters, sexual temptation becomes much more of a period than a question mark. I think it's more apt to say that a lot of people can date while dealing with that temptation healthily.

jammer4jesus · 07-18-2008, 12:00 AM

I agree that you can date without having temptations. but it is common to experience those feelings when close (emotionally or phisically). just being together stirs those feelings. I'm not saying that they are all bad. God designed us to have those temptations. if there were no hormones, then the earth would die out from lack of children. =D. but at my age, 15, I don't think that it's healthy. It's best to just avoid that. BUT it is good to pursue a serious and passionate relationship with a mate later in life.