[ieatdirt]

I was wondering if anyone has advice on asking permission/blessing to propose to my girlfriend. I am thinking I will ask her mom (her dad is in prison in Michigan, so it wouldn't be possible to ask him) who lives in Virginia, and also her "adoptive" dad who lives here in RI. I know her adopted dad very well, and I know he likes me, but I've never met her mom. I was wondering how exactly to go about asking them. It's more of a polite gesture to both of them than really seeking permission.

[danlong]

I'd say yes. I did, scared the b,jeebers out of me but the result is awesome. There's more going on when you follow propriety ( granted old and out of style) but, in particular the dad (or step-dad) takes it very much to heart.

A number of dynamics go on. Not only are you asking to marry the daughter, your asking his permission to become a part of his family, his son. That's huge! Way better than showing up with her flashing an engagement ring at the parents and you supposing you're just going to barge in as a family member. Some dad's, really, will look at you and think, "this is the guy that's going to be ending up with my money"

As a Dad, it was huge when my son-in-law asked my permission ( and he asked way long before she knew he was even thinking about it) He thought enough about me, to ask me before he asked her. Actually, it would be another 1 1/2 years before he got the nerve to ask her.

[ieatdirt]

The adopted dad I'm sure will be easier to talk to. I'm almost a part of their family. However, I've never met her mom, and I'm only going to have a week in which to ask, so any help with what to say would be nice.

[jthomas1600]

I don't have much in the way of advice on this except to say I didn't and wish I did. I get along with my inlaws great and don't know if it would have changed anything--I just wished I had asked. Being afraid of rejection like I am though I probably would have loaded the question so to speak--I might have said "I've asked, or am going to ask, Lisa to mary me and would like to ask for your blessing". I don't know if that detracts from the gesture, but that's probably how I would have done it.

[danlong]

How did this go for you?

[ieatdirt]

Heh, I haven't looked at this thread in a while. It has gone well so far. I asked her mom last week, and she gave her blessing. That was the hardest part. Now I have to ask her adoptive dad, which won't be too hard, and then I have to ask Amber. I plan on doing that on August 23rd.

[5th Stage]

I'm digging up old stuff, but I asked, and it was harder than asking her.

I even knew I was in his good graces, but I knew my (now) wife very much better than her Father.

Old School or not, I feel it shows class and respect.

Now, there are cases, where the family isn't involved, or is incarcerated that may make it detrimental to the relationship to do so.

[Jfool]

It also shows you love and respect her (your intended).

[AlphaSigma]

even though I'm a few years away; I'm somewhat scared to even thing about it. still not quite sure how to do it, but i'm sure it will be fine. and i'm sure all will go well with her adoptive dad.