[The Sushi Man]

post your funniest jokes here

examples:

John's wife is angry at him because he forgets their aniversary every year. So she says to him
"i want a gift that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds and it better be there in the driveway in the morning" So john gets an idea and he goes shopping. He leaves early for work the next morning. his wife looks in the driveway and sees a box. she opens it up and its a bathroom scale.
John hasen't been heard from since.

George is a troop in the army in ww2 and he is tired of waiting in the trenches all year long. George goes to his commanding officer and says "what the most common name in the german army?" "well i think its heinz" say the commading officer. Then john goes back to the trench and yells out "HEY HEINZ". Heinz looks over the trench and says "YEAH" And he nearly gets shot. george yells "HEY HEINZ" again and heinz says "YEAH" and almost gets shot again.
So heinz goes to his commanding officer and asks "what the most common name in the american army?" and his commanding officer says "i think its george" . Heinz goes back to his trench and yells "HEY GEORGE!" ...... nothing... "HEY GEORGE".....nothing......."HEY GEORGE"
george says "IS THAT YOU HEINZ?" heinz yells "YEAH" and gets shot.

[+SEAL+]

Originally Posted by The Sushi Man

John's wife is angry at him because he forgets their aniversary every year. So she says to him
"i want a gift that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds and it better be there in the driveway in the morning" So john gets an idea and he goes shopping. He leaves early for work the next morning. his wife looks in the driveway and sees a box. she opens it up and its a bathroom scale.
John hasen't been heard from since.

Wow, that guy had it coming...that's terrible...

George is a troop in the army in ww2 and he is tired of waiting in the trenches all year long. George goes to his commanding officer and says "what the most common name in the german army?" "well i think its heinz" say the commading officer. Then john goes back to the trench and yells out "HEY HEINZ". Heinz looks over the trench and says "YEAH" And he nearly gets shot. george yells "HEY HEINZ" again and heinz says "YEAH" and almost gets shot again.
So heinz goes to his commanding officer and asks "what the most common name in the american army?" and his commanding officer says "i think its george" . Heinz goes back to his trench and yells "HEY GEORGE!" ...... nothing... "HEY GEORGE".....nothing......."HEY GEORGE"
george says "IS THAT YOU HEINZ?" heinz yells "YEAH" and gets shot.

Nice.

Owned.

[I Jam For God]

lol i have never heard the first one. but they are both funny.

[bowstaff981]

A man finds a magic lamp lying on the ground. He rubs it and naturally a genie comes out and declares that the man will be granted one wish! "I would like a billion dollars," says the Man.

"A billion dollars!?" says the Genie, "Let's think about this for a second. Have you ever heard of inflation? Do you know what throwing in an extra billion dollars will do to the economy? Why not pick something that won't screw the world over?"

"Okay well....I really love Hawaii but I hate flying. I want a bridge from California to Hawaii so I can get there by driving."

The Genie replied, "All the way to Hawaii?? Do you realize how much steel and concrete that will take? And all the poles to the bottom of the Pacific? You do know how deep the ocean is right? Try and pick something more practical please."

The Man thought for a second and then came up with an answer, "Okay I want you to tell me the secret to how women think."

The Genie quickly replied, "Do you want that bridge to be two or four lanes?"

[I Jam For God]

Originally Posted by bowstaff981

A man finds a magic lamp lying on the ground. He rubs it and naturally a genie comes out and declares that the man will be granted one wish! "I would like a billion dollars," says the Man.

"A billion dollars!?" says the Genie, "Let's think about this for a second. Have you ever heard of inflation? Do you know what throwing in an extra billion dollars will do to the economy? Why not pick something that won't screw the world over?"

"Okay well....I really love Hawaii but I hate flying. I want a bridge from California to Hawaii so I can get there by driving."

The Genie replied, "All the way to Hawaii?? Do you realize how much steel and concrete that will take? And all the poles to the bottom of the Pacific? You do know how deep the ocean is right? Try and pick something more practical please."

The Man thought for a second and then came up with an answer, "Okay I want you to tell me the secret to how women think."

The Genie quickly replied, "Do you want that bridge to be two or four lanes?"

ROFL!

[4of5Rocker]

A man is walking along the beach, when he finds a lamp. Instinctively, The man rubs the lamp.
A large, green, genie flows out and bellows, "I will grant you three wishes. But, there is a catch.
every wish you make, All the Lawyers get double." Upon hearing this, the man thinks deeply.
He says, "I wish for a fiery red Ferrari F50." The genie replies, "Then all the lawyers get two Ferraris." After thinking for a reasonably long period, the man says "I wish for ten billion dollars." "Then all the lawyers get twenty billion dollars." Replied the genie.
Being a sly man, He then wishes: "Y'know, I always wanted to donate a kidney."

[I Jam For God]

hah! lol thats funny!

[+SEAL+]

Originally Posted by 4of5Rocker

A man is walking along the beach, when he finds a lamp. Instinctively, The man rubs the lamp.
A large, green, genie flows out and bellows, "I will grant you three wishes. But, there is a catch.
every wish you make, All the Lawyers get double." Upon hearing this, the man thinks deeply.
He says, "I wish for a fiery red Ferrari F50." The genie replies, "Then all the lawyers get two Ferraris." After thinking for a reasonably long period, the man says "I wish for ten billion dollars." "Then all the lawyers get twenty billion dollars." Replied the genie.
Being a sly man, He then wishes: "Y'know, I always wanted to donate a kidney."

Ouch!

[The Sushi Man]

Funny jokes everyone

Three old men were playing golf on a windy day.
each of them had hearing problems.
one said,"windy isnt it?"
"no its thursday." replied another
while the third one was listening in on the coversation
he cleverly chimed in with a "So am i lets have a beer."

[~pyr3-p3rp13~]

rofl

[Cam42]

ok... so....
three kids find a lamp on the ground and a Genie pops out of it. the genie says "you all have one wish. you just need to jump off of that cliff over there, and say what you wanna become"
the first one jumps, "EAGLE!"
the second one jumps, "hawk"
the third one runs up, trips on a twig, "crap" you can see where this goes

[dogfood]

A Sunday school teacher asked, "Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of
fishing when he was on the Ark ?
"No," replied Johnny. "How could he, with just two worms."

[taykey]

funny. i don't get the Hienz George one tho.