[jthomas1600]

Originally Posted by WorshipJesus

I do have another question though: Why is it so weird and strange to go talk to the dad about your intentions and motives. I'm not talking about asking for permission to date his daughter, but to just tell him what's up? It wasn't one or two generations ago where it was expected for the guy to go to the dad to ask permission to date his daughter. How is it that just talking to him is rude, indecent to her, and weird? Wouldn't it be better for the parents' minds to know that their daughters boyfriend (or whatever you want to call him) is wanting to do things right? Again, there are certain situations where this isn't possible so let's leave those out.

Thanks for all your input, guys and gals. I'll try to respond sooner this week. Have a great day!

What could be weird? How do you time this correctly? In 5 years when my daughter is 16 if a 17 year old boy come to talk to me, I might find it admirable--but what if my daughter is not sure how she feels about the boy? She then may fell cornered and go along to not hurt the kid, or panic and end what could have been a nice thing. What if my daughter does like the boy but has been debating on how exactly to tell me? She may feel betrayed and again out of hurt and anger end the relationship. Just a few thoughts.

[bobthecockroach]

Originally Posted by WorshipJesus

Good question.. I would say for the protection of your daughter. Physically and spiritually..

Well at what point does the job of protecting her go to your daughter herself?

[thesteve]

Originally Posted by WorshipJesus

I don't think that a guy has to ask a girl's dad for permission to date her. I never said that in what I thought abou this issue.

In your first post you you said that

If a guy wants to date a girl who is still living under her parent's roof and he doesn't go talk to the dad, he is a coward. He should tell the dad what his intentions and motives are, and the dad should have the right to know everything and ask anything to the guy who wants to date is daughter.. and the the guy should be able to answer everything honestly and openly.

Perhaps that doesn't necessarily say that the guy has to "ask permission", but I can definitely see how so many of us drew that conclusion from that statement.

I just recently went to my girlfriend's dad to tell him what my intentions were and so he could get to know me more. (he used to give me guitar lessons but that was 6 years ago). she thought it was a lil weird because no other guy had ever done that before. I didn't ask for his permission, but I did tell him what was up because I respect him as her dad, as my friend, and as one of my worship leaders.

this is different than the implication of your previous post, where you said that "if a guy wants to date a girl" implying that he is not dating her yet, but before he can date her he needs to talk to the dad.

Now, for "the dad has the right to know everything about the guy"... If your daughter was dating a guy, wouldn't you want to know stuff about him? Of course there are boundaries, but wouldn't you want to know if he was into porn or how many relationships he's had in the past? I would! I would definitely want to know about that.. I don't see anything wrong with that at all.

It depends on how much I trust my daughter. I consider myself a fairly good judge of character to the point that I would be able to figure out a guy just by talking to him and hanging out with him without having to ask him direct questions. I would hope that in raising a child I would be able to instill character qualities in them so that they would be able to make wise decisions and discern what qualities people possess.

I do have another question though: Why is it so weird and strange to go talk to the dad about your intentions and motives. I'm not talking about asking for permission to date his daughter, but to just tell him what's up? It wasn't one or two generations ago where it was expected for the guy to go to the dad to ask permission to date his daughter. How is it that just talking to him is rude, indecent to her, and weird? Wouldn't it be better for the parents' minds to know that their daughters boyfriend (or whatever you want to call him) is wanting to do things right? Again, there are certain situations where this isn't possible so let's leave those out.

I don't think anyone is saying that talking to her dad is rude, indecent or weird, just that talking to the father to get his permission to date her is a bit strange. Imagine if the first time you were meeting your daughter's 16 year old boyfriend he tells you, "Don't worry Mr. WorshipJesus, I know I'm young but I am committed to pursuing a marriage minded relationship with your daughter." It's one thing if you've known the guy for awhile and have an established relationship with him, but quite frankly I think my gut reaction to someone telling me that would be, "No...you're not, get out of my house."

[WorshipJesus]

Originally Posted by jthomas1600

What could be weird? How do you time this correctly? In 5 years when my daughter is 16 if a 17 year old boy come to talk to me, I might find it admirable--but what if my daughter is not sure how she feels about the boy? She then may fell cornered and go along to not hurt the kid, or panic and end what could have been a nice thing. What if my daughter does like the boy but has been debating on how exactly to tell me? She may feel betrayed and again out of hurt and anger end the relationship. Just a few thoughts.

true, i should have clarified that in my first post. the whole time my mindset has been that the guy and the girl have mutual feelings. That's just not right for the dad to make his daughter go out with a guy she's not interested in.

Originally Posted by thesteve

I don't think anyone is saying that talking to her dad is rude, indecent or weird, just that talking to the father to get his permission to date her is a bit strange. Imagine if the first time you were meeting your daughter's 16 year old boyfriend he tells you, "Don't worry Mr. WorshipJesus, I know I'm young but I am committed to pursuing a marriage minded relationship with your daughter." It's one thing if you've known the guy for awhile and have an established relationship with him, but quite frankly I think my gut reaction to someone telling me that would be, "No...you're not, get out of my house."

My thoughts would be exactly the same as you if a 16 yr old kid said something like that.. "Get out of my house." I also agree with your quote further on, that I would hope that my daughter would be seeing the same things that I see and have the same values that I have, and I would point out the things that I might see in him to her.

Originally Posted by bobthecockroach

Well at what point does the job of protecting her go to your daughter herself?

Another good question.. I think that your daughter should always have a say in what she wants, but I believe that it's also the dad's job to guide and direct her and even make some decisions for her. Up until the dad sees fit that she can make more and more decisions for herself (good decisions, that is), he should have the ultimate say in who she goes out with because he can see more about a guy than she can, correct? But there's also the age thing: once she reaches a certain age, her father should become more of a coach than a father. What's that age? It depends on the individuals and their situations (kind of like the "age of accountability" issue, but that's a different topic).

[Rainer.]

Originally Posted by WorshipJesus

Now, for "the dad has the right to know everything about the guy"... If your daughter was dating a guy, wouldn't you want to know stuff about him? Of course there are boundaries, but wouldn't you want to know if he was into porn or how many relationships he's had in the past? I would! I would definitely want to know about that.. I don't see anything wrong with that at all.

I apologize profusely for simply inundating this thread with another question for you, but here. Does the guy have a right to privacy, or does he forfeit it to the father when he decides to start dating?

If I had a daughter, I would want to be sure that when she starts dating, I've taught her enough so I can trust her to be a good judge of what kind of people she's letting in her life. If she has obviously made a bad choice, I agree with Steve, it should be pretty clear to me.

[WorshipJesus]

Originally Posted by Rainer.

I apologize profusely for simply inundating this thread with another question for you, but here. Does the guy have a right to privacy, or does he forfeit it to the father when he decides to start dating?

If I had a daughter, I would want to be sure that when she starts dating, I've taught her enough so I can trust her to be a good judge of what kind of people she's letting in her life. If she has obviously made a bad choice, I agree with Steve, it should be pretty clear to me.

He most definitely does have a right to privacy. He doesn't have to answer any questions from the dad, but he should be open to telling him the truth in whatever the dad asks.

Now the dad has the right to know about who his daughter is dating, especially in a Christian home. The dad is the spiritual leader of the family and he has the right and duty to protect his daughter from any unsuitable man (or boy for that matter). That is why he has the right to know, and from that knowledge gained he can set rules down for them to follow (within reason.. i.e., no kissing or lap sitting), and I think the rules thinkg should be mainly for teenagers. If the guy does not want to follow those rules, he is not suitable... period. Don't you agree?

Question: Would you ever tell your daughter that if any guy wants to go out with her, the guy needs to meet you? I know a few dads who are really cool and easy going who have told their daughters this. I think this proves to the dad that the who is interested in his daughter isn't a pansy and is willing to be a man and talk to him.

[OneHope]

Originally Posted by WorshipJesus

Now the dad has the right to know about who his daughter is dating, especially in a Christian home. The dad is the spiritual leader of the family and he has the right and duty to protect his daughter from any unsuitable man (or boy for that matter).

I think that that is between the father and the daughter. I'd agree that you should meet the parents, but I wouldn't go for a formal conversation.

At what point does a girl gain autonomy? I'm 22, should I be asking the father of the girls I choose to date before dating them?

Also, this whole idea seems a bit sexist, with an antiquated notion that the girl can't take care of herself and choose for herself like a guy can. Would you require the same thing in the opposite direction - should the girls I date ask my mother for permission before they date me?

I'd say a spirit of openness between both people in the relationship between both sets of parents is useful in a healthy relationship as long as the parents are 'good'.

Originally Posted by WorshipJesus

That is why he has the right to know, and from that knowledge gained he can set rules down for them to follow (within reason.. i.e., no kissing or lap sitting), and I think the rules thinkg should be mainly for teenagers. If the guy does not want to follow those rules, he is not suitable... period. Don't you agree?

That seems like it would be really awkward. Honestly, if a girl's father sat me down and told me what I could and couldn't do with his daughter it would probably scare me away.

[Iceman-bass14]

Originally Posted by WorshipJesus

I just recently went to my girlfriend's dad to tell him what my intentions were and so he could get to know me more. (he used to give me guitar lessons but that was 6 years ago). she thought it was a lil weird because no other guy had ever done that before. I didn't ask for his permission, but I did tell him what was up because I respect him as her dad, as my friend, and as one of my worship leaders.

Well i know some dads would find that disrespectful.Really i mean if your gonna talk to him about this you might as well ask his ok.

Of course there are boundaries, but wouldn't you want to know if he was into porn?

I would say thats definitely crossing the boundary.Until im even in a good open relationship with his daughter he doesnt need to know if i struggle with porn.

I would! I would definitely want to know about that.. I don't see anything wrong with that at all.

Yeah you would want to know,but you dont necessarily have a right to know unless hes willing to tell you.

I do have another question though: Why is it so weird and strange to go talk to the dad about your intentions and motives. I'm not talking about asking for permission to date his daughter, but to just tell him what's up? It wasn't one or two generations ago where it was expected for the guy to go to the dad to ask permission to date his daughter. How is it that just talking to him is rude, indecent to her, and weird? Wouldn't it be better for the parents' minds to know that their daughters boyfriend (or whatever you want to call him) is wanting to do things right? Again, there are certain situations where this isn't possible so let's leave those out.

Its not weird or strange to talk to her dad,but i know her dad would find it unnecessary and she would find it unnecessary.