[A.B.]

Okay... so I've just turned 18... and until about a year ago had not had a serious thought about a relationship with a girl. That means no girlfriend. Now, I'm praying and waiting for the one that the Lord has for me... thing is, I don't know how to take this in the first place... I'm feeling the definite pressures of not having a companion to confide in (nothing that don't need to be outside of marriage, but other stuff) and possibly getting married.
Thing is, I feel that I'm not properly suited to even start dating yet, because I have no real experience with it, and I am looking for a lifetime partnership if that's what He wills. I feel that I'm to verdant to be thinking about such things, considering I haven't even finished my education, nor am I firmly established in my planned career, (or any career for that manner).

Here's the real kicker though, I think if I wait TOO long, it'll be too late...
Short of praying, I don't know what else to do.

[Gods*Armygirl]

Just live your life and keep praying
Proverbs 3:5-6
"5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
6 In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths."

God's will WILL be done. Pray about it, and trust that he will provide a good, Christian woman for you too marry someday. I understand your worry about it being too late, but maybe it will be worth it. You're 18, you're still young.

[A.B.]

Not to mention I'm a tad more... eh... let's just say I don't have the same sentiments as most guys my age... even Christian guys... I don't mean in a bad way, I just mean I am a tad more emotional and think differently...

That's where this worry has spawned, I believe...

[Rainer.]

Two quick things right now:
1) You don't need "dating experience" to have a successful dating relationship. Life experience works a lot better.
2) You're probably only worried it might be too late, because you're being impatient. Which is a disease that afflicts most of us.

[Gods*Armygirl]

Originally Posted by A.B.

Not to mention I'm a tad more... eh... let's just say I don't have the same sentiments as most guys my age... even Christian guys... I don't mean in a bad way, I just mean I am a tad more emotional and think differently...

That's where this worry has spawned, I believe...

I know a guy who's very emotional and he reads into everything. He's one of my best friends and I don't think of him any differently because of it.

Maybe you just have to learn how to feel more confident in yourself (if that's a problem), and pray to God that He will help you overcome those obstacles. That's just who you are, and God made you that way for a reason. Psalm 37:4 "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart."

[bobthecockroach]

Originally Posted by A.B.

Thing is, I feel that I'm not properly suited to even start dating yet, because I have no real experience with it

If you're waiting to have dating experience before you start dating, you're going to be waiting a very long time.

You're old enough to start dating. That doesn't mean you should go out and look for a girlfriend, though. That's not the right approach. You don't say, "I want a girlfriend, so I'm going to go find one." It does mean, however, that if you have someone in mind, it's totally OK to ask them to be your girlfriend. You don't have to have everything completely established. Relationships take time to grow. This is time you'll use to GET everything established so that if things work out, you can get married.

[tigerfan88]

For what it's worth, I was at the exact same stage as you at 18. I hadn't really given much thought to the idea of dating, and was completely satisfied with being single. But becoming an adult brought about the feeling that I needed to go out and find a significant other. So I did. I had the attitude that I would look out for a boyfriend. Where did it get me? No where. It wasn't until I decided to leave it up to God (and focus on other things) that God brought a significant other into my life. So, what am I trying to say? Basically, just leave it all up to God. Focus on the things that make you happy and on growing in your relationship with Christ, and God will bring someone into your life that you feel can/should be your girlfriend.

[A.B.]

Thanks, that's very helpful...
There are other issues, but I guess I still just put it up to Him...

[adamkaboom]

Well... I found myself in a similar place not too long ago. This spanned from about 16-18, but I had similar feelings to what you are feeling. However, I tried to force a couple relationships. As soon as I found out that a girl liked me that was enough for me. And you know what? I was 0-3 by the end of last summer. I was turned down all three times. BUT! Don't you love those? But, I finally reached a point that I was like "God, if it's just you and me for the rest of my life...okay" Not too long after I had decided that God introduced me to the most wonderful woman I had ever met. I didn't know she was the most wonderful at the time...to be honest I didn't like her. I thought she was cute, but she was mean to me the whole week we were together at camp. Through various circumstances we started dating 2 months later. That was 9 months ago, and we have some tentative plans in the way of marriage. I know that you may feel frustrated in your waiting but I promise that God will bless you for seeking Him in this matter and not trying to take things into your hands. Keep praying and seeking God. He will put you in the right place at the right time and you'll meet someone. They may not be the proverbial "One" but don't get discouraged! Blessings!

Adam

[A.B.]

Heh... that's quite funny, really... in a good way.

between where I think he's leading me in life, and if I'm to remain single or not, it is very confusing... but it seems all I can do is trust Him and wait...

[trea]

Originally Posted by adamkaboom

... However, I tried to force a couple relationships. As soon as I found out that a girl liked me that was enough for me. And you know what? I was 0-3 by the end of last summer...

I could literally type the exact same thing...
0-3 by the end of the summer... that is sounds eerily familiar... haha.

Yah, I'm at the same point as you though... I feel like I need companionship, etc. Really though, I started talking to a prospective 4th strike-out.. Then I was typing in my journal about it and started the cliche "I just want God to send me someone that is a devout Christ follower that is passionate about serving Him..." After typing that I smacked myself and though, "What the heck am I doing?" Since then I've not thought about dating.. I'm leaving it up to him. I've been single for a long while, but I'm fine with it... God will send someone my way someday, if He chooses not to, no worries.

[A.B.]

Wow... I had forgot about this thread... and this came up at a good time.

I work with a girl who was not saved... and she showed no interest in Christian things, and church was out of the question because her and her family had been shunned from churches because they didn't "fit in" with the church crowd, and were ran out for their appearance (she has multiple piercings and her brother had long hair).
She showed interest in me, but I told her I couldn't date her because she wasn't Christian. I invited her to church, and told her that not all churches judged people like the ones she had attended. She came, and in a couple weeks, accepted Christ in her heart. She admitted later that she was at first trying to get close to me, but she genuinely accepted Christ when she saw that she needed Him. She is now about to join my church and she is participating quite abit in activities.
Thing is, we've been getting close... and my parents aren't too happy. They feel she is too new a Christian, and they always saw me dating someone who'd been in church their whole life... but I can't help how I feel towards her, and I've been praying about it. All I get is to be honest and upfront with my parents, (which is very hard right now, they are VERY upset) and trust Him. I do see some of their points, but I truly believe that this girl may be my "one" that He has set aside.

[tht00]

Originally Posted by A.B.

Wow... I had forgot about this thread... and this came up at a good time.

I work with a girl who was not saved... and she showed no interest in Christian things, and church was out of the question because her and her family had been shunned from churches because they didn't "fit in" with the church crowd, and were ran out for their appearance (she has multiple piercings and her brother had long hair).
She showed interest in me, but I told her I couldn't date her because she wasn't Christian. I invited her to church, and told her that not all churches judged people like the ones she had attended. She came, and in a couple weeks, accepted Christ in her heart. She admitted later that she was at first trying to get close to me, but she genuinely accepted Christ when she saw that she needed Him. She is now about to join my church and she is participating quite abit in activities.
Thing is, we've been getting close... and my parents aren't too happy. They feel she is too new a Christian, and they always saw me dating someone who'd been in church their whole life... but I can't help how I feel towards her, and I've been praying about it. All I get is to be honest and upfront with my parents, (which is very hard right now, they are VERY upset) and trust Him. I do see some of their points, but I truly believe that this girl may be my "one" that He has set aside.

Heh. Some of this sounds a bit familiar. I'm open to talking about my experiences in PM, but I'm not about to plaster it all here in the open...


Concerning the new-Christian thing, I don't see anything wrong there. Perhaps some caution is wise. Though, I must warn, I often get nauseated by the views of mainstream Christianity in America... perhaps I shouldn't be your first choice for theology...


Hearing that your parents are "VERY upset" makes it apparent that they don't approve. Either 1) they are dead set on you dating a 'strong Christian', or 2) there's another issue here.

Also,

but I can't help how I feel towards her,

but I truly believe that this girl may be my "one" that He has set aside.

Be careful that you aren't falling into infatuation and basing your decisions solely on that. Becoming close to a girl with the potential for a relationship can be intoxicating and blinding.

Give yourself plenty of time to see how feelings pan out. Don't rush anything. Especially considering the situation with your parents, take things slow.

[A.B.]

Okay, last night I didn't really word everything I said in the best light, but I understand what you are saying. I'm also going to try to get some counseling... for just me, and maybe then me and her, for even a more thorough check on this.

And the issue about my parents being upset... there are a couple reasons... one is my past, (which I'm also not willing to publicly announce), and the fact that I haven't been totally honest, I've put her in a bad light with them. Stupid, I know, but it's not my first mistake and it won't be my last. I'm sure they won't be too happy when I tell them, but I don't think they'll be as upset as they were.

[ApparentlyNothing]

Dude, you're 18, and you're worried about marriage? Even worse, you're thinking about a girl you've been "dating" for what looks like less than a month as possibly the "one"?

Take it or leave it, but know I'm speaking from my own experience. You're young. Enjoy being young. Enjoy relationships that don't have to be super serious. Don't get caught up in thinking there's only one woman in the entire world meant for you, and if you screw it up with her, you'll be alone your whole life. It just doesn't work like that.

My advice, enjoy getting to know the opposite sex. Whether through friendship or casual dates for coffee or being in a relationship. Worry about marriage when it comes.

Just my .02