I have a crush on a girl...again.

JerRocks2day · 01-22-2008, 06:38 PM

The last two girls that I've talked about are more likely to be just friends. I have another crush on another girl whom that I've met at my Youth Groups' Christmas party. I'd really like hang out with her, but my mom has said that she doesn't do missional dating. I really have a crush on her, and she does reply back to my text messages. I really need some good advie on how to make a good impression her.

Big_al · 01-22-2008, 06:42 PM

What do your mom's dating preferences have to do with it? What is missional dating? Your antecedent is unclear.

**nbfan** · 01-22-2008, 06:43 PM

How to make a good impression? Be nice.

JerRocks2day · 01-22-2008, 06:46 PM

Quote:

What do your mom's dating preferences have to do with it? What is missional dating? Your antecedent is unclear.

I think I meant "missional dating" by going out with her without adult supervision. My mom is opposed to it. I can't even invite to cities because her(girl I have crush on) mom seems uneasy about it.

And so far, back at the Christmas party, I did say that she did look nice and she liked it.

**Rainer.** · 01-22-2008, 06:57 PM

I'm sure you can find some way to hang out.

Iceman-bass14 · 01-22-2008, 08:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nbfan

How to make a good impression? Be nice.

And be yourself.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JerRocks2day

I think I meant "missional dating" by going out with her without adult supervision. My mom is opposed to it. I can't even invite to cities because her(girl I have crush on) mom seems uneasy about it.

How old are you?Im guessing between 15-17(?) and honestly going on 1-on-1 dates then is kinda risky.Granted you need some time alone just to talk and all (i think) but this can still be done while at one of ya'lls houses.

Quote:

And so far, back at the Christmas party, I did say that she did look nice and she liked it.

Most girls would like this from most dudes....

conceived in fire · 01-22-2008, 10:44 PM

Be yourself, find ways to hang out, and get used to being friends, cause your eyes and heart are always in conflict. (hopefully that makes sense) Also, if she is truly busy and you don't get to hang out or talk, be understanding. I've ruined a couple relationships by being demanding of girls.

I've gotten comfortable with telling girls they're pretty, but try my best to relate to them. Basically, try not to act like a stalker.

FastRedPonyCar · 01-31-2008, 06:34 PM

yup all good advice here. 1 on 1 dating at a young age is very risky to parents. They hope they've raised a wholesome teenager but there's no guaruntee in their mind so I can see your mom not trusting you and that's something that with time you'll earn but for now, just be nice to her in the public gatherings that you see her at but don't crowd her if that makes any sense. Don't just sit there and follow her around and annoy her becuause if a girl feels smothered by a guy, it's the quickest way to get her to stop talking to you.

Will your mom let you two talk on the phone? I personally see nothing wrong with this provided that it doesn't result in a big phone bill and it's a "safe" means of communicating.

Another good idea is instant messenger chat. See if she's into that... I'd have a hard time believing she wouldn't be.

There are lots of ways to talk to her without going on a date and if you really want to hang out with the girl, take the initiative to organize an adult supervised get togeter at your house or someone elses house. Have a weekly prayer group to hang out, talk about school, life, etc at one person in the groups house each week and every week, go to another person's house. The 10th graders I teach all do this (they call them life groups) and they're a really great way for the students to really share their faith and lives with each other.

Lastly, if these other 2 girls of yours are friends with her, they can be a big help in helping you find out what she likes, maybe she has a favorite food, a favorite movie, etc. Then use this to your advantage making sure they keep quiet about the secret help you're getting. Show up at the life group with her favorite movie one night to watch after you guys have devotional and prayer time... or if she has a favorite snack, make it (don't worry if it's messy or not perfect, they actually like that!) and then bring it to the group.

Little things like that will score HUGE points with her! Just remember if her favorite snack is chocolate or something like that (of course they all like chocolate), don't go buy her a box of chocolate.. that's played out unless it's valentines day. Don't buy her anything like jewelry or anything like that either.

Also before I forget, whatever you do, don't try and sneak behind your mom or her mom's back. If you think that she's strict now, just wait... Just be cool, play by her rules, realize that she knows more about everything than you do and don't question her judgment on stuff like that. It won't work... believe me.

Lastly (whcih I think is like the 3rd final point I've made so far!), if you haven't done so, sit down with your mom and just tell her that you really like this girl and that you enjoy hanging out with her and would really like to get to know her better and ask your mom if she would help orchestrate and supervise one of these life group meetings. If she's friends with any of your other friends moms, it'd also be a good chance for her to spend time with her friends. don't be afraid to ask her this (or your dad for that matter). They were young and in love many times I know and want you to be happy but they also want to keep you safe and when you and them can find a good common middle ground to work with, that's when you'll get what you want and they'll get what they want and everyone will be happy.

JerRocks2day · 02-02-2008, 09:12 AM

I also forgot to tell you that Alana is catholic. Also, my mom thinks that she's an unbeliever. So far, I've asked my friend's dad, and he basically said to meditate on Matthew 6:33, and I've been reading it since; he also stated that his wife was originally catholic, and before they were married, they were friends.

What else should I do?

bobthecockroach · 02-02-2008, 09:23 AM

Ok, a few things here, starting with the least important:

"Missional" is not a word (ok, it is technically a word, but "helpmeet" is technically a word too; just because something is a word, doesn't mean it should be used as one). As such, no one really knows what you mean by that. I can assume you mean what's frequently referred to as "missionary dating," in which you date a non-Christian to try to get them to come to church and stuff, but that's not the case here. This girl is a Christian. So... I'm confused.

Yet another point of confusion, what does it mean to "invite to cities?"

Ok, on to something more important: ages. Always give 'em in here. Always. There's never a thread where you won't be asked.

When you say you met at a Christmas party, was that in 2007? This establishes how long you've known each other.

Do you see her on a regular basis? If so, where? If not, how are you currently staying in touch with her at all?

What denomination are you? What denomination is your family?

What sort of relationship are you looking for? Are you just trying to figure out how to be a good friend with the possiblity of something else later or are you trying to figure out how to hook up (and I mean that in a totally non-sexual way)?

Ok, um, I think that's enough to give me some idea what to think here.

JerRocks2day · 02-02-2008, 09:29 AM

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Do you see her on a regular basis? If so, where? If not, how are you currently staying in touch with her at all?

I've called her just earlier tuesday.

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What denomination are you? What denomination is your family?

I'm AOG. So is my family. The girl I have a crush on[Alana] is catholic. I've also heard that she knows about God or interested in him.

Quote:

What sort of relationship are you looking for? Are you just trying to figure out how to be a good friend with the possiblity of something else later or are you trying to figure out how to hook up (and I mean that in a totally non-sexual way)?

I'm trying to invite her to the Superbowl party tomorrow, but rumor has it that she might be going to the Superbowl itself to see the Giants face off the Patriots.

Quote:

When you say you met at a Christmas party, was that in 2007? This establishes how long you've known each other.

I've only met her once. And I've been trying to get in touch with her since.

spyrotheleo · 02-02-2008, 09:44 AM

I would advise against msn messenger chat. Usually people will say stuff on there that they are uncomfortable to say in person. And if you spend most of your time talking to her on that. Then when your in person it tends to be a tad bit awkward. I would go for talking on the phone.

JerRocks2day · 02-02-2008, 09:53 AM

The point that I'm trying to tell you is that she's catholic. I've been asking a load of people for advice and I don't know what to do. I really need help.

spyrotheleo · 02-02-2008, 11:28 AM

Do you know exactly where she stands with her relationship with God?

bobthecockroach · 02-02-2008, 12:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JerRocks2day

The point that I'm trying to tell you is that she's catholic. I've been asking a load of people for advice and I don't know what to do. I really need help.

Ok, I think this post more than anything told me what advice to give.

You're not ready to pursue a romantic relationship with her. The mere fact that she is catholic tells you almost nothing. Until you know her personal beliefs and how you feel about them as far as they concern the possibility of a relationship between the two of you, you aren't ready to pursue a relationship. The thing is, no one can answer this question but you, period. You need to find out where she stands personally and see how it jives with where you stand personally and see if you, personally, think a relationship could work with those two viewpoints.

But, here's the thing. You're never going to know that unless you get to know her as a friend, so go ahead and try to figure out some way to see her again and stay in contact, but do it as a friend. If you decide that a relationship isn't possible with your varied religious beliefs, you don't want to have been leading her on. If you decide that a relationship is possible, you want to do it with a clear mind, not one influenced by an already existing relationship.