Well, this is confusing.

RubberChipmunk · 05-11-2008, 10:52 AM

For the past month or so, I've been in a relationship with a wonderful girl, and we've had no problems whatsoever. About a week ago, I got an email from a friend of mine, who also just so happens to be a girl i used to be very interested in. Actually, that is a severe understatement, but that's not important right now. Well, I don't think it is at least. Point is, she sent me an email saying that she was in love with me. And me, having moved on from that a year ago, had to break her heart, which is something I really dislike doing. More specifically, I hate disappointing people. I realize its something that needed to be done, but it still was tough.

Anyway, whats confusing me, is that after that, I haven't really looked at my girlfriend the same way that I did. She can definitely tell somethings wrong, but I don't want to say anything until I'm sure what the problem is, because I seriously don't know. Last night she came to visit me at work, and all I thought of her as was a friend.

I don't understand how this could have flipped so quickly, which is why I'm really hoping this is something that will pass over, because this girl is really wonderful.

I'm posting here because I could really use some assistance here. I'll answer any question necessary, but I don't think I can get to the bottom of this myself.

segoviamuse · 05-11-2008, 11:13 AM

ive been sort of feeling the same way about my boyfriend, and i have no clue what to do either, cause i dont ruin what i have, but yet i dont want to waste time in a relationship that i dont feel the same way anymore.

Nate · 05-11-2008, 01:16 PM

A thought: You're not doing anyone involved any favors by not being open and honest with these feelings.

RubberChipmunk · 05-11-2008, 04:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nate

A thought: You're not doing anyone involved any favors by not being open and honest with these feelings.

This is true...

tht00 · 05-11-2008, 07:57 PM

Couple thoughts:

1) Crushes/attractions do weird things to you. I've been there, I've acted on them, I've been hurt. It's been my experience that acting impulsively on feelings alone can get you into situations you aren't prepared for and/or situations that shouldn't have been. YMMV. In any case, use caution.

2) I agree with Nate that openness and honesty is good, since you are, in fact, in a relationship. However, I believe it's possible to be 'too honest'.

Nate · 05-11-2008, 08:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tht00

2) I agree with Nate that openness and honesty is good, since you are, in fact, in a relationship. However, I believe it's possible to be 'too honest'.

Certainly. I was thinking more of the feelings of viewing your girlfriend as "just a friend" than the feelings of being attracted to someone else. There will always be attraction elsewhere, if only a fleeting glance at someone on the street. When that starts to actually change your feelings for your partner, however, then things are really going askew.

Grasshopper359 · 05-11-2008, 08:20 PM

If you tell her what happened, and what you did, you'll probably feel better about it. It will also make it easier to put it behind you. If you don't talk about it, not only will she continue to wonder what's wrong, but you'll also probably be tempted to wonder if you did the right thing. By talking about it, you're effectively bringing closure to the situation. In any case, the worst thing you can do is keep it bottled up inside hoping it just goes away or sorts itself out, because it won't. Talking about it can also help you understand that whatever you felt for the other girl is in the past.

segoviamuse · 05-11-2008, 08:29 PM

it was more like an infacuation that we both pursued, it grew we grew, then it wouldnt anymore. i realized when i saw my ex again that my love with my current bf will never compare to the love i had (or have ) for my ex.
but it is really dfficult to be honest about something that will ruin something that they see as good. and its working, i just dont see myself spending the rest of my life with him.

**Rainer.** · 05-11-2008, 08:43 PM

Feelings are a bit cheap, but you really have to ask yourself, "Am I committed to this person?"

If you're not going to put substantial effort into the commitment of a relationship, then the relationship is not going to move much further, because you're continually questioning why you bother to continue it.

If you are committed, though, the change in feeling is something that needs to be addressed and worked out. I'd say that not only are you not doing anyone else a favor by keeping it inside, it's actually pretty selfish to avoid that confrontation, even though it's frightening.

RubberChipmunk · 05-11-2008, 11:18 PM

I saw her today, and things were mostly back to the way things were. I think its just going to take a little bit of time. Well, I hope so, at least.

Mostly my mind had been filled with the fear that i just passed up something that was meant to be, or what i've been wanting all along, or whatever. I don't believe in destiny anymore. I believe destiny is what we make it. And I moved on after that other girl broke my heart finally after two and a half years of trying to get with her. I mean, its not a strange thing to have feelings left-over, is it? Well, I know I'm certainly not as "moved-on" as I'd like to think I am. Actually, I'm not as "moved-on" as I'd like to think I am with most of my past relationships. This one's just way moreso than the others. Well, it wasn't. And then it was after the email. But not really, because I already knew that it was coming a few weeks in advance and the foresight didn't affect me like this. Thats why I figured it was just my having to break her heart that was messing me up like this. And it probably is.

Maybe just a little more time will tell for certain.

I already did talk to her about this the other night. Well, I left out the part about how I saw her last night, as that hadn't happened yet, and I really don't think it would help anything to tell her that.

This post is confusing to read. Sorry. Thats how my brain organizes thoughts.

asiammyself · 05-12-2008, 11:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lilumultipass

I saw her today, and things were mostly back to the way things were. I think its just going to take a little bit of time. Well, I hope so, at least.

Mostly my mind had been filled with the fear that i just passed up something that was meant to be, or what i've been wanting all along, or whatever. I don't believe in destiny anymore. I believe destiny is what we make it. And I moved on after that other girl broke my heart finally after two and a half years of trying to get with her. I mean, its not a strange thing to have feelings left-over, is it? Well, I know I'm certainly not as "moved-on" as I'd like to think I am. Actually, I'm not as "moved-on" as I'd like to think I am with most of my past relationships. This one's just way moreso than the others. Well, it wasn't. And then it was after the email. But not really, because I already knew that it was coming a few weeks in advance and the foresight didn't affect me like this. Thats why I figured it was just my having to break her heart that was messing me up like this. And it probably is.

Maybe just a little more time will tell for certain.

I already did talk to her about this the other night. Well, I left out the part about how I saw her last night, as that hadn't happened yet, and I really don't think it would help anything to tell her that.

This post is confusing to read. Sorry. Thats how my brain organizes thoughts.

If I am reading this correct are you saying your not over your ex? If your not over a past relationship I don't think you should be pursuing one.

RubberChipmunk · 05-12-2008, 11:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by asiammyself

If I am reading this correct are you saying your not over your ex? If your not over a past relationship I don't think you should be pursuing one.

Well, its not that I'm not over it. Its that I still remember many things that still hurt. Plus, this one was never an ex.