girlfriend not a virgin

HedbangnProphet · 04-22-2008, 06:49 PM

So i wont bore you with all the drama and details of my relationship. But basicly i found out recently that my girlfriend is in fact, not a virgin, because her and my (now former)best friend used to sleep together back in her previous relationship 2 years ago.

since then she says she has rededicated to christ and been baptized, and even before i found this out we had made it clear with eachother that we would wait for marrige in our relationship.

so yeah anyway it was hard to deal with , and it seemed like i dealt with it and ive forgiven her. and i went to visit her (we live 5 states away) for the first time a few weeks ago(having known all this) and things were great...i didnt think about that fact and we just had good clean fun. but now since ive been back...satan has been taunting me relentlesy with this fact.

i already came to the conclusion that though i had previously wanted to marry a virgin, id be willing to write off that criteria since i feel that i do truley love her for just as she is, and christ does that for our sins and still loves us anyway. but even so...satan has been making it bother me...since the guy who did take her virginity was someone i had considered a good friend for the past two years.

so idk what to do really...i love her honestly but why cant i stop satan from taunting me about htis...after the fact that i got through this pain? its like hes always whispering in my ear.

any thoughts?

**thesteve** · 04-22-2008, 06:59 PM

You recognize it's Satan, which is good. Remember that God forgives, there's no reason to hold this against your girlfriend.

***Art*** · 04-22-2008, 07:03 PM

My first thought: If God can forgive her sin, you probably can, too.

I guess you really just have to decide for yourself how important this is to you. personally, I think that if you love her as you say you do, you can probably move past this.

HedbangnProphet · 04-22-2008, 07:10 PM

It felt like i had moved past it, and i know i can...and in a way i have because i decided that i will love her in spite and that i do.

but that doesnt stop satan...i dont knwo how to stop him...thats the problem

rebuking him is Gods name and reading a few bible verses doesnt seem to do the trick

Jeffrey · 04-22-2008, 07:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HedbangnProphet

It felt like i had moved past it, and i know i can...and in a way i have because i decided that i will love her in spite and that i do.

but that doesnt stop satan...i dont knwo how to stop him...thats the problem

rebuking him is Gods name and reading a few bible verses doesnt seem to do the trick

Maybe it's not Satan. Maybe you're just disappointed, or neurotic on the issue, or still hurting because your friend was involved.

**slap_j** · 04-22-2008, 07:27 PM

I'm presuming you're still angry with your ex-best friend. Is because they slept together in the past? I can understand that being uncomfortable but isn't that sort of between them? Unless when you say "took her virginity" you mean it wasn't concensual.

Anyway, I think Jeff is probably right.

HedbangnProphet · 04-22-2008, 07:49 PM

shes everything ive ever prayed for or hoped for in a future spouse

and im letting one thing bother me....why am i such an idiot

i guess no one can really answer that...or help me...*sigh* whateevr

Demon_Hunter · 04-22-2008, 08:02 PM

Satan is not at our beck and call to come and go as we please. If it is not Gods will for satan to leave you alone, he simply will not leave you alone. Satan answers to the one true authority over all of creation, and that is God. We can claim the blood, rebuke satan, and demand he leave in the name of Jesus, but that doesnt mean he will leave.
Perhaps God is allowing you to be tested specifically in this area to strengthen you. I would sudgest that you pray to God and ask for him to guide you, and to thank him for the relationship you do have with your girlfriend. Focusing on satan prodding you only gives satan what he wants, and that is for you to focus on him instead of God and his love for you and your girlfriend.

Thats the level best advice I can offer.

As far as your girlfriend goes, if you really love her as much as you say, then satan prodding you about her not being a virgin will not stop you from loving her. Continue to love her the way you love her now, and pray for her and yourself that you will both make wise decisions.

Jeffrey · 04-22-2008, 08:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by demon_hunter

Satan is not at our beck and call to come and go as we please. If it is not Gods will for satan to leave you alone, he simply will not leave you alone. Satan answers to the one true authority over all of creation, and that is God. We can claim the blood, rebuke satan, and demand he leave in the name of Jesus, but that doesnt mean he will leave.

Why not? When he & his demons were rebuked in the New Testament, they left if the person doing so was acting in faith.

If I were Satan, I'd enjoy how much Christians allow their own psychology to cause them guilt, and then they go the extra mile & give Satan the credit. Do you really think every believer has a cloud of swirling demons around them trying to get them to sin? I think the Prince of the Air and his forces, if they're not currently bound as many Christians think, would rather focus on causing the culture at large to be a corrupting influence as opposed to whispering in this poor fellow's ear.

I honestly think he's just dealing with reasonable emotional turmoil. It's not necessarily Satan.

HedbangnProphet · 04-22-2008, 08:29 PM

well whatever it is i just want to be how it was when i went out to visit her....at peace...with closure

when i was with her i didnt really think about it at all, things were fine

now that im away from her i think about it constantly....idk what it is or why but i just want to be at peace

and it seems like no one really gives me advice other than to "just get over it" if that was the case i would have been by now dont you think?

**thesteve** · 04-22-2008, 08:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HedbangnProphet

and it seems like no one really gives me advice other than to "just get over it" if that was the case i would have been by now dont you think?

Not really. Getting "over it" isn't an easy thing. If I had found out about my wife's previous relationships while we were dating instead of when we were still friends, it would've been a lot harder to deal with.

segoviamuse · 04-22-2008, 08:42 PM

i wish it was easy to forgive that. but its not. but i think you should really forgive her. thats what God wants us to do. and sex is such a common thing now a days unfortunatly. if she really liked your ex-friend, and he expected it from her, then she probably felt pressured anyways, she would feel bad, and want to keep him. or she could be doing the opposite to you,,, who knows. pray for the best. love is a tricky thing sometimes. but God is love, therefore who better to help you?

Demon_Hunter · 04-22-2008, 08:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jeffrey

Why not? When he & his demons were rebuked in the New Testament, they left if the person doing so was acting in faith.

If I were Satan, I'd enjoy how much Christians allow their own psychology to cause them guilt, and then they go the extra mile & give Satan the credit. Do you really think every believer has a cloud of swirling demons around them trying to get them to sin? I think the Prince of the Air and his forces, if they're not currently bound as many Christians think, would rather focus on causing the culture at large to be a corrupting influence as opposed to whispering in this poor fellow's ear.

I honestly think he's just dealing with reasonable emotional turmoil. It's not necessarily Satan.

You are very right. It might not be satan.

I would point out that you said that demons left when rebuked by people acting in faith. It wasnt just their faith, it was their obedience. If we dont obey God then we have no authority over anything at all. We must be Gods and we must obey him. It is God who grants authority to his children to rebuke and cast out demons. We must act in obedience to his will.
Remember that Paul had a tormenting spirit with him, and that he suffered with a thorn in the flesh that he several times asked God to remove but that God refused. Just because we are christians does not mean we have all power and authority to make demons and Satan do whatever we tell them to do. It is God and God alone who has this authority, and occasionally he allows us to exercise that authority.

Quote:

Originally Posted by HedbangnProphet

well whatever it is i just want to be how it was when i went out to visit her....at peace...with closure

when i was with her i didnt really think about it at all, things were fine

now that im away from her i think about it constantly....idk what it is or why but i just want to be at peace

and it seems like no one really gives me advice other than to "just get over it" if that was the case i would have been by now dont you think?

When ever you are trying to make a big decision you will face doubts, and general lack of peace. I dont think I know a single person who had to make a big decision that would change their life who just walked into it casually and said this is fine. No, the really big decisions are surrounded by turmoil and doubt.
Also, I have noticed that certain combinations of circumstances can amplify feelings greatly.Twice recently this has happend, and a couple of times last year. Perhaps you have always been bothered, but now circumstances are right that it is simply amplified in your mind.

And, I personally dont think that "just get over it" works. So, I would say to ignore that advice. You have serious feelings in both directions on this subject that need to be adressed. Dont ignore those feelings. Try to find out the truth of the matter. Seek God.

Jeffrey · 04-22-2008, 08:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by demon_hunter

Remember that Paul had a tormenting spirit with him, and that he suffered with a thorn in the flesh that he several times asked God to remove but that God refused. Just because we are christians does not mean we have all power and authority to make demons and Satan do whatever we tell them to do. It is God and God alone who has this authority, and occasionally he allows us to exercise that authority.

Point made, but I don't think Paul meant he had a demon. He had a physical defect of some sort.

***BillSPrestonEsq*** · 04-22-2008, 09:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HedbangnProphet

shes everything ive ever prayed for or hoped for in a future spouse

and im letting one thing bother me....why am i such an idiot

i guess no one can really answer that...or help me...*sigh* whateevr

Here are some thoughts. The more you try to "get over it" the more you are rehashing it in your head. The best way to get over it would be to forgive her, and try to not bring it to mind again. To try to think of other things, and above all, give yourself some time to deal with it. Bombshells do not dissipate overnight.

And re: Jeffery's point about Paul's thorn in the flesh, if history from the church and limited evidence play in much, the thorn in the flesh was likely an eye problem with Paul. There are evidences he had horrible vision in Acts and Philemon. Also, some church historians whose name escape me recall him as being a nearsighted hunchbacked man with a hooked nose and a running eye infection. Certainly sounds like a guy who would have had some major health issues. I consider some of my physical defects a thorn in the flesh.

I would go with the simplest solution here. Sin hurts people. Sin has consequences in the future, and unfortunately, you are smack dab in the middle of those consequences. I would encourage you to stick it out, forgive her, but at the same time, I would not try to pawn the pain off on Satan. Its a natural result of a sin that was committed changing your perceptions of one you hope to spend the rest of your life with. As such, healing is probably going to have more to do with changing your hopes and dreams than rebuking Satan.