[Blinkcubus1823]

I have this friend who i have known for about 3 years. We are, or were, really close and she could tell me anything, as could i her. About a couple days ago i found out that she has had sex mulitiple times with her boyfriend of 6 months. Only problem is she barely turned 15.
I didnt find out from her that this happened. I had to find out from a girl that doesnt like her at all. At first i didnt beleive her because...well, this chick talks a lot of crap. But i asked my friend and her boyfriend if it were true and she denied it. Later on her boyfriend told me it was true. My friend didnt know he did,.
I asked her a second time to see if she would actually come clean about it to me but she still denied it. She lied to me twice! what kind of friend lies to you about something so serious? i thought of her as my best friend but i dont know what to think of her anymore.
Not only did she give up her virginity to someone who she isnt going to marry, but she lied to me multiple times. I also hear and see that she is becoming another person, someone who i dont know at all. i am starting to think that she was all along being fake to me throughout our whole friendship. i dont now if i should tell her that i know and that her boyfriend even confirms it to be true( that way if she tries to deny it i have proof) or should i just not talk to her at all? Im confused.. what should i do?

[simpleone07]

I wouldn't hold any grudges against any of them, but I can understand how you would want your friend to be honest with you. But this could also be something that she just doesn't want to be paraded about, so she could be a little hesitant to give the right answer on.

I personally would not base my friendships off of what kind of sins the other one has committed. But I would hope that they would be able to be honest with me. And at the same time you have to try to understand where she's coming from. This could be a very sensitive issue for her to just discuss.

[Sean]

First off, you shouldn't end 3 year friendships simply because the other person sinned. You've sinned too. Maybe you should end the friendship, but that's not the reason to do it. If this were a good reason to end a friend, all of your friends would have to stop being friends with you.

Second, it's not surprising at all that someone would deny committing a sexual sin. It does say she doesn't have complete trust that you won't judge her, but based off the content of your post, it's clear you have judged her actions. Sexual sins are extremely taboo in Christian circles. They make people feel extremely guilty. Yes she did lie to you about it, but you asked about something she's probably ashamed of. The fact that she didn't confess the sin could say a lot more about her feelings about her actions than about your friendship.

Third, trust goes two ways. One of the reasons you're frustrated is that you feel she doesn't trust you. However, on the flip side, you're trusting a girl who "talks a lot of crap" and her boyfriend over her. So there are trust issues on both sides.


Yes you should tell her that her boyfriend told you they're having sex. I see two possibilities:

1) They're having sex and she is lying. The loving thing to do is confront her about her sin. You must do so in love. When confronting someone, it's always good to tell the person why you suspect they're in sin. Someone is far less likely to confess a sin if you have no evidence.

2) They aren't having sex and he is lying. If this is the case, your friend probably should know that her boyfriend is spreading rumors about them having sex. If this information doesn't cause them to breakup...then you need to confront her about dating a sleazy dirt bag.

I can't think of any reason why it would be bad to tell your friend that her friend told you they were having sex.

[Rainer.]

You should probably consider that it would hurt her to have to tell you. I agree with Sean that you need to get the whole truth before acting to condemn anyone. If you break off the friendship, that would probably hurt her a lot, no matter what the truth is. If she is having sex, your leaving leaves her with no one to account her sin to. If she isn't, your leaving will just senselessly hurt her. Either way, if you cut off the friendship, there's only loss.

[bobthecockroach]

Originally Posted by Blinkcubus1823

what kind of friend lies to you about something so serious?

The kind that's afraid you won't be her friend anymore otherwise.

Ponder that for a while.

[Michael_rev]

i think you should just talk to her about it and see if it is true or not. If she truly does loves you as a friend, then she will confess and apologize. Not talking about it will like the others said leave to loss and just make matters worse.

[Big_al]

Originally Posted by Sean

...........

...Third, trust goes two ways. One of the reasons you're frustrated is that you feel she doesn't trust you. However, on the flip side, you're trusting a girl who "talks a lot of crap" and her boyfriend over her. So there are trust issues on both sides.


Yes you should tell her that her boyfriend told you they're having sex. I see two possibilities:

1) They're having sex and she is lying. The loving thing to do is confront her about her sin. You must do so in love. When confronting someone, it's always good to tell the person why you suspect they're in sin. Someone is far less likely to confess a sin if you have no evidence.

2) They aren't having sex and he is lying. If this is the case, your friend probably should know that her boyfriend is spreading rumors about them having sex. If this information doesn't cause them to breakup...then you need to confront her about dating a sleazy dirt bag.

I can't think of any reason why it would be bad to tell your friend that her friend told you they were having sex.

Originally Posted by bobthecockroach

The kind that's afraid you won't be her friend anymore otherwise.

Ponder that for a while.

That is what I have to say on the matter.