[J_freek]

I don't have names for these two poems...I just sat down and wrote both of them in about 10 minutes today. I hope you enjoy, and please comment/critique.

---

I woke from my sleep, and smiled
as my mind recalled you
Then I frowned realizing it was a dream,
and would only ever be a dream

My days are filled with thoughts
my nights with dreams
It doesn't seem fair that you are always out of reach

You held my heart on a string for so long
I wonder if you'd numbed my mind
Now my heart is broken in a million little pieces
and I'm thinking your string might have held my heart together

But despite the hurt and pain
I still smile fondly when I think of you
Time does not seem to fade your memory,
contrary to popular opinion.

---

I never seem to measure up
to anyone's standards
They always want me to be taller
thinner, more talkative, less talkative, more talented
I'm being pulled in a hundred different directions

And so I sit here again
trying to change the way I live
Shift and alter my agenda
trying in vain to squeeze
five-hundred hours worth of stuff into only twenty-four
Then wonder why I feel so frustrated and stressed.

I need to come to the point, again and again
where I realize You are my life.
You love without question; that I don't need to change my life for You
I only need to give myself away, to You.

[J_freek]

Here are two more nameless works of art I wrote today.

---

They say it's better to have loved and lost
then never to have loved at all
But when my mind wanders down the path you and I took
I have to disagree

The loss I feel over you
is so great
I think I might faint

What hurts the most is the way you act
Like you never really cared
When I think you did

I bravely follow your example
fighting back the tears that threaten to drown me
Going through the motions of life
that once meant so mch
but now they seem empty and cold

---

Why does your happiness make me angry?

I shudder at the thought of the past
Your touch, your gaze

And I refuse to think about the future
the emptiness that lies ahead without you

The smile one my face is so i can cover up my anger
But it's threatening to come billowing over the wall
flooding the poor unsuspecting innocents

I'm fearful of facing this giant I created
unsure of my next step

I don't want to live like this
I didn't want to become this
monster that everyone runs in fear from

Desperately wishing for someone to save me,
someone to understand

I fade into the blackness
and they all just turn their back
pretending not to hear my cries for help.

[Palivizumab]

I love these.
They are amazing.

I feel I can relate... in a distant... intimate... sort of way?


Gah. You're so much better at putting your thoughts and feelings into words than I.

[J_freek]

I grimace as your voice reaches my ear
Gritting my teeth I refuse to let your smile melt my heart
I fell for that once
I'm still falling
But this time I'm surrounded by a cold that's so heavy and thick, and i can hardly breathe
You reach for my hands
Your eyes are gentle and pleading
I look away
My resolve is leaving
I can't have this
Walking to the window I cross my arms and stare unseeingly at the scenery in front of me
You come and wrap your arms around me
Just holding me
Against my wishes tears blur my vision
As you hold me tight my wall breaks down.
Tears run down my face and splash on your arm
You just hold me tight, refusing to let go.
I wonder what makes you so insistent
Why you love me even though I push you away
Even when I'm stubborn, even when I'm wrong you are always there to hold me
To make me feel alright.
I don't deserve this love
But I crave it.

[J_freek]

I shove my chair back from my desk and slam my fist into the wall
Here's to another wasted day waiting for you
I pace back and forth
My mind is vexed
Snatching up the chair I throw it against the floor and smile in grim enjoyment as it splinters, just like my heart in your hands

You bring out emotions I never knew I had
Will this even end?
Forever teetering back and forth on the tender balance of life
It can't be healthy to be so aggrieved day and night, unable to concentrate on anything but you.

It twists like a knife in my heart to know you are never coming back
Where did I get to this point?
When did I start needing you more than life
My fingers rake through my hair
My eyes are sore from the hours spent looking around for any trace of you
I convince myself that if I'd only look hard enough I'd find you.

But somehow I never do.

[J_freek]

A few lines came to me while I was praying, so I decided to fill it out a little bit.
I think it still needs a bit of work...I can't quite seem to get it right.

---

Thoughts bouncing in my head echo in yours
My worry on your brow
my pain reflecting in your eyes
My cries of anguish in your ears
My joy shows on your face
My smile on your lips
My words on your tongue
My head on your shoulder
Tears soaking your chest
My breath in your lungs
You feel my sorrow in your heart
My life is in your hands
You run my hair through your fingers
My path your feet walk

You care for every part of me
Every step and fall
You are the one to pick me up
Place me back in your arms
When I'm too weak to walk
You carry me