The age question

tigerfan88 · 09-11-2007, 02:06 PM

I agree. The guy in question happens to be my ex-friend. I was shocked when I found out that he is dating a girl who is a good 3 years younger than him and she's a sophomore, no less. And this comes just a week after he broke up with his girlfriend. I'm not saying it won't work, as it has for some other people, but rather, I think it's just too much of a difference at their ages. And I'd have to question a 19 year old guy's motives when he dates a 16 year old.

tht00 · 09-11-2007, 02:44 PM

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Originally Posted by tigerfan88

Another question. A 19 year old guy dates a 16 year old girl. One's a sophomore in college, the other a sophomore in high school. Cause for concern?

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Originally Posted by gg7

How many parents would actually let their 16 year old daughter (only a sophomore in high school) date a college guy!? I certainly don't know of any. I guess maybe there are some out there though.

I know if I were a parent of a 16 year old high schooler she certainly would not be dating a college guy.

Yeah. 16-19 is iffy and I'd say it depends on those involved.

Being 20, I dated a 17 year old girl this past summer (about 3 1/2 year difference) for several weeks. Age wasn't a huge deal, though the difference became more evident once the relationship started. Just some differing perspectives. A few maturity differences. While it was probably a factor in the way things turned out, it was hardly the reason it ended.

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Originally Posted by tigerfan88

And this comes just a week after he broke up with his girlfriend.

That bothers me more than the age difference.

tigerfan88 · 09-11-2007, 04:51 PM

Me too.

This is his 4th relationship in less than a year and a half. I believe (based on what I know) that he broke up with his last GF because she would not give him physical intimacy and he wanted it. I just hope that he doesn't hurt his new GF. The whole thing is very disturbing to me.

tht00 · 09-11-2007, 05:05 PM

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Originally Posted by tigerfan88

Me too.

This is his 4th relationship in less than a year and a half.

That's not healthy at all.

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Originally Posted by tigerfan88

I believe (based on what I know) that he broke up with his last GF because she would not give him physical intimacy and he wanted it. I just hope that he doesn't hurt his new GF. The whole thing is very disturbing to me.

Not only is that just a bad situation in general, his 'new GF' is a minor. He is an adult. Definitely not good if he's looking for 'physical intimacy'.

Is he a Christian?

tigerfan88 · 09-11-2007, 05:23 PM

He claims to be. He does come from a very Christian family, but he has struggled with his faith. A couple months after I started talking to him, he claimed to have an awakening of his faith and said he wanted to become a youth pastor and really commit his life to Christ. But his actions the past week and a half haven't reflected on him very well. He told me that our friendship was through a week and a half ago, or else I'd try to talk some sense into him as a friend. I do know that his new GF isn't a Christian, so even if his intentions were pure, he'd still be entering into that whole unequally yoked thing. It's just a really sad thing.

**beanbag** · 09-12-2007, 12:25 PM

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Originally Posted by tigerfan88

He claims to be. He does come from a very Christian family, but he has struggled with his faith. A couple months after I started talking to him, he claimed to have an awakening of his faith and said he wanted to become a youth pastor and really commit his life to Christ. But his actions the past week and a half haven't reflected on him very well. He told me that our friendship was through a week and a half ago, or else I'd try to talk some sense into him as a friend. I do know that his new GF isn't a Christian, so even if his intentions were pure, he'd still be entering into that whole unequally yoked thing. It's just a really sad thing.

that sucks. my friends and I will kid around about "jail bait" (we're all in our very early 20s) but putting all lightheartedness aside, he is just asking for trouble. like you said, even if his motives are pure, her parents could potentially decide to get him into trouble.

it's just not smart at all. it's too bad he's decided to shut you out. he is setting himself up for some heartache and pain.

tigerfan88 · 09-12-2007, 12:57 PM

I completely agree. Given what I know of the situation, her parents probably don't know about him yet, and if they're even somewhat responsible, they're going to flip that their high school daughter is dating a college guy. Even if they don't, she, not being a Christian, could very easily tempt him to do something that is sinful. Assuming, of course, that he's serious about his faith and that he really does want to save himself.

Something else that concerns me is the fact that he may be setting this girl up for heart ache and pain. She's young and possibly very easy to influence. He could possibly make her do something she shouldn't be doing and then, if this relationship fails, she's left with a lot of guilt.

I tried to save our friendship, but he just won't listen. We do go to the same college, so it's possible I may bump into him at some point, and if I do, I'm going to let him know that I'm there as a friend. I'd hate to see him do something that is a huge mistake.

**beanbag** · 09-12-2007, 02:04 PM

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Originally Posted by tigerfan88

Something else that concerns me is the fact that he may be setting this girl up for heart ache and pain. She's young and possibly very easy to influence. He could possibly make her do something she shouldn't be doing and then, if this relationship fails, she's left with a lot of guilt.

this is something that crossed my mind as I read through the things you had written, especially about the possible reason for his last breakup. of course, it is speculation and many people break up for a multitude of other reasons, but just because someone is christian or professes to be christian doesn't mean they will not fall into that sort of sin.

16 year old girls are especially prone to falling prey to the type of thinking that pressures them into sex, especially if she thinks that she has to give that up so that he'll stay with her, and that if she wants to keep her status as dating a college "man" (note the quotations) that she has to give in to the pressure. that is bad news all around.

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I tried to save our friendship, but he just won't listen. We do go to the same college, so it's possible I may bump into him at some point, and if I do, I'm going to let him know that I'm there as a friend. I'd hate to see him do something that is a huge mistake.

that's tough. sometimes friends who distance themselves accept the proferred renewal of trust, and sometimes they don't.

4Glory · 09-22-2007, 07:45 AM

Agreed one the maturity factor here.

My girlfriend is 18
I'm 24 and finished up my college.

We're great together, but she's VERY mature, the group I was in when I first met her were talking and everyone thought she was 22 just by her maturity level. I was kind of surprised to find out she was only 18, (well 19 this month) but we both share the same beliefs/doctrine and have the same views on what's important. So age differences after a girl or guy is 18ish I think arn't as drastic as the 15 year old daing 20 year old scanario.
But the key is maturity level.