shyness.....

guitar-man_22 · 10-05-2007, 09:05 AM

hey....
what do u guys think r good, friendly conversation topics??
theres this girl and i am really shy and i cant think of anything to talk about..
i want to approach her as a friend right now just so i can get to know her first..

what do u guys suggest.
and how can i get over this shyness!!!

thanks!!

**The wirerat** · 10-05-2007, 09:09 AM

With most of the girls that I know, all I did was stand around, either at church or a youth group event of some kind. As soon as something worth making a comment on, I'd turn to her and say it, and try to be funny. After that, it was a matter of "hey I've seen you around, but I don't know your name. Mine is '______'" Seriously worked every time for me.

guitar-man_22 · 10-05-2007, 09:16 AM

thats cool.... and ill keep it in mind for the future..
but my situation is kinda different..
i know her.. kinda.. and... i even have her email and sn for aim..
but i just cant get over this shyness..
i have perfect oppurtunities.. but i cant think of anything to talk about... XD

lol
thanks

SccHarpGirl · 10-05-2007, 09:21 AM

Look to the environment for cues

Brush up on your knowledge of world events ("Hey, did you hear about....xxx). Random trivia works well, too ("I read the craziest thing yesterday!).

Actively listen when she talks, store information away and bring it up later "So, that project you were working on two weeks ago - how did that go?". She'll be touched you remembered.

Those are just a couple ideas

Just be genuine and be yourself (harder than it sounds!!!)

madd beast yo · 10-05-2007, 09:50 AM

im having the same problem. theres this girl and shes really nice and stuff but i dont kno how to approach her. i want it to be casual, just not some corny comment or something. her locker is right next to mine and shes in most of my classes but doesnt sit next to me. she did in 1 of my classes but i waited too long to say something and now we hav diff seats so im pretty upset...wat do i do? u guys can pm me or reply to help me out. thanks!

Iceman-bass14 · 10-05-2007, 11:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by guitar-man_22

thats cool.... and ill keep it in mind for the future..
but my situation is kinda different..
i know her.. kinda.. and... i even have her email and sn for aim..
but i just cant get over this shyness..
i have perfect oppurtunities.. but i cant think of anything to talk about... XD

lol
thanks

What do you like to talk about?do you know what she likes to talk about?If you dont know what she likes bring up something you like to talk about and see if she likes that also.If she does keep talking about that.If she doesnt ask her what she likes to do (her interests in music,activities,etc)

Quote:

Originally Posted by madd beast yo

im having the same problem. theres this girl and shes really nice and stuff but i dont kno how to approach her. i want it to be casual, just not some corny comment or something. her locker is right next to mine and shes in most of my classes but doesnt sit next to me. she did in 1 of my classes but i waited too long to say something and now we hav diff seats so im pretty upset...wat do i do? u guys can pm me or reply to help me out. thanks!

It seems to me youve got a lot to build on.If you see her when your at her locker talk about your classes.From what youve said it seems like a common ground.Ask her how she did on that tough test.What is gonna do for that big project?Did she struggle with that same math problem or did she get it?Does she like the teachers or no?Bunch of stuff you could talk about if you share classes together.

Decency · 10-05-2007, 10:04 PM

Well, what works for me is just asking about her. Girls love that stuff when it shows you're paying attention to them. That's been good for me. Common interests also work to open doors for conversation.

spyrotheleo · 10-05-2007, 10:46 PM

If you have gotten to the point where you know her name and she knows yours. Just ask her how she is doing. And look in her eyes when talking and if somethings up ask her about it. Thats what I do. And just ask her what she is into and talk about that. I dont find it awkward meeting new girls and getting to know them.

guitar-man_22 · 10-06-2007, 12:17 PM

thanks guys for ur responses..
as for looking in her eyes and talking to her.. XD
her eyes r memorizing...and u really just feel weak..
so combine that with my problem in starting conversations.. and uve got awkardness..lol

luckily i have her aim.. but i still have problems starting conversations.. but its interesting that u mention asking about her..
i actually thought that it wud be kinda awkward... lol.. i will def. try that..
thanks again.. and if any1 else has advice.. PLEASE! feel free to help

spyrotheleo · 10-06-2007, 04:57 PM

Im sure its awkward when first starting to get to know girls. But I made a point to get to know alot of girls and have gotten really comfortable with it. Sometimes I come across a little flirt(to other people) but its just because I really enjoy getting to know people and I hate flirting haha.

Iceman-bass14 · 10-06-2007, 05:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Decency

Well, what works for me is just asking about her. Girls love that stuff when it shows you're paying attention to them. That's been good for me. Common interests also work to open doors for conversation.

Good point.Heres an example(albeit a bad one lol):My current girlfriend for over a year (Amelia,her sisters name is madeline) has a twin sister which i knew and i used to be shy (stil consider myself somewhat shy) but anyways i wanted to get to know her and ive been friends with her best friend for a while...probably about;6-7 years ive known her.And it started off her friend (Elizabeth) was helping out with vbs and i was too and we were in the same grade (1st) so things were going good.and on thurs amelia comes to help out also.So im like "WOW!THIS IS MY BIG CHANCE!TIME TO LET HER KNOW IVE NOTICED HER!".Well anyways day starts off im just like "hey how are you?" and then it comes time for the big moment....and what do i say?"Your madeline arent you?" Needless to say Elizabeth busted out laughing and she polited said "No im amelia".But even though it was embarasing for me she was thankful for the effort.

Quote:

Originally Posted by guitar-man_22

as for looking in her eyes and talking to her.. XD
her eyes r memorizing...and u really just feel weak..

Most girls eyes are like that at first.As for me thats the first thing i notice about girls and while it is tough at first they really do appreciate it when you look in their eyes.(Even if you cant look in her eyes make sure you dont just stare at the floor)

Quote:

Originally Posted by spyrotheleo

and I hate flirting haha.

I love flirting but only with my girlfriend

lol.

Unique · 10-09-2007, 08:44 PM

I can relate to what you're saying. I have no idea how old you are, but I was really shy as a teenager and was till a couple of years ago. I kind of grew out of it by hanging out with a lot of people (guys and girls) and just having a good time with them, getting used to participate in social activities. The shyness just faded away.

adamkaboom · 10-16-2007, 02:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Iceman-bass14

I love flirting but only with my girlfriend

lol.

I really liked flirting... but now that I'm spoken for... all I have to say to your comment is....

Yes indeed

Quote:

I can relate to what you're saying. I have no idea how old you are, but I was really shy as a teenager and was till a couple of years ago. I kind of grew out of it by hanging out with a lot of people (guys and girls) and just having a good time with them, getting used to participate in social activities. The shyness just faded away.

This is true... I'm still shy to an small extent, but not for the same reasons you are shy. My shyness changed... yea, okay. Anyway, here's an example... the all school play last year. I had to change clothes for the next act, but the changing room was full and I was almost out of time. So I stripped in the middle of the room... like, 10 or 12 girls saw me in underwear that night, and honestly, it didn't bother me. Later I was like whoa... I used to be the kid who would wear a shirt in the swimming pool cause I was embarrased to go shirtless for some reason...

Okay, not saying that you need to strip in front of a 1/5 of the girls in your class, but, you can overcome this. If you are in any sports (or any activity for that matter) the only way you get good at it is to what? Practice Practice Practice!!! If you can't look girls in the eyes... I couldn't for a long time... then make yourself do it! You will feel awkward at first, I won't lie to you. But I promise... it will get easier and easier. This may sound wierd, but make "goals" for yourself. I'm going to look her in the eye today for 3 seconds. The next day... okay, lets shoot for 4. Or something like that. You can do it!!!

smithers · 02-08-2008, 06:12 PM

Just don't think about how nervous you are or the fact that you like her. Try to act as if she's just another person. what I do is just go up to her and just not think, although that might be risky if bad words come out of your mouth often. But it seems to work for me, of course I have one thing in mind when I go up to her but after that I just say what comes to mind. You need to force yourself to talk to her, that may sound strange but after a while you will get more comfortable going up to her.

pickinpk · 02-10-2008, 07:50 PM

My advice, which may be unwanted or maybe not even that good is this. When approaching her, think to yourself, she is just a girl, she won't bite my head off. She is just a girl, I should treat her with kindness, not fear. She is just a girl. Myself, I'm EXTREMELY outgoing, so I don't have this problem most of the time, but having a crush changes everything. Just relax and have an open mind, that is free of anxiety and fear.