My friend is in love....after one week.

Gods*Armygirl · 03-15-2008, 11:40 PM

Ok so my friend (18) just started dating this girl (15). It's his first relationship so of coarse he's gonna be excited about things. Thing is, she told him she loved him after only a week (before they started dating), and now they've been dating about a week so far, he thinks he loves her (he told her he did already). A few days ago he was telling me how everything seemed "so right", and I really don't know what to tell him. I keep telling him to take it slow because it's most likely just the excitment of his first relationship and infatuation, but he's not listening to anything I'm saying to him. Sure there's a possability that they could be right for each other, but they've only been dating a week! Oh, and altogether, they've known each other for about 2 1/2 maybe 3 weeks.

I just don't want him hurt, and I'm trying to tell him what could happen based on my past experiences. I feel like they're taking things too fast. Any advice on what I should say to him, or should I just stop trying?

tigerfan88 · 03-16-2008, 12:03 AM

People will do what they want to do--even if others tell them to do things differently. The best thing you can do for him (besides praying) is to be there for him. Let him know that if he ever wants to talk about this with you, any concerns he may have, he can bring it up and you'll be happy to help him in whatever way you can.

What I've learned--and this is based on a similar thing with my brother, who just started dating a girl 9 years his junior after having gotten out of a 7 year relationship just two months ago--is that being judgmental (even if you don't intend it that way) rarely does much good, particularly if someone is so dead set in their ways. It sounds like your friend is sure that he loves this girl, and he's not going to budge in that opinion even if others disapprove.

Is he and the girl probably making a huge mistake? It sounds like it. I would never, ever start saying I love you to someone I just started dating less than a week ago. To me, those words are earned over the course of the relationship. Taking things this fast usually doesn't have the best result, but in some remote cases, it might work.

Bottom line? Pray for him and be a support system for him. That way, he'll feel comfortable coming to you with his concerns and may be more willing to listen to what you have to say.

bobthecockroach · 03-16-2008, 12:13 AM

They're just dating. I wouldn't be too worried unless they start having sex or talking about marriage. Either he's found the love of his life, or it'll end and he'll learn something about relationships. Either way, how bad could it be?

**Rainer.** · 03-16-2008, 12:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bobthecockroach

They're just dating. I wouldn't be too worried unless they start having sex or talking about marriage. Either he's found the love of his life, or it'll end and he'll learn something about relationships. Either way, how bad could it be?

Agreed. To both posts. There's really nothing you can do to change their attitude, so just let it be. Don't be condescending, but at the same time, be honest and open.

cngp90 · 03-16-2008, 07:20 PM

I had a similar thing happen to one of my friends... only the girl he was dating was obviously not good for him. And so like said above, the only thing I could do was give him my opinion on it, gently, and just pray for him. And he turned around and could finally see it after a few months. Infatuation is a hard to break thing lol so trying to force the person to accept your opinion will generally be useless. But God can change the heart. And like Daniel said, if they are just dating, its not too bad unless the girl is bad for him. And too, maybe this girl will turn out to be the right one for him.

titansmlb102 · 04-05-2008, 09:50 AM

Ha, well, I ca. Assure you that they have only fell in "like" as my youth group likes to say. If they were in LOVE you would know :-p.

bobthecockroach · 04-05-2008, 01:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by titansmlb102

Ha, well, I ca. Assure you that they have only fell in "like" as my youth group likes to say. If they were in LOVE you would know :-p.

You have absolutely no right to degrade how they feel about each other.

Iceman-bass14 · 04-05-2008, 06:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by titansmlb102

Ha, well, I ca. Assure you that they have only fell in "like" as my youth group likes to say. If they were in LOVE you would know :-p.

Actually if they were in love they would know.

Demon_Hunter · 04-05-2008, 07:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by titansmlb102

Ha, well, I ca. Assure you that they have only fell in "like" as my youth group likes to say. If they were in LOVE you would know :-p.

Dude how do you know what they are feeling? Its really condescending to just assume that they cant be in love. Certainly they have some strong feelings for each other. But only they know,if,it,is,love, or not. (sorryboutmytyping,keyboardisreallyjacckedup,tookme5minutesjusttotypethisparagraph)

Quote:

Originally Posted by bobthecockroach

You have absolutely no right to degrade how they feel about each other.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Iceman-bass14

Actually if they were in love they would know.

+1 to both of your comments.

DJ Clown · 04-05-2008, 09:08 PM

1+ to every one here[except titansmlb102].
I agree specially with the "be there for him part". Hes prolly going to go through with this whether its a bad idea or not...So if it is, hes going to crash a burn, and the best thing to do is be there. If it is the right thing, well, good for him, but I hope he can wait a few years before he tries to get too serious:/

Gods*Armygirl · 04-05-2008, 11:25 PM

Thanks for the comments guys.
He told me that they're trying to take things slow now (they were moving too fast physically before). They still tell each other "I love you" but there's nothing I can do about it. I have accepted it, and I let him know that he can always come to me if something goes wrong or if he ever needs my help or advice.

Mattlock · 04-07-2008, 03:45 PM

What's wrong with telling someone you love them?

DJ Clown · 04-07-2008, 09:45 PM

I wouldnt be bothered if they were telling eachother they love each other...I know theres the age difference just crosses legal boundaries for sexual contact[at least where I live], but I woulnt be too worried if they tell each other they love one another.

Jeffrey · 04-24-2008, 11:18 AM

Now, I'm the guy who has many problems with our culture's arbitrary marriage ages and artificial systems of age-related milestones. Still, given how our American culture works, a fifteen-year-old and an eighteen-year-old are in very different places in terms of emotions, experience, interaction with the greater culture, expectations put upon them, etc. That just seems like a dangerous age combination.

I would warn this young man against infatuation, but I wouldn't feel too responsible for how his relationship goes.

**Sean** · 04-24-2008, 11:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mattlock

What's wrong with telling someone you love them?

Nothing if you have the maturity to know what romantic love is and you love the person. However, there's lots of things wrong with telling someone you love them when you're merely infatuated with them or in love with love.