Jer: The Flurry of Dancing Flames

JerRocks2day · 10-20-2009, 08:10 PM

*Cough*

Still fighting this flu season. I hope I get better.

Turns out tomorrow I have to go to a college meeting just to see how it's like...

mokmok111 · 10-20-2009, 08:35 PM

Well I be praying for you. I just got done fighting a cold.

JerRocks2day · 10-22-2009, 05:51 PM

Well, I'm getting better. And a cool thing happened today. After school let out, some marching band friends were having a jam and I joined in on vocals. We were really good. And it was kinda funny too. I was singing 'turn your phones off' or '14 minutes to go'(until marching band started. Even if it was out of fun, that was really good.

JerRocks2day · 10-24-2009, 10:28 PM

Well the past two days have been busy. Yesterday was a lesson, another ACT practice then work. Then today, ACT testing again, marching band game and work.

Yesterday's lesson, my teacher brought up how she may record my screams to a scopist to see what's good and what's not--basically to see if I'm ruining my voice. My main concern is if I'm screaming right. And what I'm going to do if I continue to do it wrong.

I really don't wanna lose the ability since I'm a good singer and a lot of people have said I need to work on screams. What should I do?

JerRocks2day · 10-25-2009, 08:44 AM

*sighs*

Ok, now I'm really feeling disappointed and have a lot of 'what am I gona do's' on my mind. I showed a friend my vid of me covering Confide, and he said that I wasn't screaming at all. I sounded so low that I sounded like a demon voice. Yeah, it sounds that bad. All this time, I haven't been using my gut to scream properly. I don't know what to do now. It leaves me with:

-What am I gonna tell Dan?
-What am I gonna tell Jimmy?
-What am I gonna do about my bleeding beauty project?
-Should I keep trying to learn how to scream or stop altogether?

I wish I could pause and think back.

JerRocks2day · 10-26-2009, 04:32 PM

Well, I'm deciding that I'm still going to keep trying screams. I think I may still have the potential to do it right. Plus today I just recieved a recent letter from heart doctor when he also examined my neck, it says no sign of nodules.

That means I'll be fine.

JerRocks2day · 10-27-2009, 06:01 PM

I'm homesick again. And it's official I have the flue, luckily not swine flu. But I have stay home again tomorrow so I can wait for this to clear up. So I didn't do much at home other than video games or computer.

JerRocks2day · 10-28-2009, 09:03 PM

Once again I have to stay home tomorrow. Due to the flu and since my fever has to be gone for 24 hours. So I may either be at school friday or miss school altogether this week.

JerRocks2day · 10-29-2009, 09:01 PM

Tomorrow I may go to the doctors to check my flu again. I may have a viral infection. So far I've done nothing but rest, play Kingdom hearts, and played sum guitar.

JerRocks2day · 10-31-2009, 01:21 PM

Last night was pretty hecktic. My mom overreacted again over small things. This time, when dad was defending her, she had a problem with it. Well, it started when i was watching some TV, and she wanted to watch something else. I understand if she wants it change, then change it, even my dad told me to change it because mom said so. Yet she had a problem with dad telling to do so for some retarted reason.

Later, when I told them I was going to bed, knowing that I can't stand the TV volume turned up where I can here it upstairs from the floor of my bed. And she went ballistic when I didn't say good night to them. She even said, it'll make him look odd[like I'm a f*ckn doll{maybe I'm overreacting}]. Maybe I should've, but when it's all boiled down, she's gone mad. And both mom and dad almost got into an argument over it when they were both shouting at each other(I mean at the top of their lungs), but quickly ended.

JerRocks2day · 11-01-2009, 09:13 AM

Been thinking a little bit how my parents are just fighting over small things. I may have been thinking about the possibility of running away. That's really not the best thing, but it's all I can think of. I have no car, no license, etc. I mean, where I can I go? Running away hasn't been a goal in mind yet, but I definitely think I should move in with Grandma. My parents are convinced she needs a roommate and have tried convincing my brother, so I think this could be perfect for me.

I'm constantly thinking is my life always gonna be overran by my parents, where they can't be avoided? I'm just at that age where I need to be away from my parents.

jthomas1600 · 11-02-2009, 04:49 AM

Hey, I've been following your journal and other posts (plus I got your pm) and let me say first that it seems you're handling family issues pretty good. Doesn't seem like as many posts as their used to be about stress in the home. It's good to hear you thinking through your college options too. Remember, that is less than a year away. Living with your grandma may be a good option, but this is probably not the right time. If I remember correct you are 18 and a high school senior? Moving out of your parents house at this point could be very disruptive to your education and other goals. I would urge you to just hang tight for the rest of the year....it will be past before you know it.

JerRocks2day · 11-02-2009, 06:43 AM

Well, I didn't mean now. I meant after high school.

Quote:

Doesn't seem like as many posts as their used to be about stress in the home

Sometimes I think I may have been neglecting to do so. I mean most of the time I try to pm stuff, sometimes I think I don't talk enough about our problems.

JerRocks2day · 11-02-2009, 05:05 PM

So today I had a little bad day near the end when I was collecting all my homework/schoolwork back home, by walking home carrying them with no car. I really felt and still kinda am upset that I have no car. Because it would honestly make life so much easier for me. I wouldn't have to wait for somebody to pick me up, I wouldn't have to depend on my parents to get me rides so much that I'd be able to drive myself. I wish I wouldn't be hearing 'Your time will come.' Honestly, I'm tired of hearing them say that. The time for me to learn is NOW. I don't wanna wait like all those other ppl with other disabilities who prob wind up with no car. Maybe I'm being too harsh, but too many ppl with mental disabilities only wounded up having no car. I don't wanna end up like those kids who have no car for no reason. It's interesting to note that my parents can afford a new bathroom makeover, but not driving lessons.

Another thing, I can't keep relying on my parents following me to concerts I want to go to, they claim they want to go to for family time, when they just wanna follow me, like I need to be watched.

JerRocks2day · 11-03-2009, 01:11 PM

So I got out of work earlier because I was coughing up a lot this morning. I took some dayquil after getting home and kinda feel better. I guess they understood.

Anyway, so I'm trying to try some screaming lessons with Adam, but my mom isn't too thrilled because she doesn't think Adam would qualify as a teacher especially caz of 60 bucks a lesson. I need to at least try once or twice because I wanna improve my screams and get better. I've heard I'm not a bad screamer already.