[mellow_yellow]

Did that make you feel good? Did that make you feel nice?
Did that make you feel big and grown up inside?
To cut me down because I stood my ground, and
You told me before that you would never hurt me.
So what’s the deal now?
Why did you cut into my chest and express your outrage
At my “rudeness“? My blood on your hands-sticky, thick, and hot-
You slapped my face and I will not forget this.
I won’t ever forget this.
You say you love me and that you care, but you think that I’m
Insane as you push your hand between the bones of my ribcage
And you wrap your fat fingers around my heart.
Girl, don’t even start.
I was always there for you, cared for you. I was there when
No one else was there for you.
I always saw the hurt you held onto inside.
Every time I looked at you I could see it in your eyes and
I never tore you down, but always built you up.
So what’s up? Why this attack?
You shouldn’t be choking the girl who has your back.
But you did and you are. Without any apparent regret.
Wait? What’s that?
You say I’ve got too much blood in my chest?
No duh. I’m not made of steel.
I can cry, I can feel, and one other thing-
You know what? I can kill.
But I just stand there and allow you to butcher me.
You yank out my heart with blood vessels and veins
Still attached and for one second I don’t feel any pain;
Then it hits all at once, and I crash on my knees screaming-
“Please! Please! Stop hurting me.”
You look down with my bloody heart in your hands and
Start shooting off your reprimands, wagging your finger
In my face. What a disgrace.
Girl, don’t you feel any shame?
I guess not because my flesh oozes between your
Fingers as you squeeze. You take a bite as you turn around and
Leave, never looking back once. You chew thoughtfully and think
Out loud like there’s no one else around-
“I can’t believe she told me ‘the truth’. She has no right.
Her intolerance is the proof that she’s very
Narrow minded when it comes to others’ beliefs.
I could make a big deal out of this hate-speech,
But I don’t want anyone to get hurt.
Least of all her…”
And your voice fades out of hearing as you
Leave me there to bleed out as my body starts to
Shut down. So I lie down real still.
What else can I do?
I literally have no heart, but that’s so much more than you.

[mellow_yellow]

You say I can talk with you about anything-
As long as it fits inside of your box, that is.
Opinions of the latest pop artist;
Bashing poser music, bashing sell outs;
Agreeing that Twilight is pretty much the
Most suckiest movie ever; although, we
Give props to Stephanie Meyer’s brain
Because the Twilight saga is the best thing
Since the Lord of the Rings movies.

It’s okay for us to talk about our efforts
To lose weight and to mention to each other:
“No, I just don’t think I look good today.”
Of which the other will quickly reply:
“Girl, what are you talking about?
You look great!”
But the first time I bring up a new topic
That will weigh down our light conversation,
You go on as if I had said nothing at all.
When I clear my throat and repeat myself-
This time speaking louder-
You cock your head to the side a bit and
Scrunch up your face; I think you’re wanting
To be sure that you heard me correctly.
And yes-
You did.

What’s your opinion on abortion?
How do you feel about evolution?
Do you think that Christianity in the Bible
And Catholicism of today are one and
The same?
How do you feel about Obama being
President?
I mean, I just want to know your
Honest opinion. It’s not like I’m holding a
Gun to your head and telling you to recite
The alphabet backwards before I pull the
Trigger. Honestly, I want to understand your
View towards homosexuality.
I want to know the why behind your thoughts.

But no.

You heatedly reprimand me for acting like
I know everything; accuse me of being
Intolerant; write me off; and ignore everything
That was said the moment I opened my mouth-
And in doing so, ended the world with my
Flippant questions.

You then quote a line from Napoleon Dynamite
In an attempt to switch the subject and float up
To a lighter mood. You laugh and prattle on about
The new jeans you just bought yesterday.
I just listen-mouth closed and fire in my gut-

Because really-
I can talk with you about anything,
Right?

[mellow_yellow]

My thoughts are dark from the deepest parts, and
They swirl and crash into the rightness;
I can’t hold them back. They’re hard to reign in.
This other side of me laughs wickedly and delights in
Gutter tales and rotten apple cores. She feeds on lust
And holds my head under water; Bathes my skin in mud.
She kisses the lips of rebellion and mocks me. She calls
Me a hypocrite and wraps her hand around my throat;
I choke and wheeze and nod and agree.
Sad; so sad.

I etch my shame into my wrist and down my thighs
And across my belly. She grins and shows her teeth. She
Watches and claps my back; She enjoys pain. When she sleeps,
I breathe.
I am always afraid of waking her. I tip toe around but still-
She hears.
She listens for my slip ups and waits for my falls.
Agonizingly I whisper to the good voice inside of my head;
I tell it to keep talking to me. Please keep talking to me.
It continually whispers back; it soothes my nerves.
When my head starts to hum, though, that’s when
I know she is stirring. The good voice dims; it
Becomes something faint-
Only a memory.

She awakens; she steps up to me.
I bow down to her.
I am only a weak bug to this other side of me;
This other side of me places her thumb on the top of
My head and pushes down-
Down I fall as I hear her laughter chasing after me.
Her grin spreads wide and with an evil glint in her eye
She winks; I am no match for her.
I keep my eyes wide open as I fall steadily downwards,
So I can see all of the havoc she wreaks.

It seems no one can tame this other side of me.

[mellow_yellow]

Crushes hurt like h***.
Heart bleeding,
I put myself out there.
You didn’t necessarily reject me,
But you didn’t exactly take me in your arms.

Crushes hurt like h***.
Every time you text me;
Every time I see your face;
My stomach twists into knots.
We’re friends so you’re always so sweet;
You’re so sweet I want to cry.

Crushes hurt like h***.
Why won’t you ask me to be your’s?

[The wirerat]

I gotta say, I really like your poems Mellow. Always interesting and thought provoking

[mellow_yellow]

Originally Posted by The wirerat

I gotta say, I really like your poems Mellow. Always interesting and thought provoking

Thanks.

[mellow_yellow]

You are sweet like chocolate
You are rich like cream
Addictive like heroin
Every night I dream

Of your face so smooth
Your eyes so bright
Your hair so soft
You're worth every fight

No one understands
They all say to stop
But these feelings get stronger
So I've tried to chop

These heart strings attached
To your soul so sweet
But they will not sever
Like reinforced concrete

They don't give or budge
Under this analytical review
But my mom doesn't get it
She says to bid you adieu

[mellow_yellow]

I am stuck on you
Something I can't deny
Something I can't deny
Something I can't deny
So why why why
Do I try?

I try try try
But I'm sucked back in
You have your own
Gravitational pull
And I just can't win

You're something I can't deny
Deny deny deny
Something I try to keep inside
Deny deny deny

Something
Something
Something
Someone
Someone
Someone

Someone I am stuck on
Someone that I love

[mellow_yellow]

Why did I knock at your heart's door?
You never even knew I existed until I knocked.
And you let me in.
So now there are strings from your heart to mine.
They grow stronger everyday.
They should be severed.
But I leave them alone.
Because I like being a friend to you.
Though I know you want more.
But I can't be what you want.