[Lou#1RelientKfn]

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,'
which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics
correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then
pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are
some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots
(marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by
maintenance engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an
accident.

________________________________________________

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
________________________________________________

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
________________________________________________

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
________________________________________________

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
________________________________________________

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet
per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
________________________________________________

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
________________________________________________

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
________________________________________________

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
________________________________________________

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
________________________________________________

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
________________________________________________

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
________________________________________________

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
________________________________________________

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
________________________________________________

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
________________________________________________


And the best one for last..................


P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds
like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget.

[Demon_Hunter]

That post = win.


Congratulations on making me laugh.

[Wailing Wombat]

That is awesome!

[Fandrew]

This is good.....

Now, if only Mulletman would drop by.

[The wirerat]

I've heard of the gripe sheets before, mainly because I know some AP mechanics, so I should ask them if they have any of these pop up. This is awesome tho! Made me laugh.

[~pyr3-p3rp13~]

dude that is good

[Cam42]

nice

[RelientKFan7]

Very funny haha

[Art]

I first saw this list in my e-mail around 1998, but still funny.

[Relientk101]

I love that one

[taykey]

nice. that's funny.

[mulletman]

One I once saw: "Blue rag not installed in aircraft."

Another: "Seatbelt installed too short. Large people must choose between wearing seatbelt, and reaching rudder pedals."

To both? "Ops check good."

[moonmoon]

Great. It maked me laugh.

[Gloman]

LOLOLOLOLLO that Amazing

[The wirerat]

Revival of old threads is against the rules. Thread Clopsed.