[Scott]

Figuring out where to go after the first chorus is one of the hardest (and most persistent) problems that songwriters face. You face it every time you write a song, unless your song is only one system long. It's called Second Verse Hell.

Look at this lyric by Pat Alger, Garth Brooks and Larry B. Bastain. The first two verses set up a clear situation:

UNANSWERED PRAYERS

Just the other night at a hometown football game
My wife and I ran into my old high school flame
And as I introduced them the past came back to me
And I couldn't help but think of the way things used to be

She was the one that I'd wanted for all times
And each night I'd spend prayin' that God would make her mine
And if he'd only grant me that wish I'd wished back then
I'd never ask for anything again

Now comes the punch line:
Sometimes I thank God for UNANSWERED PRAYERS
Remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs
That just because he doesn't answer doesn't mean he don't care
Some of God's greatest gifts are UNANSWERED PRAYERS

With all the information we have so far, it's a little difficult to see how to develop the story much further. Here's verse three:

She wasn't quite the angel that I remembered in my dreams
And I could tell that time had changed me in her eyes too it seemed
We tried to talk about the old days, there wasn't much we could recall
I guess the Lord knows what he's doin' after all

Now follow it with the chorus:
Sometimes I thank God for UNANSWERED PRAYERS
Remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs
That just because he doesn't answer doesn't mean he don't care
Some of God's greatest gifts are UNANSWERED PRAYERS


Is there anything gained? Not much. We already knew, from the combination of the first two verses and the chorus, how thankful he was not to be with his old girlfriend. This verse just elaborates on the same theme, giving us a few more details, including the old girlfriend's attitude. And the final line, I guess the Lord knows what he's doin' after all, just repeats the idea, just because he doesn't answer doesn't mean he don't care.

In short, the second chorus is destined to die an ignominious death right there in front of everybody. Now the song moves into a bridge, followed by a third chorus:

And as she walked away I looked at my wife
And then and there I thanked the Good Lord for the gifts in my life

Sometimes I thank God for UNANSWERED PRAYERS
Remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs
That just because he doesn't answer doesn't mean he don't care
Some of God's greatest gifts are UNANSWERED PRAYERS


Much better. I had forgotten about the wife. The third chorus is interesting again; it changes color completely. Go back and read the bridge followed by the whole chorus.

The wife becomes God's greatest gift. A lovely payoff.


Two out of three choruses work great, but the song sags at the second chorus. There isn't enough new information in verse three to make the chorus interesting. Other than leaving it alone as good enough (two out of three ain't bad...), what would you do?

One possibility might be to re-introduce the wife in verse three and skip the bridge entirely, like this:

She wasn't quite the angel that I remembered in my dreams
And I could tell that time had changed me in her eyes too it seemed
As she turned and walked away I looked at my wife
And recognized the gift I'd been given in my life

Sometimes I thank God for UNANSWERED PRAYERS
Remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs
That just because he doesn't answer doesn't mean he don't care
Some of God's greatest gifts are UNANSWERED PRAYERS


Now the song is a simple three verse, two chorus layout with both choruses doing their work. Read the entire lyric and watch how each chorus changes:

UNANSWERED PRAYERS
Just the other night at a hometown football game
My wife and I ran into my old high school flame
And as I introduced them the past came back to me
And I couldn't help but think of the way things used to be

She was the one that I'd wanted for all times
And each night I'd spend prayin' that God would make her mine
And if he'd only grant me that wish I'd wished back then
I'd never ask for anything again

Sometimes I thank God for UNANSWERED PRAYERS
Remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs
That just because he doesn't answer doesn't mean he don't care
Some of God's greatest gifts are UNANSWERED PRAYERS

She wasn't quite the angel that I remembered in my dreams
And I could tell that time had changed me in her eyes too it seemed
As she turned and walked away I looked at my wife
And recognized the gift I'd been given in my life

Sometimes I thank God for UNANSWERED PRAYERS
Remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs
That just because he doesn't answer doesn't mean he don't care
Some of God's greatest gifts are UNANSWERED PRAYERS

[Scott]

Very effective movement.
OK, I lied. The original version of the lyric that I gave you isn't the way the song was recorded. They did try to do it as verse/verse/chorus, verse/chorus, bridge/chorus, but it made the song, in Pat Alger's words, "feel too long." Another way of saying the song sagged; lost interest. And what did they cut out? Here's their solution, as recorded by Garth Brooks:

UNANSWERED PRAYERS
Just the other night at a hometown football game
My wife and I ran into my old high school flame
And as I introduced them the past came back to me
And I couldn't help but think of the way things used to be

She was the one that I'd wanted for all times
And each night I'd spend prayin' that God would make her mine
And if he'd only grant me that wish I'd wished back then
I'd never ask for anything again

Sometimes I thank God for UNANSWERED PRAYERS
Remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs
That just because he doesn't answer doesn't mean he don't care
Some of God's greatest gifts are UNANSWERED PRAYERS

She wasn't quite the angel that I remembered in my dreams
And I could tell that time had changed me in her eyes too it seemed
We tried to talk about the old days, there wasn't much we could recall
I guess the Lord knows what he's doin' after all

And as she walked away I looked at my wife
And then and there I thanked the Good Lord for the gifts in my life

Sometimes I thank God for UNANSWERED PRAYERS
Remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs
That just because he doesn't answer doesn't mean he don't care
Some of God's greatest gifts are UNANSWERED PRAYERS


They left out the second chorus and went immediately to the bridge -- an unusual formal move, especially in commercial music. But it works: both choruses shine and we stay interested in the song all the way through.

Keeping the bridge gives the music a chance to breathe, since the verses lines are long and the tempo is slow. Creating a contrasting section helps the overall flow of the song. The formal risk pays off, creating interest and contrast at the same time. Put this move in your toolbox. It could come in handy.

Of course, there are no rules. The solution to the question "Where do I go now?" changes with every song. Sometimes it's even the wrong question. Just because you wrote a verse first doesn't mean it's the first verse. Instead of asking "Where do I go now?" it may help to ask "Where did I get here from?" Ge t used to juggling and trying new things.

[Scott]

Here's your assignment: write three verses, each one ending with the same line (call it a refrain) which includes the title. It's really a three system song: verse/refrain, verse/refrain, verse/refrain.

Each verse/refrain system should advance the story-line to the next place. One easy way is to create a story that moves chronologically through time, perhaps from past to present. Like this:

1. He volunteered to serve his country in the Great War.
2. In the trenches he suffered from shell shock and battle fatigue.
3. Back home he can't even hear a door slam without losing control.

You could work non-chronologically:

1. Back home he can't even hear a door slam without losing control.
2. He volunteered to serve his Country in the Great War.
3. In the trenches he suffered from shell shock and battle fatigue.

or even

1. Back home he can't even hear a door slam without losing control.
2. In the trenches he suffered from shell shock and battle fatigue.
3. He volunteered to serve his Country in the Great War.


In the non-chronological cases, "had" shows the earlier past. The distinction is also made by the acts themselves: first you volunteer, then you serve, then you feel the after-effects.

If I were writing this lyric, I'd do some research on World War I and life in the trenches. I'd look for image words that work not only for the trenches (verse 2) but for the other sections as well. Wherever these words appeared, they would connect ("cluster with") other parts of the lyric to create a continuity of tone and idea. Here are some possibilities:

Rockets exploding overhead
Layers of dust from rocket explosions covering everything in the morning
Hiding underground in caves during aerial bombardment
Gas masks, mustard gas, fog


You could do some Object Writing on each of these to get something from your own sense pool. You could also treat them as metaphors for something else. (Right now, I'm tempted to revise or eliminate the section about volunteering so I can go back to his childhood.)

Ideally, I'll end up with a list of words that evoke the trenches or their home-bound counterparts that I can use throughout the lyric. THE MORE SPECIFIC THEY ARE, THE MORE EFFECTIVE THEY WILL BE. Keep them sense-bound (7-senses; remember?).

Now, find a refrain that can appear productively in the same place in each verse. If I were to look for a refrain for the Great War idea that could work for all three sections. I would be attracted to something like ASHES, ASHES, ALL FALL DOWN.

It works for a childhood section, also for the ashen faces of the shell-shocked soldiers, the dust from the rockets and gunpowder. I'd have to find an angle for the third section, but it shouldn't be too difficult. He certainly could tumble like a child when the door slams.

Go ahead and write it. Remember that all your verses should have their own jobs to do. Use ASHES, ASHES, ALL FALL DOWN as your refrain. Above all, take your time. This is a process. Enjoy it.

[Scott]

In chapter 6 Pat continues on the theme of verse
development. The focus of this chapter is simple:
Put the key ideas where they will be noticed and
have the greatest impact.
Pat calls the first and last line of each verse
the "Power Positions" and explains, through examples
that if you want to stress and idea, of have it
noticed put it in these positions.

If we combine chapter 5 with chapter 6 we see:

Make sure there is movement (added information &
interest) in each successive verse

and

Put the key ideas/elements of each verse in the
power positions (1st and last lines of each verse).

Pat also explains, in the end of the chapter, that
unexpected variations in the structure create stress
and call attention to lines, putting them in
power positions as well.

[Scott]

Pat explains in this chapter that verses should
build upon one another to build power. He provides
an example of a lyric entitled "Chain Reaction."
This lyric is about violence. Each verse describes
violence in a different setting/scene. They are
all good verses and they are tied together by
the chorus. However, Pat asserts that this lyric
does not have the power it could have if the
verses all worked together, building as they
go.
Pat says the test for verse continuity is
to string the verses together without the
chorus. They should flow, working together
and building. If they don't the lyric, as
a whole, does not achieve the kind of power
it could have achieved.

Pat closes the chapter saying that verse development
is the trickiest part of writing a lyric.
If the verses are too close to each other
the repetition of the chorus will become
static & boring. If the verses are too far
apart the lyric will lack power.

==========================
Exercise

Here's one verse and the chorus for Pat's
'Chain Reaction' lyric. Complete the piece
by writing two additional verses. Make a
story, maintain continuity.

verse
Camille slips along the wall
Muslims at their posts
Pulls the pin and lobs the metal
Perfect hook shot, crowd explodes
Spilling colors red and khaki
Gargles in their throats
Infidels and pagan hosts

chorus
One more link in a chain reaction
Spinning round and round and round
A tiny step, a small subtraction
One more link in a chain reaction

[smitty2622]

Well my advice is totally backwards from most of what I’ve seen here. I write the music first always. Maybe its from my secular days but too my if it doesn’t groove, or have some feeling from the musical side then it’s worthless. I write riffs, licks, and jams all the time. Words have always been secondary too me. I’ve written a couple songs sense becoming a Christian but still use the same method the words are more important but it’s still got to have feeling in the music or I just cant get into it. I got one other thing to say, Boy it sure is dark in here I expected to see much more light coming out of these songs but most of are as dark or darker than anything I wrote as a Metal head. Maybe I’m just old but it’s ok to have some fun and be happy sometimes people so why not try to show that in our songs?


Peace

[Scott]

Pat has explainde and shown in previous chapters that
verse development is very important and that a song's
verses will add color to the chorus. As each verse says
something different the chorus is heard in a different
light each time.

In this chapter Pat explains that sometimes choruses
resist "coloring." He provides some insight into making
your choruses "neutral" so that they can work with
the various verses.

Pat say that you can neutralize a chorus by neutralizing
it's tense and point of view.

Controlling verbs is the key to controlling tense.

Pat says that using the "ing" form of the verb, using the
"to" form of the verb or omiting the verb altogether will
work.

He uses this example:

He lost the human race (past)

He loses the human race (present)

He'll lose the human race (future)

Neutralized:

Losing the human race

or

To lose the human race

Pat provides a lyric example that illustrates how the
neutral form of the chorus works better with a wide
array of verse tenses and points of view.

Pat then goes through a similar exercise using point of view.

I lose the human race (1st person)

You lose the human race (2nd person)

She loses the human race (3rd person)

Neutralized:

Losing the human race

or

To lose the human race

Pat uses Paul Simon's "Still Crazy After All These Years"
as an example of a neutral refrain that works with 3
verses with different points of view.

------------------------
Exercise: Write a neutral chorus

If you can't come up with one of your own then neutralize
this:

I search for the good stuff
I hope I can find enough
I'm ready for love

[Scott]

From Pat Pattison's "Writing Better Lyrics"
In chapter 9 Pat discusses point of view (POV).

There are 3:

Third person narrative: the singer tells a story about
another person/object. Both the singer and the audience
are observers focused on something else.

pronouns used: he, she, it, they, them his, hers, theirs...


First person narrative: the singer tells a story and also
participates in the story.

pronouns: I, we, us, ours, my, mine, me...

Second person/Direct address: the singer sings to
the audience.

pronouns: you, your, yours...

Each POV has it's pros and cons. As the writer it's up to
you to decide which is most effective for the lyric you are
writing.

----------------------
Exercise:

Pick any popular song. Identify the POV of the song lyric.
Now change the lyric into each of the other two POVs.

[Scott]

This is a very short chapter in which Pat cautions us
againts poor use of 2nd person narrative. Specifically
when we are writing in this POV (singer,"I," speaking to
"you") that we watch out for conveying information that
"you" should already know. This is not natural conversation.

As an example Pat uses the following verse:

I met you on Saturday
Your hair was wound in braids
You walked up and said hello
And then you asked my name

Clearly the writer wants to tell a story but here
the POV is not effective. As the "you" in this lyric
the listener should already know what happened.

Pat describes some remedies...

#1 use a different POV

or

#2 add elements that add information "you" wouldn't
know and make the lyric flow more naturally.
Pat uses this as an example of #2:

I still remember the Saturday night we met
Your hair so pretty, up in braids
You blew me away when you said hello
and asked me, "what's your name?"

[Scott]

Pat continues the discussion on POV. In this
chapter Pat analyzes to lyrics that both do
something unconventional. Bob Seger's "The
Fire Inside" and Steely Dan's "Kid Charlemagne"
both are written as narratives in the second person.
I'll leave it to you, if you are brave enough,
to go find those lyrics and check them out.

Pat analyzes each lyric and asks the reader,
as an exercise, to convert each lyric to the
more conventional 1st & 3rd person narrative.
What are the pros & cons of each? Which do
you think works best?

In the end Pat suggests that as we write a
lyric we explore writing in each POV. Pat
says that in most cases you'll get the best
results with 1st or 3rd person narrative or
2nd person direct address, the more conventional
POVs. But don't let that keep you from exploring
2nd person narrrative, when it works it works big!

[Scott]

hmmmm...
This chapter is tough to summarize without
using the examples, and I'm much too lazy
to type the whole thing in.

Pat looks at using dialogue in a lyric. He
specifically examines using different points
of view to see which works for the example
he's chosen. As Pat examines the lyric/dialogue
re-written in different points of view he
shows the problems associated with each.

For the chosen example ("Give Me Wings"
by Don Schlitz and Rhonda Kye Fleming)
we end up in 3rd person narrative. Pat
is careful to tell us that this is not
the solution for every lyric containing
dialogue.

Pat also foreshadows some of the work to be
covered in upcoming chapters by looking at
rhyme scheme & meter for the lyric that
was examined.

See you next time...

[River Team]

Here is some advice given to me by a singer/songwriter who has a couple gold records in canada (there pretty old but the advice is sound)

Carry a note book with you at all times, I cary a leather bound journal (and when able my acoustic guitar) This helps you not forget something, which if your like me in the 7 years I've been mastering the art of guitar I've written 3 songs that I believed to be complete (a thousand that were a thought in my head) to this day I can't remeber a single one, hence the book.

Also, the hook is very important, but unlike some threads the hook doesn't have to be lyrical. La Bamba is a good example of a musical hook. Without that riff you would be playing Twist and Shout. So either hook is needed to set your listener's up so that it doesn't sound like somebody else's song... Ideally you might want to try to come up with both i.e. Hanging by a Moment for Lifehouse the intro and the chorus lyrics are the hooks.

He also said that take that notebook and write a song everyday, even though you know in your mind it might be crap, if you can't write lyrics write the music or vice versa. And even though you might not like it now that doesn't mean you won't later... Besides you are your worst critic, so use this forum to evaluate a song other might like it.

Other than that I recommend an enviroment that works for you, if you don't feel like writing in a mall food court then I wouldn't suggest it. Lastly try to think of something uniquely you, if your a comedian try writing a spoof... I wrote a song called Ode to Potato and wrote to the music of American Pie.

[Scott]

Pat discusses meter, what common meter is, and
how making changes from common meter can add
emphasis to parts of your lyric.
Pat explains that common meter is characterized
by 8 bar systems comprised of 2 or 4 bar sections.
Each 2 bar section will have either 4 or 3 stressed
syllables.

Like so...

Mary had a little lamb
It's fleece was white as snow
And everywhere that Mary went
The lamb was sure to go

stresses per line (in bold): 4,3,4,3

Pat goes through several examples and variations
to illustrate how this works. The total number
of syllables in a line doesn't matter so much
as the number of stressed syllables.

Pat then demonstrates how variations on this
structure can create imbalance and draw the
listener's attention to a specific part of
the lyric. Pat calls this a spotlight.

For example (From Paul Simon's "Still Crazy After All these Years"):

Four in the morning, crapped out, yawning (4 stresses)
Longing my life away (3 stresses)
I'll never worry, why should I (4 stresses)
It's all gonna fade (2 stresses!)

The short ending leaves us hanging, supporting
the emotion of the bridge.

----------------------------------

Your exercises:

1) try turning some simple thoughts into
8 bar sections of common meter (4,3,4,3)

2) examine some lyrics. How many use common
meter? Which ones use variations? What effect
do the variations in meter have?

[Scott]

Pat continues the discussion of meter by
introducing the "couplet." The couplet is
a 2 bar balanced, rhymed system. This is
slightly different from common meter in that
common meter is 4 then 3 stresses.
Here's an example of couplets:

Eenie meenie miney moe (4)
Catch a tiger by the toe (4)
If he hollers make him pay (4)
Fifty dollars every day (4)

Two sets of couplets.

Pat then goes on to describe how couplets
don't provide the same sense of expectation
as is created by the missing stress in
common meter. Pat does a very good analysis
of "End of the Innocence" by Don Henly &
Bruce Hornsby. Pat shows how mixing couplets
and common meter can create imbalance and
expectation that build toward a lyrical
payoff. In the case of "End of the Innocence"
the payoff happens on the last line of the
chorus.

Here are the lyrics to "End of the Innocence"

Remember when the days were long
And rolled beneath a deep blue sky
Didn't have a care in the world
With mommy and daddy standin' by
But "happily ever after" fails
And we've been poisoned by these fairy tales
The lawyers dwell on small details
Since daddy had to fly

But I know a place where we can go
That's still untouched by men
We'll sit and watch the clouds roll by
And the tall grass wave in the wind
You can lay your head back on the ground
And let your hair fall all around me
Offer up your best defense
But this is the end
This is the end of the innocence

O' beautiful, for spacious skies
But now those skies are threatening
They're beating plowshares into swords
For this tired old man that we elected king
Armchair warriors often fail
And we've been poisoned by these fairy tales
The lawyers clean up all details
Since daddy had to lie

But I know a place where we can go
And wash away this sin
We'll sit and watch the clouds roll by
And the tall grass wave in the wind
Just lay your head back on the ground
And let your hair spill all around me
Offer up your best defense
But this is the end
This is the end of the innocence

Who knows how long this will last
Now we've come so far, so fast
But, somewhere back there in the dust
That same small town in each of us
I need to remember this
So baby give me just one kiss
And let me take a long last look
Before we say goodbye

Just lay your head back on the ground
And let your hair fall all around me
Offer up your best defense
But this is the end
This is the end of the innocence

==========================
Exercises:

Write small sections of lyrics with the following
meter & rhyme:

exercise number. stresses - rhyme scheme
1.
4 a
4 a
4 b
4 b

2.
4 a
4 a
4 a
4 a

3.
4 a
4 a
4 b
4 a

4.
4 a
4 b
4 c
4 b

5.
4 a
3 b
4 c
4 c

6.
4 a
3 b
4 a
4 a

7.
4 a
3 b
4 a
3 b
4 c
4 c

8.
4 a
4 a
4 a
3 b
4 c
4 c
4 c
3 b

9.
4 a
4 b
4 a
4 b
4 c
4 c
4 c
4 c
===========================
Have fun!

[Scott]

From Pat Pattison's "Writing Better Lyrics"

Pat introduces the term PROSODY (prahz-a-dee)

Prosody means that elements are working together for a common
purpose. Matching stressed notes and stressed syllables or having
the lyric phrase lengths and rhyme schemes supporting the song's
emotion.

Pat goes through an example of a song verse. His example
begins with a 6 line section where the three lines preceding
the end all have the same end rhyme as well as an internal
rhyme. These fast rhymes slam the ideas home and put us
into emotional overdrive.

Pat then changes the lyric removing rhymes, lengthening
lines etc. until all prosody is removed.

Pat then discusses the principle of contrast. Simply put each
part of a song has a function. The verses develop the story,
situation or characters. The chorus summarizes. Since song
parts have different functions they should have different forms
(i.e. length, meter, rhyme scheme). Pat then analyzes a song
lyric in which the chorus and verse have approximately the
same form. This creates a boring, ho-hum lyric.

Exercise:

Pull out one of your old lyrics.
Write down the rhyme scheme, meter (number of stressed syllables
per line) for each line in each verse & chorus.

Is the chorus different from the verses? Does the meter & rhyme
scheme help to build emotion? Do the elements work well
together? Re-write the lyric (or at least part of it) to achieve
better prosody.

--------------------