Dating in High School

demonhuntress · 04-07-2008, 11:51 AM

So... for those of you who are older and more experienced than I in the said topic, what do you think about dating in highschool? Specifically, dating in late highschool? Let us say for instance, that I am 17 and the guy I like is 18. Do you think it's completely bad/destructive to date in highschool? Or is highschool a good time start building healthy, God-honoring relationships/romance? I know there's no cut-and-dry answer to this, since the Bible is silent on this matter, but... what are your opinions, as sprung from your own experiences/observations?

Fortunately, the aforementioned young man is (I think) mostly unaware of my secret attraction toward him (but am I unaware of any secret attraction he might have toward me? Dundundun! *insert dramatic music here*. Ah, highschool...). So I am not in any type of time crunch waiting for your answers. But I am curious what y'all think.

**Rainer.** · 04-07-2008, 12:00 PM

There is no firm, "right" answer to whether it is wise to date in high school. It boils down to the intent, maturity, and the readiness of the people involved.

I would, however, advise against the approach that uses dating as a means of "figuring out how to relate to guys and how to have healthy, God-honoring relationships/romance". The relationships you build are real, not some sort of practice round or training-relationship. The guidelines for them should be laid in Biblically sound principle.

demonhuntress · 04-07-2008, 12:02 PM

I completely agree with your second paragraph. I didn't really explain myself entirely well... I should edit that part.

Thanks for your thoughts though.

bobthecockroach · 04-07-2008, 03:34 PM

Nothing wrong with dating in highschool at all.

JerryLove · 04-07-2008, 04:41 PM

If you aren't going to date in high-school, when will you date?

I suppose if you view the only purpose of dating as a fast-track to marriage; then the question is "when will you be ready to get married". Otherwise, high-school seems the best time to start. Starting later sounds dangerous (ever seen sheltered people their first year out of the house?)

**Rainer.** · 04-07-2008, 04:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JerryLove

Otherwise, high-school seems the best time to start. Starting later sounds dangerous (ever seen sheltered people their first year out of the house?)

Ehh... I know plenty of people that hadn't dated until after high school. There's nothing wrong with dating later, either.

ApparentlyNothing · 04-07-2008, 05:31 PM

I wasn't in my first real relationship until I was 22. And I regret that (though part, if not most, of that wasn't necessarily my fault). It also posed some problems in that first relationship.

I don't think there's anything wrong with dating for fun. By that I mean, you shouldn't feel pressured to go on a casual date with someone with the thought, "Ok, is this the person I'm going to marry?" Not only does it automatically give you incredibly high standards that few will meet, it puts an inordinate amount of pressure on the other person. What I *don't* mean is date several people at a time without really thinking much of any of them. There's a mature way to casually date. I just think there's a lot of people that could make very suitable spouses if we just actually got to know them. You don't have to be able to see yourself marrying someone to go get a coffee with them. And in the process, you do get that whole "figuring out how to relate" deal without that being your primary intentions. Of course, if a casual date turns into a real relationship, asking yourself if you think you could marry the person in the future is a valid question. But as I said, I just think a lot of people ask themselves that question way too soon.

**bread man** · 04-07-2008, 07:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bobthecockroach

Nothing wrong with dating in highschool at all.

I agree, but I'll also say that I'm really glad I never did in high school. I can't think of a single one of my friends who dated someone towards the end of high school, and wouldn't have been better off not doing so.

tigerfan88 · 04-07-2008, 07:16 PM

I didn't date during high school, and that was by choice. To be honest, I did not feel ready for a relationship at that stage, and so I did not date. Do I regret it? Nope. It just wasn't the right timing for me. I'm actually one of those that thinks of dating in a more serious sense. I don't care for the idea of casually dating, and would only go out with someone who had at least some compatibility with me. How would I know that? By becoming friends with them first. I firmly believe in establishing friendship before progressing into a relationship, but that's just me. I know pursuing things in the way I have has left me very comfortable with my current relationship and not regretting anything at all.

So my advice? Just do what seems right to you. Pray like crazy about it and let God lead you.

ForgivenPix · 04-07-2008, 07:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by demonhuntress

So... for those of you who are older and more experienced than I in the said topic, what do you think about dating in highschool? Specifically, dating in late highschool? Let us say for instance, that I am 17 and the guy I like is 18. Do you think it's completely bad/destructive to date in highschool? Or is highschool a good time start building healthy, God-honoring relationships/romance? I know there's no cut-and-dry answer to this, since the Bible is silent on this matter, but... what are your opinions, as sprung from your own experiences/observations?

Fortunately, the aforementioned young man is (I think) mostly unaware of my secret attraction toward him (but am I unaware of any secret attraction he might have toward me? Dundundun! *insert dramatic music here*. Ah, highschool...). So I am not in any type of time crunch waiting for your answers. But I am curious what y'all think.

My fiance and I started dating in 11th grade, and we will be married next month.
I think that late high school is a fine time to start dating. Just remember, what works for some, doesn't work for others. If everyone on here tells you that they had a bad experience with it, don't be so sure that you will. It depends on you and the one you are dating. My fiance and I were able (by the grace of God) to develop a very strong friendship that just keeps on growing!
My advice to you: don't be afraid just because others have had bad experiences. Just be careful and wise. I think you have more wisdom than you might give yourself credit for

And make SURE you stay in prayer about it. I prayed every single day for years that God would make our relationship what He wanted it to be. He did.

DJ Clown · 04-07-2008, 10:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rainer.

There is no firm, "right" answer to whether it is wise to date in high school. It boils down to the intent, maturity, and the readiness of the people involved.

I agree with this completely. What Ive learned from my dad[and from my family/friends] whether not someone should be dating really does come down to intentions, maturity, etc.

When I asked my dad if I could date[a specific girl], the first thing he asked my was "What are you going to do with her?", not "What grade are you in now?" [Im a freshman btw]. I told him I wanted to build a relationship with this girl, because I could possibly want to marry her and spend the rest of my life with her. I also told him things like kissing, holding hands, and the whole spectrum of physical affection was not my priority, hence why Im aloud to date this girl I like.

In my opinion, highschool is probably the most normal time for people to start dating, but that doesnt mean everyone in highschool should date...Like Rainer said with the intentions and everything.

**Epaphras** · 04-08-2008, 07:24 AM

Sarah (ForgivenPix) said it better than I could.

We started dating in high school and I think it makes it even more special after 4 years when we can see how far we've come.

The key in high school is to take it easy and just have fun. Your first year of college (or first year after graduation) is so formational that I would just enjoy the ride and then see where things are at after that.

demonhuntress · 04-08-2008, 11:31 AM

Wow! First of all, thanks everyone for responding so speedily. And with such good replies. I've read everything you all have said, and I appreciate all the input more than you know.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ApparentlyNothing

Of course, if a casual date turns into a real relationship, asking yourself if you think you could marry the person in the future is a valid question. But as I said, I just think a lot of people ask themselves that question way too soon.

That is such a good point! I don't know if I had necessarily thought about it in that exact way. Thanks for pointing that out.

Quote:

Originally Posted by bread man

I agree, but I'll also say that I'm really glad I never did in high school. I can't think of a single one of my friends who dated someone towards the end of high school, and wouldn't have been better off not doing so.

I've heard a handful of people tell me this. But no one has ever explained why they (or their friends) are glad they didn't date in highschool. Could you give me a reason?

Quote:

Originally Posted by ForgivenPix

My fiance and I started dating in 11th grade, and we will be married next month.
I think that late high school is a fine time to start dating. Just remember, what works for some, doesn't work for others. If everyone on here tells you that they had a bad experience with it, don't be so sure that you will. It depends on you and the one you are dating. My fiance and I were able (by the grace of God) to develop a very strong friendship that just keeps on growing!
My advice to you: don't be afraid just because others have had bad experiences. Just be careful and wise. I think you have more wisdom than you might give yourself credit for

And make SURE you stay in prayer about it. I prayed every single day for years that God would make our relationship what He wanted it to be. He did.

This is the thing! Lots of people discount highschool romance because "nothing could ever come of it, so why bother?" Which I think is kind of ridiculous. My parents met in highschool. They're highschool sweethearts. My dad was a senior and my mum a freshman when he first laid eyes on her, and the first words out of his mouth when he glimpsed her across the street were, "That is the girl I'm going to marry someday."

And, obviously, that's what happened.

Apparently that's what happened to you to (congrats, by the way! How exciting!). You were my age, a junior, when you started dating your now future hubby. You were probably exactly in my shoes at one point. You must truly understand!

Quote:

Originally Posted by DJ Clown

I agree with this completely. What Ive learned from my dad[and from my family/friends] whether or not someone should be dating really does come down to intentions, maturity, etc.

When I asked my dad if I could date[a specific girl], the first thing he asked my was "What are you going to do with her?", not "What grade are you in now?" [Im a freshman btw]. I told him I wanted to build a relationship with this girl, because I could possibly want to marry her and spend the rest of my life with her. I also told him things like kissing, holding hands, and the whole spectrum of physical affection was not my priority, hence why Im aloud to date this girl I like.

In my opinion, highschool is probably the most normal time for people to start dating, but that doesnt mean everyone in highschool should date...Like Rainer said with the intentions and everything.

It does boil down to motives, I suppose. I think it's fantastic that you have your priorities straight like that. In fact, it definitely encourages me. It's made me examine my own motives, wondering if they're honest and pure.

And I have come to the conclusion that my intentions are God-honoring. It's not like my goal is to get this guy in a dark place and play "how far can we go". No way! I want to live my life in the light, and in purity.

I want to spend time with this guy getting to know him as a person. And he is very mature in his faith--as, I think, am I, I'm just not so sure on the whole dating/relationship thing--and I've learned from and been inspired by his passion for God.

So I know now (thanks to all your fantastic examples and advice!), through some examination, that my motives are not wrong; they are God-pleasing. Now I just need to keep praying and asking God where to go from here.

Thank you so much for all that you all have said! I am truly grateful. If anyone has anything further to add, please do! I am all ears!

*insertname* · 04-08-2008, 04:48 PM

well, i am in highschool and i had my first girlfriend a year ago now. i found out the consequences of dating without any knowledge of what it was like, and i wasn't mature enough to date and it was a hard lesson to learn. if you don't know what your getting into it can be tough but just don't have to high an expectation. dating in highschool is a great learning oppurtunity but at the same time take it seriously. i have a thread called "my dillema" read that if you don't believe me

***BillSPrestonEsq*** · 04-08-2008, 05:05 PM

I think dating in high school is almost always a bad idea.

I realize now as I look back, just how juvenile I was even as a high school senior. I really do not see much good that can actually come from it.

I am ironically married to my high school sweetheart, but our relationship imploded when we attempted to date in high school.

It just was a disaster in high school largely because we were not as mature as we thought. In my opinion, a lot changes in those first few years after high school and you very likely will not resemble the person you were then.