(outside) The box

**Shift** · 01-12-2008, 11:02 AM

You sure know how to creep a guy out

Katze · 01-14-2008, 01:12 PM

Sorry, Shift.

I need to get something off my mind, and I guess this is the only place where I can. No one really knows me here, so I'm safe.

I'm watching my friends, my best friends, fall, one by one, all around me.

One has been sleeping around.
One tried to kill herself 3 times.
One has been on drugs for quite sometime, but I just found out about it.
One has given up on God completely.

These are the Christian kids that I've looked to for comfort, support, and wisdom the past year. It breaks my heart to see them like this, but there's really nothing I can do about it. While I really appreciate that they trust me enough to tell me, I feel like crying my eyes out. And it makes me wonder, who's next? Me?

And the person I want to talk to the most about this right now is one of the kids on that list. But I don't know if I should.

Please pray for them, and me, as God is taking us down an interesting path right now.

J_freek · 01-14-2008, 08:31 PM

Wow, that is rough. I'll pray for them, and for you.

Katze · 01-20-2008, 05:26 PM

Thanks, Christine.

God's got a plan, but I have no idea what it is. This week has been hell, and pretty much threw out my plans for the next 3 years. I'm praying just as hard as I can, and harder, but I still feel so helpless. Life was going so well until this came up, and it makes me question everything all over again.

God is good, but that's just about the only thing I'm left with. While I know my future is in His hands, it's tough to have it ripped out of mine. It's like I feel alone again, lonelier than I've ever felt. I just want to make it through this semester, and move on with life.

One more thing: I was going to go out to Colorado for Spring break, but because of some things that came up, I'm no longer sure if that's a wise thing to do right now. Please pray that I'll make the right decision, and while I can still get cheap airfare, too.

Godslilrosebud · 01-20-2008, 06:21 PM

I owe you an apology, Ruth.

I should not be judging, even if I think I know what's going on.

I'm sorry.

**The wirerat** · 01-26-2008, 01:11 PM

Hey there Ruth, I'm glad to see your optimism for a new year! I've watched the struggles you've had from a distance and I've been praying for you. I have this blog subscribed now, and I'll be lurking, if not posting quite a bit.
If you ever wanna talk, you can get on IM, or PM me. I enjoy being able to try and help people out.
Keep up the good attitude!

**Shift** · 02-05-2008, 06:34 PM

Yo yo yo. Yo yo yo yo. Just checking up on my homestyle toast. How's it goin', homestyle toast?

Katze · 02-09-2008, 08:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The wirerat

Hey there Ruth, I'm glad to see your optimism for a new year! I've watched the struggles you've had from a distance and I've been praying for you. I have this blog subscribed now, and I'll be lurking, if not posting quite a bit.
If you ever wanna talk, you can get on IM, or PM me. I enjoy being able to try and help people out.
Keep up the good attitude!

Thank you so very much, and I mean that with all my heart. I guess now I'll have to keep posting!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shift

Yo yo yo. Yo yo yo yo. Just checking up on my homestyle toast. How's it goin', homestyle toast?

The toast is burnt.

Sorry I haven't posted in a while, I haven't had the time. Every day, a new challenge presents self; each day, a new solution must be sought. Every night, more prayers offered up to Christ; every morning, fresh mercies abound.

It's been tough, really tough, the past few weeks. I've been praying, hard, about where to go in life. I see an end, a goal, but I just don't know how to get there. Today, I made a list of the different possibilities for the next year, and it came to over 20 different tracks. Then, while I was working on something, I pretty much had a melt down, and Kelly, my mentor, made a suggestion out of the blue. When she said it, something clicked. I don't know if it's because *I* want it, or if it's because this is what God has for me. I only have a few weeks to decide at this point, and it would seriously impact the next few years of my life. Impact for good, yes, but I don't know yet if the risks out weigh the advantages.

Please pray that God will show me what to do. I've been praying that he'll make it crystal clear, and today, I think he did, but I want another confirmation before I decide for sure.

I can't really say what this is yet, but if I go for it, I will post it. (I just don't want certain people to know yet, and I know that those people lurk in my blog sometimes)

Thanks

Ruth

Godslilrosebud · 02-10-2008, 07:14 PM

Um. I hope it works out okay.

I really wish I knew what to say.

Katze · 02-11-2008, 01:44 PM

It is the way it is, and I have made my decision. There's one more hang up, though, and that's that I need to get authorization from a higher-up before I proceed. My situation is a bit different than most, so I'm having to appeal to the board to make sure that this will still work. This whole thing doesn't fit into any box, and while I don't mind bending rules, I need to make sure that they're bendable, so I don't actually break them. Gees, I love being a high-school drop out, in college, living on my own at 17. I don't fit into any box. (grrrr)

So, I know what I want to do, and what I think God wants me to do. I've asked him to make it crystal clear, over and over again, and everywhere I turn, there's another confirmation. At this point, the only thing that will deter me is a negative ruling from the board. I talked to my best friend about it last night, and although I figured he'd laugh at me for wanting this, he whole heartedly encouraged it. My dad's 100% behind it, Dan and Kelly are, and I think it could actually work out.

Rose: You don't have to say anything. Really. I'm just thinking out loud here..
BTW, Are you still in the NCFCA? I didn't see your name on the VA open registration check list.

Godslilrosebud · 02-11-2008, 01:52 PM

*sigh* I don't think so. That had to be dropped last semester.

Katze · 02-11-2008, 02:01 PM

Dang, that's too bad. I'd give my right arm to be back in the NCFCA.

Godslilrosebud · 02-11-2008, 02:04 PM

I'm determined to get back in it next year. It will be my last chance. *sad*

I wish you could still be in it.

Katze · 02-11-2008, 03:33 PM

Do it. Even if you have to put off your graduation by a year; it's so worth it. I met my best friend in the whole world through debate, as well as most of my good friends. I don't know where I'd be today without them. Through everything at home, it's been a few of my debate friends that have stuck by me no matter what and have helped me over all the rough spots. Not to mention the speaking opportunities. NCFCA is the most amazing thing in the entire world, and I can't wait to judge, coach, and see my kids in it some day.

**The wirerat** · 02-12-2008, 07:29 PM

Wow, Katze, it sounds like you love debate. Is that the field you are going into? I knew you liked movies productions and stuff, but never knew what you wanted to do for a living.
How are you doing?