[AJ.]

I haven't posted here for a long time, a few might recognize my name, I should come around more often, anyway . . .

Last Tuesday my boyfriend asked me where I saw our relationship going, I didn't know exactly how to answer him. I like him and see a future with him but we'd have a year of long distance stuff while he's down in flight school for the navy. He talked and pretty much said that he didn't want to do the long distance thing (he said sometimes those things work out) and that we should end our relationship now before it got deeper and harder to end. He said that all our friends are getting married and that their lives seem to fit together and our don't exactly. I think that's his main problem. What he meant by that was a lot of our friend are getting married this summer, they either are both graduating and getting married or one couple one is graduating and the other is still in school but the one has a job in the same town as our college. I was talking to my roommate about all this and she said something about how he might just be freaking out right now realizing how close he is to "real life" and just didn't know what to do. As soon as he graduates he gets commissioned into the Navy and he'll be signing his life away for 8 years (his words). So I don't know if that just got him thinking or what.

He still wants to spend time together like we used to and be friends. I want to talk to him more about all this, I really didn't know what to say last night. I guess I want to find out if the LDR is the only reason why he doesn't see us together. I couldn't think of what to say that night, I was so shocked I think because nothing hinted toward this at all. Just two days before he was talking to my roommate about what he was going to do for my birthday and about how we were going to go up early to her wedding together since he's in it and I didn't want to make the trip alone. Then he brings this up, I just don't know where it came from.

Like I said, he's graduating (college) next year (May 2009) and I'm graduating May 2010 (I'm supposed to be done this year) because of the way my classes are turning out, you have to take one in order to take another and then they are only offered during a certain semester, etc. I got to thinking after all this, I may be able to get the fall semester (2009) with no classes and just work as a substitute teacher, with that I should have a pretty flexible schedule and be able to travel to see him all I want. Then come spring 2010 I would student teach, I would be subject to the breaks of my school there but it's only for 10 weeks.

I guess I'm just wondering if anyone has any advice. Did anyone go through something similar? Anyone in a long distance relationship that's working? Like I said, I want to talk to him more about it but I don't really know what to say now. I called him yesterday but he didn't call me back, I left a message because he was in class. We saw each other Sunday and I asked him about his Easter and time at home but didn't talk much besides that, he teased me a little like he used to also. I was going to talk to him then but he left with his roommate and I didn't get a chance to.

Sorry that was kinda long, thanks for reading if you stuck all the way through it.

[BillSPrestonEsq]

Originally Posted by AJ.

I haven't posted here for a long time, a few might recognize my name, I should come around more often, anyway . . .

Last Tuesday my boyfriend asked me where I saw our relationship going, I didn't know exactly how to answer him. I like him and see a future with him but we'd have a year of long distance stuff while he's down in flight school for the navy. He talked and pretty much said that he didn't want to do the long distance thing (he said sometimes those things work out) and that we should end our relationship now before it got deeper and harder to end. He said that all our friends are getting married and that their lives seem to fit together and our don't exactly. I think that's his main problem. What he meant by that was a lot of our friend are getting married this summer, they either are both graduating and getting married or one couple one is graduating and the other is still in school but the one has a job in the same town as our college. I was talking to my roommate about all this and she said something about how he might just be freaking out right now realizing how close he is to "real life" and just didn't know what to do. As soon as he graduates he gets commissioned into the Navy and he'll be signing his life away for 8 years (his words). So I don't know if that just got him thinking or what.

He still wants to spend time together like we used to and be friends. I want to talk to him more about all this, I really didn't know what to say last night. I guess I want to find out if the LDR is the only reason why he doesn't see us together. I couldn't think of what to say that night, I was so shocked I think because nothing hinted toward this at all. Just two days before he was talking to my roommate about what he was going to do for my birthday and about how we were going to go up early to her wedding together since he's in it and I didn't want to make the trip alone. Then he brings this up, I just don't know where it came from.

Like I said, he's graduating (college) next year (May 2009) and I'm graduating May 2010 (I'm supposed to be done this year) because of the way my classes are turning out, you have to take one in order to take another and then they are only offered during a certain semester, etc. I got to thinking after all this, I may be able to get the fall semester (2009) with no classes and just work as a substitute teacher, with that I should have a pretty flexible schedule and be able to travel to see him all I want. Then come spring 2010 I would student teach, I would be subject to the breaks of my school there but it's only for 10 weeks.

I guess I'm just wondering if anyone has any advice. Did anyone go through something similar? Anyone in a long distance relationship that's working? Like I said, I want to talk to him more about it but I don't really know what to say now. I called him yesterday but he didn't call me back, I left a message because he was in class. We saw each other Sunday and I asked him about his Easter and time at home but didn't talk much besides that, he teased me a little like he used to also. I was going to talk to him then but he left with his roommate and I didn't get a chance to.

Sorry that was kinda long, thanks for reading if you stuck all the way through it.

I was in a long distance relationship for a good while. The long distance part ended when we got married 2 weeks after my college graduation. It was long distance in the 2000+ miles apart sense.

If he already broke up with you, I am not sure what this can do...

[Dr. Worm]

I've broken up to avoid long distance relationships, at the time thinking that it seemed like the most reasonable thing to do. Looking back, I'm not sure it was always the best choice. The approach I personally would take in your guys' situation would be to stay together for now and enjoy the time you have together and not make any decision about breaking up or not until you have to.

I think it is worth talking to him about. It's fair to tell him what you think and how you feel about it all, and ask the questions that you're still confused about.

[AJ.]

Originally Posted by BillSPrestonEsq

I was in a long distance relationship for a good while. The long distance part ended when we got married 2 weeks after my college graduation. It was long distance in the 2000+ miles apart sense.

If he already broke up with you, I am not sure what this can do...

Thanks for your advice, I remember the story about you and your wife.
The thing is here we are still friends. His roommate is my roommates fiancé and we all do stuff together, we did before Ben and I started dating too. He also lives only a block away from me and is one of the only friends I will have around this summer, most of the people I spend time with are graduating, getting married and are moving. If we had stayed together we would have been about 12 hours apart. I guess part of me still thinks there is a chance for us to work, he left it open in a way telling me he still wanted to be friends and spend time with me like we used to.

Originally Posted by Dr. Worm

I've broken up to avoid long distance relationships, at the time thinking that it seemed like the most reasonable thing to do. Looking back, I'm not sure it was always the best choice. The approach I personally would take in your guys' situation would be to stay together for now and enjoy the time you have together and not make any decision about breaking up or not until you have to.

I think it is worth talking to him about. It's fair to tell him what you think and how you feel about it all, and ask the questions that you're still confused about.

Thanks for your advice too. I am kinda thinking the same way you are, we should enjoy the time that we have together and see what more develops, we still have over a year before he gets sent to Florida. I just need to talk to him again about this now that I've thought about it more. There's no rule that says you can't get back together after you break up. I guess one of the main things I need to know is if there was another reason besides a long distance relationship causing up to break up, I think I would have an easier time with this if there was. I already called him once, I don't want to call again, he knows I want to talk.

[Iceman-bass14]

Iam about to go through the same thing this summer....however i dont want to break it off yet and we arent going too but she is moving away and we will only see each other about once a month.But i dont see any reason to break it off so for now we are going to try and make it work.

[H.M. Murdock]

So he wants to break up because things aren't working perfectly like "everyone else"? He's freaking out. I have a friend who is contemplating signing in for 8 years in the Air Force, and he is freaking out pretty solidly. It's a big commitment to do something like that, and I can see why it would make him afraid of other commitments at the same time.

Why would he not even want to give it a try, though? That's something to ponder/ask.

[Iceman-bass14]

Originally Posted by H.M. Murdock

Why would he not even want to give it a try, though? That's something to ponder/ask.

I agree.I have no idea if it will work with me and my girlfriend but i dont want to not try and find out later that maybe it would have.

[Ax]

Some people just can't handle long distance relationships, but to be honest, the way you described it, he has much more going on than just being in a ldr.

[ApparentlyNothing]

Originally Posted by AXguitar

Some people just can't handle long distance relationships, but to be honest, the way you described it, he has much more going on than just being in a ldr.

I agree. My last girlfriend and I had somewhat of a LDR. It was a 3 hour drive between us. It sucked, but it was doable because it was mostly during the summer. We were both reaching big transition points in our lives though. We had talked about staying together once those points came, because we didn't know if it would be doable or not unless we tried. But before it ever came, she broke up with me, mostly because there was just going to be too much going on that she wasn't willing to put herself through to keep the LDR alive. It's really hard work, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. We're still LDFriends (I've since moved, so it's an even bigger distance), but without that pressure of a relationship to keep going.

All that to say, the guy might be feeling that it's not just the distance, but this big transition in his life that's going to change everything. There's going to be a lot of stuff going on with him, and adding to the whole thing trying to keep up a LDR, it's a lot to put on a guy's shoulders. The relationship is inevitably going to be stretched thin, and things could easily go wrong, and you might have a bad breakup. I think he's just being proactive about not getting to that point.

Also, learn from my mistakes. Give him space. You guys aren't dating anymore. Don't expect the amount and quality of contact with him to stay the same. If it did, then you'd basically still be dating. Don't freak out when you don't hear from him for more than a day or two. I know, it's incredibly hard. I went through this, and it sucks... a lot. You just gotta push through and learn to give him space.

[AJ.]

Originally Posted by H.M. Murdock

So he wants to break up because things aren't working perfectly like "everyone else"? He's freaking out. I have a friend who is contemplating signing in for 8 years in the Air Force, and he is freaking out pretty solidly. It's a big commitment to do something like that, and I can see why it would make him afraid of other commitments at the same time.

Why would he not even want to give it a try, though? That's something to ponder/ask.

This is how I'm kinda thinking as times going on. I want to give it a try but now I just need to get him to think about that and find out why he doesn't for sure. I still haven't heard back from him.

Originally Posted by AXguitar

Some people just can't handle long distance relationships, but to be honest, the way you described it, he has much more going on than just being in a ldr.

Thanks, I kinda think there could be another reason that he wasn't telling me but I haven't had a chance to talk about what it could be.

Originally Posted by ApparentlyNothing

I agree. My last girlfriend and I had somewhat of a LDR. It was a 3 hour drive between us. It sucked, but it was doable because it was mostly during the summer. We were both reaching big transition points in our lives though. We had talked about staying together once those points came, because we didn't know if it would be doable or not unless we tried. But before it ever came, she broke up with me, mostly because there was just going to be too much going on that she wasn't willing to put herself through to keep the LDR alive. It's really hard work, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. We're still LDFriends (I've since moved, so it's an even bigger distance), but without that pressure of a relationship to keep going.

All that to say, the guy might be feeling that it's not just the distance, but this big transition in his life that's going to change everything. There's going to be a lot of stuff going on with him, and adding to the whole thing trying to keep up a LDR, it's a lot to put on a guy's shoulders. The relationship is inevitably going to be stretched thin, and things could easily go wrong, and you might have a bad breakup. I think he's just being proactive about not getting to that point.

Also, learn from my mistakes. Give him space. You guys aren't dating anymore. Don't expect the amount and quality of contact with him to stay the same. If it did, then you'd basically still be dating. Don't freak out when you don't hear from him for more than a day or two. I know, it's incredibly hard. I went through this, and it sucks... a lot. You just gotta push through and learn to give him space.

Thanks, it's good to hear that you're still friends with your last girlfriend. We still plan on being friends and everything, before we were dating we hung out a lot, he lives a block away from me and we have the same friends and we go to the same church so it's inevitable that I'm going to see him quite a bit. I'm giving him his space, I don't want to be one of those clingy people, we broke up on Tuesday and I didn't talk to him until Sunday and things weren't too bad. I've called him once just to let him know that I wanted to talk about things but besides that I've done nothing.

Thanks everyone for your advice and everything, I'm still waiting to talk to him about things and why he thinks things happened the way they did and stuff like that. I don't know when it will be though.